TV Review: "Z Nation"

SyFy, in an effort to compete with AMC's blockbuster "The Walking Dead," has debuted their own zombie series, "Z Nation." Set 3 years after the Zombie Apocalypse, "Z Nation" concerns the efforts to get the only known bite-survivor to a virology lab in California to use his blood to develop a vaccine. The survivor in question is a non-willing prisoner participant in a trial study which killed everyone else it was tried on. Meanwhile, at a remote polar military installation, a lone soldier who calls himself  'Citizen Z,' tries to coordinate the effort to get that survivor where he needs to be.

Two episodes in and I can assure you that AMC has nothing to worry about from this shoddily-produced effort. Cheesy CGI, ridiculous dialog and some truly terrible acting are the culprits, despite featuring some seasoned veterans like DJ Squalls (The Abyss), cutie Keith Allen and star Tom Everett Scott (That Thing You Do; An American Werewolf in Paris). Allen, looking particularly scruffy and beat, is the survivor, Sqaulls is Citizen Z and Scott is the guy who has to get him to CA after the guy who was supposed to get him there ("Lost" alum Harold Perrineau) is killed in the pilot (oops - not too much of a spoiler - though to be honest, he was probably smart to collect that paycheck and move on). The rest of the cast is made up of folks you probably have seen before, but wouldn't be able to name if a gun was held to your head. 

Created by Eric Bernt (Romeo Must Die) and consequently written by a passel of writers with mostly minor credits, "Z Nation" squanders whatever potential it may have had on really bad makeup and CGI effects that look like they were made on a teenager's MacPro. Personally, I've seen better zombie makeup on my local Trick or Treaters. Most of the cast look like they know they are in a crappy show and seem almost apologetic for it. What a shame...

Unlike SyFy's better original series ("Battlestar Gallactica;" "Warehouse 13;" "Haven"), I really don't see a full five seasons out of "Z Nation." And that's probably not a bad thing. Most of these folks have better things to do with their time and talents. I certainly have better things to spend my time watching, as do you.

0 Stars Out of Four.

"Z Nation" airs Friday nights at 10 on SyFy and is repeated throughout the week, should you have nothing better to do (though I have to imagine - and hope - you must).



Zombie fans should stick with "The Walking Dead," which is about to begin it's fifth season on AMC.



My sister and I (along with many others) can't wait!

More, anon.
Prospero

The Five Season Rule

Joanne Kelly and Eddie McClintock

This week marked the start of the fifth and final season of my favorite goofy Steampunk/Occult/Sci-Fi TV show  "Warehouse 13." The SyFy channel (I still hate that stupid name - what is it with me and names, lately? - again, I digress) seems to have a pattern of dumping some it's best shows after 5 seasons. "Eureka" was another sweet and goofy Sci-Fi show, while "Battlestar Galactica" spent a scant four seasons over 6 years. 

A fan since the very first episode, Uncle P is truly going to miss "Warehouse 13," though from what I'm guessing so far, it should have a satisfying ending. Yes, it's full of Steampunk gadgets (something they finally acknowledged in last night's season premiere) and a pseudo-science/occult vibe that makes total sense, given the confines of the universe established by the writers (Yes, K - "Within the parameters of it's own reality." Doesn't sound so crazy now, does it? -- Oops. Digressing again). Cool toys, one-liners and obscure but often hilarious historical and or literature references (and self-references) aside, it's the rather extraordinary cast and their chemistry that make "Warehouse 13" such a delight to watch. Brilliant veteran character actors Saul Rubinek and CCH Pounder are joined by Joanne Kelly; Eddie McClintock (who some call 'the poor man's David Boreanaz, though truth be told, I'll take Eddie over David any day...); Allison Scagliotti ("One Tree Hill") and Aaron Ashmore ("Veronica Mars") in a group that has become an oddly functional family is a very dysfunctional universe. 

More than anything, it's rather amazing chemistry between McClintock and Kelly that make the show so very watchable, as evidenced by the episode in which an 'artifact' (if you watch, you know) causes the unlikely partners to switch bodies in an episode which managed to skewer several genre tropes in one fell swoop:

Kelly's 'sexy, smart gal' is the perfect compliment to McClintock's 'sexy doofus.' Together, they provide the show with the perfect combination of romantic/sexual tension and buddy-cop camaraderie. Add Scagliotti's father/daughter relationship with Rubinek to her GBFF relationship with Ashmore and you have quite an interesting group of characters exploring all kinds of relationships amidst the quirky premise. TV doesn't get much more fun than this, kids.

The season premiere picked up right where last season's cliff-hanger left off with a time-travel, continuum-altering plot that was hardly original but very amusingly pulled off, saving the Warehouse once again from someone who wanted to use it's secrets for nefarious means. While there is never any doubt that our intrepid heroes will find a way to save the day, the fun is in watching how they do it. I must imagine it's lots of fun on the set of "Warehouse 13." I will be sad to see it go, but will never deny the pleasure it;s brought me. This is hardly Asimov or Heinlein. But it's always entertaining.

Only 6 episodes? Dang. Way to disappoint, SyFy. Hope we get at least another full 13 episode season of "Haven." Genre Geek rant over (for now).

More, anon.
Prospero

TV Review: "Helix"

SyFy (I still can't get used to that silly name) debuted their latest original series "Helix" on Friday night with a double episode premiere. 

Set in an underground bio-lab in the Arctic, "Helix" is ostensibly about a group of CDC doctors led by Dr. Alan Farragut (Billy Campbell), who are sent to investigate a possible viral outbreak at the unregulated facility. Farragut is recruited by his ex-wife ("Supernatural" alum Kyra Zagorsky) primarily because the only surviving victim is his brother Peter (Neil Napier), with whom said ex-wife had an affair which ended their marriage. When Farragut and his team arrive, they are injected with RIFD's in their palms, which supposedly give them full access to the entire facility. 

Peter, near death with wildly fluctuating vitals and black blood when his brother's team arrives, somehow manages to escape his quarantined bed and rip his way into the facility's air ducts, using the severed hand of a security officer to access rooms now denied to him and spread the infection to other scientists. Meanwhile, a member of Alan's team learns that rats aren't the only lab animals in the facility when she is attacked by an infected rhesus monkey, after being told that no monkeys were present. It's obvious that something nefarious is going on here, especially after the facility's top scientist, Dr. Hatake (Hiroyuki Sanada), removes his contact lenses to reveal an unusual pair of reflective eyes.

I've been a huge fan of (and must admit to a massive crush on) the very attractive Campbell since first seeing him in The Rocketeer, a movie that should have done better at the box office and should have launched Campbell into an 'A-List' career. Most recently seen on TV as a disreputable politician in AMC's version of "The Killing," Campbell also starred as the leader of the cultish group of alien abduction survivors on USA's "The 4400," a show I loved and miss. He's still massively hot here and I would me remiss if I didn't admit that I'd watch him in almost anything in which he appears. That having been said, he once again holds his own among a cast of mostly unknowns in a series that offers few real surprises (so far).

Despite some dicey CGI effects and a storyline appropriated from several other sources (Stephen King's "The Stand" and John Carpenter's The Thing among them), I found myself thoroughly involved in and intrigued by "Helix" and am looking forward to seeing where it will go. And the upcoming appearance by "Star Trek" and "Body of Proof" alum Jeri Ryan will certainly appeal to both the str8 boys watching, as well as her many gay fans. Darker and decidedly creepier than my other SyFy favorite "Warehouse 13" (which is about to enter it's fifth and sadly final season), "Helix" has lots of potential. I just hope it lives up to that potential.

*** (Three Out of Four Stars).

More, anon.
Prospero

Bad Movie Retro Review "The Dunwich Horror"

This past week especially has been that weird transitional week for TV. The Summer shows are just about over and the new shows and seasons just starting to trickle in, so there isn't a whole lot worth watching, even on the obscure, niche channels. So I've been doing a lot of channel surfing. If something looks interesting along the way, I'll DVR it and move on. Such was the case when I came across a movie I didn't even know existed on SyFy, 2009's The Dunwch Horror, based on the H.P. Lovecraft story of the same name. Then I saw the cast, which included Jeffrey Combs (a staple in every modern Lovecraft movie since Re-Animator) and Dean Stockwell! Yes, Dean Stockwell from "Quantam Leap." And even more importantly, Stockwell - along with Sandra Dee; Ed Begley; Lloyd Bochner and Sam Jaffe (all solid B-Listers at the time) - was the star of the 1970 film of the same name and origin. Not a lot happens in the 1970 version and it's probably the least scary horror movie of the era.

Tonight, I sat down to find out why I never heard of the 2009 version. And it was all too soon apparent. This movie is so ineptly made; so abysmally acted; so poorly written and features some of the most ridiculously lame physical FX since Ed Wood's Bride of the Monster. The story revolves around the search for the original copy of the fabled Necronomicon, a book used to summon the return of ancient evil gods who once ruled the earth, so it can instead be used against a group of cultists intent on restoring the Old Ones' rule. Stockwell plays a professor of Cthuhu-ology or some such idiocy, who is brought into exorcise a young girl possessed by a 5000 year old demon, using only a cheap, plastic ankh and 60's-era Japanese Kaiju animated power rays from his bare hands. Oh, and a Rubick's pyramid his assistant found under the floor. Meanwhile, a young couple on a road trip are stalked at a rural gas-station by Wilbur (Combs, doing his best demonic Billy Bob in Sling Blade via Jon Lovitz) who brings her to his crazy mother and grandfather so they can feed her to his demonic twin, Yog Sothoth. We know these people are evil because the film does weird little skips when they're on screen. While elements of this version run closer to the original story, the dialog is pure drivel and the acting is... well, I'm guessing half the cast got paid in weed, a quarter got paid in coke and a quarter paid and/or had sex to be in it. The laughable 'special effects' include poorly animated "magical" lights, ridiculous costume/make-up monster effects and a raging pink and purple storm cloud of apparently gay evil. 

Honestly, there are no words to convey how stupefyingly bad this movie was. I deliberately chose the word 'stupefyingly' because as dreadful as this movie was, I couldn't stop watching. I was truly stupefied (not so much that I didn't manage to fast-forward through the commercials. If you happen upon this movie in a similar way, remember Indy's advice to Marion: "Don't look at it! Shut your eyes, no matter what happens!" 

I almost saved that one for Turkey Month (and may revisit it), but I wanted to share my thoughts fresh. Further reflection may yield more hilarious insights. .00000003 Stars Out of Four.

More, anon.
Prospero

My Favorite Steampunk Sci-Fi Show

If you're not watching "Warehouse 13" on SyFy, you're missing out on one of television's most entertaining and amusing Science Fiction shows, ever. No, it's not as good or intense as "Fringe" but it has a charm all its own and the chemistry between the two leads makes for the best TV Sci-FI team since Scully and Mulder.

For the unfamiliar, Warehouse 13 is a storage vault for artifacts which have certain powers and/or abilities, imbued upon them by their original owners. For example, Lewis Carroll's mirror allows one to play ping-pong with oneself; Ben Franklin's lightning rod boosts the energy to any object to which it's attached; Sylvia Plath's typewriter makes its user commit suicide... you get the idea. Run by a mysterious government agency of Regents headed by the even more mysterious (and apparently ageless) Mrs. Frederic (CCH Pounder), the Warehouse is overseen by Artie Nielsen (Saul Rubinek). Secret Service recruits Myka Bering (Joanne Kelly) and Pete Lattimer (Eddie McClintock) do most of the field work, aided by tech nerd Claudia Donovan (Allison Scagliotti) and psychic B&B owner Leena (Genelle Williams). New this season is gay ATF agent Steve Jinks (Aaron Ashmore*), who can tell whenever someone is lying just by looking into their eyes.

The team uses communicators called "Farnsworths" (after the accepted inventor of Televison) and energy guns called "Teslas" (after inventor Nikola Tesla). Artie's office is a compendium of Steampunk gadgets and keyboards while a variety of historical characters (HG Wells for one - who it turns out was really a woman in the Warehouse's universe) appear on a semi-regular basis.  Of course, the most fun comes from the "Will They or Won't They?" sexual tension between Myka and Pete.

A Tesla Gun

 Now in it's third season, "Warehouse 13" is SyFy's highest rated original show and that's hardly surprising, given the smart and funny writing combined with a charismatic and very attractive cast.

Last season's best episode involved Pete and Myka exchanging bodies (thanks to a pair of Gryffon bookends), which ramped up the sexual tension and made for some hilarious comments on the differences between men and women. Of course, in the sneak preview clip embedded below, that tension is increased tenfold. And it's also nice to see that McClintock has been working out over the hiatus. Yum!

I can't wait to see where the writers will take this show. Last season saw a crossover with SyFy's other terrific original series "Eureka." It can only get smarter, funnier and sexier from here. 

If you're a fan of Sci-Fi, Steampunk and Supernatural fiction, I promise you will love "Warehouse 13" as much as I do.

*Twin brother of X-Men's Iceman, Shawn Ashmore.

More, anon.

Prospero

Sharktopus? Really?

The image to your right is NOT from the upcoming SyFy movie Sharktopus. It is, however, the most pertinant image I could find to represent one of the most ridiculously conceived movies of all time. Not that I'm bitter, mind you.

Well - that's not exactly true. I am just a little bit bitter. Why? Because my own screenplay, Army of the Dead was in the running for Sharktopus' spot on SyFy's schedule. If you haven't read it (and you can do so, here), my anti-war, political satire, zombie rom-com was one of three scripts pitched by Roger Corman's New Horizons Pictures for production by the basic cable network. Army... has been on Scriptbuddy's Top 5 list for more than a year and was a Top 1000 contender for Project Greenlight's final season.

Yes, I am tooting my own horn here, but I have to ask... Would you rather see an intelligent and politically relevant horror movie, or what is assuredly a ridiculous monster movie about a genetically impossible creature? The very enthusiastic rep from New Horizons assured me when he called, that AOD was "really good" and that he was going to push hardest for it in his pitch to SyFy. So what happened? I can only imagine the Suits at SyFy thought it was probably too smart and original, and went with the script that most embodied their usual crappy "Original" movies.

Have you ever seen a SyFy "Original?" They are, without exception, terrible. So maybe this is a blessing in disguise. And I don't mean to knock or demean the writer(s) of Sharktopus. I am sure he, she or they put as much work into that script as I did with mine. I just can't help but feel that Sharktopus is a sillier concept.

Call me "bitter." Call me a "sore loser." Call me a "narcissistic a-hole." Call me anything but "unoriginal. " And maybe I actually am a bad screenwriter. Maybe I think too highly of my own work. Still... of the hundreds of scripts listed on Scriptbuddy, one of mine is still rated by the site's users in the Top 5. Can the same be said of Sharktopus? I think not.

Oh, well. One company called and expressed an interest in producing it. Another one will. Things move slowly in Hollywood. My time will come.

And just so you know, here's a clip from one of SyFy's Originals:



Maybe I should be glad they didn't produce my piece, after all...


More narcissism, anon.
Prospero

TV Review: "Warehouse 13"

I love my DVR. I just finished watching the pilot for SyFy's (I'm still not used to the change and think it's silly, but more on that, later) newest original series, the very Steampunky Warehouse 13 and I have to admit that I loved it. It's highly derivative of dozens of films and series that have come before, but it's just so much fun, you don't really care.

After a supernatural encounter at the opening an ancient art exhibit at the Smithsonian in which they save POTUS' life, two polar opposite Secret Service agents are recruited by the mysterious Mrs. Frederic, with orders to report to secret location, in an unnamed town in literally The Middle of Nowhere, South Dakota. There they find themselves assigned to gathering objects: relics, artifacts, historical documents, personal effects and exceptionally rare bits of oddness. Some display qualities that are quite dangerous, while others are merely amusing. The objects are then neutralized and stored in a cavernous, miles-long underground storage facility, the titular Warehouse 13. Among the warehouse's more interesting items are a stun-gun made by Tesla, a human-powered electric car made by Edison, Houdini's wallet and a wish-granting copper teakettle which produces a ferret whenever the wisher makes an impossible-to-grant wish (I must apologize to all the ferret lovers, out there for that last image. When I went to GoogleImages, I accidentally typed in "Evil Bitch from Uranus" and got that picture).

The 2 hour pilot gave us plenty of time to get to know the almost stock characters, but the cast is quite good (all long-time TV vets) and the chemistry between the two leads is excellent. Handsome Eddie McClintock (the poor man's David Boreanaz ) plays Agent Pete Lattimer, an impulsive, reformed alcoholic who boinks babes in meaningless one-nighters and gets "vibes" on which he always acts. Joanne Kelly ("Slings and Arrows;" "The Dresden Files") is Agent Myka Bering, a no-nonsense, by-the-book agent with an exceptional eye for detail who is still in mourning and suffering guilt over the death of her lover/partner. Veteran character actor Saul Rubinek ("Frasier") is Artie, the semi-mad scientist curator (and comic relief) of Warehouse 13. The always wonderful CCH Pounder is Mrs. Frederic, the mysterious ageless director of the project whose arrivals and departures are as silent as they are surprising. When asked by Bering and Lattimer's boss about how she got into his office, she deadpans "Through a door" with just enough irony to make sure we knew she didn't mean a physical one. There's an Indiana Jones/X-Files/Fringe/The Prisoner/Lost/Weird Science kind of thing going on that simply shouldn't work, but somehow does. It's certainly not as good as "Fringe," (how can it be? It doesn't have the astounding John Noble playing its madman), but it's certainly loads of fun. I hope they can keep it going. *** 1/2 (Three and a half Stars).

And now back to my SyFy comment, earlier. I may think the new name is stupid and indicative of the laziness of the texting generation, but I am glad to see the channel trying to improve its programming quality. I do hope that includes original movies, because they had some of the worst I've ever seen in my life (Mansquito, anyone?). I just hope they get as good as this giddy promotion clip promises:

More, anon.

Prospero