|Fine Middle-Aged Cannibals?|
I couldn't decide what to call this post. I didn't want to go the Sweeney Todd route, though I'll certainly be talking about that in a moment (though I doubt either of these people were breaking out into clever, darkly humored song). I almost did "The Brazilian Empenada Massacre;" "Waiter, There's a Tooth in My Empenada;" "Wrong Turn 7: Carnivale" (think about that one a sec...); "Honey, I Cooked the Nannies..." Then I thought about how awful a story it really is. And went right back to thinking up horrible jokes to make about it. Because... well, more on that in a moment. Let's see what I'm going on about, first.
The Mirror is reporting that in Brazil, Jorge Silveira (50), wife Isobel (51) and mistress Bruna da Silva (25) lured women to their home to work as nannies. The women were killed and cooked into empenadas which were eaten by the trio and sold to folks in the hood.
As Mrs. Lovett might say, "Times is hard..." That's Jorge and Isobel in the photo. I guess they don't have Clairol in Brazil. Of course eating human flesh - no matter how mouth-wateringly delicious it may seem - is a depraved act in modern society. And they weren't all TCM about it. They did it... are you ready? Really, really ready? They did it for their religion. The couple reportedly belong to a cult which exhorts ritualistic cannibalism as a "purification ritual." Once again, religion proves to be the completely sane and sensible route to take... NOT! And I make horrible jokes about it because if I didn't laugh, I'd lose my mind over how awful people can be to one another, especially under the influence of religion.
Many years ago, I had just started a new retail job and was making new friends; figuring out what clique I was going to be in (and boy, was I), etc. News broke in Philadelphia about a woman escaping the basement dungeon of serial kidnapper/rapist/murderer Gary Heidnik. The reports in those first few days were horror upon horror and it all became to awful and people started making sick jokes, as they do. We were in the store's basement, stocking the Toy department before the grand opening and I several other department managers had gotten friendly and we start in with the Heidnik jokes. The ones that laughed were in the clique. Not because we were the "mean girls," but because we dealt with the horror through humor. A very sweet current co-worker and Facebook friend called me out on my dark streak by finally recognizing Krampus as my profile picture, because of her heritage. "A lot of your posts and pictures are dark and weird and I have no frame of reference for them," she wrote. I completely understand.
And speaking of humor, horror and cannibalism, my favorite musical role of my varied stage career is undoubtedly Sweeney in Sondheim's darkly humored operetta Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. One of the few shows my mother saw and said "I forgot it was you." Of course this story echoes the plot of Sweeney Todd, or at least some of it. Murder and human pies for sale. Hell, there's even a mistress the wife lets play. It doesn't get much more salacious than that. Or funnier. Here's my favorite number from Sweeney Todd (and the one I learned first):
Here are a few other references I refrained from making:
This next one may be NSFW
That has be the strangest soundtrack for a horror movie, ever...
A strange, strange film...
One of my favorite oddball indie comedies, ever...
Okay... I'm done. I promise. Except, I think I want a meat-lover's pizza, now.