TV Review: "Z Nation"

SyFy, in an effort to compete with AMC's blockbuster "The Walking Dead," has debuted their own zombie series, "Z Nation." Set 3 years after the Zombie Apocalypse, "Z Nation" concerns the efforts to get the only known bite-survivor to a virology lab in California to use his blood to develop a vaccine. The survivor in question is a non-willing prisoner participant in a trial study which killed everyone else it was tried on. Meanwhile, at a remote polar military installation, a lone soldier who calls himself  'Citizen Z,' tries to coordinate the effort to get that survivor where he needs to be.

Two episodes in and I can assure you that AMC has nothing to worry about from this shoddily-produced effort. Cheesy CGI, ridiculous dialog and some truly terrible acting are the culprits, despite featuring some seasoned veterans like DJ Squalls (The Abyss), cutie Keith Allen and star Tom Everett Scott (That Thing You Do; An American Werewolf in Paris). Allen, looking particularly scruffy and beat, is the survivor, Sqaulls is Citizen Z and Scott is the guy who has to get him to CA after the guy who was supposed to get him there ("Lost" alum Harold Perrineau) is killed in the pilot (oops - not too much of a spoiler - though to be honest, he was probably smart to collect that paycheck and move on). The rest of the cast is made up of folks you probably have seen before, but wouldn't be able to name if a gun was held to your head. 

Created by Eric Bernt (Romeo Must Die) and consequently written by a passel of writers with mostly minor credits, "Z Nation" squanders whatever potential it may have had on really bad makeup and CGI effects that look like they were made on a teenager's MacPro. Personally, I've seen better zombie makeup on my local Trick or Treaters. Most of the cast look like they know they are in a crappy show and seem almost apologetic for it. What a shame...

Unlike SyFy's better original series ("Battlestar Gallactica;" "Warehouse 13;" "Haven"), I really don't see a full five seasons out of "Z Nation." And that's probably not a bad thing. Most of these folks have better things to do with their time and talents. I certainly have better things to spend my time watching, as do you.

0 Stars Out of Four.

"Z Nation" airs Friday nights at 10 on SyFy and is repeated throughout the week, should you have nothing better to do (though I have to imagine - and hope - you must).



Zombie fans should stick with "The Walking Dead," which is about to begin it's fifth season on AMC.



My sister and I (along with many others) can't wait!

More, anon.
Prospero

Last Words on this Topic

Okay, so maybe I was a bit premature. But I did say I'd post if something came up. And something actually has sort of blown up all over social media and I couldn't express everything I had to say about it in short bursts and comments on other people's timelines.

I'm sure you have figured out what I'm going to talk about from the the GrumpyCat meme pic I've posted to your right.

Uncle P's first experience seeing The Sound of Music was at a drive-in with Mom and my sister. I don't remember how old I was. It was certainly before the VHS boom of the late-70's and popular movies were often re-released to theatres many years after their initial runs. Mom thought we'd like it, so off the three of us went. That's almost all I really remember about it. I think I liked it. I do remember Mom telling us about a friend of hers who had left after the wedding scene (long movies often had intermissions) because she thought it was over. And unlike Mary Poppins,* it didn't make my sister cry because Mary left the Banks children. It undoubtedly had an influence on me. I have sung 'Edelweiss' for more auditions than almost any other song. And yes, it's old-school, Rogers and Hammerstein cheese. In fact, one of their cheesiest. But the film is a classic for so many reasons, Ms. Andrews' and Mr. Plummer's performances among the least of them. There is Robert Wise's amazing direction; the stunning scenery and photography; gorgeous period costumes and a score filled with songs that literally everyone in the Western world recognizes, if not knows the lyrics to. The movie is so beloved, that President Reagan rather infamously retreated from a G7 Summit which he was hosting, in order to watch it on TV.

You obviously think you know where this is going, but bear with me.

NBC presented an adaptation of the stage version of the show (in which Broadway legend Mary Martin originated the role of Maria) last Thursday. Twitter, Facebook and the blogosphere in general exploded with both negative and positive reviews, comments and what one of my Facebook friends called a "Snarknado." To be honest, I had no intention of watching it. Don't get me wrong - I've performed in my fair share of R&H shows - they are staples of high school and community theatre. I played Emile in South Pacific my senior year in high school. But give me Sondheim; Schwartz; Kander & Ebb; Rado & Ragni or Parker & Stone, anytime. Especially when it comes to a show like The Sound of Music, which is far better suited for the screen than the stage.

The night it aired, I caught about a total of 30 minutes or so, starting with "My Favorite Things." Not wanting to gawk at the the train wreck, I caught subsequent sections while moving between programs I had DVR'd earlier in the week. I witnessed unsuppressed accents; breathy singing; some really bad acting and even worse dialogue; anachronistic costumes and some pretty crappy sets.

What I did not see, was a Musical Theatre production. There was no live audience; no pauses for applause or laughter; no energy reflected back to cast to inspire them. I saw a talented singer with no acting experience thrust into an iconic role which she had no business playing. I saw some amazing actors left adrift and others taking command. And then there was Audra McDonald's stunning rendition of "Climb Every Mountain:"

Yes, so many of my theatre friends want to tout "The Sound of Music Live!" as an introduction to and inspiration for young theatre enthusiasts. And yes, it's wonderful that TV wants to bring us live performances (something NBC already does on SNL). But if you want to bring live theatre to the masses, then really shell out the bucks give them today's live theatre. I would have been glued to a live performance of Wicked or Pippin. Instead, NBC chose a 'safe' musical, did some stunt-casting and hoped Ms Underwood's fans would tune in, And while the ratings were pretty good, the criticism was less than kind, even among mainstream media. Time Magazine's review had this to say: 

"When Carrie Underwood stepped out on the (wooded, not grassy) hills and started singing, I wished the hills were alive with the sound of hungry mountain lions." Ouch!

Trust me, NO ONE believes more in the power of the Performing Arts than Uncle P.  While a poorly produced and woefully miscast production from a rag-tag company in a Podunk town may be perfectly acceptable and delightful, we expect and deserve more from a multimillion dollar production on a major TV network. 

*Speaking of Mary Poppins, I think if I only see one Holiday movie this year (though I hope to see a few), it has to be Saving Mr. Banks:

And in case you're wondering how all of this ties together, please remember that Julie Andrews won her only Oscar for playing... Mary Poppins. My dear dancer friend 'Lizard' and I were lucky enough to see her live in the Broadway production of Victor/Victoria and while she didn't quite have the range for which she was once so renowned, her stage presence alone was enough to make for an unforgettable theatrical event. That, my friends, is why so many of us hated "The Sound of Music Live!" and it's many missed opportunities.

I truly hope this isn't the last time we see such a grand experiment. I just hope it's done right, next time.

Rant over. Break starts now. Really. Unless some other idiotic thing gets stuck in my craw.  << sigh >>

More, anon (I suppose I have to go back that now, too).

Prospero

Please Don't Shoot Myrna's Dog

John Daker

I have absolutely nothing bad to say about most religious people. I may think they are silly and misguided, though most of them are decent people with good intentions; inclusive and non-judgmental; loving and fervent in their beliefs. That's fine with me. As long as they don't try to impose their beliefs on me, that's just peachy.

Of course, they are also human, which means they have egos. Egos which lead them - despite their most devout intentions - down the path of derision, ridicule and just plain patheticity (Yes, I made up another word. Deal). These folks truly believe they are doing 'service' to their Lord with these performances, While I have no doubt about their sincerity, their obvious lack of musical talent far surpasses the messages they are trying to import.

A few years back, I stumbled upon the video below and shared it during the Holidays. I remember commenting that poor Myrna looked as if her dog was being held at gunpoint off-camera, which was a reference to former Little Rascals star Jackie Cooper (Superman), who claimed producers threatened to shoot his dog to make him cry on camera.

And I imagine that attorney Michael Clancy wishes this next video never found it's way to YouTube. I'm guessing this is late 80's to early 90's. Ladies and Germs; I give you young, white, untalented Christian rapper Michael Clancy and Nu Thang:

I'm lucky enough to be from a time before video cameras and when the most embarrassing photos are safe inside an album. Poor Mr. Clancy will have this follow him in Cyber Space well beyond his death.

And speaking of things from beyond the grave (rimshot, please), the latest of such performances to pass across my feeds is "My Name is John Daker." Mr. Daker, undoubtedly confident of his presentation before actually shooting, does his best to keep from looking terrified at forgetting nearly every word of both of the songs he was supposed to sing. The fact that neither song has anything  to do with the other makes it all the better (or worse - I'm not sure which).

Oh, dear. Of course, since then, I've discovered two rather genius takes on that clip. First this animated version from cr0uchingtiger:



But best, this 'Daker on Idol' mashup from Erik Hollander:

I really don't have much more to say. I think the clips speak for themselves. No, I'm not 'God.' Yes, I am judging you (well, your performances, anyway) and I find your lack of talent disturbing. Just promise you'll never record yourselves 'singing' again and we're cool. And Myrna - I hope your dog was okay.

More, anon.

Prospero

Sterotype Schmereotype

Seriously?

Word is, people started lining up in front of the Supreme Court Building Thursday evening in order to attend the arguments in both the DOMA and Prop 8 cases, next Tuesday and Wednesday. If I could afford to spend 6 nights camped out in unseasonably cold weather, it would be on vacation with a hot, fuzzy companion to help keep me warm while Aurora Borealis shone above our heated tent.

But seriously, the next week may well prove the turning point for Marriage Equality on a national level. It's truly conceivable that the United States may actually progress into the 21st Century and join the planet's other progressive Democracies and acknowledge that not only is sexuality innate, but that Civil Rights belong to everyone. 

There are of course, many in the U.S. who (because of fear, ignorance and superstitions passed down from their parents and clergy) believe that LGBTQ people are perverted, evil sinners who flaunt their sins and try to entice intrinsically straight people (especially children) into homosexuality. These folks (probably gay, themselves) use extreme examples to perpetrate the lies they espouse. Sure, hot guys in leather ride floats in Pride parades. But hot girls with big breasts serve wings in tight T-shirts and cut-offs at Hooters, too. 

But I digress. Long-time readers know of my disdain for so-called 'Reality TV.' Manipulative; sordid; soul-sucking drek, shows like "The Bachelor;" "Survivor;" "The Apprentice;" "The Jersey Shore" and their ilk, pander to the lowest common denominator and insult all of our intelligences by their very existence. Tabloid TV seems to have taken over, making TV programming far worse than it ever was.* Unfortunately, Canadian cable channel Slice ("... the juicy channel women have been waiting for.") has lowered the bar yet another notch with their newest 'Reality' show, "Golden Gays."

Yes, this is the image we want to project to the rest of the world. Woo-hoo! We survived the plague! Yeah! We wanna get it on! Wee-haa! Viagra! This kind of crap is exactly why the Rednecks, religious radicals and Repugnicans hate us. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't let your freak flag fly. By all means. I have no business telling anyone what to do, say, watch or participate in. I'm just saying that the sore thumb may get the most attention, but the other nine fingers end up doing all the work.

Yes, I know - this whole post comes off as an internal homophobic rant, but I swear it's really about the intentionally exaggerated circumstances created by the producers of these exceptionally horrid shows. And while I will happily admit to watching the Food Network's "Restaurant Impossible;" "Dinner Impossible" and "Chopped," those are more about my love of food than the sort of Schadenfreude in which most 'Reality' shows seem to revel.

More, anon.

Prospero

*Thankfully, scripted television has recently upped the ante with cable shows like "The Walking Dead;" "Breaking Bad;" "Dexter;" "Mad Men" and a few others.

Not So Super Man

Ugh!

Well, we're only a week into the new TV season and one of the worst sitcoms in television history has already reared its ugly head on CBS. And that's a shame, because "Partners" had a lot of great things going for it to start.

First off, it was created by David Kohan and Max Mutchnick, creators of "Will & Grace." Based on their real-life business partnership and friendship of a gay man and a straight man, the show should have been a no-brainer. Add the talented David Krumholtz ("Numbers"); Micheal Urie ("Ugly Betty"); Sophia Bush ("One Tree Hill") and the gorgeous Brandon Routh (Superman Returns), and CBS should have had an unqualified hit on its hands.

Sadly, "Partners" suffers from zero chemistry between its two leads; absolutely terrible writing with completely unfunny (not to mention horribly stereotypical) jokes and one of the worst, most ill-timed canned laugh tracks in memory  Krumholtz and Urie play Joe and Louis, best friends for 23 years who run an architectural firm in New York. Bush is Joe's girlfriend, a jewelry designer named Ali and Routh is Louis' boyfriend, Wyatt, a nurse. In the pilot, Joe worries that Ali has given him a "marry me or else" ultimatum while Louis insists on telling people that Wyatt is a doctor. Tracy Vilar is Rosanna, their 'saucy' Latina Office Manager who gets away with insulting her bosses with 'jokes' like "Joe, Joe, Joe, gay, gay, gay, I will cut you!" And Routh fares even worse with: "It's Cardiac Awareness Week. Which is why I have a heart on." Sigh...

I can't really tell you more about this travesty, because I was so offended in every possible way, I turned it off after the first 15 minutes.  And I think what bothered me most about the whole thing was the incredible waste of talent of all those involved, especially Routh, whose once-promising career has been reduced to playing a self-loathing gay second-banana (all puns intended) on a third rate sitcom from two men who should know better. Shame on everyone involved with this crap. I'll be surprised if it lasts more than 3 episodes.

Honestly, I've had surgery that was less painful. "Partners" is certainly the worst sitcom of the 21st Century (and possibly of all time*). Zero Stars Out of Four.

More, anon.
Prospero

*And that includes "My Mother the Car;" "Life on a Stick" and "Cavemen."

Wait... They STILL Have Comic-Con?

ComicCon 2012's TV Panel Line-up

Five; three; maybe even two years ago, San Diego Comic-Con International was the entertainment event for geeks, nerds, fanboys and assorted hopeful writers, illustrators and filmmakers in an orgy of pop-culture, film, comics, cosplay and of course, merchandising. Events like this always remind me of The Merchandisers in the underrated European version of Chess. Yes, there are lots of cool and fun things for sale there, but do you really need to pay $375 for a Darth Vader telephone or $460 for a bust of Freddy Kruger? If you do, please see a doctor immediately, as you obviously have "more money than brains," as my mother is wont to say.

Of course, the big fascination for me are the cosplayers who sometimes spend hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars building elaborate costumes to wear to such events. Given the time and money these people spend, I know I could build just about any costume you could want, but who the hell has the time and money? Who are these people and how do they afford to build this stuff?

Yeah, pal. It's not fair.

But it seems Comic-Con may be losing its luster. Oh, it will still be packed with thousands of geeks, nerds, fanboys, etc. this year. There will still be cosplayers, vendors and celebrities. And while I wouldn't turn down a free trip and all-access pass, I don't think I ever really need to attend. I've mentioned many times my one fan convention in NYC in the 80's. I can only imagine they've gotten intensely weirder since then. And while I would like to be able to sit in on the panels for "The Walking Dead;" Oz, the Great and Powerful; The Hobbit; Pacific Rim and a few others, the one thing I really would like to have done is The Walking Dead Escape at Petco Park, where one can opt to be either a Survivor or a Spectator in "A ballpark infested with zombies where you will climb, crawl, hide and slide your way to safety."

Damn! There are still 3 1/2 months to wait!

Comic-Con International 2012 officially opens tomorrow. San Diego is a beautiful city with nearly perfect weather, year-round. The few days I've spent there were all memorable, for one thing or another. My "stay-cation" from the Day Job starts at 4:45 this Friday, though I wouldn't complain if some rich hottie picked me up at 4:46 and whisked me off in his private jet (not-to-mention VIP access to all events) and we spent the weekend geeking out, among other things (wink-wink, nudge-nudge).

More, anon.
Prospero

Daytime TV: Worse Than Being Sick?

That may as well be a picture of me all of yesterday and most of today. Uncle P is at the end of  a minor ear infection. It hurt and it threw my equilibrium out of whack for a few days but I think the worst is behind me. The vertigo is pretty much gone (as long as I don't turn or stand too quickly) and the icepick in my ear has been reduced to an occasional dull ache at point where my mandible meets the malar bone (thus endeth today's biology lesson). 

Needless to say, driving and consequently the day job were no goes. Unlike last week, where I had lots of activities planned, I thought I would be working. Unable to do much else, I spent yesterday and today watching daytime TV. Some of it was amusing; some of entertaining; some of it informative and most of it pure drek. So here's my assessment of a day and half's worth of Daytime TV

First, some thing's I've always known and/or suspected.

I have re-discovered the fact that Rachael Ray's voice goes through me like you-know-whats-on-a-you-know-what. 

I am so happy I have learned to laugh at Elizabeth Hasselbeck, rather than wanting to rip out her throat with my evil gay fingers. 

I now know that it was Kelly Ripa who kept that show on the air, all along (You Go, Girl!).

Am I the only one who knew that Oprah didn't really retire? 

Someone should have put a stop to Kathy Lee and Hoda a long time ago.

Judge Judy is the only TV judge. Get over it, Judge Joe; Judge Marilyn; Judge Glenda; Judge Alex and all other pretenders to the throne.

Jerry Springer, Maury Povitch and their ilk have only gotten more exploitative and respulsive.

And now, a few positive notes.

I actually enjoy ABC's "The Chew." It's an eclectic group of folk, led by openly gay host Clinton Kelly ("What Not to Wear"). Most of the food they prepare on air looks yummy and the five co-hosts seem to have a genuine chemistry. The show strives to provide healthy recipes and is raising money for FeedingAmerica. Good stuff all around.

The LGBT Community's unofficial 'Queen,' Ellen Degeneres continues to be the funniest, nicest, most generous and sincerely happy-to-do-what-she-does talk-show host since Merv Griffin.

The rest of Daytime is pretty much a vast wasteland of bad behavior, children's programming, paid promotions (infomercials) and the few remaining soaps. Ugh. 

I admit to dozing through most of the really bad stuff, though I do remember waking up now and then and asking myself, "What the...?" And fear not... I am already feeling much better, despite the scary daytime landscape.In fact, the day-job will provide a much-needed respite from cheating boyfriends; negligent landlords; cross-dressing husbands; badly behaved pets; butter-laden recipes and rich people looking for vacation homes, abroad. 

I'm beginning to think there may actually be too many channels...

More, anon.
Prospero

The Worst TV of 2011

Jason Gann and Elijah Wood in "Wilfred"

So, after last night's "Best of TV" post, it's time for my "Worst of TV" post. And this was actually a much harder list for Uncle P to compile. Sadly, there was simply a plethora of terrible shows last fall. A few years back, there was a writers' strike and many shows were hurt. The ones that weren't managed to retain whatever uniqueness they had to carry them through the worst. The others all fell by the wayside and the networks have been scrambling to find the next "Lost" or "Madmen." The glut of terrible which ensued resulted in this year having an Eleven Worst List (cue dramatic music)!* So, lets get started, shall we?

11. "Free Agents" (NBC). Mega-talented Hank Azaria ("The Simpsons;" The Bird Cage) and the always interesting Kathryn Hahn (Anchorman; Our Idiot Brother) starred as co-workers who "accidentally" sleep together. I think they were copywriters or something. I don't know. It didn't last long enough for me to actually figure it out. I was sad, because it's excellent cast deserved a much better show. Worst adaptation of a British comedy since "Coupling."

10."Whitney" (NBC) Comedian and "Chelsea Lately" panelist Whitney Cummings may be funny on stage at a comedy club, but she's just annoying in her own sitcom. It took half of one episode for me to decide I hated everything about it.

9. "Wilfred" (FX). Another adaptation of a Brit-com Oz-Com (I hope I just coined a phrase), this time starring the original Wilfred. Elijah Wood is a depressed schmoe who makes lame attempts at suicide until a neighbor asks him to watch her dog, Wilfred. To everyone else, Wilfred is an adorable and irresistible dog. To Elijah, he's a pot-smoking; wise-cracking; leg-humping booze-hound (all puns intended) in a dog suit. OK. Funny premise? Check. Hit show abroad? Check. Original star? Check. All systems are go? No. What a shame. The writing on "Wilfred" is beyond sophomoric (and not in a good way). Wilfred is just a d*ck, rather than the Harvey/Jiminy/Donkey that would make him likeable. Bad show! Bad, bad show!

8. "Two Broke Girls" (CBS). Whitney Cummings strikes out again as creator of yet another show with a fun premise that fails on almost every level. Lame jokes about hipsters; a sadly miscast Kat Dennings and racial stereotypes do nothing to help this show. Still, there are two things that may make it worth a look. First, Garrett Morris is back on TV! (Don't you dare ask me who Garrett Morris is!) Sadly, he probably won't be for long. And then there's breakout star Beth Behrs. This is how to play quirky, smart and funny, Zooey Deschanel! I hope this isn't her one and only. I think she's going to be one to watch.

7. "Last Man Standing" (ABC). Tim Allen, tired of making family movies, returns to TV in a sexist, homophobic and unfunny version of his old show, with daughters instead of sons. Hahahahahahahaha... NOT!

6. "Once Upon a Time" (ABC). Quite possibly even dumber than "Dark Shadows" (though infinitely less entertaining), "Once Upon a Time" is just silly. Mostly using the Disney versions of fairy tale characters (Disney owns ABC) without employing a hint of irony, "Once Upon a Time" is a soap opera for kids, which makes me sad. It makes me sadder that the talented Lana Parilla is stuck in this ridiculous show. I guess a paycheck's a paycheck.

5. "Terra Nova" (FOX). Delayed by a year for re-tooling, this Spielberg produced Sci-Fi Actioner should be a billion times better than it is. I slogged through the slow-moving pilot and knew a dog when I saw one. Yawn... I don't imagine we'll see a second season of this expensive stinker.

4. "Pan Am" (ABC). The meeting went something like this: "Madmen is hot!" "We need a show set in the sixties!" "What was sexy in the sixties?" "Stewardesses!" "Yes! Now what airline is out of business and can't sue us?" Lord knows they tried, even adding a spy subplot (how James Bond of them!). Even the talented Christina Ricci couldn't make this show watchable. We won't talk about how in the decade when everyone smoked, Disney won't allow smoking in its "historical" drama.

3. "Charlie's Angels" (ABC). Really?

2. "New Girl" (FOX). Okay, I don't know a single gay man who would put up with Zooey Deschanel's 'Jess' on "New Girl," let alone three straight guys. I don't get it. I have loved her in many things, Elf and The Hitchhiker's Guide... among them. I just want to smack the hell out of every person involved with this show. This is what happens when terrible movies like Juno and Lost in Translation are inexplicable hits.

1. "Two and a Half Men" (CBS). I won't even get into the whole "Winning" nonsense. This show has never been and will never be funny, no matter who it stars. The only show on this list that isn't new, "2.5M" has always been a comedy about d*ck jokes; boobs; booze; drugs; hookers; excess and stupidity. None of that changed this season with the addition of Ashton Kutcher. I always feel like I need a shower after watching this show. Yuck.

There were so many bad shows this season.  Dishonorable Mentions to: The Jersey Shore; Mike and Molly; Prime Suspect; Unforgettable; Any So-Called ‘Reality’ Show; Everything Kardashian; Allen Gregory; How to Be a Gentleman; I Hate My Teenage Daughter and almost countless others.

I'm already jonesing for "The Closer!"


*Yes, I know it's actaully a prairie dog!

More, anon.
Prospero

TV Review: "Once Upon a Time"

Let's take another zombie break, shall we? That's the beautiful and talented Lana Parilla as the Evil Queen in ABC's newest series "Once Upon a Time." Parilla's big break came on "Spin City." Since then she's appeared on the failed "Boomtown;" the failed "Swingtown" and the failed "Miami Medical." Sadly, it looks like she's landed another turkey with "Once Upon a Time."

A sequel of sorts to the familiar stories we all grew up with, "Once..." starts with Prince Charming (Josh Dallas) rescuing Snow White (Ginnifer Goodwin). On their wedding day, the Evil Queen promises to put a curse on all the fairy-tale characters, sending them "somewhere horrible" (the 'real' world). A pregnant Snow (Disney characters have sex?), unnerved by the prediction, seeks out the imprisoned Rumpelstiltskin (Robert Carlyle) for advice. He tells her that the daughter she is carrying will save them all on her 28th birthday.

Meanwhile, in modern Boston, Emma Swan ("House" alum Jennifer Morrison) appears to be on a blind date with a handsome rogue. Turns out she's really a bonds person, taking down a creep who skipped out on bail. She arrives home to celebrate her birthday alone with a cupcake when her doorbell rings. There she finds young Henry (Jared Gilmore), a 10 year-old who claims to be the son she gave up for adoption. Begging her to come home with him, Henry explains that Emma holds the key to saving him and everyone else in Storybrooke, Maine from the curse. He says his adoptive mother, the town's mayor (Parilla) doesn't really love him and he knows why. After dropping Henry home, a wolf in the road leads to an accident which keeps Emma in town and after some poking around, she decides to stay for a week at Granny's Bed and Breakfast. There she runs into Mr. Gold (Carlyle) who, Granny explains, owns the town.

Jumping back and forth between the two worlds, "Once Upon a Time" does it's best to create a cohesive story. And because Disney owns ABC, the show uses the Disney character names (Doc; Sleepy; Grumpy; Jimminy Cricket, etc.) with abandon. But try as they may, the writers ("Lost" and Tron: Legacy writers Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis) just don't cut it. While the fairy-tale land is gorgeously rendered in terrific CGI with beautiful and elaborate costumes, the whole thing is just too damned silly to be taken seriously. It might have worked if they had taken the characters and set them in the modern world as an allegory, but making them the actual fairy tale characters trapped in the 'real' world, is just ridiculous. 

And before you say "Enchanted" (a movie I loved) to me, I have to say that there is not a hint of comic irony to "Once Upon a Time." We're meant to view this nonsense as a serious dramatic take on the genre. I'm hoping that NBC's upcoming competing fairy-tale series "Grimm" does a better job of it, though I'm dubious.

I'll probably watch "Once Upon a Time" a few more times before I give up on it entirely, but I don't anticipate the show making it past it's first season.

The real losers here are the talented cast, forced to take part in the most ridiculous series in recent memory. while retaining straight faces. *(One Star Out of Four).

And here's the trailer for NBC's competing series, "Grimm"

 

At least they have the good taste to use a Eurythimics song...

More, anon.

Prospero

A Few More Things I Don't Like

I am a fan of comedienne Chelsea Handler. I DVR her show, "Chelsea Lately" and watch a week's worth every Friday. And while I have plenty to say about the Chaz Bono comments and GLAAD's demand for an apology, I'm more offended by the fact that she had Snooki on as a guest. To me, MTV's "The Jersey Shore" is everything makes the rest of the world hate the U.S. 

These idiots (none of whom are actually from Uncle P's native New Jersey) have gotten famous for getting drunk, spreading STDs and generally acting like morons. Proving that she's a complete moron, on a recent episode of "Chelsea Lately," Snooki said that the ocean is salty because it is filled with whale sperm. 

Really? As Snooki suggested, I Googled "Why is the ocean salty?" After two very thorough and scientific explanations, the third result was an About.com link for Urban Legends. And it is from this result that Snooki got her information. I can only hope the stupid bitch never breeds.

So, topping my second list of things I do not like:

Snooki, The Situation and Everyone Involved With "The Jersey Shore."

And here are just a few more:

"The Real Housewives" of anywhere...
"Survivor"
"Barney and Friends"
Rachel Zoe
Clamato Juice
Sage Dressing
Purity/Chastity Rings
Crystal Meth
Pedophilia
Deforestization
Chtlins
Bad Alfredo Suace
Cheap Cologne
Christina Aguilera
Saw III through VI
People Who Don't Flush
People Who Don't Use Their Turn Signals
Benny Hill
Bad Romantic Comedies
"The A List"
Mint and Chocolate
James Cameron's Ego
Westboro Baptist Church
The Pope

I could go on and on but I don't want to alienate fans of so-called "Reality TV;" Republicans; Catholics; Tweakers and anyone else who doesn't possess a fully functioning brain.

So, once again, something I like, a lot:



Come on, Alex. I know you have another great film in you...

More, anon.
Prospero