Gratuity, Cliches and Other Nonsense

That's Flavor of the Month Bradley Cooper having himself some fun at a waterpark. The Hangover star is on the cusp of major stardom. I first noticed him in Fox's late series "Kitchen Confidential," in which he played a character based on notorious bad-boy chef, Anthony Bourdain. He also appeared in The Wedding Crashers as well as the underrated and under-seen The Midnight Meat Train and the yet-to-be-released thriller Case 39, co-starring his rumored girlfriend, Renee Zellweger and child actress extraordinaire, Jodelle Ferland (who would have been my choice for Alice in Alice in Wonderland). Unfortunately, he also starred in the romantic comedy stinker All About Steve, which has been on almost every critic's "10 Worst" list for 2009. I have yet to see it (and probably won't), but that does nothing to dampen my enthusiasm for this talented star on the rise. Sexy, smart and funny (a deadly combo for your Uncle P), Cooper is poised to become a household name. Let's hope he doesn't screw it up. He is next slated to be seen as Eric Dane's romantic partner in Valentine's Day. Of course, Hollywood execs, being the a-holes they are, have completely omitted the gay love story from any advertising for the movie, hoping to trick straight guys into accompanying their girlfriends to see it. After Valentine's Day, Cooper's next release is the big-screen treatment of The A-Team, in which he plays Faceman, a role originated on TV by "Battlestar Galactica" star Dirk Benedict. Personally, the more I see of Cooper in various states of undress, the better. Of course he'll never replace my obsession, but I certainly wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers (or anything he wants to eat, for that matter).

And since I'm on the subject of gratuitous man-flesh, if you go to YouTube and type in "2010 Superbowl Commercials" you'll come across this curious video, featuring 3 cute guys in Speedos, doing their interpretation of Will Ferrel and Chris Katan at the Roxbury (something I thought/hoped had died when the movie flopped). Still, 3 cute guys in Speedos is reason enough for me:

I don't think they're really selling anything here, but themselves. If so, I'll take the dark one in the green Speedo with the longish hair.

So, enough gratuity (for now) and onto the subject of movie cliches. Or, more specifically, Horror Movie Cliches. If you haven't figured it out by now, your Uncle Prospero LOVES horror movies. And while I was aware this was actually a "meme" of sorts, it really took the clip below (via) to drive the point home:

Granted, in at least two of the movies referenced (The Broken and Mirrors), mirrors are a central theme. Thankfully, this slick trick does not appear in any of the screenplays written by yours truly.

Finally tonight, just as I am about to put this post to bed, I looked outside my window to see at least two inches of snow has fallen since I started writing, about an hour ago. If you read my last two posts, you'll know just how this makes me feel. I also learned (by calling our hotline), that my day job is closed tomorrow, allowing me another day for the drugs my doctor prescribed to take effect on my back, injured in a fall on New Year's Eve. Of course, digging out from yet another major snowstorm in less than a week will not help. Sigh... Arizona looks better and better every day...

More nonsense, anon.
Prospero

P.S. If you live in the "Crippling Snowstorm" region of Southeastern PA and Central/North NJ, my heart goes out to you. Take your time shoveling (rest frequently) and just stay home.

Harry Potter and the Fountain of Youth

After last night's winter rant, I awoke to horrific back spasms (caused by digging out my car) and consequently spent most of the day sleeping under medication. Naturally, I didn't sign on to the Net until about an hour ago.

So, it wasn't until my daily visit to Towleroad* that I finally saw all those Superbowl commercials that everyone goes crazy for, and while I think the Doritos commercials were all pretty hilarious, I'm still pissed at CBS for running the Focus on Family ad. But that's not the point of this particular post.

No, this post is about the ad that most caught my attention. It was for Universal Studios Orlando Theme Park and their newest attraction "The Wizarding World of Harry Potter."

Now, I'm not particularly a Harry Potter fan. I read the first book on a flight from Philly to Tampa (with time to start the Stephen King I was reading at the time) and wasn't all that impressed. The first two or so movies were fun, but I haven't really seen an entire Harry Potter movie since. However, Uncle Prospero is a HUGE Theme Park fan. I always have been. Church carnivals, State Fairs, old-fashioned amusement parks and modern Theme Parks -- I just can't resist 'em. The food, the rides, the general atmosphere of having a good time. And the best Theme Park in the world (IMHO) is Universal Studios Florida, because it combines my two favorite things in the world; movies and thrill-rides.

The park has undergone some changes since I first went back in 1994. The King Kong ride is gone and "The Simpsons Ride" has replaced Back to the Future. The Alfred Hitchcock Experience (one of my favorite original attractions) made way for Twister, a very fun tornado simulator (which I actually hoped would be a rollercoaster). Most significantly, Universal expanded the park, adding Islands of Adventure in 1999. The first five "Islands" were "Jurassic Park;" "Toon Lagoon;" "Marvel Island;" "The Lost Continent" and "Seuss Landing." The day we went to Islands of Adventure, it poured and not all the attractions were running properly ("Spider-Man" in particular), but we still managed to have to a good time. Of course, 11 years later and my sister is still a coaster-wuss and my brother-in-law has vertigo, so they don't do Universal anymore. I'll just have to convince one of my Potter-fan friends to come down with me this spring... OK - maybe I can get through the storm that is projected to add another 18 to 24 inches of snow to what we already have here in Philly tomorrow night. As they used to say in the old commercials, "Calgon, take me away..."


And two quick things before I say "goodnight."

One: If you have to ask what Harry Potter has to do with The Fountain of Youth, I suggest you go back to elementary school history and geography for the answer.

Two: In an amazing (to me, anyway) feat of timing, Yours Truly actually scooped *Towleroad, which posted weatherman Jim Kosek's on-air melt-down a full day after I did. I suddenly feel like a real-life blogger...

More, anon.
Prospero

Apoplexy-lypse

I have no idea why people love Kubrick's version of The Shining. I suppose that as a movie, it's pretty good, if a little a silly. As an adaptation of the Stephen King novel by the same name, it is a total fail. And don't try to argue with me, because you won't win. As a massive King fan and someone who likes to put words together and hope they make sense, I have to side with the author of the source material, here. That book scared the hell out of me. The movie just made me sad.

Anyway, that exceptionally silly image of a frozen Jack Nicholson is there because that's how I feel right about now. I have absolutely had it with winter and want the flowers and the birds back, tout suite, maintenant! "Oh, but Prospero, the snow's so pretty when it's coming down..." Yeah, well so is the arterial spray of a half-naked co-ed being set upon by some madman or monster. Ooh! A little too dark for ya? Well, suck it up, hombre! (Hey - 3 languages in the same paragraph - that's pretty good).

You see? This is what winter does to me. It depresses me and makes me crazy and it makes me want to do bad things to stupid people... I'm at work on a new screenplay and -- my hand to God -- I've written a character based on a composite of my clients, just so I can kill him off in a particularly gruesome way. And I'm having no problems at all imagining increasingly horrible fates for most of the main characters. Truth be told, I really don't see it ending well for any of them, though my characters have been known to surprise me with unexpected and unintended (at least originally) behavior in the past. Once, an intended antagonist ended up becoming the heroine, simply by reacting to her situation in a way I never intended her to. But just between you and me -- I wouldn't count on more than one survivor, if any at all, this time... See? Winter Madness. Cabin Fever. Whatever you want to call it. I wrote a one-act play and screenplay about it (and several other unpleasant topics) called The Cow Says: "Moo!" The screen version can be read here, should you be interested. But be warned, it's grim, to say the least. And don't even tell me you're surprised...

Okay, I know. It's the weather. You can't do a thing about it except sit by and watch it happen (or in this last storm's case, sleep through most of it). And I know - the weather is one of the many reasons to wtach and support your local news programs. Uncle Prospero watches the NBC affiliate WCAU in Philadelphia, with Glen "Hurricane" Schwartz, a pleasant and slightly eccentric fellow who is deadly serious about the weather. He's usually pretty calm and matter of fact, even when being emphatic. Here's Glen, who is quite the Philly-area celebrity, at a local Scarecrow contest last fall:

Peddler's Village is about 40 minutes north of me; a place filled with quaint and unique shops and restaurants, near New Hope, southeastern PA's version of P'Town.

When a big storm is coming, the weather guys get excited, because it means more camera time. I get it. But it seems sometimes they just want to scare the crap out of you. Take this clip from AccuWeather.com weatherman Jim Kosek, last Friday:

I have a co-worker who holds a degree in meteorology and desperately wants to work as a broadcast meteorologist. I shared that clip with him via Facebook and his response was: "Oh, my God! What a wacko!" Though I certainly understand Mr. Kosek's despair (I feel your pain, bruthah!), that segment was just a little... oh, I don't know... unprofessional and way over-the-top? Yeah, that's it.

I'm tired of being cold; I'm tired of having to wear bulky, uncomfortable clothes; I'm tired of digging out my car; I'm tired of coming home every night after dark. Despite what you may have heard, Uncle P will not crumble away to dust in the sunlight. Quite the opposite, in fact. "Well, why don't you just move to Florida, like your sister did?" Because I don't want to trade snowstorms for hurricanes and I don't want to live anywhere where I can't travel to New York in less than 2 hours. Besides, who really wants to live in the country's penis? Sorry, I find myself channeling Stephen R., tonight.

So, In conclusion, while winter makes lots of people feel like this:



Winter makes Uncle P feel like this:



I don't know... Maybe I should just stop whining and buy a sunlamp...

More, anon.
Prospero

The Gayest Sh*t You'll See This Week

I almost used a different image tonight, but this one made me laugh because the sign itself is a funny fail, made funnier by bad spelling. It's like the He-Man Woman Hater's Club grew up and founded a nudist colony, despite Miss Crabtree's best efforts to teach them how to spell.

Those links and references were aimed solely at my sister and so dearest friend, Q -- and yes, I have a friend who designs gadgets for MI6 -- and they have little to do with tonight's topic, except that the sign made me think of one of my favorite lines from "Will and Grace." Will asks Jack some really obvious question and Jack's response is: "Does a gay bear have anonymous sex in the woods?" Ta-da! Talk about a segue (no, not this).

So, tonight's first really gay thing is this almost unbelievable clip from a 1992 Danish film called (I'm not making this up) Gayn*****s From Outer Space. The space-zombies over at i09 linked this item from a blog called Filmdrunk. And while I would like to think that the filmmakers were trying to make a comedy that pays homage to '70's Blaxploitation, I fear they were merely paying homage and forgot the comedy part... I am stunned that such a movie exits and had to share the horror with you. It gets really gay around 3:35 (may be NSFW):

Oh, those Dutch! Wooden shoes, windmills, tulips and... wait for it........................... dykes.

And I know I've been talking a lot about Lady Gaga, lately. I broke down and bought "The Fame Monster" and I'm loving it. I have to admit, the Lady is hardly a tramp. While some might dismiss her as just a freak, hers is some of the best dance music I've heard since the 90's, and her lyrics can be quite clever. After being seduced by "Teeth" (the video I posted last month has been removed - sorry), I checked out more and really liked what I heard, so I bought the CD. I love her video for "Bad Romance" and a few days ago discovered how good a song "Speechless" is. And tonight, coming home from a very, very long day of lunacy, idiocy and probable mental incapacity at the day job, I discovered how much I liked her duet with Beyonce on somewhat silly "Telephone." They sound great together and the song just makes me want to move.

Well, synchronicity met up with serendipity tonight, because I logged onto the interwebs when I finally got home and discovered a fan-made video (via) for that very song, which very well may be the gayest video karaoke ever. I know that the two real ladies in question will be gracious enough to allow this loving tribute to go viral - it's funny, sassy and oh-so-gay, as well as a dead-on parody of Gaga's other videos. Enjoy, bitches:

I'm off to commit more atrocities to paper... Act I of the new screenplay is almost finished. The real fun starts after about three more pages. Let's see how depraved I can get. Oh -- and another snow-bound Zombie Zone post tomorrow -- and you know what happened the last time. Be afraid... be very afraid...

Oh, crap! Now I've gone and raised your expectations and I'll have to be really on tomorrow night. Of course, being snow-bound will also mean plenty of time for Act II... Okay, you can be afraid again...

More, anon.
Prospero

Gabourey Sidibe

I have not seen (and in all honestly, probably will not see) Precious. That's not to say it isn't a fine fine. I'm sure it is. But its just not my kind of movie. As if I haven't said it enough, Uncle P is a huge Genre Queen. If it has demons; aliens; monsters; killers; gore; ghosts; robots; dinosaurs; lycanthropy; mythology; mutants; lasers; space travel; mad scientists and (of course) zombies or any combination thereof, I'm all over it.

And while I certainly do love an occasional comedy (my favorite movie of all time is Bringing Up Baby, after all); drama; romance and (on the very rare occasion) romantic comedy, bleak urban dramas such as Precious, while important films with important messages, are simply not my cup of of tea.

I really hadn't paid much attention to this film, because I knew I wouldn't be seeing it. Even after Mo'Nique won the Golden Globe, I didn't plan on seeing it. I have no personal point of reference* for films like Precious and just find them depressing and as far from entertaining as a movie can get.

What does fascinate me is he sudden rise to fame that has accompanied the actress in the film's title role, Gabourey "Gabby" Sidibe. Ms Sidibe a 29 year-old student who skipped class and auditioned on a whim, finds herself nominated for an Oscar. I had only seen pictures and clips from the film, so the interview with Gabby (embedded below) on The View (via) is the first I've seen and I am struck by not only her poise, but her grasp on reality in the face of a profoundly life-changing series of events. See if you don't agree:

Funny, smart and apparently very talented, I think Gabby has a great career ahead of her. And it's so nice to know that it can still happen to anyone. She may not stand a chance against the likes of Meryl, Sandra or Helen, but I have a feeling this won't be her last time on the Red Carpet.

In case you were wondering (not that you were...) I did manage to get about 8 pages written in the new screenplay last night and and am hoping for at least four or five more tonight, so I will end here.

More, anon.
Prospero

*This is something which seems to plague me as an actor, as well. See any of my posts about my last acting gig.

The Funniest Thing You'll See This Week

Okay, I lied. But I honestly forgot the Academy Award nominations were announced today until I got to work and read it on CNN. So of course, I had to comment, briefly.

The only real surprise for me was the nomination of Up in both the Best Picture and the Best Animated Feature categories, something that might actually backfire and cause Pixar to lose for the first time, ever, leaving Wes Anderson and Henry Selig to battle it out between Fantastic Mr. Fox and Coraline. In fairness, have yet to see Fox, but I adored Coraline. I'll withhold judgment until I've seen it, hopefully before March.

And, no surprise, but still much to my chagrin, Avatar was nominated for Best Picture and Director. The more time that passes since I've seen that movie, the more I realize how manipulative and cheesy James Cameron's plot was and the angrier I get that audiences don't realize it. So, in response to the movie's nomination, I am posting the review I wish I'd written. From the hilarious Plinkett at Red Letter Media (the same mad genius behind this brilliantly funny review of The Phantom Menace), comes this viciously hysterical (and NSFW language-laden) 2-part review of Avatar (via Sci-Fi blog i09 and my cubicle neighbor, Sue*):

There's a special seat in hell for you, James Cameron... I officially take back a star from my original review. So there!

*And yes, Sue has a terrific sense of humor. At least... I hope she does...

More infantile churlishness, anon.
Prospero

Back In a Flash...

First, a little confession: this post really has very little to do with the DC Comics character in the tight red outfit and the bulging... muscles. I say very little, because in all fairness, the "flash" figures in very much in the main subject of tonight's post. But, as you may have read, more of that, anon.

Now, I'm hardly ashamed to admit that I love Superhero movies. I think most of us agree that a good Superhero movie is fun and uplifting no matter how dark it is, while a bad one can be irksome; stupid; embarrassing and downright wrath-inducing. And while I have read (and can certainly appreciate) several graphic novels; I was more of an Eerie; Creepy and Famous Monsters kind of kid, than a Marvel Universe kind of kid (Hmmm - imagine that! Who would ever have thought...?)

Anyway, while looking for an appropriate image that wouldn't give everything away, I found the one above (or to your left, depending on your browser) and was surprised to learn how little I actually knew about the DC character also known as "The Scarlet Speedster." That nick name, for one. Or that The Flash, much like Green Lantern, has multiple alter-egos. I know... "What the hell is he talking about now?" You'll see the connection in a minute, I promise. I just thought I'd share some useless knowledge with you which might someday win you a bar bet, or at least a full pie in Trivial Pursuit (though Mr. Rader probably already knew all that, anyway). But, I digress.

The 'Flash' in tonight's post title actually refers to Flash Mob, something yours truly is about to embark upon the planning of.

Shhh.. it's a secret!

Said event is to promote, well... something; which will be taking place, well... somewhere, sometime later this year.

Uncle P has been fascinated by the idea of the Flash Mob, ever since I first heard of the concept. For those unfamiliar (or just too lazy to read the Wikipedia article hyper-linked above), a Flash Mob is a group of people who assemble in a public place at a designated date and time, perform a (usually) pointless act for a set period of time, and then disperse quickly. What started out as technological performance art (the first flash mob participants were usually notified via text message among network of friends and acquaintances), has since been co-opted as advertising and/or promotional events designed to sell a product or promote an event.

There are all kinds of Flash Mobs, and the best ones are usually just for fun. Probably one the most famous Flash Mobs is Frozen Grand Central, staged by the group Improv Everywhere, in which participants made their way through New York City's Grand Central Central Station and all froze at once, remained frozen for several minutes and then simply continued on as though nothing had happened:

And honestly, can anyone doubt that everyone in Antwerp's Central Station had a great time when this happened?:

I imagine that for the participants, a Flash Mob must be an exhilarating experience. All the performers out there know the rush of performance for its own sake. It's intoxicating. And to be a part of something that makes me people stop and smile and have a good time, is even more of a rush. Of course it's great to get paid to perform, but real performers do it for the joy of performing. Watch the faces of the folks participating in and watching these seemingly spontaneous events. The spectators are particularly fun to watch, as their expressions change from confusion to curiosity to smiles as they realize what's happening. And watch the faces of of the dancers/actors/participants as they perform. Who cares if their selling something, as long as everyone is having a good time, right?

Yes, that was very much a commercial Flash Mob. But did you see anyone that wasn't having a good time? And you may have noticed that train stations seem to be excellent places to stage a Flash Mob, but really, any crowded public place will do. The baech is used quite effectively in one of my favorite flash mobs (and one I've posted before), this clip promoting Australia's 2009 Gay Mardi Gras:

Or this one, celebrating the 30th anniversary of The Who's "Tommy" in San Francisco, last year:

And a Flash Mob doesn't always have to include music and dancing (or more than six people):

So, I am excited and full of ideas for planning and pulling off a Flash Mob of my own, especially since it will be promoting a, well... very good cause. If you're interested participating in this mad experiment, let me know in the comments and I will send you details as they emerge.

More, anon.*
Prospero

*I may be taking a night or two off this week. The Muse has struck and I am in the midst of feverishly writing a new screenplay. But I promise I'm not abandoning you. See this post's title for reassurance.

P.