My friend Jonathan then promptly suggested I visit superdickery.com, a very funny site that makes fun of superhero comics and mostly goes on to prove just what a dick Superman can be. Here's an example from the site:
Then there's that joke about the country rube visiting the big city for the first time. He goes to a bar at the top of a tall building where he meets a man who tells him that the building is so high that the wind's updraft prevents anyone from falling out of it. To prove it, the man jumps out the window and is almost immediately blown back in. The rube takes him up on the challenge, only to plunge to his death. The bartender then turns to the man and says "Man, you are a nasty drunk, Superman."
And not that these prove anything at all about my theory, there are these two bizarrely funny clips from Funny or Die (language NSFW) featuring an apparently gay Superman:
By the way, for some reason, Funny or Die's embed codes don't always work. If you see two black boxes above, just click teh link below each one to see the video. Sorry about that.
And finally, with my apologies to my dear D, here is "Superman Retires":
So, is Superman really a dick? Did I prove anything here? Not in the least. I just wanted to post something I thought was funny. Besides, everyone who knows me knows how much I really love Superman. Even (maybe even especially) in his most recent incarnation: