More Sad News

The Funtown Pier in Seaside Heights, NJ

As if my beloved Seaside Heights hasn't seen in enough tragedy in the last few years...

As a kid, going to the shore meant a trip to Seaside Heights. Every Mother's Day we'd pile in the car (Mom; Dad; Grandmom B; Aunt E; my sister and I) and head down for a day on the boardwalk, playing the wheels and riding the rides; eating pizza, caramel corn and Khor's orange creme custards.

Our day always started at the south end and the Funtown Pier with it's magnificent old carousel in the Carousel Arcade. We'd play games of chance for stuffed animals (for us) and cigarettes (for Mom and Dad); ride the dark rides and eat at any number of very bad-for-you places. When we got to Casino Pier, where the bigger 'adult' rides were located, we'd have a few rides and then head back, playing more games and hitting the arcades for a few rounds of Skeeball and silliness. On the way home, we would stop at any number of farm stands ("The Dirty Lady" was a favorite) and buy fresh Jersey produce to consume after we got home. If we were very good, Grandmom B and Aunt E would take my sister and I down a few more times each summer, spoiling us rotten along the way. We always had a good time.

As I got older and managed to drive myself down, the somewhat seedy side of Seaside became more apparent, but it was always lots of fun. One time, my very dear college friend Mary and I went down in the mid-80's. We had to park fairly far from the boardwalk and walk through town, where we came across a couple of Italian-American New York girls walking across the street from us. They had very dark tans, tiny bikinis and enormous hair-dos. Mary and I tried not to gawk and giggle, but were caught staring by one of them who brazenly turned to us and shouted "Yeah! I'm a Guidette! What the f*ck!" It was all we could do to keep from breaking down in hysterics. 

Most recently, my dear Matty and I met there to celebrate my birthday, two years ago. Sadly, MTV's "The Jersey Shore" had left its dirty little imprint on the boardwalk, where nearly every shop, bar and restaurant had signs proclaiming "As seen on 'The Jersey Shore'" or "Snookie Sandwich Specials" or other equally distasteful references to the TV nadir. It made me a little sad to see my beloved Seaside sullied by the decidedly non-Jersey cast of low-lifes who had taken over. 

Then, last October, Superstorm Sandy devastated the region, sending Casino Pier's iconic 'Jet Star' coaster into the ocean and destroying much of the boardwalk. I was heartbroken. But the folks in Seaside fought back and rebuilt. The boardwalk was replaced and the piers rebuilt. I was hoping to go there next weekend and see what had become of my beloved childhood playground.

Today, though, a fire broke out in the Khor's stand at the south end of the boardwalk. High winds from an impending storm stoked the flames and at least six blocks of stores; restaurants; arcades and amusements were burnt to the ground. The Carousel Arcade and its historic carousel were destroyed, along with the Funtown Pier, as you can see in the photo above.

I am heartbroken again. And not just for the loss of those iconic places from my childhood, but for the people who depended on those businesses for their livelihoods. A rainy June and July combined with an unseasonably cool August had already left the resort town hurting. Today's fire just added insult to injury. And while I know that Seaside will rise from the ashes over the next few months. there are so many things and places that can never be fully replaced and Seaside will never be quite the place it was when Uncle P was a s child.

Such, I suppose, is the way of the world. But that's cold comfort when mourning the loss of something so deeply ingrained as part of my personal history.

More, anon.
Prospero

The Gayest Month You'll Start This Week

The Gayest Breakfast You'll See This Week (4 Bears Only)

Notice: Some links in this post may be NSFW, depending on where you work. I hope by now, no one really needs the link to that acronym. 

Anyway...

I actually did make pancakes and sausage this morning for brunch, though not nearly as many  of the Pride Cakes (Flip Jacks?) as you see in the image on your left. Mine were actually much smaller, rather misshapen* and regular pancake colored, even though they were whole-wheat. And I used local honey in place of syrup. I do try, though I simply refuse to give up butter. I don't go nuts, but I'm not about to eat something even poop-eating flies supposedly won't touch. Butter's flavor and texture are so necessary for so many recipes. While most, if not all of them, can be made using less butter combined with olive oil, they simply cannot be made with hydrogenated vegetable oils, which are far, far worse for you than honest-to-goodness cow's milk butter. 

Wow. That escalated quickly. 

Sorry for the tangent... because this post isn't about food or cooking or diets or anything other than the fact that June 1st marks the start of Pride Month here in the U.S. Usually at this time of year, Uncle P is either directing or in a JTMF benefit show (our only event this year isn't until October, but more on that, anon). This year, I have the leisure of being able to attend multiple Pride events, should I so desire, without having to man a booth or table at any of them. I've never been to NYC Pride or even Philly Pride. I've only ever been to NJ Pride which is held in Springsteen Central, Asbury Park at the Jersey Shore, which is being held tomorrow. I've been three times, but have never gotten to see the parade, because I was always manning the JTMF table, in hopes of drawing audience members and/or donors. I have a very funny NJ Pride story about D & Siah; a Velcro fly; a very drunken, horny twink named Noel and an Evil You-Know-What for another time. While I have always had time to wander the grounds and visit the other booths, I was never able to see the parade or really mingle with the multitude of gay Guidos on hand.

Here's the thing: I'm not sure I really want to go to any of them. But I actually kind of do. I may decide to brave the traffic and the crowds and go to Philly Pride next Sunday. I've always had a great time checking out the different booths and vendors at NJ Pride (yes, and the hotties), and expect I'd like Philly's version just as much, if not more. I just need to convince someone to join me. Any takers?

Although, if this is the best promo they can come up with, maybe we're all better off staying home:

Really, Philadelphia? Find a new agency, quick, before the Copyranter craps all over that crap. As well he should.

This June, celebrate yourselves, no matter what you sexuality! Celebrate your loved ones who support you and love you for who you are!. Celebrate your partner, if you are lucky enough to have one. Celebrate love, because that's all any of us want and everything all of us deserves. Don't ever stop fighting the haters and the liars.

We've seen more wins than defeats, this past year. Hopefully, SCOTUS will rule in favor of Marriage Equality and the U.S. will join the 21st Century along with the 14 other countries who have embraced marriage rights for all their citizens.

More, anon.
Prospero

*Don't even say what you're thinking, perv!

A Few More Things I Don't Like

I am a fan of comedienne Chelsea Handler. I DVR her show, "Chelsea Lately" and watch a week's worth every Friday. And while I have plenty to say about the Chaz Bono comments and GLAAD's demand for an apology, I'm more offended by the fact that she had Snooki on as a guest. To me, MTV's "The Jersey Shore" is everything makes the rest of the world hate the U.S. 

These idiots (none of whom are actually from Uncle P's native New Jersey) have gotten famous for getting drunk, spreading STDs and generally acting like morons. Proving that she's a complete moron, on a recent episode of "Chelsea Lately," Snooki said that the ocean is salty because it is filled with whale sperm. 

Really? As Snooki suggested, I Googled "Why is the ocean salty?" After two very thorough and scientific explanations, the third result was an About.com link for Urban Legends. And it is from this result that Snooki got her information. I can only hope the stupid bitch never breeds.

So, topping my second list of things I do not like:

Snooki, The Situation and Everyone Involved With "The Jersey Shore."

And here are just a few more:

"The Real Housewives" of anywhere...
"Survivor"
"Barney and Friends"
Rachel Zoe
Clamato Juice
Sage Dressing
Purity/Chastity Rings
Crystal Meth
Pedophilia
Deforestization
Chtlins
Bad Alfredo Suace
Cheap Cologne
Christina Aguilera
Saw III through VI
People Who Don't Flush
People Who Don't Use Their Turn Signals
Benny Hill
Bad Romantic Comedies
"The A List"
Mint and Chocolate
James Cameron's Ego
Westboro Baptist Church
The Pope

I could go on and on but I don't want to alienate fans of so-called "Reality TV;" Republicans; Catholics; Tweakers and anyone else who doesn't possess a fully functioning brain.

So, once again, something I like, a lot:



Come on, Alex. I know you have another great film in you...

More, anon.
Prospero

There's a Shark in the Pond!

Well, it seems to be a summer of movie anniversaries. I already talked about the most influential horror movie of all time, but this summer also marks the 35th anniversary of the most influential horror movie of the 1970's, Steven Spielberg's Jaws.

Nothing seemed to be going right for the film while in production. The mechanical shark (dubbed 'Bruce'* by the crew) didn't work and the film went over budget and over schedule and Universal execs were sure they had a flop on their hands, while Spielberg was certain he would never work again. By now, we all know that once Spielberg got into the editing room, he managed to create a masterfully suspenseful film by not showing the monster until very nearly the end of the movie. And then there was that masterfully simple cello-heavy score by John Williams (Spielberg's composer of choice for so many films): Da-DUM! Da-DUM! Da-dum-da-dum-da-dum da-da-da-da-dada-DAH! Bernard Herrman would have been so proud! Is it any wonder that America's beaches were empty that summer?

I was 14 the year Jaws came out, and while I remember seeing it at a drive-in theater with my family, and I found it incredibly entertaining, I was by then an already a jaded horror fan who wasn't particularly freaked out by Jaws, unlike so many movie-goers of the time. Much of that had to do with the fact that I wasn't really a fan of ocean swimming, in first place. Yes, I have many great memories of day-trips to the Jersey Shore (unfortunately at Seaside Heights, where that execrable MTV show is shot**), though we would spend only a few hours on the beach before heading to the infinitely more interesting (to me, at least) boardwalk with its fascinating games of chance and questionably safe thrill rides. I can't tell you how many plush animals, cartons of cigarettes and vinyl albums we won on those wheels. So the whole "stay out of the water" thing had little effect on me or my family, as we rarely went in the water to begin with. We were more of a swimming pool family, than an ocean-going family, so the movie was actually just a scary fun time for all us.

Jaws also holds the distinction as the first "Summer Blockbuster" movie, changing the way American film studios marketed and scheduled their films, forever. Jaws was the first "tentpole" movie and other studios soon followed with their own summer blockbusters, leading to some of the 80's most successful movies, including Raiders of the Lost Ark; Gremlins; E.T.; Back to the Future and countless others.

Looking back after repeated viewings of this iconic and imminently quotable film ("You're gonna need a bigger boat!"), I can confidently say that Jaws worked mostly because of the amazing performances of it's three leads. Roy Scheider, Robert Shaw and Richard Dreyfuss achieved A-List status and Spielberg established himself as the late 20th Century's most successful film director, all because of a movie that shouldn't have worked at all. Even Peter Benchley, upon whose novel the film was based, has said if he knew then what he knows about sharks now, he would never have written the book in the first place. But he did. And his subsequent screenplay left it's indelible mark on cinematic history.

As a mini-side note, this title's post is solely for the benefit of Uncle P's sister, who does the most amazingly accurate reading of that line...

*Both my Brother-in-Law and a dear friend (not to mention an ex of my own) share this name.

**You have no idea how disheartened I am that my childhood memories have been sullied by the obnoxious and truly repulsive idiots who have become "celebutards," because of that show. Even my Dear D, an honest-to-goodness Jersey Italian, thinks these morons should be dawn and quartered for encouraging the worst Jersey stereotypes since The Sopranos.

I hope to have a relatively decent Zombie Zone post tomorrow, though I have plans to attend a local church carnival with several members of my Sordid Lives cast tomorrow evening. You know I'll be posting about that, come Sunday.

I hope you all have a wonderful 4th of July. If you are reading this blog from a country other than the U.S., I hope you all have a wonderful summer weekend.

More, anon.
Prospero