Argento Finally Loses It

That's Rutger Hauer as Abraham Van Helsing in Dario Argento's upcoming Dracula 3D. Argento is the director of what many consider to be the seminal giallo film, Suspiria. Argento's 20-odd other fims include the classics The Bird with the Crystal Plumage; Deep Red and Tenebre. His films usually feature American or British stars who speak English and are later dubbed into Italian (except in English speaking countries, where the Italian actors are dubbed in English). They also often feature his daughter Asia, who is best known in the U.S. for George A. Romero's Land of the Dead and Sophia Coppola's Marie Antoinette.

While I understand the appeal of Argento's films, I don't really count myself a fan. They are often boring and make little sense, even after the killer is revealed, though they usually have an artistic flair rarely seen in American slasher movies. Of course, Argento's last film, 2009's Giallo (featuring Adrian Brody), was critically reviled and only released in the U.S. direct-to-DVD. It performed so poorly, Brody had to sue to claim his salary, blocking the DVD release until he received his contracted fees.

Argento is back, with his own take on the Bram Stoker novel, shooting in 3D. The movie stars Thomas Kretschmann (King Kong; Wanted) as Dracula; hunky Spaniard Unax Ugalde (Goya's Ghosts) as Harker and Asia Argento as Lucy, as well a bunch of Italian and German actors playing characters which cannot be found in Stoker's novel. Thanks to JA at My New Plaid Pants, here's the teaser trailer (which is still missing some key effects):

Wow. Okay, let's start with the positives: The film seems to have an old Hammer Studios vibe from the days when Christopher Lee played Dracula and Peter Cushing was Van Helsing. And there seems to be a bit of bare boobage for the str8 boys. And Rutger Hauer will always be badass. But that's all I got.

The negatives? I can't begin to count them. But, I will start with the GIANT EFFING PRAYING MANTIS!!! Seriously - WTF? I have read Stoker's novel several times. Hell, I even wrote the lyrics and libretto for a musical adaptation of it. I am intimately familiar with that novel and I can assure you that NO WHERE in "Dracula" is there a giant praying mantis. Seriously, this movie is just dying for the MT3K treatment, and it hasn't even been released.  I can only conclude that Argento has completely lost his mind. Either that, or he's pulling the greatest prank in film history. 

I really can't decide whether I want to see this movie or not. Will I laugh at it's obvious ineptitude or just be sad to see one of the most famous pieces of English literature get bastardized even worse than in Andy Warhol's Blood for Dracula? Maybe if I see it with two smart-ass robots...

More, anon.

Prospero

Cirque Grotesque

The Last Circus (Balade Triste) has yet to see a U.S. release, though it has played almost everywhere else in the world since it's Spanish release in December of 2010. It's scheduled for limited release here on August 19. 

IMDb lists its genre as "Comedy," though clearly from its trailer, The Last Circus is a giallo film, filled with gruesome murders. Set in 1973, it tells the story of the son of a famous "Happy" clown who was forced to join Franco's army. The son, a subsequently "Sad" clown,  has an intense battle with another "Happy" clown for the love of a beautiful acrobat. This movie is on my radar for tons of reasons, and long-time readers know all about my love of Horror movies, outre films, Cirque du Soleil and classic giallo movies. Unfortunately, The Last Circus is one Horror movie I won't get to see with D (you know, because of the whole evil you know whats thing).

Of course, The Last Circus is being distributed here in the U.S. by Magnet, the same company that gave us Rubber, the movie about a killer sentient tire, so it's unlikely that I'll get the opportunity to see it on a big screen out here in suburbia. That sucks - and not in the good way.

More, anon.
Prospero

I Am Curious: Giallo

In the late 60's there was an infamous (though by today's standards, quite tame) soft-core porn movie called "I Am Curious (Yellow)." It was also released as "I Am Curious (Blue)," depending on which tint was used to hue the film. I've never seen it, but by all accounts, it's pretty bad.

This post's reference (if you haven't figured it out by now - and those reading this blog should have) is meant to evoke the spirit of Italian "Giallo" movies, so named because of the yellow covers given to Italian mystery/slasher novels. In case you haven't figured it out yet, "giallo" is Italian for "yellow." Pioneered by filmmakers like Mario Bava and Umberto Lenzi, giallo movies are probably best represented by the films of Italian director Dario Argento (Susperia). Giallo movies are usually about serial killers and feature extended scenes of bloody mayhem and murder. They often have American or British actors as their stars and are usually in Italian with the non-Italian actor's speaking English which is then dubbed into Italian.

Argento has now made a film called "Giallo" featuring King Kong star Adrien Brody. Here's the trailer:

While the concept of Giallo seems quite familiar, I'm willing to give it a look-see.

Speaking of familiar things, here's a trailer for the upcoming remake of Larry Cohen's killer-baby flick It's Alive. In the original, it was obvious from the outset that the baby was a monster (and it blames pollution and household chemicals for the horrific mutation). The remake, however, seems to take a slightly more subtle approach:

Hmmm... not sure about this long-delayed film, scheduled for a late October release.

And while not exactly a remake, (though a version of the tale was made by Hammer in the 70's) The Countess is a fictionalized biography of Elizabeth Bathory, the Hungarian countess who was probably more inspirational to Bram Stoker than Vlad Tsepes ever was. Bathory reportedly slaughtered over 600 young women and bathed in their blood in an effort to retain her youth. French actress Julie Delpy writes, directs and stars, along with William Hurt, in this bio-horror flick:

As an Hungarian with a supposed (though rather tenuous) familial connection to Bathory, I have always been fascinated by this story and have even gone so far as to have outlined the plot for a musical about the murderous Hungarian royal. Maybe someday, I'll actually sit down and write the damned thing.

Looks like the Fall is shaping up to be an interesting (if nothing else) movie season. When (and if) I see these films, you can be assured I will be reviewing them.

More, anon.

Prospero