New Year, New Hope

First post of the New Year! 

2014 was a very mixed bag for Uncle P. Plenty of great stuff happened: I met someone amazing; I was in an exceptional show (Bluebird); I completely redecorated my living room and kitchen; I got a new washing machine; I got a new vacuum; I got to visit San Francisco again and went to Vegas for the first time. 

Conversely, plenty of other stuff sucked: I lost two very sweet and talented friends; my washing machine, chest freezer and vacuum all went the way of all things; I found out that my father's second wife's children might have a claim to my house* and there's a ton of taxes owed on the property I inherited and I have no idea how I'm going to pay it; I found out my mother fell victim to the mortgage frauds perpetrated by Fannie Mae and Bank of America in the first decade of the 21st Century and taking on a an unwanted (but needed) boarder has proven difficult (he's a bit of an irresponsible slob - though he's working on it) and not as financially beneficial as I'd hoped. 

This year, I already have two potential shows (plus a special tribute show to one of those lost friends) lined up and I am determined to find a way out of the financial mess Mom left me (I loved her dearly, but am angry at how much she kept from me). I am hoping to continue to repaint and redecorate the rest of my house while continuing to write plays, screenplays and this blog.

I am thankful for the loving and supportive people in my life (both online and IRL) and the steady paycheck from the Day Job (no matter how much I may complain about our clients, it's still a great place to work). 

My wish for all of you in 2015 is prosperity; good health; solid relationships and the kind of astonishingly loving and supportive network of friends I am lucky enough to have. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Here's to 2015 being better than 2014!

More, anon.
Prosper

*They've since all agreed to sign off on their claims. It would have cost them more in legal fees than they might possibly have gained, anyway.

Traditions, Both New and Old

Days Gone By (Not Our Real House)

It is still Christmas Eve in the U.S. as I write this and while Uncle P celebrates Christmas as a secular holiday in which we acknowledge, spend time and share gifts with those we love, for many it remains a deeply religious holiday celebrating the birth of their 'savior.' And since this isn't a post about religion, I'll leave that alone and get to the point.

While venturing out late in the afternoon to get a bottle of wine for tomorrow's dinner, I was struck by how the Holidays (like most of life) has changed over the years. Early Christmas memories evoke the many toys and gifts my mother's mother gave us each year, much to our father's consternation. The schadenfreude she derived from his jealously must have been some powerful juju! After she'd had a particularly good year in tips (she was a barmaid), our house was literally filled with presents and I'm surprised Dad didn't have a apoplectic stroke on the spot! At some point "Grandmom Cookie" (so-called because of her always full cookie jar) started spending Christmas Eve with us and we would open her presents then and Santa's and Mom and Dad's presents on Christmas morning. After she passed, we started opening all of our gifts on Christmas Eve. By then I was in college and working part time and Christmas Eve soon evolved into an open-house event where friends and co-workers came and went all night long, I still wonder how we fit so many people into that tiny house. I moved in and out of the house over the years following, but always managed to spend Christmas Eve there. New traditions for the evening continued to evolve after my parents divorced and other folks came into and/or left our lives. For a solid 10 years, Christmas Eve meant broasted* chicken from Chicken Holiday; Southern Comfort Manhattans; two embarrassing piles of presents; shrimp cocktail  and my rock, K. 

That changed again when Mom passed away last October and I spent Christmas Eve with my sister and BIL in Florida. The night before, K and M came over for chicken and such. And while we had a good time, the food wasn't up to their usual standards (I blame a different staff). So this year, even though I'm staying in PA, I decided to cook. On Sunday I made a lasagna and a Caramel Pumpkin Cream Cheese cake. Monday night I steamed and peeled a pound of shrimp and Tuesday night reheated the lasagna; glazed the cake and made cocktail sauce while frying up some battered green beans. Thank goodness M got here early, as I quickly dispatched him on a candle lighting mission. K arrived soon after and then lots of food and drink were consumed, presents were opened and much laughter was shared. 

While it was the first of several similar holiday experiences to come over the next few weeks, last night's Christmas Eve Eve has become what I hope will continue to be a new holiday tradition. For a while, at least. Until things change again, which is inevitable. Cultural traditions may seem steadfast and unchanging, but they are simply slower and less fluid than personal traditions.

I continue to be in awe of the family who have chosen me to a part of theirs, as much as I have chosen them.  K, Q, Dale, M, D and so many others never let me forget that I am not alone and never will be. And there's my astonishing sister. Strong, smart and always supportive, I can only hope you have a sibling who is half as amazing as she is (and yes, it's Christmas! I'm allowed to get gushy!). If you have even half the love in your life as I am blessed to, you know what I mean.

I have received (and will continue to do so) some very cool gifts (Mia's incredible "Zombie Batman" figurine got some stiff competition from Mary & Phil's Nightmare Before Christmas fleece and my sister's standing plush Mickey Skellington - all three of which are rendered in B&W).

None of that stuff, as cool as it may be, really matters.  Like all of us, these things will be dust in a thousand years. What matters is the love we share here and now. I guess what I'm saying is I am grateful for everyone who cares about me and bothers to read my nonsense. Be kind to one another. Know the difference between what does and doesn't matter. Give money or time to a charity that speaks to you, when and if you can. Smile at strangers. Say "Please" and "Thank You." Hold the door for the person behind you. Open the door for the person coming out ahead of you. Acknowledge those who do the same. Share the belief that most people are as good, but no better than, you. Never assume anyone is evil. Help people. Tell those you love that you love them as often as you can. Enjoy the things you have, but take nothing for granted. Enjoy your life. It's the only one you have!

Merry Christmas, my friends and readers! 

More, anon.

Uncle P.

*Pressure fried with no coating

Zombie Batman from Mia

Mickey Skellington from Barbara 

Kaiju New and Old, Among Other Nonsense

One of the many things I do love 

about the Day Job is that we follow an academic schedule. If schools are closed for a holiday, we usually are, as well. This Labor Day weekend will mark the start of Hell Week for Uncle P's return to the stage for the first time since my mother passed away, "Bluebird" which also marks my debut with the Langhorne Players. I am appearing as two very different characters in Simon Stephens' fascinating 1998 play about a night in the life of a London mini-cab driver and how his various fares relate to and inform his own story. I love both characters and love that I get to do two different accents in the same show. K came over tonight to help with lines (she is half--jokingly referred to among our circle of friends as the "Line Nazi"). I came in two weeks late and while I find both characters so compelling, memorization and short rehearsal periods only work well with shows I've done before or know really well. Thank goodness she came and helped. I feel so much better about opening in less than 6 days!

But that's not really what this post is about and I apologize for rambling (sort of).

Because I really want to talk about finally seeing Guillermo del Toro's Kaiju V. Giant Robots movie, Pacific Rim. I must say, I think del Toro was given short-shrift hen it came to reviews of yet another visually stunning movie from the genius who has given us Pan's Labyrinth The Devil's Backbone  and the Hellboy movies. And while del Toro always tries to make his films be about more than amazing visuals, when it comes to the Kaiju genre, there really isn't a lot of room for compelling characters, though co-writers del Toro and Travis Beacham (Clash of the Titans) do their best. The very fine Charlie Hunnam ("The Sons of Anarchy") leads a cast which includes Idris Elba (using his own accent, which only makes him sexier); Charlie Day ("It's Always Sunny in Philadephia"); "Torchwood" alum Burn Gorman and del Toro (and genre) favorite Ron Perlman in a very funny cameo as a dealer of exotic Kaiju parts. Amongst the explosions and destruction, there are plenty of moments that illicit the requisite relief laughter and moments of heroic sacrifice. You really can't ask for more from a Kaiju movie, and those who love the genre will totally get it.. *** (Three out of Four Stars)

Growing up in the 60's and 70's, there was plenty of Kaiju (though I didn't learn that word until much later) on TV. Toho Studio's "Godzilla" movies and their many spin-offs were regular Saturday afternoon fare on UHF channels (if you know what UHF was, you're probably as ancient as Uncle P) and after-school programming always included Tsuburaya Productions' TV show, "Ultraman." A benevolent alien pursues a monster to Earth, accidentally colliding with Science Patrol Officer Hiyata. Fusing with Hiyata, Ultraman is evoked using the Beta Capsule (which resembled a red, glowing vibrator, if memory serves) and Hiyata is transformed into a gigantic, Kaiju-killing machine:

For del Toro, Kaiju is obviously an extension of his desire to adapt H.P. Lovecraft's "At the Mountains of Madness." I do hope a studio finally realizes that it would have to be a hard R, and would still make tons of money. Have they forgotten The Exorcist and The Silence of the Lambs? Both iconic films and iconic Horror,

More, anon.
Prospero

Memorial Day Retro Review X 4 or: How I Got Netflix Back

Insidious: Chapter 2

Thankfully, among the many things my amazing sister did for me, was help an electronically-challenged old fart reset his Wii, which got me back to Netflix, where I caught two of the four movies I finally got to see in between visits and the work they did.

The first was last year's Steve Carrell box-office failure comedy The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, a movie from which I think most people expected too much. And while it fails at being the Anchorman of magician movies, it succeeds quite well on smaller levels. Burt (Carrell) and Anton (Steve Buscemi) have been best friends and magical partners since they were bullied 5th graders. Ten years after signing a multi-million dollar contract to headline at hotelier Doug Munny's (get it?) new Vegas hotel, they have done the same tired show thousands of times and have been reduced to bickering strangers thanks to Burt's full-on Diva mode. In comes Criss Angel-inspired Steve Grey (a VERY in-shape Jim Carrey), who is clearly insane, and suddenly ticket sales for Burt & Anton are falling. At the urging of Munny (the late, great James Gandolfini in one of his last roles), the two try a spectacular new stunt, which goes immediately awry and splits the pair for good. Alan Arkin plays Burt's childhood hero as his patently crotchety old man, but it serves the role well and Olivia Wilde is the perfect foil for Carrell's antics as stage-hand-turned-assistant, Jane. Of course, the eventual romance between the two was telegraphed well into the first act, but was still completely unconvincing. One of my favorite character actors - Jay Mohr - has a supporting role of a fellow magician with the hilariously unlikely name of 'Rick the Implausible.' What struck me most about this movie was it's heart. You could tell it was made with love by people who believed in it, and it actually is a sweet story of friendship and redemption, the last act is so ridiculous as to make what's come before, meaningless. I went in with lowered expectations and came out surprised by it's goofy sweetness. ** 1/2 (Two and a Half Stars Out of Four). The Incredible Burt Wonderstone currently playing on Showtime.

Next up was Insidious: Chapter 2 on Netflix. I was very much a fan of the first film, but missed it's sequel's theatrical release and was excited to return to the creepy realm created by Leigh Whannell and James Wan in the first film. The original cast is back, though it was odd hearing Lin Shaye's voice coming out of the mouth of  'young-alike' actor Linsey Seim. Whannell's script goes a long to explaining why the events of the first film happened, though oddly giving the explanation an exceptionally Freudian twist (though the Mama in this movie puts the 'batsh*t' in 'batsh*t crazy.'

Performances are fine, across the board though it is apparent that Wan has lost his taste for horror (he has announced that he is through with the genre) and the sequel lacks the intense creep factor of the original. ** (Two Out of Four Stars)

Showtime again  for 2012's The Watch. Originally titled Neighborhood Watch, the title was changed after the shooting of Trayvon Martin in Florida. Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill and Richard Ayoade form a Neighborhood Watch after Stiller's co-worker is found murdered at the Costco he manages. What follows is a weird mash-up of Science Fiction; buddy comedy and a d*ck joke every two to three minutes. Sadly, none of it works. That's not surprising since it's directed by former SNL writer/director Akiva Schaffer. The movie plays like an extended SNL skit with a fertility issues subplot that has little to do with the impending alien invasion they uncover. Nothing new. No surprises. Lots and lots and lots of d*ck jokes. I must admit to chuckling once or twice, but hardly enough to recommend The Watch. (Zero Out of Four Stars).

Finally and quite happily, the last movie I watched this weekend was also the best. Worst Best Movie is a very heartwarming documentary I've been wanting to see for the past five years, about the cult-status surrounding the 1990 horror movie Troll 2, which many believe is the Worst Movie Ever Made. I've seen Troll 2, several times. I agree that it is terrible beyond terrible, but fully understand it's watchability. Seeing the cast (most of whom were embarrassed to have been in the film) get their moments in the sun is quite fun and even inspiring, despite the obvious mental decline of one its members. I've been reading about Worst Best Movie for a long time and am very glad that I finally got to see it. If you haven't, you should! Nilbog! **** (Four Out of Four Stars). 

Mothers' Day 2014

Mom

The first year's worth of holidays after losing a loved one is not fun. Mom's passing last October was so close to the winter holidays, they seemed very surreal (especially spending Christmas in Florida). I'll be staying home this Christmas, mostly because I'm going to Las Vegas for Thanksgiving. Just the three of us going: Me, myself and I. No schedule while there (except the ticketed shows I'll be seeing); no agenda. Just some insane people-watching and the sights and food of Sin City. I can't wait.

Still, today has been the most difficult holiday, so far. Most of my friends spent the day with their Moms. I can't begrudge them that. I would have done the same, if I could. Picking out just an "Aunt" card for my father's dear sister was certainly tough, given the lack of them at the store. And not looking for several new books for Mom to read was even tougher. She was midway through the last book I bought her (for her birthday) when she passed. 

I think I've mentioned before that all my mother wanted to be was a mother. She wanted seven children, but ended up with just two. When my parents split up after 27 years, she picked herself up and reinvented herself as a savvy working woman, dating but never re-marrying. She even briefly entertained a hot Russian who was five years younger than I was. She settled down when her health started to fail in her late 50's, but she was kept active by her job and the few friends she had. But once she was forced to retire (the Cadillac dealer she worked for went out of business), she sort of gave up and I watched her steady decline with a very sad heart. When she went into the hospital for the last time, I still had hope she would pull through. I thought we'd have a few more years with her, at least. But it was not to be.

Mom loved kids and animals. She's feeding a lorakeet at the Lowry Park Zoo in Tampa in that picture, the last time we went to visit my sister together (I'm guessing 2009). A voracious reader, she often went through two or three novels a week; mostly thrillers and mysteries. The last book she finished was "Under the Dome" because she like the series. She loved "The Walking Dead;" "Falling Skies;" "Grey's Anatomy;" "Scandal;" "Mike and Molly" (a show I find terribly unfunny); "Rizzoli and Isles;" "The Closer"/"Major Crimes;" and "Castle" and she'd be really pissed if she knew she was missing the "24" mini-series. She couldn't spell if you held a gun to her head; she mangled pronunciations and was the Queen of Spoonerisms. She was quick to laugh at herself about it, too. She often got celebrity names confused (Morgan Freeman was always Morgan Fairchild) and while she said she never had a favorite movie, if forced to pick one, it would have been Doctor Zhivago. 

She taught my sister and I to cook and do laundry when we were young so we would never have to depend on her. Her cooking when we were kids was awesome, though she often admitted my marinara (based on hers), was better than hers (even though she didn't really like either version). She raised us to be kind to everyone and to not have prejudices. When I finally came out to her, she cried - not because I was gay (she already knew that) but because she thought I was afraid to tell her. She came to almost every show I was in or directed until it became physically too difficult for her to do so and was always supportive of my artistic endeavors. She could out-swear most truckers and occasionally let her own mother's prejudices sneak out, but never with real malice and never without an admonition from me.

It's only been seven months since she left us and I know it will be a long time before I'm really used to the fact that she's gone, but today was just a little bit harder. I miss her - a lot -  and am not ashamed to admit it.

If your Mom is still with you, I hope you at least called her today. If you and your Mom are estranged or if your Mom is also gone, I hope you got through today as painlessly as possible. 

Happy Mothers' Day, Mom. And Happy Mothers' Day to you and your mother, as well.

Comedian John Roberts (of the terrible "Bob's Burgers") nails the suburban mom on the head with his video "Mother's Day."* And while Mom wasn't nearly as whiny as Roberts, I can hear her voice in plenty of the things he says.

*The placement of the apostrophe in Mothers' Day causes tons of anxiety. I must insist that since it is a day for all mothers, it should come after the final 'S,' while there are those who insist on making it singular by placing the apostrophe before the 'S.' IMHO, punctuating it the latter way makes it about one mother only.  Bad form, indeed.

More, anon.
Prospero

Love and Death

Saint Valentine?

It's been a very long time since Uncle P has had a Valentine. In fact, I think I've mentioned before that the last Valentine's Day I celebrated, my date dumped me (the night after we saw Shakespeare in Love).

The photo to your right is of a supposed 'Holy Relic' of what may have been any number of Christian martyrs by the Roman name of Valentinus. Having directed what should have been a wonderful production of Michael Hollinger's play Incorruptible (a theatre story for another post), I doubt the veracity of any and all such 'relics.'

Nonetheless, Hallmark; Hershey's; Nestle's; Godiva; American Greetings; Zales; Jarrod's and the SAF (among any other number of retailers) have all managed to turn the legend of a Christian martyr who either died because he professed his love to a Roman woman or performed Christian marriages despite prohibitive Roman law (sound familiar?) into a money-making opportunity. There's no definitive story for this particular 'saint' and much like St. Christopher, Valentine's actual existence is often called into question. Like most modern Western holidays, I regard Valentine's Day as a shameless grab at consumers' money. If you are lucky enough to have a special person in your life, it shouldn't take a special day for you to do or buy something to show how much you love them. And the possibly horrific murder of a 3rd Century priest really shouldn't make one bit of difference.

If we're talking murder and mayhem, this is more my style:



More, anon.
Prospero

Retro Review: "We're the Millers"

I wasn't sure if I was going to post about Groundhog Day or write this review... And I did my best to come up with a way to tie the two together, but couldn't find any rational correlation between the two other than that both Groundhog Day and We're the Millers are comedies.

Michael joined me for dinner and an OnDemand movie Friday night and since we were both in the mood for some nonsense, we watched this past summer's weirdly sentimental caper comedy which turned out to be actually much funnier than the numbers said it should have been. A preposterous plot? Most certainly. Gross-outs; sex jokes; stereotypes; outrageous coincidences and Carny trash? Of course! There is nothing particularly original or unexpected about the script from Bob Fisher and Steve Faber (The Wedding Crashers) or Rawson Marshall Thurber's (Dodgeball) direction. Luckily, Thurber managed to to pull together a cast capable of pulling off this particular brand of nonsense with ease and style. 

SNl alum Jason Sudekis is Dave Clark, a slacker pot dealer who is content with his life and has his business down to a science. Jennifer Aniston (in another surprisingly good performance) is his neighbor Rose, a stripper at the end of her financial rope. When dorky neighbor Kenny (Will Poulter) involves Dave in a dispute with a bunch of thugs and street urchin Casey (Emma Roberts) he ends up with both is stash and cash stolen and owing over $40 Grand to his supplier, the innocuously named but ruthless Brad (Ed Helms). In order or make up for it Brad sends Dave to Mexico to pick up "a smidgen and half" of pot. In order to keep under the radar, Dave enlists Rose, Kenny and Casey to pretend to be an average family on an RV trip. Throughout the outrageous road trip (which includes an exceptionally funny encounter with a sexually adventurous DEA agent and his wife - hilariously played Nick Offerman and and Katherine Hahn) and a male genitals visual involving a tarantula bite that is almost as disturbing as the zipper scene in There's Something About Mary, the four forge a very unlikely bond. It's no spoiler here to say the Millers end up together as a very real (though oddly dysfunctional) family. Stupid, ridiculous and not at all for the prudish. We're the Millers is well worth the watching, especially with the right person, under the right conditions. And I must admit, this gay man isn't afraid to say that bad actress or not, Aniston is smoking hot in this movie! It was exactly the kind of nonsense I needed after the week I've had!

We're the Millers is rated 'R' for drug references, sexual situations, adult language and violence. **1/2 (Two and a Half Out Of Four Stars).

And since it is Groundhog Day, that rotten Marmota monax had better not see it's shadow this morning. I have no problem driving out to Punxatawney to wring that rodent's neck! Not one, but two snowstorms are predicted for this region in the coming week. While I have no intention of moving any time soon, retirement in Taos is looking more and more attractive.

More, anon.

Prospero

Welcome 2014!

Justin Mikita and Jesse Tyler Ferguson

So many things to look forward to this year. I'm about to direct a new work and present a proposal to direct a play by the insane and hilarious Christopher Durang. I may be auditioning for Shrek (though I haven't quite decided, yet). 

My house will hopefully be transformed enough to have a small "Re-warming" gathering by the time my sister and the BIL come up in the spring. Hopefully all paperwork; deeds, quit-claims; forms and any & all legal documents having to do with Mom's estate will be closed out soon. I do hope my old car sells, quickly, now that the word is out. I could use a little cushion. Tax refunds will help, too. And I'll be having a BIG yard sale this spring (I'll let you know in case you want to stop by). 

I'm also excited to see the rapid advancement in Marriage Equality in the last few months and look forward to the building momentum as more states join the right side of history. I have real hope mostly because of something a friend posted on my Facebook timeline in response to anti-bullying piece I had shared on the JTMF page while the idiotic "Duck Dynasty" debacle was going down:

"Brian, I saw your link regarding homosexuality and suicide. This is a subject that has been on my mind, weighing heavily, since the GQ article came out the other day. The Robertson's have a large family, odds are there is at least one poor, tortured, closeted soul in that family. Originally, I said that I disagreed with everything Phil said, but that I supported his right to say it. Since then, I've come to regret that stand. I don't want Phil or anyone else spreading and encouraging that venom and filth for other clueless parents to glom onto. I don't know for sure if there is someone hiding in the Robertson clan, I pray there isn't, but the thought makes my heart and soul hurt."

Wow. I also hope no one in the Robertson clan is hiding in fear of what their patriarch (or any other family member) thinks of them. But more importantly, I'm so thrilled I was able to make someone see the light and actually change her mind about the power of words. I replied "No child should take his or her life because of what anyone says or thinks about them." So as the states continue to move forward and the conservative right realizes they most evolve if they want to remain relevant, we (by which I mean Western Society as a whole) are that much closer to achieving the ideals of true equality under the law for every citizen of the world. Of course, the battle in some places is going to be tougher than others, but I have no doubt I will see marriage between any two consenting adults in all 50 states and Puerto Rico in my lifetime. Maybe within the next 5 years. And who knows? I might actually meet someone by then... Ever hopeful or ever delusional? We may never know.

I had my traditional New Year's Eve with K, Q & Dale last night. It was also my penultimate gift-exchange of the season (the final one being this coming Saturday with the Dinner Club crew). The three of them conspired and got a gorgeous Steampunk clock that will eventually live in this office, scheduled for redecorating after the aforementioned BIG yard sale. Sis & BIL got me some very fun gifts including a huge ceramic piggy bank dressed as Batman; a zombie Batman keychain fob and a lovely framed print of a photo of an abandoned coaster at Six Flags New Orleans in a funky frame (among other things). While in Florida (which, as lovely a time I had, was still a very weird Christmas for me), I bought myself a few presents, as well (thanks for the extra spending money, Auntie!). I also had a chance to spend some quality time alone with the BIL while there, and we finally had some real bonding and I am happy that we are now closer than ever.

I'm glad the holidays are coming to an end, just so I can really start getting used to a new routine and spending time doing things just for myself, for a change. That in itself is reason enough to look forward to the new year! Thanks for still reading me. I hope you will continue to do so, as long I have it in me to write it. I hope Santa was wise and generous and your holiday foods were delicious and plentiful. The Triskaidekaphobia-inducing year has come to a close and lucky 14 is here, Thank Zeus!

Here's some movie nonsense, proving how bad last year was in just about every way:

More, anon.

Prospero

Have a Safe and Happy New Year's Eve!

Happy New Year! I've made it clear that I am not sad to see 2013 go. Here's wishing you and yours the Happiest of New Year's. I wish you and all those you love much Joy, Laughter, Prosperity and Health in 2014. Bring it on!

More, anon

Prospero

Netflix Revew: "Hansel & Gretel Get Baked"

I suppose a preface of sort is required here. For the past 10 years or so, my rock, K has spent Christmas Eve with Mom and myself. In a beautiful post on Facebook, K expressed how she was going to miss those weird and wonderful nights now that Mom was gone. And since I'll be at my sister's for Christmas Eve this year (something already passed by the time this post is published - how freaky is that?), I proposed that we have a Christmas Eve Eve with many of the traditions we've shared for so long. We were joined by our sweet, funny, weird, wonderful and adorable friend Michael for a lovely candle-lit night of good food, good drink and very good company. Honestly, everyone should be so lucky to have friends like mine - I love and thank them so much. 

Anyway... after dinner we decided to search Netflix for something to entertain us. K and Micheal searched through my personal list, which includes lots of movies only I (and a few of you... Pax...) would appreciate. And after an unabashedly intoxicated K had issues with the WiiMote, I took over, asking what they wanted to see. "Something funny!" they both said. So I went to the list of movies suggested because I'd watched Tucker and Dale vs Evil. I skipped along the menu until I hit upon a title that made me laugh and chose it, saying "If it sucks, we'll change it!" That title was Hansel & Gretel Get Baked. Starring "Castle" regular Molly Quinn as Gretel; the Twilight movies' Michael Welch as Hansel and a frighteningly over-surgeried and an almost unrecognizable Lara Flynn Boyle as a the immortal Bavarian-Nazi-Cannibal-Witch, Agnes who grows and sells enchanted dope to unsuspecting teens. Not surprisingly, the ingestion of those teens' flesh help both restore and maintain Agnes' youth.

Writer/Actor David Tillman's script is just clever enough to keep our interest, amusingly referencing  the story we all know and aided by costume designer Elizabeth Jett's very decidedly Tyrolean-inspired outfits for Ms Quinn. Add plenty of gross-out moments and hilarious puns (Agnes starts out as literally a 'Little Old Lady from Pasadena'), and Hansel & Gretel Get Baked ends up being a very funny modern take on the story via Cheech and Chong, where Skittles serve as breadcrumbs and hot young guys get slathered in herbed butter while strapped to a mortician's gurney. Cary Elwes makes a cameo as the Meter Man while a slew of other character actors you will recognize from every procedural TV show from the last 20 years crop up in other supporting roles.

Not everything works perfectly (Boyle's age makeups aren't quite convincing, though I suspect that may have more to do with her tragic cosmetic surgeries, than anything else). And some of the CGI FX (especially in the denouement) are a bit forced. But if you're looking for a funny, gory and gruesome distraction from all the Holiday nonsense you've been forced to endure in the past month or so, you could do certainly do worse than Hansel & Gretel Get Baked. I would definitely recommend it over the Big Studio crapfest that was Hansel &Gretel: Witch Hunters.

Screened at this year's Tribecca Film Festival, Hansel & Gretel Get Baked is currently available on Netflix and DVD. **1/2 (Two and a Half Out of Four Stars). Rated 'R' for Violence, Gore, Drug Use and Language, it was exactly what the three of us needed, even if K covered her eyes during the gory bits.

More, anon..
Prospero

Merrily. Merrily, Merrily...

Enjoy the silence. Embrace your loved ones. Take joy in your Humanity. Accept beauty when you see it. Find your light and follow it. Merry Christmas, no matter that means to you. 

More, anon.

Brian

NOT My Favorite Year

Florida is Weird...
.

Officially, Uncle P has one more work day before I'm on my 'Holiday Break.' To be honest, Monday should be fairly slow at the Day Job, though there are always those panicky clients who MUST get documents processed before the break (despite the fact that their documents aren't going anywhere until after we return). 

In my mind, I'm already in warmer climes, even though I don't leave for Florida until Tuesday morning. And yes, I have a bird/house sitter lined up, so I'm not worried about announcing I'll be away. My dear K will stopping in every day to give Skye fresh water; bring in my mail; watch TV and leave lights on.

This year, K. Michael and I are starting a new tradition: Christmas Eve Eve. Let me explain: For the past ten years or so, K would come over to my house on Christmas Eve to have dinner and take part in the orgy of presents Mom and I would share (long story - see previous posts). Since I'll be in Largo for Christmas Eve, I decided to push our celebration up a day and include a sweet and dear friend who has lent me loads of support in the past few months. We'll have our traditional shrimp cocktail and 'broasted' chicken dinner from Chicken Holiday, complete with their amazing fried creamed-corn nuggets; a small gift exchange and (hopefully) a viewing of A Christmas Story. K will be spending the night and taking me to the airport in the morning (though I have no idea who'll be picking me up when I get home, yet).

I hope to get together with my college friend Marousa (among other activities) while in the Tampa/Clearwater/St.Pete area. Of course, Sis has several activities already planned but I really hope this one happens. I'm very much looking forward to a meal at the African restaurant at Disney's Animal Kingdom's hotel (Sis and the BIL are Vacation Club Members) and honestly can't wait to visit the new Salvador Dali museum where I hope to spend some time gazing at my all-time favorite painting (I have no idea why it's so - it just... 'speaks' to me). I also hope to finish what little holiday shopping I have to do for folks with whom I won't exchange gifts until after the New Year. And among all that excitement, I hope to read at least one play and one novel. Great Expectations, indeed.

This will be the first Christmas spent with my sister in over 18 years. It's also the first Christmas Sis and I will spend without Mom. Ugh. So many feels. I'll be home in time to spend New Year's Eve with my BFFs, K.Q and Dale. So it's all good (or so I keep telling myself). 

It is my fervent hope that you are able to spend time with those you love (and who love you) during the Winter Holiday season, no matter what you believe. Merry Christmas; Happy Solstice; Joyous Kwanzaa and Happy New Year!

With the exception of at least one pre-scheduled post, this is probably (though not decidedly)  my last real-time post for 2013. I will not rue this year's passing. Goodbye and Good Riddance to 2013!

Hoping all of you (and I) have a better year coming!

More, anon.
Prospero

The Gayest Things You'll See This Christmas

Brrrr!

Every time I try to get away, they just keep pulling me back! I really thought I was on E ("Empty," NOT Ecstasy). Apparently I'm not because here are two videos that actually helped raise... my spirits, you pervs!

I officially have one week before I'm off to spend the holiday with my sister in the land of lighted palms and be-shorted Santas.

So what does it take to make this Grinch's heart grow (not too much, because enlarged syndrome isn't really a good thing)?  Well, hotties in Speedos and/or undies and adorable frat boys frolicking in the snow to a Katy Perry song, of course.

So here are two very gay, somewhat pervy and often hot videos that warmed the cockles of my heart (look it up, pervs!). 

The first is via Wicked Gay Blog and involves the kind of weather that makes me think of Seinfeld, swimming and other cold-weather/water associated phenomena:

The second is the kind of video that makes me wish I was the self-confident (well, almost) version of myself now, when I was in my 20's (via):

What is it about Katy Perry?

More, anon.
Prospero

Pachelbel Smiled

Adorable, no?

Couldn't resist this one. Regular readers know my obsession with Flash Mobs. I'm particularly pleased when they involve great music. Of course, when they include adorable cellists and woofy bassists in Air Force uniforms... Well, I don't know about you, but Uncle P must admit to feeling a bit like Garth when he climbs the rope in Gym.

Yesterday, I secured a gig directing a new short play for a new Short Play Festival in North Jersey. I'm very pleased by this and intrigued by the piece (a discourse - in part - on the value of art) and am about to submit a proposal to direct a Christopher Durang piece for a company which has always intimidated me, but which I am pretty sure I can convince to book me, if I get my sh*t together. I am moving forward; rejoining the world and expanding upon my life as an artist. And that's a very good thing, I think.

Someday, in conjunction with some project or other, I am going to stage and execute one of the most amazing Flash Mobs, ever. It joins a return to Paris, visits to London; Cairo; Brisbane; Sydney; Queensland; Tokyo; Bangkok and Machu Pichu and directing "Evil Dead: The Musical" and/or a black comedy 'splash zone' version of "Titus Andronicus" on my ever-growing Bucket List.

Here (via) is the Flash Mob video that inspired tonight's post:

Maybe... just maybe... I'm finally feeling a bit of Holiday Spirit. Or I may just be a sucker for a hottie in a uniform! If I believed in an afterlife, I would imagine Pachelbel smiling at this. It certainly brightened my day!

More, anon.
Prospero

Taking a Break

West and Wewaxation

Uncle P has had a rough year (and an even rougher Fall). Last weekend I broke my toe; caught some sort of bug and then had a very hectic and rather exhausting week at the day-job. I'm tired, folks. So I've decided to take a small break from blogging (since I can't seem to get one anywhere else) for the rest of this year. I'm sure my small band of loyal of loyal readers will understand. That's not to say I won't pop in and rant if I find something that inspires me to do so. I hope I do. I may tweet (@Caliban761) and will certainly be on Facebook. And I will be scheduling a few auto-posts here and there. But I need to give up something for a bit, and right now, it's Caliban's Revenge. 

I want to get through the holidays as painlessly as possible and while I'll be spending most of Christmas week with my amazing sister and the BIL in Florida, I'm still in recovery mode and need some time to get re-energized and re-inspired.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season, no matter holidays you do or don't celebrate. Take time for yourselves (and buy something to give yourself for Christmas - a tradition Mom started in our house while I was still in high school). Be good to one another and tell the people you love that you love them, every chance you get. 

See you in 2014.

More, eventually.
Prospero

When Holidays Collide

"I'm not one of your faaaa-aaaa-aaans!!!"

I hope everyone had a delicious and filling meal with people you love.

More, anon.
Prospero

This Was Halloween

BOO!

So, If you've been keeping up, you can probably imagine that this was not the happiest of Octobers for Uncle P. 

Still, I'm plugging away and trying to regain a sense of 'normalcy.' Today was my first day back at the Day Job, where I was asked to judge both a departmental cupcake contest (in a department other than my own) and the company-wide costume contest. I'd like to believe I was asked because people there actually respect my opinion, though I wouldn't be surprised if people were just trying to cheer me up. Of course every one said it was the former, though the latter was very helpful. 

Until I got home, where I had exactly 12 Trick-or-Treaters. 

Last year I had just over 40. The year before that, 8. I live on a side street in my development, which serves no real purpose other than to provide housing. You can't really get anywhere significant by driving on my street (unless of course, you count my house). The number of children living on the street varies from year-to-year, depending on who is living here at any given time (some houses here seem to have revolving doors) and growing fears about asking strangers for candy have further reduced the number of kids willing to brave the darkness, especially on a weeknight. Still, I had a few princesses; Batman and Robin and a very clever Popcorn Machine with real popcorn and a light in the dome. But it wasn't quite the same without Mom fawning over the cuteness of the little ones and the cleverness of the older kids. The last knock on my door came at 8:17. I turned off my giant spider and Dracula's Pub lights at 9:00.

Of course, when my sister and I were kids, everyone went door-to-door for hours on end. We'd fill a pillowcase, come home to dump it and head out again. Those days are gone, I'm afraid. And that just makes me all the much sadder about the current state of my favorite holiday.

Still... I watched last night's episode of  "American Horror Story: Coven;" had some delicious (if I say so myself) Hungarian stuffed cabbage for dinner; spoke with my sister about our mutual lack of candy-beggars and did my best to enjoy the evening.

There are major and minor changes happening in my home (both physical and emotional). The number of programs I DVR has been slashed in half and I no longer feel quite so compelled to watch what I've recorded (with a few exceptions), though I catch myself being angry and/or sad that Mom will no longer be able to enjoy some of the shows she loved. I have made some progress in obtaining the necessary paperwork which accompanies someone's death, though find myself frustrated by the operating hours of certain government agencies (Damn you, SSI!). 

It's a process, I suppose. It will take time and be aggravating and even downright blood-boiling at times. I continue to take my anti-hypertension medication and try to take on each issue as it arises... But the wound is still so fresh and painful... 

Hallowe'en has evolved over the centuries from a day of keeping evil spirits at bay to a day of celebration. And it's that spirit I tried to maintain, today. I think Mom wouldn't have wanted me to do anything less. I may be sad that she's no longer here to share the celebration, but oh so very glad for all the times she was.

I hope you had a great Halloween and that you and/or your children got all the goodies you can stomach for the next month or so. If you got a Reeses' Peanut Butter Cup, think of Mom when you eat it. She loved them and loved giving them out. I'll be taking a few dozen or so to share at the Day Job, tomorrow.

And honestly, for folks like Uncle P and several of my friends and family, every day is Halloween:

Turkey Month starts tomorrow and I hope to be back to posting more regularly...

More, anon.
Prospero

Labor Day

With only about 10 minutes remaining of Labor Day, I just wanted to take a brief moment to honor the laborers who helped make the U.S. the great country it once was.

Okay - here comes the hate mail. 

Honestly, though, The U.S. as we know it today was built on the backs of the laborers who came before. Those who built our cities and highways; those who feed and clothe us; those who protect and defend us. These are the people we honored today. You may have taken advantage of Labor Day sales or spent the day grilling and drinking with friends and family if, like Uncle P, you had the day off with pay. 

It saddens me, though, to think about those less fortunate. Those who had off today because they have no jobs. While our President (a man I admire, respect and for whom I voted) contemplates spending millions of our tax dollars to intervene in yet another conflict most of the country agrees we should avoid, I can't help but wonder how the money it will cost to do so might be better spent on getting our citizens back to earning their own way while contributing to society in general.

Yes, we must be global citizens and do everything we can to stop Human Rights atrocities. Yes, we must continue to be the exemplars of Democracy (as flawed as it is). But it seems to me we need to make sure that our own citizens have roofs over their heads, nutritious food to eat and the means to survive after retirement before we can worry about what goes on in countries with diametrically-opposed lifestyles. No, I'm not saying we should let a monster poison his own people. I'm just saying we need to think about our own people first. I seriously doubt that the people of Syria care about us as much as we seem to care about them. 

Don't get me wrong - I'm hardly a jingoistic Right-Winger (if you think that, you've never read anything I've ever posted about politics, Human Rights or LGBT rights). What I am saying is that we before we go taking action against another country, we had better make sure we have our own house in order.

Currently, our house is a mess. It just seems to me that we need to clean up our own mess before we go trying to clean up after others.

More, anon.

Prospero

The Gayest New Music and Hottest Boys You'll See This 1st Gay 4th of July

Happy Gay Independence Day!

This Independence Day has new meaning to millions of LGBTQ people all over our country, who are celebrating the deaths of DOMA and Proposition 8. For the first time in my life, our government no longer considers us "Less Than." We are closer and closer to joining the 13 (and soon to be fifteen with Uruguay and New Zealand's Marriage Equality laws taking effect next month) countries who have come into the 21st Century and recognized that there is nothing wrong, unnatural, perverse or sinful in love. When we're long gone, I hope someone finds and reads all our archived blogs and says the same thing we now say about "Whites Only" fountains and entrances and theater seating. 'Equality under the law.' Finally.

And apropos of both the First Gay Independence Day and my recent new music tear, I have discovered a second country artist I actually like (I'll talk about big ole Country Bear Drake Jensen and his anti-bullying anthem "Scars" in another post, soon). Today is all about gorgeous and so very hot Steve Grand and his debut single "All-American Boy." Those who've known Uncle P since the late 80's will understand why this song and video mean so much to me. And after you watch it, I'll tell you why. Here (via) is "All-American Boy":

So, there are three major differences in Steve's story and mine. First, my All-American Boy already knew I was in love with him because everyone I told and asked not to tell him, told him anyway. Second, we didn't end in an awkward attempt at a kiss, but rather a very difficult (but ultimately cathartic and beneficial) conversation during a long drive in the country, necessitated by the fact that I was about to direct him in one of the greatest romances of all time and facilitated beforehand by a wonderful and more-than competent therapist (thanks, Jim, wherever you are!). And third, I am not nor have I have been anywhere near as hot as young Mr. Grand. So now you know a little bit about me that you didn't know before.

I hope my U.S. readers have the same 4-day weekend I have. And thank you to all the police; firefighters; EMTs; doctors; nurses; technicians; pharmacists and other service workers who don't. I hope you're getting lots of OT or DT in exchange. You deserve it. Have a safe and happy holiday, America. I can't remember a happier one for me, even with that nostalgically bittersweet video (of course, Steve and his co-star help make it a little sweeter). Grand's website is under construction, so there's nothing to really link to him yet, but I'll be looking out for him and will surely post about him again. Like Father Tiger, if he keeps putting out great music like this, I'm sure he'll be around a while.

For the first time in a long time, I'm starting to (just a little bit) regain my faith in Humanity.

I'll be posting at least once or twice more before celebrating the Caliban's Revenge 5th Anniversary Super Post on July 9th. I hope I'm able to live up to the hype!

More, anon.
Prospero

After the Superhero Leaves

If you've seen Pixar's hilarious Superhero/James Bond mashup movie, The Incredibles, then you know there is always a price to pay for the destruction caused by superheroes in their pursuit of supervillians. Sure, the Super has saved hundreds of thousands of lives from the hands of a madman, but at what cost? I know you've seen the trailers for Man of Steel. I must assume you saw The Avengers and at least the trailer for Ironman 3. Just at look at all the physical property destruction wreaked upon New York and Metropolis and wherever Tony Stark and Mr. & Mrs. Incredible live. Someone has to clean that mess up.

My amazing sister and her husband flew up from Florida to specifically come help me do some things around the house for which I don't have the skills or just couldn't do by myself. Thursday morning they showed up and the BIL went right to work, repairing the gate destroyed by Sandy (I knew there was a reason I didn't throw those pieces away). After he finished that, we went to a famous DIY box-store and spent an hour picking up supplies for the other jobs we had planned on tackling. I drove home at a steady 22 MPH with three 8x6 stockade fence panels tied to my luggage rack and a new ceiling fan for my kitchen; backsplash for my bathroom and assorted hardware for several other projects. Between 2 PM and 6 PM that afternoon, the BIL had installed the backsplash and the ceiling fan; the two of us put up the stockade fence and he repaired another chain-link fence on the short side of the back lawn. We had hoped to trim some of the horrifically overgrown vegetation along the two longer sides of the neighbors' fences, but it was raining off-and-on all day, so that got shelved. Meanwhile, my sister started sorting through some of Mom's extensive jewelery collection, looking for items of actual value. Mom has a lot of 'fashion' jewelry (what used to be called 'costume' jewelry), but she also had a whole lot of fine gold and silver stuff with plenty of real gemstones. Sis, along with being an extraordinary maker of cakes, used to work as a fine jewelry retailer and is a certified Diamondtologist. After a few hours of sorting and cleaning (and Mom's say-so), she had quite a pile of stuff Mom hasn't even seen in years, let alone worn. Exhausted, we met up later at a local diner (along with the BIL's equally gold-hearted sister and her very bright and funny son) for a huge celebratory meal. 

Yesterday, while Sis went off to sell the jewelry (which netted Mom far more much-needed cash than either of us anticipated), the BIL came back and started on the trimming we'd been unable to do on Thursday. And he had that look in his eye. The one that said, "I'm bored and I'm going to finish if it kills me." Using only an electric hedge trimmer and my small handsaw, he cleared 2/3 of the long-neglected weeds; vines; small trees and assorted Evil Dead-level vegetation in my backyard before accidentally cutting my 100' extension cord (something of which I've been guilty in the past). He vowed to repair or replace it (and he did). And while I truly appreciate all the hard work he put into it, it's going to take me several weeks to clear all the stuff he cut down. I alreafdy filled two large brown-paper lawn bags and barely touched a quarter of it Trust me, I am NOT complaining! I love that he did as much as he could while here. Hell, I wish we could have done more. And while I still have a ton of work to do in the yard, it hardly seems as overwhelming as it once did. Cleaning up after the superhero is certainly better than fighting the villain alone, no matter how sore one's legs, back and shoulders are... (I should buy stock in the company that makes 'Aleve'). It sucks getting old, kids.

I don't know. Maybe Man of Steel has me all worked up. I just know that I love my siblings and everything they do for me! And I can't wait until I can go down to the F state again for a proper visit!

More, anon.
Prospero