Does My Broken Toe Trump the New Pee-Wee?

Wha' Happened?

A gentle summer rain is falling as I write this post. I can't think of anything more antithetical to what I am about to share tonight.

While I won't admit to actually being lazy, I will say that on occasion, I am wont to leave things where they don't necessarily belong. Especially shoes. My shoes often end up staying wherever it is that I take them off. That's mostly because I hate wearing shoes. I would rather be barefoot (despite the ugliness that is - are? - my feet). So when I took off my shoes last night. I left them in the living room, at the end of the coffee table where I usually sit to watch TV. This morning, after giving Skye his daily fresh water, I stubbed my left pinkie toe against one of those shoes, cursing and nearly crying from the pain. 

Uncle P - we've all stubbed our toes. It hurts. WTF?

Nothing ever hurt like this. Mind you, I have had  dislocated fingers; broken collar bones; splinters which required surgery and dental surgery from hell.* None of them have come close to this kind of pain. It actually radiates up into my ankle. And while I know there is very little that can be done for such an injury, the very angry dark purple bruise that has developed at the base of my toe is just another indicator of the self-inflicted injury for which I have no excuse but my own laziness. I'd posat a picture of the bruised and swollen digit, but would rather spare you the (literally) ugly details.

Of course, that pain in no way measures up to the humiliation recently suffered by one of my personal hero actors, Fred Willard (pictured above). What a segue.

I've been a fan of Willard's since the days of the bizarro soap opera, "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman." Willard went on to co-host the spin-off "Fernwood Tonight" as well as appearing in most of Christopher Guest's improvised comedies (Waiting for Guffman; Best in Show and A Mighty Wind) along with appearances on "Roseanne;" "Raising Hope;" "Modern Family: and countless other films and TV shows.

Yesterday, Willard was arrested at a Hollywood "adult movie theater" for doing what most men do at "adult movie theaters." Really? This is how the LAPD spends their time, looking for 70 + year-old guys whacking off in porno theaters? Let's forget about all the gang violence and heavy drug trafficking that goes on in L.A. No, we're going  to arrest guys who have their peens out in a darkened porn theater.  Truth be told though, if any comedic actor from this era was going to arrested for this kind of thing, I would have placed money on Martin Mull. Still, Willard now has something in common with Paul Reubens, though I doubt it will have the same effect on his career.

*Which instilled my dentaphobia (?) and requires a post of its own, someday.

More, anon.
Prospero

Almost All Girl Punk Bands For $400, Alex.

Who Are 'Edna and the Jailhouse Ho's?'

This should be the last post about this subject for quite a while. 

I have been very lucky to have taken part in some exceptional theatrical projects over the last (indecipherable noise) years. Sometimes, everything falls into place very neatly and easily and a show comes together and it's a success. Occasionally, it fails despite appearing to be poised for success. Sometimes, it's obviously a disaster from the first read-through and it crashes and burns like the Hindenburg. You don't invite people to see it. You don't talk about it. You don't post pictures on Facebook. 

Rarer still, are the times when what appears to be an unmitigated failure suddenly and magically comes together in an insanely short amount of time, ending up in something that is much greater than the sum of its parts. Such was the case with Hairspray. Early on, there were scheduling issues. Some bars were set to high and others too low. Roles were left un-cast. There were changes being made to things already covered, while tons of material remained uncovered. I had serious reservations. Things did not improve and I grew frustrated and I wasn't always quiet about being so and soon found many other cast-members felt the same way. And it wasn't as if there was one person in particular to blame. It just wasn't working on a whole lot of levels.

Then, something happened in the last week of rehearsal:

I have no idea how what happened with Hairspray happened. The odds seemed so stacked against it. But last Friday night, a very loud and enthusiastic full house gave us an exhilarating curtain call. And it just got better and better. The following night, we had a full-house standing ovation. And again on Sunday! It was crack for the newbies. Hell, it was crack for Uncle P. Yesterday afternoon was good, and we got a full standing O from a just slightly less-than full house. Then came last night's "off" performance. Everyone had at least two things go flunky. I had three, including a wardrobe issue (my slipper fell off); a prop issue (I had a problem hopping up onto the hot dog cart) and a lyric issue in the finale. Most of the audience still stood, though. At least I didn't get stuck in the can:

Maybe I Should Do "Dirty Blonde" Next

Today's closing matinee (and I HATE closing on a matinee) saw yet another SRO crowd. Emotions were running high. Many of the younger cast members were down after last night or tired or both. The hot tea with lemon and honey was flowing. There was a palpable frisson in the air. Clicks and flashes abounded backstage as people used their phones and cameras to document the day. Hugs and kisses and love abounding, we went to 'places' not knowing quite what to expect. What we got was pure theatre nirvana, fueled by another adoring crowd who (well, those who could - it was a Sunday matinee, afterall) rose to their feet and danced right along with us during curtain call. 

Like many actors, my theatrical career had it's start(at an early age) in Musical Theatre. One of my early ventures on stage was playing Prince Charming in a French-language version of Cindrion, complete with the Disney songs sung in French by an off-stage chorus  in the 7th Grade. Effin' crack, bitches! You never lose the taste for that particular high. I know several of you reading this know exactly what I'm talking about. We're addicts, plain and simple.I wish I had pictures from those early years. I'm very glad I have them from more recent shows.

I couldn't be happier to end this show on the high I had hoped it was going to be, long before the auditions had been announced. Below are some pictures of today's love-fest from backstage. They belong to the very talented Megan Sherrow who played Penny Pingleton. You'll quickly figure out who she is.

The World's Saddest Prostitute

"Dyn-o-mite!"

The Turnblads +1

Seaweed and Amber, Sittin in a Tree...

Wigless and Wigged Out

The 'Corniest' Smile, Ever

'Everything Floats Down Here"

"Are You Sure You Aren't Faster than a Speeding Bullet?"

"Mama, I'm a Pretty Girl!"

I am thrilled that this amazing and talented cast pulled together and delivered an exceptionally well-received show that entertained its audiences and satiated its cast's needs for validation. 

I'm tired beyond tired, but all the pain and aggravation have proven worth it. It's really nice to be wrong, sometimes.

A few weeks rest and then on to Jeffrey, whose cast will (I am happy to report), include two very talented young men from this cast; one of whom is pictured above. I'll let you guess.

More, anon.
Prospero

A Quickie Post Tonight

No, I won't say I am writing a great movie... But I am writing yet another one and it's been ages since I've worked on it, so that is what I am off to do tonight.

Since my Let Me In review was really written on Thursday, this quickie is the 'official' Friday post. 

I'll be back tomorrow with a new post over The Zombie Zone and will start the last of my Shocktober Directors posts on Sunday. Tonight, I have to figure out how to transition from Act II to Act III. Wish me luck. In the meantime, enjoy this creepy little delight (via):

More, anon.
Prospero

Overdue Thanks from a Proud Theatre Geek

27 years ago, I made my Shakespearean debut as the villain Claudius in Hamlet. I was crapping my pants scared. First Shakespeare and I'm in Hamlet? Playing 20 years older than I was (as I did in almost every show I ever did for a very long time) and cast opposite a woman who was actually 20+ years older than I., as one of the most famous villains of all time? This was no Bye Bye Birdie, my friends. This was Theatre.

I remember it being a rather intense production, The principles were cast from a Spring acting class taught by a wonderfully eccentric and often brilliant professor, who was directing the following fall. Each of us met with Sir (a name Q and I will always remember fondly) once a week over the summer to work on technique, diction and vocal production, with occasional character work thrown in. It was that summer that Sir helped me truly figure out what my voice was capable of, and how best to use it on stage. He also taught me the intricacies of playing a villain ("You must believe that your actions are not only for your own good, but the common good") and the value of advance planning as a director (though my personal directing style was much more influenced by another wonderful teacher who I promise to talk about soon).

If you haven't figured it out by now, that's Uncle P on the right, entreating Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to take Hamlet back to England with them. I know the young man in the middle was a British exchange student named Pip (he was with me when I got my ear pierced), though I cannot for the life of me remember the name of the brunet or who played whom. That was 27 effing years ago... I remember those faux-fur costumes were hot as hell and I went out and spent $120 on boots at some trendy store (which my father threw-out when I moved to California, briefly). I remember the massive revolving set and the performances of several cast members; Rich M. as Horatio; Terry D. as Laertes; Steve O. as Hamlet; Lillian B. as Gertrude; Rich W. as The Player and the Gravedigger... I remember the actress who played Ophelia (Betty... something...) took her mad-scene costume outside and rolled around on the ground, getting a massive grass and mud stain on her ass, which we could not look at without bursting into hysterical laughter... I remember good times and laughter to combat all the sturm und drung that is Hamlet; a very intense experience for such a young actor and in the end, a production that was actually quite good for college theatre. It was also the first time I actually understood Shakespeare without having to fight to get it (another gift bestowed by Sir). I recently reconnected with Steve O. via Facebook. Steve shared pictures from the production, which I never knew existed. And there I am...

Today, the gray hair and the goatee are real, though the perm (thank God) is a thing of the distant past. What isn't gone are those feelings of accomplishment and the lessons learned (not to mention the friendships made) over the course of one production.

The casual theatre-goer knows only what he or she sees on stage, at the performance he or she attends. Like most movie audiences, they see only the finished product (in as much as live theatre can ever be considered 'finished'). What they don't see are the months and months of planning and preparation; casting and rehearsing; prop gathering; costuming; set-building; lighting design; etc., etc. that go into that finished product. They also don't know the kind of camaraderie and even sense of family that happens among small groups of people with an intense, albeit (by definition) temporary, common experience. It's why real theatre people do theatre.

Yes, we get artistic satisfaction. We get applause and kind words from strangers (especially if we're any good). We still get to play make-believe long after every other profession in the world (Pro Wrestling nonewithstanding). If we are very, very lucky we make lots of money, become famous and win ultimately meaningless awards. Because if we love doing theatre, we love it for all the same reasons Trekkers love "Star Trek" and X-Philes love "The X-Files." It boils down to a sense of belonging, I think. Its time spent being yourself among like-minded folks, all the while creating something completely artificial to present to a group of judgmental strangers in order to seek approval. We get each other, us Theatre Folk do. Just as any other bunch of geeks get one another.

So, from a still very proud Theatre Geek, this post is dedicated to Dr. Harold Hogstrom. Teacher; adviser; director; inspiration. My TSC contemporaries will either agree wholeheartedly or call me mad (though I doubt the latter). None of them will argue that Sir had a profound effect on all of us, in one way or another.

Thank you, Sir (with love)...

Yeah, I went there. And yeah, I know I'm totally ripping off "Glee," but I don't care. The older I get, the more I realize how influential Sir would become, long after I was no longer his student. And thank you, Steve, for sharing those amazing pictures.

More ramblings, anon.
Prospero

Sharktopus? Really?

The image to your right is NOT from the upcoming SyFy movie Sharktopus. It is, however, the most pertinant image I could find to represent one of the most ridiculously conceived movies of all time. Not that I'm bitter, mind you.

Well - that's not exactly true. I am just a little bit bitter. Why? Because my own screenplay, Army of the Dead was in the running for Sharktopus' spot on SyFy's schedule. If you haven't read it (and you can do so, here), my anti-war, political satire, zombie rom-com was one of three scripts pitched by Roger Corman's New Horizons Pictures for production by the basic cable network. Army... has been on Scriptbuddy's Top 5 list for more than a year and was a Top 1000 contender for Project Greenlight's final season.

Yes, I am tooting my own horn here, but I have to ask... Would you rather see an intelligent and politically relevant horror movie, or what is assuredly a ridiculous monster movie about a genetically impossible creature? The very enthusiastic rep from New Horizons assured me when he called, that AOD was "really good" and that he was going to push hardest for it in his pitch to SyFy. So what happened? I can only imagine the Suits at SyFy thought it was probably too smart and original, and went with the script that most embodied their usual crappy "Original" movies.

Have you ever seen a SyFy "Original?" They are, without exception, terrible. So maybe this is a blessing in disguise. And I don't mean to knock or demean the writer(s) of Sharktopus. I am sure he, she or they put as much work into that script as I did with mine. I just can't help but feel that Sharktopus is a sillier concept.

Call me "bitter." Call me a "sore loser." Call me a "narcissistic a-hole." Call me anything but "unoriginal. " And maybe I actually am a bad screenwriter. Maybe I think too highly of my own work. Still... of the hundreds of scripts listed on Scriptbuddy, one of mine is still rated by the site's users in the Top 5. Can the same be said of Sharktopus? I think not.

Oh, well. One company called and expressed an interest in producing it. Another one will. Things move slowly in Hollywood. My time will come.

And just so you know, here's a clip from one of SyFy's Originals:



Maybe I should be glad they didn't produce my piece, after all...


More narcissism, anon.
Prospero

How Damned Lazy Am I, Tonight?

Okay, your Uncle P is wiped. Early last week, I noticed a wet spot on my kitchen floor. (and not the good kind) $4k worth of plumbing and cabinetry repairs (and another $1K to go), a house turned upside down and a previous New Year's Eve back injury exacerbated by the whole mess, and I am just pooped. So, I am going to be very lazy and pass on another one of those questionnaires where you talk about yourself. I thought this one was weird and funny enough to use when I have nothing else really interesting to say (if I ever do).

Full credit to my dear West Coast Stephen at Post Apocalyptic Bohemian. He's a smart, funny, compassionate and all-around good-guy. You should check him out. Love ya, Stephen!

So, here's "What If..."

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Only one? No fair. Well, since Stephen already chose Pat Robertson, I'd have to choose President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran, who not only denies the Holocaust, but claims there are no gay people in Iran.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?

Another hard one. Kanye's too obvious... It's a toss-up between Boston and REO Speedwagon.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Pat Robertson.

4. What is your favorite cheese?

A nice, sharp cheddar.

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?

Honey-roasted turkey breast, sliced thin, with white American cheese; red-leaf lettuce; sliced sweet plum tomatoes; sliced red onion; soy sprouts and lemon-honey mustard on Arnold Oat Nut bread.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?

Hands down easiest question on this list, and if you don't know my answer, click here.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?

Can I go back in time? Because it would have to be '67 Comeback Special Elvis. Damn, he was beautiful!

8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?

I'm not, because as soon as I walk into a store, I wake up.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

New Zealand

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?

Find some drinking mates

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…?

Bombay Sapphire

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?

Ancient Egypt to discover how the pyramids were built.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

All marriages between two consenting adults shall be recognized as such, with all the appropriate benefits that go along with said marriages.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise?

"What's My Dysfunction?" starring me as the host of a show in which a celebrity panel tries to discern a guest's psychological disorder in 20 questions or less.

Betty White: "Does your problem have anything to do with finding older women attractive?"

Guest (An Exhibitionist): "Um, that would be no, Ms. White."

15. What is your favorite curse word?

Sh*t!

16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Really? Um... since I can't honestly imagine this happening (I may be a horror fan, but I'd like to think I have a grip on reality), I suppose I would be kind of freaked out at first. Once I realized I wasn't in any danger, I'd try to figure what was going on.

17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item?

Before you read my answer, I have to share Stephen's with you, because it is the most amazing combination of people you can imagine. Stephen wrote: "My framed letter from Louis XVI to his sister. A gift from Fay Wray." Is there anything cooler than that? It makes my choice lame in comparison.

I would save the framed poster from my 1994 production of A Midsummer Night's Dream, the first Shakespeare I ever directed.

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?

Drink the biggest martini known to man while watching a montage of my favorite movies ever made.

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be?

Flight.

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

The last half hour of the final performance of The Most Fabulous Story Ever Told, if only to see those two magnificent performances one more time.

If you can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

The day I realized my father was an asshat.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now?

Australia


23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?

Woody's

24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out… I can FLOAT!”?

This question is stupid. Why float if I can fly? If I could fly, I wouldn't tell you where, anyway.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?

Gilda Radnor. The world needs more Gildas.

26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

My mother's mother, Helen or "Grandmom Cookie." She was one of the funniest, sliest women I knew. When my father complained to her "Jesus Christ, you'd buy those kids the damned world, if you could!" her response was to buy my sister and I globes on her next weekly visit.

27. What’s your theme song?

Imagine (this version made me weep when I saw it on "Glee")

More, anon.
Prospero

New Year, New Layout

So here I am, taking part in The Eden Foundation's annual fundraiser "Eden Dreams" in January of 2008. The Eden Foundation provides education, support and much more to persons with Autism.

The mask is actually my own, given to me as a Christmas gift a few years ago by K, who brought it back from Italy for me. I was playing an Italian Duke in that year's Renaissance-themed event. Basically, this is a close-up version of my profile pic (I'm happy to report that since that photo was taken, I've lost about 35 pounds).

I'm not participating in this year's Eden event... I've done the last ten or so, and while it is a very worthwhile cause, it's an exhausting evening of wandering the lobby, bar and ballroom of a huge hotel in Princeton while staying in character for about 6 hours. It's usually hot and uncomfortable (like the year when the theme was Native American and I wore about 30 lbs of real buckskin) and your feet are done for by hour 4. Instead, I'm making a donation this year. My feet will thank me, if no one else does. And I'll be volunteering to help out with makeup and costumes, staying in the hospitality suite for the night; rather than being ignored, pulled at, made fun of and abused by the often drunken guests who pay upwards of $350 a plate, just so they can feel better about about themselves while flaunting their wealth. I just realized how bitter and bitchy that sounds, but it's true.

Anyway, the real point of this post is for me to show off Caliban's Revenge's new layout. No longer will HD videos impinge upon my lists, links and archived posts. As a certain Home Diva would say, "It's a good thing." Little else will change. I'll still be the slightly snarky, Horror Movie-obsessed whacko you have come to know and (hopefully) love.

Once again, I wish you all a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year. I'll be back Sunday with my review of Sherlock Holmes, which I am finally seeing with my dear D. Until then, read me tomorrow at The Zombie Zone.

More, anon.
Prospero

Please Vote on My New Ink

As my birthday present to myself this year, I am getting new ink on my left calf. My dear D and I are going together on August 1st. D has already decided on his design (a crucifix on his right calf). I have been wanting something Egyptian (the tatt on my right hip is a combination of Chinese, Egyptian and Sumerian symbols, which translate roughly as "Expect the Barer of Joy and Wisdom" - I'm still waiting, needless to say). So, I have finally decided that I want a tattoo of The Eye of Horus. But after much research, I have found so many variations, I can't choose. This is where you all come in. Below I have posted several versions which I am contemplating. I figure I can start small and add to it, if I decide to do so. Anyway, I'd love to know which you all prefer. I can't promise I'll go with the popular vote, but your opinions will certainly influence my final decision. Leave me your choice in the comments section, please.

A.

B.



C.

D.

Personally, I'm leaning toward a variation on this one, which might incorporate the Crown of Isis. Like I said, I can start small and add to it.

There are several other versions I am still looking at, but these are my Top 4 choices. So, let me know which one you prefer. I'll be sure to post pics of whatever it is I finally decide upon.

More, anon.

Prospero