A Creepy Peeps Update

Scarlett

The game is still afoot, it seems. I arrived home on Friday afternoon to find a pink gift bag hanging on my doorknob. I immediately knew it was another dolly for my growing collection. The eerily beautiful creation on your right came with the following (edited by me) note:

Dearest Brian,

Who needs an Easter egg hunt when you can continue wondering which of your loving friends is behind your creepy peeps?!

We bring this one to your door as she is magnificent, ceremonial and resplendent with colorful joy! A match to your present state of bliss and wonder with this (J) person we keep hearing about. Ah yes, you thought perhaps your blissful state had gone unnoticed? We're creepy, not blind dear one.

We do hope he shares your love for the unusual surprises in life!

Wishing you, the other (cartoon doll heads, colored in order of receipt: brown, green, pink and yellow) and (J) every happiness!!!

Love,

The Royal Order of Creepiness.

The fact that they know about J means they are  Facebook friends or followers, which doesn't help in identifying them in the least! Still loving this game! While more than one friend has expressed their jealously, several still find it genuinely creepy.

Of course, now that I have five, I thought it was time to name them. In order of reciept (you can see the first four here) they are: Aja; Jade; Temperance; Hanael and Scarlett. And yes, all of those names have meaning to your crazy old Uncle P.

Hope your life is as full of fun and surprises as mine has been, of late. 

More, anon.

Uncle P

PS - Did I happen to mention that I have fallen madly, deeply and hopelessly in love with J? Because I have. And amazingly, so has he with me. Life is good.

Uncle P and the Mystery of the Creepy Peeps

Among my friends there are two distinct camps when it comes to this story: those who, like myself, find it hilarious and fun and those, like my BIL, who think Uncle P is being stalked by a serial killer. I'll let you decide.

Last November, just about a month after my mother passed away, I came home to find an Apple box stuffed in my mailbox. When I pulled out the tissue paper and ribbons, I found the nightlight you see to your right. And yes, the bulb inside is red. There was no card or note. Nothing on the box but the Apple logo. When I posted it to Facebook, the two camps immediately made themselves apparent. Of course, my friends and regular readers know my taste for the odd (indeed, the macabre) and unusual. And they also know I tend to have a rather dark sense of humor. I thought it was hilarious and plugged it into a kitchen outlet (it gets too hot for practical use, but is fun to switch on when I have guests). In the months that followed, people would occasionally ask me if I ever found out who sent it, but I almost forgot about. Until...

Just around my birthday this year, I came home and opened my screen door and a box tumbled out onto the mat.  Inside was not only the green planter below, but a note!

"Dear Brian,

"The psychic creepy doll network has determined you and your red eyed nightlight needed a friend.

"Therefore please welcome this new addition to your home. We trust you will admire and enjoy it.

"With much love, a shared sense of humor and best wishes,

"Your mystery/anonymous creepy peeps."

The box was a sturdy gift box from the Frenchtown Metalworks, an art jeweler in New Jersey. 

How exciting! Contact had been made! But how much was to be believed? Is this the work of more than one person? Do they live in or near Frenchtown? He, she or they obviously know where I live and when they can deliver packages when I'm not home. More friends freak out. I laugh and hope that all will be revealed, eventually. Speculation continues.  

Next - right before Halloween, I came home to find a bag on my kitchen table. My boarder had brought it in (whew!) after finding it hanging on the doorknob, outside. In the bag was a square box, also from Frenchtown Metalworks. It had a black ribbon and written on it in orange and black markers was "Happy Halloween!" And in the box was the delightfully odd electric tealight holder you see below.

Cozy, isn't she? The yellow flickering eyes in the very pink head are far more effective than the red bulb in the nightlight, don;t you think? No note this time but I didn't need one.

Most recently, I came home from picking up my Christmas Eve dinner from Wing Wah, to find a USPS Priority Mail package sitting in my carport. My sister's package had already arrived, as well as a package from friends who couldn't wait to see me to give me my gift. I looked for the sender only to see "Santa" with no return address. I knew immediately who it was from.

I ate my dinner, opened the rest of my mail and then set to the package. Inside was a letter and the most elaborate dolly of all. Wrapped in a blankie and painted yellow all over; her hair cut off and phrases, slogans and bits of poetry written all over her, she is quite magnificent! 

The letter reads: 

"ho ho ho Brian!

   "I fear you've not been naughty enough this year so was tempted to not deliver this wee child to you for the holidays.

   "Alas your creepy peeps network has informed me that exists (sic) in you a certain scorn for the Christmas merriment... the stories behind the story as it were.

"That has set you in my good graces and so I bestow upon you your very own baby - one of poetry for your reading pleasure as you sit by the fire.

   "So master yourself an icy cold martini, sit back and enjoy the season.

"All my best,

" Santa, the creepy one

"PS... my supply of treats for you has run low... but I have my sources and so perhaps we shall continue this adventure into yet another year"

The font colors are theirs. So they also know that I am an atheist and enjoy an icy cold Sapphire martini now and again. The plot thickens. Or does it? Loads of folks know that. The doll itself, is fascinating. She reminds me of something out of a Clive Barker movie.

On her face is: LETS DO EMPTY OUR POCKETS AND DISAPPEAR * MISSING ALL OUR APPOINTMENTS AND TURN ING UP YEARS LATER UNSHAVEN OLD CIGARETTE PAPERS STUCK TO OUR PANTS LEAVES IN *** OUR HAIR Her torso reads: LET US NOT WORRY ABOUT THE PAYMENTS ANYMORE LET THEM COME ND TAKE IT AWAY WHATEVER IT WAS WE WERE PAYING AND US WITH IT  On her left arm and side: I AM A SOCIAL CLIMBER CLIMBING DOWNWARD AND THE DESCENT IS DIFFICULT  On her right arm: THE UPPER MIDDLE CLASS IDEAL IS FOR THE BIRDS AND THE BIRDS HAVE NO USE FOR IT

On her left leg: LETS CUT IT OUT LETS GO TO THE REAL INTERIOR OF THE COUNTRY WHERE HOCKSHOPS REIGN MERE UNBLIND ANARCHY UPON US THE END IS NEAR BUT GOLF GOES ON. On her right leg: LET US ARISE AND GO NOW TO WHERE DOGS DO IT OVER THE HILL * WHERE THEY KEEP THE EARTHQUAKES BEHIND CITY DUMPS LOST AMONG GAS MAINS AND GARBAGE. On top of her head: JUNKMAN'S OBBLIGATO On the back of her head: LAWRENCE FERLING HETTI (the artist, perhaps?) MY BODY IS HUNG UP TOO LONG IN THE STRANGE SUSPENDERS GET ME A BRIGHT BANDANA FOR A OCKSTRAP (sic) On her back: LET US NOW YOU AND I LEAVING OUR NECKTIES BEHIND ON LAMPOSTS (sic) TAKE UP THE FULL BEARD OF WALKING ANARCHY LOOKING LIKE WALT WHITMAN A HOME MADE BOMB IN THE POCKET I WISH TO OESCEN (?) IN THE SOCIA (?) IS LOW On the back of her right arm: LOSE THE WAR WITHOUT KILLING ANYONE

So, Uncle P's question for you... Would you be freaked out, or just as amazed and amused as I am? That a friend or friends would go this far and long without cracking is just awesome. I know there will be a grand reveal, eventually and I will be face-palming myself for not figuring it out. Until them, I very much love this game!

More, anon.
Uncle P

The Hottest, Gayest, Weirdest Things You'll See this Week (NSFW Version)

Grrrr...

Well, several of the links maybe NSFW. Nothing visible on this post is, though.

Broadway Cares has been a major supporter of those in the theatre community affected by and with HIV/AIDS. They were major supporters of the JTMF silent auctions, providing autographed show posters and other memorabilia, as well as the many hundreds of red ribbons we gave out each year. I made my first donation directly to a cast member after seeing Julie Andrews in Victor/Victoria at the Marquis. Several events have sprung from the group including the amazing Broadway Flea Market and the annual 'naughty' revue known as "Broadway Bares" (featuring some of the Great White Way's hottest performers wearing nothing - or very little more - than a smile). This year's theme is 'Rock Hard' (get it?), celebrating rock musicals. Advocate.com has the full story (featuring some possibly NSFW shots of hot boys' butts) here, if you are so inclined.

The fuzz-lovers at Accidental Bear had two items that piqued my interest. First was a video trailer for a new magazine (Ugh! That's a thing now, too? Bad enough when they started doing them for novels... but I digress) called 'Good Boys in Trouble,' which appears to be some sort of Fashion/Lifestyle cyber-magazine for Cubs. Check that out here. 

The other story that caught my eye was the weirdest and certainly most NSFW thing about this post.

Uber-hottie Ryan Gosling appeared in a rather amazing and quirky 2007 film (which I remember loving)  called Lars and the Real Girl, about an awkward young man who invents a relationship with a customized vinyl doll he purchased online. The premise is based on a real-world industry in which a subculture of introverts has come to rely on these 'artificials' for companionship. One company which provides these anatomically correct companions is Sinthetics - link NSFW - (I can't decide if I love or hate that pun). They not only have quite a broad selection of models from which to choose (including 'accessories'), they also seem to pride themselves on how realistic their products are (ew). You can see their VERY NSFW photos and videos here, again if you so inclined. I'm hoping you'd rather see Lars...

More, anon.
Prospero

Someone Knows and Loves Me

Oh, Baby!

So... I came home from the Day Job today, glad that tomorrow will be both Friday and Payday. I got out of my car and went to my mailbox (as I do every day) to find a catalog (the corner of which cane be seen in the upper right of the photo) and a rather strange box. Inside the box, wrapped in cellophane and surrounded by red tissue paper, I found an Eyeless Baby Doll's Head. 

I must admit, I was a little freaked out, at first. "What the hell...?" I thought. "Is someone targeting me?"

Then I saw the silver ribbons and the nightlight attached to said Eyeless Baby Doll's Head and started to laugh. 

Sometime in the last few weeks, I had posted a photo of a lamp made from a ceramic doll head on Facebook. It was creepy and funny and I loved it. I quickly realized the Eyeless Baby Doll's Head nightlight was a gift from someone who knew me well and lived nearby, even though there was no card or note included. I immediately posted the picture on your left to Facebook, noting that it had arrived quite unexpectedly and thanking whomever had sent it to me. While I have an idea as to who gave me this delightfully macabre gift, I can't be sure until the giver fesses up. 

The best part? The bulb inside is red! Plugging it in revealed a ghoulishly hilarious night light that I hope will both delight and creep-out the friends who see it. 

Thank you, anonymous Eyeless Baby Doll's Head nightlight giver! I truly love and appreciate this gift, more than you can imagine. A scare, a laugh and the the knowledge that someone cares enough to entertain me in such a way was a huge spirit lifter (albeit a slightly macabre one). My friends never cease to amaze me.

More, anon.

Prospero

How Does It Begin, Clarice?

Porcelain Minnie Castavet and Rosemary Woodhouse

I find it rather hard to believe that Rosemary's Baby has never appeared on any Top Ten list I've ever done. Or has it? If not, it certainly should have been on just about every one of them (maybe not musicals, though I don't think I've done a Top Ten of those, yet). 

Think what you will about Roman Polanski, he's never been shy about delving into the darker sides of life. Based on Ira Levin's novel, the movie was a sensation when it was released in 1968 and rightfully so. Perfectly cast with some of the best actors of the era (and possibly of all time) and both wittily and creepily directed, Rosemary's Baby taps into so many Psycho-Religious-Paranoid-Horrifying things all at once, that it takes multiple viewings to fully appreciate it's brilliance, even 43 years after it was first released. Ruth Gordon rightfully won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress as Minnie Castavet, the push,y elderly Satanist with a heart of coal. Mia Farrow got an infamous haircut and divorced Sinatra while making the movie.  And there are some amazing appearances from classic character actors Ralph Bellamy, Maurice Evans, Charles Grodin and Elisha Cook, Jr; as well as uncredited walk-ons/voice-overs from William Castle and Tony Curtis. 

A very amusing, anonymous Facebook friend (once known as Magnolia Thunderpussy but now going by Hilda Swandumper after the geniuses at Facebook realized Maggie T wasn't a real name) posted the photo above to a mutual friend's timeline. And I immediately coveted...

I reposted it, saying that anyone who bought me the Minnie Castavet doll would get me as a slave for one week a year for 10 years or 50 Saturdays, not to exceed two in a row. And I mean it. Yes, I have lots of 'stupid' things. I have both Mulder and Scully action figures; a Locutus action figure; a Frank-N-Furter action figure; a Norman Bates action figure; a remote controlled zombie; a zombie teddy bear and other assorted toys. But I would gladly give up a third of my collection to own a doll modeled after Ruth Gordon as Minnie Castavet. Of course, the two dolls are undoubtedly a set, though I hope the obviously inferior Mia Farrow as Rosemary doll doesn't decrease the value...

The true movie lunatics out there know exactly what I mean.

Genius.

More, anon.
Prospero

Karen Black; Mean Pranks; Death and Other Jokes

Karen Black in House of 1000 Corpses

Veteran genre actor Karen Black has passed away at 74 after a long battle with cancer and that makes Uncle P very sad. Ms. Black's career spanned 6 decades and included films such as Easy Rider;  Five Easy Pieces; Airport 75 and The Day of the Locust. But she's probably better known for her genre films which include The Pyx (1973); Burnt Offerings (1976); Invaders from Mars (1986) and House of 1000 Corpses (2003). 

Among those of us who grew up in the era of disco and only one HBO channel, Karen Black is best remembered for an ABC TV Movie of The Week called Trilogy of Terror. As I am sure you've figured out, it was an anthology of three scary stories. No one I know (including myself) remembers anything about the first two stories. Because it was the third story that freaked out everyone who saw it. It was the third story that all my friends were talking about the next Monday at school. And it was the third story that made my sister almost lose her mind (a lot more on that in a bit...). 

As of this writing, she has three films yet to be released. Black, with her wonky eye and unconventional beauty, came to stardom during the Indie Film Renaissance of the 70's (sometimes referred to as the "Second Golden Age') and managed to maintain a very interesting and viable career long after many of her contemporaries didn't. Karen Black was truly One-of-a-Kind.

And so I don't leave on quite a dark note, I'll segue into two real-life events, memories of which were triggered by the news about Ms Black.

My Dad, despite his many faults, was pretty funny and I'm not ashamed to admit that a big part of my sense of humor is directly related to his. He knew a million jokes and he told them well. He often used fairly accurate accents when telling them, which led to my ear for it (which has proven very useful both on and off stage). He loved nonsense and dark humor, and took great joy in pranking my sister and mother. Here are two examples:

When my sister was very young, she would get scared and sneak into my parents' room in the middle of the night. When they started locking their door, she took to coming up into my room, which was basically a loft with no door. I woke up many mornings to find her in my bed.  Trilogy of Terror originally aired on a Friday night. I don't need to tell what Sis did. That Saturday morning, our father got up and started to make breakfast. She heard him rattling around and called out -- "Hello?" Dad snuck out to the living room and made sounds like the Zuni Doll in that clip. Needless to say, Sis crawled back into bed and didn't move or make a sound until I woke up, some time later. Poor kid!

Which led me to this memory of a Halloween in the mid-to late 70's. Trick or Treating was pretty much over for Uncle P for good, but I still went out with Sis and we had some fun times. Of course, in those days we were out for hours (especially on weekends) and would fill pillowcases two or three times. It was safe and there were hundreds of kids and parents out. This particular night, Dad hid a monster mask in the bathroom. I was upstairs, Sis was in her room and Mom was in the kitchen, which is where kids knocked for candy in almost every house in our area, about to go to bed. Dad snuck into the bathroom and put on the mask and a trenchcoat (and nothing else). He snuck out the front door, crept around to the kitchen door and knocked.

Poor Mom, thinking it was last-minute Trick-or-Treater, opened the door. Dad yelled "Trick 'r Treat!" and flashed her, thinking she would recognize him and laugh. Instead, Mom screamed for Dad and slammed the door! Sis and I both came running, only to hear Dad braying like a hyena outside while Mom came to the realization of what had just happened.

Is it any wonder I am the way I am?

Here are some trailers for my favorite Karen Black Horror movies:

More, anon.

Prospero

Beware the Stare of Mary Shaw

The Only Thing Creepier Than a Clown

After the success of Saw, writer Leigh Whannell and director James Wan collaborated on a very different movie, the underrated 2007 ghost story, Dead Silence.

"True Blood" star Ryan Kwanten plays Jamie Ashton, whose wife Ella ("Revenge" alum and Mia Farrow  look-alike Amber Ashton) receives a strange package one day, containing a ventriloquist dummy named Billy. While Jamie is out getting Chinese food, Ella is murdered by the doll and Jamie returns to his hometown of Ravens Fair, famous for a theatre which featured a ventriloquist named Mary Shaw, who was murdered and supposedly buried with all her dummies. Jamie pays a visit to his estranged father Edward ("24" alum Bob Gunton) who is remarried to a hot young blonde named Lisa (They star Laura Regan). Edward offers little comfort and even less explanation for Ella's murder. Meanwhile, police Detective Lipton (Donnie Wahlberg) has followed Jamie, convinced he is responsible for his wife's death.

As Jamie digs deeper into the mystery of Mary Shaw, more and more people turn up dead with their tongues missing. It seems that Jamie's great-uncle called Mary out as a fraud in the 1940's, claiming he saw her lips move. After she showed him up, the boy went missing and was later found murdered with his tongue cut out. The town blamed Mary and killed her, cutting her tongue out, as well. Jamie eventually visits the old theatre where he finds Mary's workshop and a book with the plans to build a perfect puppet. Eventually Jamie and Lipton realize that Mary is possessing her puppets in her efforts to take revenge on the family that caused her to be murdered, and attempt to destroy them. Thinking the nightmare is over (SPOILER ALERT) Jamie returns to his father's house only to discover that Lisa is actually Mary's ghost and that his father has long ago been turned into a corpse puppet and that Mary had planned the whole thing to get to Jamie, the last surviving member of the Ashton family.

While Dead Silence (originally called just Silence) has loads of atmosphere and plenty of creepy visuals, Whannell's overly-complicated plot turned off most critics and audiences, who found the movie confusing. I've seen Dead Silence several times and always enjoy it, often spotting new Easter Eggs every time (one of Mary's dolls is the tricycle-riding puppet - also named "Billy" - from the Saw movies, while another is the famous Charlie McCarthy). It also features one of Whannell's unforeseeable twist endings (he's much better at that Shyamalan ever was) which I just spoiled, above. Of course, Whannell and Wan hit pay-dirt again with 2010's Insidious, yet another ghost movie I'll be covering later this month. If you're looking for atmospheric creepiness in a ghost story, you can't go wrong with Dead Silence. If you've never seen it, give it a chance. If you have and dismissed it, take another look. 

And if you want an even creepier ventriloquism movie, check out 1978's Magic, starring a young Anthony Hopkins and Ann-Margret. While it's not a ghost story, it is plenty creepy!



More, anon.
Prospero

Christmas Crafts , Early Presents and Ridiculously Hunky Greeks.

I just couldn't wait to give my sweet, sick little Mia her Christmas present this year: the custom 'ZomBarbie' you see to your left. I actually wanted to make this for her for her birthday, but ran out of time. In fact, I was worried I wouldn't have the time to do it for Christmas. But once I got started on it, it went rather quickly. The hardest part was severing Barbie's arm. I used my heavy-duty crafting clippers and it still took several tries from a few different angles to get it, but I think the mangled stump turned out quite well. And the smear on the box's plastic (the result of not-quite-dry paint) was a rather happy accident.

Now, before you think we're both completely insane (as if you don't already), one of the things my co-worker and I bonded on immediately was our love of the zombie genre. And my regular readers know how much I loves me some good zombie-related content. And Mia, a lover of Batman comics and Zombie movies, recognized a kindred soul as soon as we met. Of course, our fellow co-workers think we're absolutely bonkers (and perhaps we are), but they understand (or at least pretend to) our special relationship. And honestly, what else do a gay man of a certain age and 20+ years younger straight woman have to bond about? (Don't answer that question, thank you.)

Mia made me the amazing Teddy-Z a few years ago, and has warned me that her forthcoming gift to me may well cement out reputations as the office loonies (I can't wait to see what she's planning), but I don't care.

And honestly, there is something quite cathartic about turning an American Icon into its antithesis. All I really cared about was making a friend happy at Christmas. Mia's exceptionally enthusiastic response (she immediately posted this picture of it on Facebook) to her gift was well worth the effort it took to make it.

And now, on to the completely unrelated second half of this post. 

While I still haven't seen last year's critically reviled remake of Clash of the Titans, I must admit to being quite excited by the trailer for its completely unnecessary sequel Wrath of the Titans. Do Liam Neesom, Ralph Fiennes and Sam Worthintgton really need the money? I neither know nor care, I just want to see how ridiculous this movie might be.

And how many films need to use Marilyn Manson's cover of "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" in their trailers? As my friend Megan is wont to say, "Que Queso!"

More, anon.
Prospero

Hell Dollies

Dolls have been around almost as long as mankind, and they have always been creepy. Soulless, hollow little humans just ripe for invasion by some horrific entity or other. Before movies about horrid, evil dolls, there were puppet shows, featuring horrid evil characters who beat each other and took great pleasure in each others' pain (what the Germans so lovingly call schadenfruede).

My sister collected dolls when she was a kid (I even got her a REAL Cabbage Patch Doll one year for Christmas) and my mother collected for a while after my sister moved out. I am guilty of still buying one every Christmas for my Godson's sister since she was little (though that may stop soon.. she's in High School! God, I'm old!). And to honest, like any loving older brother, my sister's Barbies went through all kind of hell - her townhouse was the scene of The Towering Inferno and her plane always seemed to land on The Lost Continent.

One of the earliest Horror movies I remember getting to me as a kid was 1936's The Devil Doll, starring Lionel Barrymore as an escapee from Devil's Island who uses miniaturized humans to wreak his revenge on those he blames for framing him. Maureen O'Sullivan is his daughter in this creepy little film directed by Tod Browning (Dracula; Freaks):

The there's the 1959 "Twilight Zone" episode, Living Doll with a not-yet-completely-bald Telly "Kojak" Savalas as the mean father of a little girl whose new doll, Talking Tina, hates him:

Of course, ventriloquists' dummies don't do fare much better. One of the creepiest of those movies is Magic, starring a young Anthony Hopkins as an is-he-or-isn't-he insane ventriloquist trying to renew a romance with his High School crush, played by Ann-Margret. As Corky and Peggy Ann grows closer, Fats becomes more and more jealous. A pre-Gandhi Richard Attenborough directs William Goldman's adaptation of his own novel:

In 2007, Saw writer/ director James Wan brought us a ghostly take on the ventriloquist tale with Dead Silence. Creepy, but renowned ventriloquist Mary Shaw built a town around her theatre. After she cursed the progeny of the town's wealthiest family, she died and had all her dolls buried with her. When one of those dolls shows up at the home of the one family member who managed to get away, killing his wife, he returns to his hometown to get to the bottom of the mystery. Dead Silence is one of those movies that's actually better than you think it's going to be, even if the end is a bit silly:

But it took the 80's to give is the first Killer Doll Franchise, Child's Play:

Chucky's creator David Kirschner went on to write and produce a ton of sequels (each sillier than the last), and in doing so, created two of the funniest camp Horror Movies ever: Bride of Chucky:

Followed by the intentionally hilarious Seed of Chucky:

I'm not sure where to start with that one. "Get a load of Chucky." Seriously? Possibly the lamest tag-line pun, ever. But they do kill Britney and the self-proclaimed King of Bad Taste, John Waters has a cameo, so I suppose it has some things going for it. I also love the "Academy Award Nominee Jennifer Tilly" and "MTV Movie Award Nominee Chucky" blurbs. Shameless. And hilarious.

There is also the 1987 stinker Dolls, about about a group of strangers stranded in a creepy house filled with creepy dolls and toys:

And lets not forget the Direct-to-Video series Puppet Master:

I know there are tons more movies in this category, and as much as I would love to cover them all, frankly, it would take more time than I am willing to devote to the subject (how's that for honesty?). That having been said, what Creepy, Evil Doll movies scare you? Enquiring Minds Want to Know. Leave your comments.

More terrors, anon.
Prospero