Saturday, March 28, 2009

The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week (Movie Edition)

And possibly the funniest and/or worst movie clip you'll ever see. Thanks to the "Found Footage" section on I09, I came across this 1987 gem, Rock'n'Roll Nightmare. Along with the most jaw-droppingly ridiculous special effects (and unlike our President, when I say "special effects," I really mean special effects) it includes some of the most godawful writng, acting and directing, ever. Ed Wood would have been asking, "Dude, what the hell is wrong with you? This movie is crap!"
In the movie's climax, a girl turns into a travelling carnival's Dark Ride attraction and our Hair Band hero suddenly sheds his clothes, donning eye makeup and a studded leather codpiece and claiming to be an archangel. Did someone leave the house without taking his thorazine? The puppet demon (or whatever) grunts appreciatively as the muscle-bound drag queen poses and flexes. Then a stagehand throws poorly-made ambiguous "creatures" at our hero (presumably dispatched by the not-scary-but-ridiculous demon), who pretends to struggle valiantly, all the while making faces like a constipated yak (not that I have anything against yaks - their hair makes the best theatrical wigs and beards, as evidenced by the star's new and improved gigantic hair).
There's some hilarious face-off/dance-off moves between the sweaty, steroid-pumping, obsequiously androgynous, 80's big-haired star (one Jon Mikl Thor - is it me, or are there very few more pretentiously spelled names?) "fights" the devil (or Beelzebub or Baal or any other number of names for the devil Mr. Thor can mangle the pronunciation of). There's even some ankle grabbing! It's truly indescribable. You just have to watch for yourself. Oh, what the boys at MST3K could have done with this:

Wasn't that just so perfectly je ne sais qua? I honestly think this movie was made in Mr. Thor's mom's basement with a bunch of retired carnies, aging roadies and the junior high art class for a crew. And that hair just makes me want to set it on fire, poor thing. He's actually not bad-looking when he's not scrunching up his face in all that ridiculous grimmacing. The only things missing were a nipple ring and a masked slave on a leash. Oh, Jon Mikl Thor worked again and in 2006 made The Intercessor: Another Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare. As soon as I have time to find a clip, Ill post it. I hope it's half as deliciously awful as the first one.
And speaking of the boys at MST3K, have you seen this fan-made MST clip on the crap-tastic Tweener vampire franchise, Twilight? Hilarious!

See? You thought I was pulling your leg in my last post. Movies and "The Gayest Thing" in a single post! Who loves ya, baby?

More, anon.

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