Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Turkish Taffy

While making my daily stop at BoingBoing today, I came across this hilarious gem:


I looked it up on YouTube because I thought it went well with my recent Superhero posts, but then found a whole bunch of hilarious clips I just had to share. Now, I'm hardly an expert on International Copyright Law, but I must imagine that Turkish filmmakers have little (if any) regard for it, as evidenced by the clips I am about to share with you. First, please enjoy this clip from the Turkish version of Superman:

Apparently, the Turkish Superman is so powerful, he doesn't even need to actually hit you to send you flying across the room. And Styrofoam rocks have absolutely no effect on him. At least he sort-of looks like he could be Superman, unlike his rather chubby Indian counterpart above. Though I doubt he can sing and dance as well. And do Turkish filmmakers have no concept of continuity or scene matching?

Next, please enjoy this clip from the Turkish version of Spider Man, in which Spidey appears to be a villain, rather than a hero:

Who knew that Mexican wrestlers played such a vital role in Turkish superhero movies? And when is the last time you can remember Stan Lee having Spidey strangle a soap-blinded, nubile waif with her own shower head? Let's not forget about those killer guinea pigs!
And the phenomena is not limited to superheroes. American Sci-Fi fares equally as well in Turkey. Here's a clip from "Badi," the Turkish version of E.T.:

Did that rubber alien actually pee smoke? Yikes! And Spielberg isn't the only victim here. Take a gander at this clip from the Turkish version of Star Wars:

Wow! What's the deal with Luke Leapfrogger, there? Mark Hamill should have been so lucky. And I have to wonder who got confused... why is John Williams' Indiana Jones music appearing in a Star Wars rip-off? And more importantly, why do the cheesy sound effects keep interrupting it? Even worse, not only has an entire concept been ripped off, but actual footage from the movie they're ripping off has been randomly inserted, as if no one would notice. Do the folks at Lucasfilm know about this?

Speaking of bad sound effects, here's a clip from "Korkusuz," the Turkish version of Rambo:

I love how what is supposed to be the sound of flesh being punched is the same as the sound of cloth-covered flesh being punched. And as with the Turkish Superman, Turkish Rambo doesn't need to actually land a punch to beat up his enemies. At least the Turkish Rambo is hotter than Stallone. I know I wouldn't kick him out for eating cous-cous in bed.
Finally, and possibly most horrific of all, I present you with the penultimate scene from "Seytan," the Turkish version of The Exorcist:

Santa? Why are you performing an exorcism? Shouldn't you be at the North Pole, making toys for well-behaved Christian children? And what's up with your creepy buddy and his ultra-wide floral tie? Why is beating up that poor girl with the bad skin? Dimi... why you do dis to me?
I can't wait to see the Turkish version of Watchmen (though I doubt we'll see Dr. Constantinople's big blue penis).

More, anon.

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