Wednesday, February 25, 2009

My Statham Obsession

What is it about Jason Statham? He's not actually handsome, in the traditional sense. - he's balding and looks like he's spent time on the wrong end of a battering ram. Most of his movies are simply awful (Death Race anyone?) and his voice sounds like Tallulah Bankhead after a three-pack smoke-a-thon (look her up, kids).

It can't be the body, alone (though damn, what a body!). It's the whole package, I think. He's a sexy, smart guy who can kick a bad guy's ass and seduce anyone he wants at the drop of a hat. Confident, stylish and sexy in a very bad-boy way and plucked from near-obscurity while hawking toys on a London street, Statham has made a career in the violent world of action movies. Some are pretty good (The Italian Job), most are down-right awful (Transporter 2; In the Name of the King), and some fall somewhere in between (Cellular). Then there is a curiously insane film called Crank. In it, Statham plays Chev Chelios, a dubious fellow who has been poisoned by his enemies and must keep his system flooded with adrenaline to stay alive. The action in Crank is so ridiculously over-the-top, you keep saying to yourself "Oh, come on!" But the humor is so outrageous, you can't help but laugh. Chev actually has public sex in front of a busload of Japanese tourists, to keep his adrenaline flowing. At the end of the movie, Statham falls many hundreds of feet from a helicopter to the street below, dying in the process.

But, it was not to be. Soon to be gracing local cineplex screens is Crank 2: High Voltage. Literally scraping the not-quite-dead (it's almost like a Monty Python sketch) Chev Chelios off the street, someone steals his apparently amazingly strong heart and replaces it with a battery-powered artificial heart. Chev must now keep himself electrified while he searches for his real heart. Dwight Yoakim (Panic Room) returns as the doctor who advises Chev on the fly, and insane Chinese actress Bai Ling joins the cast along with the legendary David Carradine (Kill Bill I & II).

Here's the berserk trailer:

So, am I the only one who gets the same thrill from Jason Statham's bad-ass sexiness? Enquiring minds want to know. Leave me a comment. I love hearing from you.

More, anon.



Unknown said...


You barely mentioned the Greatest Movie Ever Made, The Transporter. It co-stars an actress who used to be known in Sanders' household as the next Mrs. Philip Morgan Sanders. Evangeline Lilly currently holds that title.

Back to Jason, I was dumbfounded when I saw the trailer for Crank2, the could become the Greatest Movie Ever Made, or just crap.


Point Test Prep said...

You are not alone. Everything you say we all say too. There are number of men, women too, who are not pretty or handsome but for some reason are down right sexy. On the other side, there are great looking men/women who just leave us cold.

Prospero said...

I love the part where he hooks up the jumper cables to his tongue and nipple. Redonkulous!

(And I didn't mention the Greatest Movie Ever Made, because it's not "The Transporter.")


Stephen R. said...

"his voice sounds like Tallulah Bankhead after a three-pack smoke-a-thon" - - That, Sir, is a genius comparison. It's so damn funny because it's so friggin' TRUE!!!

Still, I wouldn't kick Mr. Statham out of bed for eating crackers. Hell, looking down to see that hot body with that shaved head talking dirty to me with Tallulah's voice and a mouth full of... well... me - - isn't that every gay man's fantasy?

I was afraid I was alone in that... :)

Prospero said...

I'd love to have him talk dirty to me...

Anonymous said...

dirty talk, yes!

i heart jason as well and it is peculiar why i am drawn to him. but i agree with all of your reasons. i also admire him b/c he was a pro diver for many years, i think almost ten. and dedicated athletes with stamina, focus and dedication always get on my list.

plus he's a brit. as cliche and corny and unoriginal as it sounds, the accent adds to the sexy factor. :)

and blog on, my fabulous friend! i always enjoy it!