Death Ain't No Way to Make a Living

Director Peter Jackson is probably best known for his adaptations of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings. Long before those films made him a household name, he made probably the best zombie comedy ever in 1992's Dead Alive (known as Braindead outside the U.S.). Jackson also made the astounding 2005 version of King Kong, which made Uncle P fall in love with the movie that made me fall in love with the movies, all over again. Jackson really made his mark with 1994's Heavenly Creatures, a mostly true story starring Kate Winslet and Melanie Lynskey as two Kiwi girls who live in a fantasy world and eventually conspire to kill the mother of Lynskey's character. The film was an International sensation and Jackson found himself invited to play with the Hollywood big boys for 1996's The Frighteners, an underrated and unappreciated ghost story starring Michael J. Fox; John Astin; Dee Wallace; Jeffrey Combs and Jake Busey. Re-edited by the studio, The Frighteners is not the film Jackson intended to make, though it deserves more praise than it received upon its realease.

Frank Bannister (Fox) develops psychic abilities after his wife is killed in an auto accident. Able to commune with the dead, he starts a business where the ghosts he knows haunt houses which he then "exorcises" for a fee. When the ghost of a serial killer (Busey) starts marking his victims, Frank and his ghost pals embark on a quest to stop the murders. Aided by Lucy, the widow of a heart-attack victim (Trini Alverado) - whose character is named after Melanie Lynskey, Frank tracks down the killer's still-living lover (Wallace) and eventually sends both of them to their just rewards, but not before dying, himself. Frank realizes that the killer was responsible for his wife's death and returns to Earth with her blessing, finding new love with Lucy and able to finally demolish the unfinished home he'd started to build while his first wife was still alive.

Hated by most critics and denounced by Jackson, The Frighteners isn't exactly a bad movie, though it's not really a good one, either. The performances are pretty solid and the FX are certainly on par with other mid-90's films, but I imagine Jackson's version was probably much scarier than the one audiences were given. I, for one, would love to see a 'Director's Cut' version of this film.

More, anon.
Prospero

Lord of the Zombies

Just before he made a name for himself with 1994's Oscar-nominated Heavenly Creatures (the movie that made stars out of Kate Winslet and Melanie Lynsky) and long before he made the greatest fantasy trilogy of all time, director Peter Jackson made what remains the goriest (and most hysterically funny) zombie movie ever. And probably my favorite horror comedy of all time.

Released in the U.S. as Dead Alive, Braindead is the story of Lionel (Timothy Balme), a young man with an overbearing Mum (Elizabeth Moody) in 1950's New Zealand. Paquita (Diana Penalver) is the daughter of a local grocer whose grandmother predicts she will find true love, but not before facing difficulties. When Lionel enters the shop for his grocery order, the signs line up and Paquita knows that he is 'the one.'

Paquita invites herself to a date and Lionel agrees to take her to the zoo. Unhappy with the thought of losing her boy to some Latin tramp, Mum secretly follows them on their date, only to be bitten on the arm by a vicious Sumatran Rat-Monkey. According to the zookeeper, sailors brought vicious rats with them to Sumatra, where they took over and raped the island's native monkeys, producing the stop-motion hellspawn. 

Soon, an infection ravages Mum, but she refuses to miss an important lunch date and forces Lopnel to help her get ready. After using mucilage to repair a tear in her cheek, Lionel helps her downstairs to greet her guests, where a custard dessert turns into an ear-eating debacle. Not long after, she succumbs and Nurse McTavish pronounces her dead. Of course, this just after Paquita utters what may the greatest single line in horror history. It isn't long before Mum returns to life (sort of) and offs Nurse McTavish. Panicked, Lionel shoves them both in his basement, and thereby starts a zombie plague. 

Featuring a former Nazi veterinarian; an ass-kicking vicar; a zombie sex scene; a hilariously horrible zombie baby; a prostate-challenged perverted Uncle; a vicious set of farting intestines; a deep, dark family secret; hundreds of gallons of movie blood and the most creative anti-zombie weapon ever, Braindead/Dead Alive is not for the faint of heart or the weak of stomach. Here are a few brief examples of just how insane this movie is (Warning - Extreme violence and gore, probably NSFW):

Still, none of that can compare to the movie's climax when (Spoiler Alert) Mum, infused with enough horse tranquilizer to actually mutate her, emerges as a gigantic monster zombie, climbs to the roof and literally shoves Lionel back into her womb! Jackson and his team use a combination of stop-motion animation, puppets and physical make-up effects to create the most outrageous visuals you're likely to see in any movie.

Commenting on family; love; desperation; Oedipus (yes, Oedipus); Post-WWII Suburbia; fate and the horrors that can invade anyone's life without warning, Braindead is one of those movies you'll want to see more than once, because you'll see something new with every viewing. I wore out my VHS copy long before the advent of the DVD and  have since replaced it. And whenever I share it with someone who has never seen it, I take as much delight in their reactions to it, as I do in the movie itself.

If you've never seen Braindead/Dead Alive, I recommend you seek out the unrated version to experience its full effect. Gross, creepy and bizarrely hilarious ("Hyperactive!"), it's the kind of movie Uncle P would make, given the money.

More, anon.
Prospero

The Film with Two Names

Warning: Don't click the clips if you are at all squeamish!

Released in the U.S. as Dead Alive, director Peter Jackson's Brain Dead is probably the funniest and without a doubt, the goriest movie, ever made. If you are a movie lover (or even just an occasional fan) you know that Jackson was responsible for the most successful film trilogy of all time, The Lord of the Rings. He also made a brilliant remake of King Kong (though there are some who disagree) and his latest film, an adaptation of Alice Sebold's The Lovely Bones is due to hit theaters just in time for Oscar season.

But I'm here tonight to talk about Brain Dead/Dead Alive, which may well be my favorite horror movie of all time. Why? Well, let's just say that it is the single most over-the-top horror movie, ever. How over the top? I'll get there.

Lionel (Timothy Balme) is a young Kiwi living with his Mum in 1950's New Zealand. His Mum, Vera (Elizabeth Moody) is the over-bearing sort who keeps poor Lionel under her thumb, despite his best efforts to live his own life. Paquita (Diana Penalver) helps run her family's small grocery store. Her Grandmother (Davina Whitehouse) is a bit of a psychic, who predicts that Paquita will soon meet the man of her dreams. When Lionel comes in for groceries one day, all signs point toward him being the one that Grandma foretold, and Paquita begins to pursue Lionel as any rational young woman might.

Paquita convinces Lionel to take her to the zoo and the jealous Vera follows, only to be bitten by a "Sumatran Rat Monkey." A then feverish Vera convinces Lionel to help her serve lunch to a a couple on the board of the local Society she wants to join, with disastrous results:

Soon, Lionel's Mum is dead. But not for long. After locking zombie Mum and zombie Nurse MacTavish in the cellar, Lionel visits a local Nazi vet for some tranquilizers, hoping he can keep them under control:

Soon, all hell breaks loose as Vera escapes from the grave and starts turning all sorts of folks into zombies. And Lionel's disgusting Uncle Les shows up to claim his share of the family fortune. Naturally, zombie sex leads to a zombie baby, which Lionel for some reason (comic effect, of course), takes to the park for a day out:

"Hyperactive," indeed. After sleazy Uncle Les tries to blackmail him, Lionel cedes the estate. Les, completely unaware of what is actually going on, throws a party which ends up in a zombie massacre the likes of which few movies have attempted to portray:

Brain Dead is most certainly the only movie to feature a self-loving set of mobile intestines. Of course, the above scene also reveals the truth about Lionel's father's tragic death.

But the 'best' is yet to come. Lionel's Mum makes her triumphant return as a gigantic zombie, intent on putting Lionel in his place once and for all - back into her womb! But not before Lionel has dispatched the party zombies with a lawn mower:

I have since long worn out my imported VHS copy of Dead Alive/Brain Dead and replaced it with a DVD. If you've never seen this gem of a horror/comedy, I urge you to do so. Gorehounds, Zombie fans and comedy lovers will adore it; folks with weak stomachs and prurient attitudes will hate it and Jackson fans may be on the fence. No matter what you think about it, Dead Alive/Brain Dead remains the most over-the-top horror movies of all time. Which is why yours truly just adores it. By the way, it also features my single favorite line of dialogue ever written: "Your mother ate my dog!" I seriously would have considered paying to be able to utter that line on film.

More terrors, anon.
Prospero

The Hottest Thing You'll See This Week

It has been officially announced that Victor Webster (who co-starred in the True Crime TV drama "The Chippendales Murder" along with "Lost" hottie, Naveen Andrews) will join the cast of the recently re-booted TV Soap "Melrose Place" as the resident gay character, Caleb. AfterElton reports that they "...already learned that Caleb was going to be a non-stereotypical gay character.." They go on to say he likes the Lakers, smokes cigars and drinks scotch.

All I can say is, he can like to watch midget bowling, smoke opium and drink Ripple, as long he comes home to me at night! Day-yum!

Okay, I know that was pretty uncharacteristic for me and this blog. But for God's sake, just look at him! You can see more hot (possibly NSFW) pictures of Mr. Webster here.

Enough of that.

Let's talk about my favorite subject: Movies. I've really ignored both of these movies until now. One, because I wasn't familiar with the source material, and the other because it sounded, quite frankly, cheesy.

Although I read a lot about Alice Sebold's best-seller "The Lovely Bones," I didn't actually read the book, nor was I exactly enamored by what I read. It seemed like a dreary, depressing novel and not the kind of thing I wanted to read. Lo and behold, the trailer for Peter Jackson's film version is out and it has most certainly caught my interest. The Lovely Bones looks like a slick, gorgeous, edge-of-your-seat thriller. Here's a clip from the trailer's sneak peak on Entertainment Tonight:

Embedding has been removed for the full tailer, but you can see on YouTube, here. What great cast - Rachel Weisz, Mark Wahlberg, Susan Sarandon and the amazing Stanley Tucci looking all pervy...

This next film started life entitled Cirque du Freak, but has since been re-titled The Vampire's Assistant. Why? The original title was much more intriguing. But again, I saw the trailer (thanks to those Sci-Fi loonies over at i09) and was completely blown away. It looks like it could be the movie that Disney's adaptation of Bradbury's Something Wicked This Way Comes should have been (you may or may not remember that my very first real post was about movies that deserve good remakes, and Something Wicked... was among them). Starring John C. Reilly; Willem Dafoe; Salma Hyack; "Fringe" regular Michael Servaris and Colleen Camp, among others.

Check it out:

I'm almost certain I'll be seeing both of these movies.

More, anon.

Prospero