This Is the Best They Got?

Aaron Eckhart as a Hot Creature

Along with Dracula, Frankenstein and Frankenstein's Monster (or Creature) have been the subjects of movies since the days of Edison. 

Most people think of James Whale's Frankenstein and The Bride of Frankenstein from Universal in the 1930's. Hammer Films had their own version of the franchise in the 70's and there have been any number of stage and television productions of the story. Portrayed in various versions by Boris Karloff; Bela Lugosi; Lon Chaney, Jr; Glenn Strange; Fred Gwynne; Christopher Lee; Peter Boyle; Peter Hinwood; Shuler Hensley and Robert DiNiro (among many others) in I, Frankenstein, Aaron Eckhart is the Creature from Mary Shelley's novel, still alive after 200 years and apparently drawn into a fight with gargoyles or some such nonsense. The movie comes from the same people who keep making those deplorable Underworld movies. Eckhart and British character actor Bill Nighy (Shaun of the Dead; Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest) are the headliners among a cast of unknowns in a cheesy Underworld/Legion mash-up of some kind. Based on the "Unpublished" graphic novel by actor and Underworld writer Kevin Grevioux, I, Frankenstein is conceptually interesting, but...

Personally, I haven't seen a trailer ever work so hard to convince audiences to stay away from what looks to be an absolute piece of Winter Cinema Garbage.

I don't know if it's the ridiculous dialogue ("Frankenstein must be destroyed!")*; the atrocious CGI FX (1997 called, they want their Macs back) or Eckhart's impersonation of Christian Bale's Batman... Well, they all contribute to what looks like traditional January/February studio crap dump. It makes me glad they waited until after Halloween. Both Eckhart and Nighy are better than this. I just hope they invite me to the latest summer house it bought them.

*


More, anon.
Prospero

"Jaws," We Hardly Knew Ye

Among the many things Uncle P loves are theme parks, amusement piers, fairs and carnivals. I must admit that many of my happiest memories involve those things. I adore an amazing roller-coaster; love being scared and surprised and just completely dig the ambiance associated with all of them. It all goes back to spending my youthful summer Sundays in Seaside Heights (before it was a dump) and the once amazing NJ State Fair, when it was still at the Trenton Fairgrounds (now the site of the highly recommended Grounds for Sculpture in Hamilton, NJ). It probably goes back to the kiddie rides at Cadwalader Park, where you could actually feed live deer and pitiful bears in pits, and walk through the stinkiest "Monkey House" on the planet. 

Anyway, my absolute favorite theme park in the world is Universal Studios, Orlando. Of course, it is no wonder that the combination of two of my favorite things in the world would lead to yet another favorite. I've been there three times. Once with K, once with my sister and BIL, and again with sis, BIL and a friend of sis's. Two of my three visits were during "Halloween Horror Nights." Trust me, no other theme park can come close to Universal when it comes to Halloween. I have not been since they transformed one of their Islands of Wonder into "Harry Potter and the Grab for Your Wallet." I priced tickets while visiting sis last April. On that particular day, a one-day two-park pass was outrageously expensive. We chose not to visit.

Still, there are things I very much love about the original Universal Studios, Orlando. The first time I visited with K, I was blown away by "King Kong: The Escape;" "E.T. Adventure;" "The Alfred Hitchcock Experience;" "Earthquake;" "Twister" and, best of all, "Jaws: The Ride." Set up on small lake and surrounded by a fake but faithful village of Amity, "Jaws: The Ride" was both super-corny and super-fun. I say "was," because Universal has 'retired' the attraction to make way for something new. Disney has already announced an "Avatar" themed attraction, so what might Universal have up their sleeves? Personally, I'm hoping for an Aliens/Prometheus coaster of some kind. 

I've ridden "Jaws: The Ride" four or five times, and enjoyed it every single time. The queue was entertained by a silly (and sometimes repetitive, depending on the line) "local" newscast and the attention to detail was superb. Also fun was the combination of corny jokes made by the "guides," the surprise attacks and the explosions, which often felt a little too close for comfort and the cheers riders gave themselves at the end for having survived. 

I hope that whatever they are planning for the space is done by my next trip to Florida. It's been too long and I am itching for that Universal experience. I'm not particularly sad to see this ride go, but instead excited to see what takes its place.

More, anon.
Prospero

A Universal Experience

For my last few trips to visit my sister in Florida, we've at least once ended up at Downtown Disney, a shopping and entertainment area that houses Cirque du Soleil's permanent show La Nouba; the largest Disney Store in the world; DisneyQuest (essentially a giant Disney-themed arcade); The House of Blues; T-Rex; a Wolfgang Puck restaurant; an AMC multiplex and what was formerly known as Pleasure Island. We would shop, eat and enjoy an afternoon together in the only free Disney attraction in Florida. But we've been there at least a dozen times and I thought we might try something different.

My sister may well be a self-described "Disney Dork," but I much prefer Universal Studios when it comes to theme parks. Still, it had been a very long time since we'd been there - the Islands of Adventure park had only recently opened - and we weren't sure what to expect. First, we were shocked to find it was $15.00 just to park (Downtown Disney doesn't charge at all). And because we had our elderly mother with us, we required handicapped parking, After we paid, my sister followed the signs that indicated such parking was to the left. But we soon rounded a corner where a very rude Universal employee told us we had gone the wrong way, despite what the signs said, and that we had to leave the park and re-enter to go in the correct direction. Only his directions led back onto the highway and 30+ minutes out of our way. When we finally made it back to the park and got inside, we headed immediately to Guest Relations, where two very pleasant and apologetic parking facility managers eventually refunded our parking fee.

All of that nonsense aside, we found Universal CityWalk to be rather a huge disappointment. Filled with outrageously expensive restaurants and shops ($15.00 for a side of mashed potatoes at Emeril's; $335.00 for a Hawaiian shirt at the surf shop); ear-piercingly loud music over the PA system and hardly half the fun of DTD; CityWalk seemed like the biggest waste of a trip to Orlando as we had ever taken. And that's not to mention the $112.00 they wanted for a one-day pass to the parks, themselves. And while I did manage to find some gifts for my dear Harry Potter-loving K at the Universal Studios Store, we left after less than hour and headed to a local outlet mall where I spent more at the Disney outlet than I had at Universal.

While my love/hate relationship to House of Mouse remains firmly in place, my disappointment with Universal Studios is what will remain with me about that particular trip. Do I hate Universal Studios Orlando? No. But when it comes to bang for your buck, I must admit that the Mouse does it better.

Here's a virtual tour of DisneyQuest (an additional fee at DTD, but so much fun):

Okay, enough bitching. I really did have a wonderful time in Florida, despite Universal's lame CityWalk and my end-of-the-trip illness. And more about that trip, next time.

More, anon.

Prospero

Harry Potter and the Fountain of Youth

After last night's winter rant, I awoke to horrific back spasms (caused by digging out my car) and consequently spent most of the day sleeping under medication. Naturally, I didn't sign on to the Net until about an hour ago.

So, it wasn't until my daily visit to Towleroad* that I finally saw all those Superbowl commercials that everyone goes crazy for, and while I think the Doritos commercials were all pretty hilarious, I'm still pissed at CBS for running the Focus on Family ad. But that's not the point of this particular post.

No, this post is about the ad that most caught my attention. It was for Universal Studios Orlando Theme Park and their newest attraction "The Wizarding World of Harry Potter."

Now, I'm not particularly a Harry Potter fan. I read the first book on a flight from Philly to Tampa (with time to start the Stephen King I was reading at the time) and wasn't all that impressed. The first two or so movies were fun, but I haven't really seen an entire Harry Potter movie since. However, Uncle Prospero is a HUGE Theme Park fan. I always have been. Church carnivals, State Fairs, old-fashioned amusement parks and modern Theme Parks -- I just can't resist 'em. The food, the rides, the general atmosphere of having a good time. And the best Theme Park in the world (IMHO) is Universal Studios Florida, because it combines my two favorite things in the world; movies and thrill-rides.

The park has undergone some changes since I first went back in 1994. The King Kong ride is gone and "The Simpsons Ride" has replaced Back to the Future. The Alfred Hitchcock Experience (one of my favorite original attractions) made way for Twister, a very fun tornado simulator (which I actually hoped would be a rollercoaster). Most significantly, Universal expanded the park, adding Islands of Adventure in 1999. The first five "Islands" were "Jurassic Park;" "Toon Lagoon;" "Marvel Island;" "The Lost Continent" and "Seuss Landing." The day we went to Islands of Adventure, it poured and not all the attractions were running properly ("Spider-Man" in particular), but we still managed to have to a good time. Of course, 11 years later and my sister is still a coaster-wuss and my brother-in-law has vertigo, so they don't do Universal anymore. I'll just have to convince one of my Potter-fan friends to come down with me this spring... OK - maybe I can get through the storm that is projected to add another 18 to 24 inches of snow to what we already have here in Philly tomorrow night. As they used to say in the old commercials, "Calgon, take me away..."


And two quick things before I say "goodnight."

One: If you have to ask what Harry Potter has to do with The Fountain of Youth, I suggest you go back to elementary school history and geography for the answer.

Two: In an amazing (to me, anyway) feat of timing, Yours Truly actually scooped *Towleroad, which posted weatherman Jim Kosek's on-air melt-down a full day after I did. I suddenly feel like a real-life blogger...

More, anon.
Prospero