A November Cornucopia

Turn Off the Show

I'm still recovering from and dealing with the aftermath of Mom's passing (ugh - who knew there was so much to do after someone passes?), so I've been rather absent. But there is so much I want to talk about today that I had to post. So let's get started, shall we?

First, news from Broadway: In a scenario right out of a Mel Brooks movie, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark (a show I've railed against since it was announced) will close on January 4th after having lost $60 million dollars. Playbill.com reports that the problem-plagued show (which cost $75M to mount and nearly ruined the career of director Julie Taymor) will leave many investors without seeing a dime in revenues. Taymor directed Disney's still-running biggest Broadway hit, The Lion King, but on-set injuries and a disjointed second act led producers to fire her (Taymor sued but the case was settled out of court). It got to the point where people were going to see the show in hopes of witnessing one of its many epic fails. Apparently, no one was going just to hear the rather lame score by Bono and The Edge. The show is so infamous, it even inspired and episode of "Law and Order: Criminal Intent." Still, it will live on in future Las Vegas and German productions, as well as a touring stadium show where some investors may recoup some of their losses. Good riddance to bad theatre, I say.

Next up, a story my sister, Dear D and sweet Mia will hate (sorry kids). Thanks to a video link on Towelroad, I have discovered one of the most interesting performers I've seen in quite some time. Puddles is a 7' tall sad clown with a rather amazing voice and range of styles. The video from revisionist cover band Postmodern Jukebox features Puddles as lead vocalist in a haunting cover of Lorde's "Royals:"

Intrigued. I looked up Puddles Pity Party, which led me to additional YouTube videos and this rather hilariously disturbing death-metal cover of Celine Dion's insipid Titanic theme, "My Heart Will Go On:"

Puddles has several other rather fascinating videos on YouTube, which I highly recommend to those among you who are decidedly not coulrophobic. While I truly admire his work, I can't help but feel a slight pang of jealousy at not being clever enough to come up with a character like that of my own. 

And finally, though hardly last, the still amazing gay icon Cher has given us what may well be the gayest music video ever, outside of an Adam Lambert song. The video for her latest single "Take It Like a Man," features some very hot guys in teeny-tiny Speedos, washing cars; diving off of sailboats and generally acting like they're in a soft-core gay porno. Muscles; tatts; twerking and bulges abound (not that I'm complaining):

Whew! I'm spent.

More, anon.
Prospero

It's On First

Sadako (Samara in the U.S.)

I have never been the athletic type, nor the kind of person who enjoys watching sports. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule - Olympic swimming, diving, gymnastics and wrestling can provide many hours of entertainment... ooh -- what a give-away! 

Of course, sport in the U.S. is all about competition, machismo and pain (well, at least when it comes to American Football). Baseball, the so-called "Great American Pastime," is just plain boring. But leave it to the Japanese to make baseball interesting. Well, at least the opening pitch. At a recent Japanese baseball game. the opening pitch was thrown by Sadako, the vengeful ghost from the Ringu series of J-Horror movies. This video (from a Facebook friend) says it all:

I would so see a game where Sadako (or Freddy, Jason, Pinhead or Pennywise) threw the opening pitch. Though I doubt they could do it quite as well as Sadako did in that clip. Freddy's glove would shred the ball; Jason would pitch it through the batter's head; Pinhead would throw a puzzle box and Pennywise would just drag the all the players down into the sewer. 

And since we're talking about Japanese horror and Japanese sensibilities, another Facebook friend posted the below clip from a Japanese "Candid Camera" style show:

Hilarious and rather mean, I don't know that I would have fallen for this, especially with the puppeteer's legs so clearly visible. Still, it's a prime example of how Japanese humor and horror seem to go hand in hand. Hmmm... kind of like Uncle P's sense of humor, when you think about it. 

Anyone know where I can get my hands on a velociraptor suit?

More, anon.
Prospero

The Weirdest, Gayest Things You'll See & Hear This Week

Another quickie music post. The Pixies have a new album out and a new video for their single 'Bagboy.' Both are exceptionally weird and wonderful. Alt music fans have been loving these guys since the mid-80's and there's a reason they're still around. Yes, the song is very weird, but it's still oddly compelling.

And while Industrial Rockers Nine Inch Nails may well have an Oscar-winning frontman, the video for their new single, 'Came Back Haunted' is directed by none other than David Lynch and comes with a warning for photosensitive epileptics. Lynch's films range from absurdist philosophy (Eraserhead; Lost Highway) to haunting drama (The Elephant Man). I'd want him to direct my music video, too.

And finally, proof that most Str8 boys are just a six-pack* away from being gay. These drunken frat boys aren't afraid to do let their disco shine.

Bagboy:



Come Back Haunted:



Str8 Boys' Gay Catwalk:



*I bet you were expecting this.

More, anon.
Prospero

The Weirdest Nonsense You'll See This Week, Among Other Things

Lots of good things going on this weekend, including the fact that I will be able to audition for a show in which I very much want to take part (my upcoming Day Job trip to the City on the Lake is the same weekend as regular auditions and the producers have graciously agreed to see me early. Yay!) Last night I had a great time at the movies with a friend and while today saw the usual Sunday tasks, none of them were particularly stressful and I got to enjoy plenty of time to decompress. So even though it is the end of the weekend, I'm still in a really good mood.

Of course, there's almost nothing that puts me in a better mood than a bit of good, old-fashioned nonsense. And it just so happens that Jonco, over at Bits And Pieces shared plenty of nonsense today, and I wanted to share some of it with you. 

First is something called "Face Folding" The Daily Dot (I've never heard of it, either) says 'Face Folding Turns Every Movie Into a Horror.' Honestly, I'm not sure I agree with that, especially when they use clips from Sci-Fi and Fantasy films and manipulate actors' voices to illustrate their point. The effect is sometimes creepy, but more often just... Extraterrestrial.

And there's this delightfully hilarious bit of editing nonsense that had Uncle P quite literally LOL'ing more than once. Enjoy:

It was the IRL QWOP clip (link has NSFW language) that got me started giggling uncontrollably. The rest was just more fuel for the fire.

In "Only in America" News: The County Fair at the Sonoma-Marin Fairgrounds in Petaluma, California held it's annual World's Ugliest Dog Contest. Beagle/Boxer Winner Walle gets his owner $1500.00 and national TV appearances. I guess it's a good thing that these poor doggies have no idea they're ugly.

Finally, among other things and on an only semi-nonsensical point, if you're a regular then you know the only Reality/Talent show I watch is AGT (a guilty pleasure, to be sure). Well, for the first time in a very long time, I have an early favorite. Kenichi Ebina is a rather amazing dancer and I can see him moving on to the finals (though not sure this early that he can win - no dancers ever have).

Hoping your week stays silly (in the good way, of course). I, for one, will be seeking a shrubbery. A nice one with a path down the middle so you get a lovely two-level effect (ooh - what a give-away!).


More, anon.
Prospero

PS - I love how meta this post turned out, even if it's only meta to me.

Jack the Lumpy-Headed

Nicholas Hoult

I try really hard not to be mean about people. I do. And I am hardly a 10, myself (maybe a 5 -- a 6 on a really good day). Still -- there is something about Nicholas Hoult's head that disturbs me. I didn't notice it in About a Boy. He was just a kid; who knows how kids will turn out as adults. And I honestly didn't care for that rather treacly movie, anyway. 

I really didn't take notice until he played young Hank McCoy (AKA 'Beast') in X-Men First Class. I even mentioned his lopsided looks in my review of that movie though to be honest, I attributed it to the character's mutantism. I never saw the BBC series "Skins" or the remake of Clash of the Titans, though I did take note of him in the trailer for the Zombie RomCom Warm Bodies in which he plays a teenaged zombie with feelings.

Today, the full trailer for Bryan Singer's Jack the Giant Slayer was released online, and Hoult's head once again struck me as weird. I don't know what it is that exactly bothers me about him. Is it the over-grown eyebrows? The beady eyes? The thin-lipped mouth? The five-head? Maybe it's the wonky ears or the almost-but-not-quite-square jaw. Or maybe it's just the combination of all of those things. Hoult may be a talented performer and I suppose many people find him attractive. But I just don't get it. There's just no aesthetic balance there. And while I am sure he is a perfectly wonderful human being and I certainly bear no ill-will against him, I find myself oddly repulsed by his physiognomy. 

Anyway, here's the trailer for Singer's entry into the recent Fairy Tale Movie craze:

It looks terrific (other than Hoult's weird head) and features two amazing actors: Ewan McGregor (who just gets hotter as he ages) and the always amazing Stanley Tucci (whom I have lusted after ever since seeing Big Night). Singer, who made the first two X-Men movies (and is scheduled to make perplexingly titled prequel sequel {!} X-Men: Days of Future Past), has rarely disappointed me (even with the highly underrated Superman Returns), so I am looking forward to seeing what he does with a Grimm classic.

For further reference, here's the trailer for Warm Bodies:

Warm Bodies comes out in February and Jack the Giant Slayer in March.

Uncle P has a real stinker lined up for tomorrow's Turkey Day Turkey post, so I hope you'll check it out.

More, anon.

Prospero

Fun with Zombies and Other Weirdness

So all that great 80's music put me back in a good mood, though we are in the slowest slow period I've experienced at the Day Job and it's a bit disconcerting (though not scary or worrisome) - not to mention boring. Anyway, all the free time lets me find interesting things to share with my few, but faithful readers.

So the other day I came across trailers for two new zombie movies from across the pond. First up is the zom/com/heist movie from Britain, Cockneys Vs Zombies. The IMDb plot summary reads: "A gang of bank robbers fight their way out of a zombie-infest London." The trailer alone belies that statement. Think Sean of the Dead on steroids via Bubba Ho-Tep. Cockneys Vs Zombies look dark, violent, gory and freaking hilarious! Watch the trailer below (probably NSFW for language, violence and gore):

Cockneys Vs Zombies opens the UK's Film4 Fright Fest on August 23 and goes wide in the UK on August 31. There is no scheduled U.S. release date, as of this writing. Jinx - if you see it, please let me know!

Far less hilarious (but looking pretty intense), is the first zombie film out of the former USSR, Winter of the Dead (Meteletsa). There is no IMDb listing for this film under either name, but the YouTube description says something about snow in the middle of a hot Moscow summer which presages a zombie outbreak. Don't know know, don't care. The movie's official website makes a bit more sense. The carnage is high in the trailer (sorry - no subtitles). The trailer may be NSFW for violence and gore - couldn't tell you whether there are Russian swear-words or not:

Someone's been watching "The Walking Dead."

Tonight's penultimate bit of nonsense comes from Towleroad and while it is exceptionally weird, it is particularly hilarious, especially if you have had enough of a particular redneck politician, who - like a certain villain in a certain series of kid's books - from henceforth shall be referred to as She Who Shall Not Be Named. Ladies and germs, I hope you skipped the peyote tonight. I give you "Mrs. Smith," weighing in on Chick-hates-Gays and She Who Shall... oh, you know:

And finally, some happy, silly nonsense from my dear Post Apocalyptic Bohemian Stephen, who shared it with me and I'd like to share it with you. For about a month or so, I've been hearing bits and pieces from friends in New York about this musical comedy duo The Skivvies, who perform in their... well, skivvies. In the clip Stephen shared, they are joined by Wes Taylor (adorable chorus boy Bobby on "Smash") for this hilarious three-song mash-up about phones:

Feeling so much better. Now let's hope some other a-hole doesn't pop up spewing ha... Wait? Wut? Two? So that lying scumbag Bryan Fischer is advocating federal crimes against gays and Papa John's is raising prices and blaming Obamacare? SON OF A.... Let it go... Breathe... Again... One more... Good.

More, anon.
Prospero

"AHS" by Request

Uncle P has only ever done one post by request before, and then it was simply a title that was requested. But when a friend publicly challenged me on Facebook, I felt I had no choice but to respond. So, here is the first content-requested post on Caliban's Revenge.

When it premiered last month, I immediately fell in love with FX's "American Horror Story," though a few folks took some time to warm up to it (Mr. Romano? I'm talking to you). As the story has progressed, the mysteries have only deepened, though we have been given more and more information about the house and its history with every episode. We know who the last owners were (who knew Zachary Quinto would be so good as a bitchy queen?) and have some insight into the first owners (a drug-addled abortionist and his status-hungry wife). We've learned that the alternately frumpy/sexy maid was murdered by the next door neighbor and that a pair of nursing students were killed by a psychopath who hated nurses. We've watched psychiatrist Ben Harmon (Dylan McDermott) slowly lose his mind; bury his former lover under a gazebo he built to hide her grave and drive the most boring woman in the world to attempt suicide. We know that his wife Vivien (Connie Britton) hates him; is pregnant with a child that is... (well, we'll talk about that in a moment) and is desperate to sell the house. We've seen their emotionally disturbed daughter Violet (Taissa Farmiga) cut herself to relieve her emotional pain. And we've seen their possibly insane neighbor Constance (the incomparable Jessica Lange) make cupcakes laced with Syrup of Ipecac (among other unpleasant things).

This week's episode gave us all kinds of answers (while asking more questions). We now know that Ben's patient Tate (Evan Peters), perpetrated a Columbine-style school shooting and is actually one of the many ghosts haunting the house. We also know why the ultrasound technician fainted; that Tate is/was another of Constance's children; why Constance told Moira "Don't make me kill you again" and (maybe) why the house is obsessed with babies. Of course, we haven't been told who (or what) the 'Rubber Man' is or what the fang-toothed, long-clawed monster lurking in the basement may be. And what of burn-scarred Larry and the truth about his back story? This week's most disturbing moment? Well, that had to be the scene in which Vivien eats a raw brain with relish, only to find herself puzzled at having done so. Of course, the subplot involving Ben's latest patient ("Modern Family" alum Eric Stonestreet) as a man terrified of urban legends, ended with a deliciously ironic "Twilight Zone" twist ("Here, piggy-piggy-pig-pig!"). And we now also know that Vivien may actually be carrying a demon child.

Referencing classic horror movies like The Haunting; Psycho; Rosemary's Baby; A Nightmare on Elm Street and Halloween (among others) while adding it's own twists, "American Horror Story" pushes the envelope unlike any other show on television. Disturbing; creepy; gross; sexy and just plain weird, "American Horror Story" may actually supplant "The Walking Dead" and "Fringe" as my TV favorite show. If you are a regular reader of Caliban's Revenge and aren't watching "AHS," you should be.

It has already been reported that "AHS" has been picked up for a second season. I only hope the showrunners can maintain the creepy and often terrifying atmosphere they've managed to create in these first few episodes.

 
More, anon.
Prospero

Cannibalism and The Gayest Thing You'll Ever See?

Your Uncle P is not exactly a young man. I've been some very interesting places and I've seen some very interesting things and met some very interesting people. And I've been some really, really gay places and met some really, really gay people and seen some really, really gay things. But in all my years; in all the places I've been; of all the people I've met and all the things I've seen, the image to your right is undoubtedly the single gayest image you and I will ever see.* Think about it.

Here's this half-naked muscle cub, sneering at us in a see-through plastic and feather unicorn costume. Perhaps (like the title character in in Virginia Woolf's Orlando or Gregor Samsa), Lisa Frank woke up one morning to find herself transformed into the 33 year-old art director of a gay greeting card company. Most likely, there are just some really odd folks out there, gay and straight - and any and everything in-between - who churn out all sorts of fetish-related images. Though how someone knows there is such a fetish as gay unicorn housekeepers, is beyond my ken.

I found the image at HomoShame, of course.

And now on to the promised Cannibalism, shall we? Well, that may be a bit of a Weekly World News kind of tease, because this is really a story posted all over (but I saw it first here), about a typo in a cook book in Australia, in which one recipe listed "salt and freshly ground black people" as ingredients. The publisher recalled existing stock and offered replacement copies, but no one took them up on the offer (I know I sure wouldn't).

Now, before I say what I have to say about this incident, trust me when I tell you no one is more committed to equality for everyone, everywhere, than I am. But if you are so sensitive that an obvious typo (which appears only once among dozens of recipes in which "pepper" is spelled correctly) rattles your chains, you need to get a life. People in Islamic countries are being executed for being gay (that, and for witchcraft). Millions die every day from AIDS, while millions more are infected, every day. True suffering and oppression is all around us, and you have nothing better to do than complain about a typo in a cookbook which only sold 5000 copies? I hate whoever made this an issue, and you should, too. If you can't laugh at something like this, you're taking life way too seriously. Might I suggest celebrating tomorrow's date in the traditional manner? You'll feel ever so much better.

And if that doesn't work, then here's a trailer for a movie which will no doubt foment anti-science creationists while exciting Sci-Fi nerds all over; the Adrien Brody, Sarah Polley monster flick, Splice:

No idea what that has to do with anything else here, tonight, but I've been reading about this movie for a while and am excited to see that it finally has a release date.

More, anon.
Prospero

*In case you're wondering, str8t readers, this image is actually way gayer than gay pron, because half those boys are gay4pay with habits... er, uh... I mean... uh, families to support. It's even gayer, in fact, than my friend Doug's twirling (and trust me, that's pretty damned gay).

Transcendental Vampires?

I know I have posted about VampireCon before. It seems the allure of eternal youth and sex without consequence is just too delicious for some people to ignore. This actually worries me.

Vampirism is the ultimate form of bodily fluid transmission. The "vampire" drinks your blood and thus consumes whatever viruses, bacteria and diseases which lurk there. Supposedly in return, the vampire imparts eternal youth and extraordinary powers to his/her victim.

In Anne Rice's "Vampire Chronicles," the 'gift' also imparts a sense of soulessness, doom and regret. Who the hell wants that?

Worst of all, there are real folks out there who can't seem to be able to seperate reality from fanstay, and fancy themselves as "real" vampires. They sleep in coffins, wear nothing but black and and sometimes actually consume human blood. I dated two guys who thought they were vampires, and while it was a little sexy at first, it turned creepy real fast (especially when one actually bit my thigh and drew blood - Yes, I immediatley got tested).

So why is this ancient mythos still so prominent amid modern scientfic proof that there really is no such thing? Well, there are folks out there who actually suffer from a mental disorder called Clinical Vampirism. Cinical vampires believe that by ingesting the blood of other humans, they are imbued with power, youth and eternal life. It also makes me so glad that I live in the real world where I know such things are impossible.

Still, "vampires" have carved a niche for themsleves in modern society, and are finally getting the convention they so rightly deserve. Here are four ads for the up-coming VampireCon in San Diego. I can only hope that when the pics from this convention are posted, I don't see anyone I know there.

Transcendental Vampire (get it Dental?):


Skin Deep:


Costume Party:


And the one that started it all... Tight Squeeze:

All the more reason to love Zombies. At least they have no passion for anything but flesh.

More, anon.
Prospero

The Gayest Sci-Fi You'll See This Week

Hope everyone has recovered from April Fool's Day. Glad to see at least one of you got the joke (Sean, will you marry me?). Anyway, lots to talk about tonight, especially on upcoming movies. But first, I thought I'd start with something nearly as old as I am. This clip has been on a couple of sites today (I first caught it on BoingBoing), but it was too deliciously silly not to share. Here is a scene from a German Sci-Fi show from the 60's. The scene is apparently set in a club in the future. Forget about what's happening in the foreground (it's all in German, anyway) and watch the dancers:

Is it me, or does this look like Twyla Tharp's mother got together with the creator of 'The Chicken Dance' to choreograph this scene? Seriously - WTF!?!

Now, on to what may well be the most intriguing film since Cloverfield; District 9. There are folks out there in cyberland who believe District 9 is just a cover for Peter Jackson's Halo, but judging from this clip from South African director Neill Blomkamp's short Alive in Joburg, I think otherwise. District 9 is apparently about an alien ship forced to land in Johannesburg, where the aliens are immediately sent to concentration camps and treated as badly as we seem to treat our own prisoners of war. Blomkamp served as a 3D animator on several Sci-Fi series, including "SG1," "Dark Angel" and "Smallville" and wrote and directed this District 9 'prequel' (I'm using the term very loosely here), Alive in Joburg. See for yourself:

Alive In Joburg - Neill Blomkamp from Spy Films on Vimeo.

Exciting time to be a Sci-Fi fan, don't you think? I, for one, am chomping at the bit to see District 9, which according to IMDb, has a scheduled release date sometime this year. And thanks to i09 for the link.

More, anon.

Prospero

The Weirdest Thing You'll See This Week

Okay - I know there's some weird-ass crap out there in the cyberverse, but I stumbled upon this site a few weeks ago and I just can't quite wrap my head around it. Boytaur.net is a site where people take hot guys and photoshop them into centaurs. Seriously. Just look at this picture above.

I'm sorry, but I just don't get it. I suppose there's the whole fantasy geek angle. And the guys they use are hot enough. But seriously... is anyone actually getting off on this stuff?

I suppose there are all sorts of weird scenes and fetishes out there. And the Internet seems to be the place to find them. And before you start calling me a prude or something in the comments, you have to admit, this is just weird.

I'll be back with my review of Friday the 13th tomorrow. Hope you all had a great Valentine's Day and for those of you off tomorrow, have a great President's Day.

More, anon.

Prospero

The Weirdest Thing You'll See This Week

I'm not sure what to make of this. It was sent to me by an actor friend, who finds many of the same things funny as I do. It tickled him more, I think. It puzzles me, but it is certainly very amusing. If it's what I hope it is, and not just a stroke of geek luck, then it is brilliantly Kaufmanesque and pure inspired silliness. Clearly the man has a beautiful voice, and I get the Goulet-inspired pompadour and porn-stache. But the toga, the barking and the weird sincerity of the song's interpretation add that perfect soupcon of surrealism that makes me love the Internet so very much. It's "Camelot" as directed by Dali and performed by the inmates of... well, okay, maybe not. What it is, is friggin' weird. And much like the Cheetah Lady a few months ago, it's folks like this that make me feel I'm not quite so insane, after all. I give you a tribute to Robert Goulet (don't say you haven't been warned):

More, anon.

Prospero

Too Much to Discuss

So, what should I talk about first? Maybe the Oscar nominations? Yawn. The Reader was the only real surprise, here, though I suspect the film was nominated more to honor the late Anthony Minghela, more than anything else. Seriously, did anyone out there really think the Academy voters were going to nominate The Dark Knight? Don't get me wrong, it's a great movie. It's just not the kind of movie Oscar loves. Perhaps as films in the superhero genre get better and better, we'll see more and more noms in the important categories, though it's probably unlikely. As we get closer to the big night, I'll give you my picks.

Well then, how about some other movie news? I already talked briefly about Dead Snow, the Norwegian Nazi Zombie flick. The big news is that it sold at Sundance, which means we may actually get to see it here in the states sometime in 2010. Collider.com has some great clips and two trailers here. As I am sure you can surmise, the image above is from the movie.

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I discovered a great site the other day and these next bits of weirdness are from them. Weird Universe has all kinds of fun stories about all kinds of weird and wonderful things from all over.

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First, here's a clip of probably the weirdest music video you'll see this week (and yes, this is a John Lennon song):

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The fun in the following clip really starts at about 1:03, though the VJ introducing the clip is pretty awesomely weird, himself. My question; Is that your Dad singing? Dude, he needs to realize he's old, unsexy and totally lame.

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Finally, here's the Hillbilliest (yes, I just made up a word) story you'll read today. In Kentucky, a guy named Cletus Mullins apparently killed another guy named Catfish Jones. I wish I could make this stuff up. Read it here:

http://madisoncourier.com/main.asp?SectionID=178&SubSectionID=270&ArticleID=48687

As always, more, anon.

Prospero