Wednesday, August 31, 2011

No Sir, I Do Not Like It!


That's Henry Cavill (Immortals) in the new Superman suit (via). The cape was digitally added by a fan. And I have to be honest... I hate it. The colors are all wrong and what's up with that weird waistline? It looks like his crotch has an eye, for Christ's sake! 

I've been against Cavill's casting from the beginning. Why is a Brit playing the symbol of "Truth, Justice and the American Way?" This irks me to no end. And while Zack Snyder did a fine job with Watchmen, his last movie (Sucker Punch), while visually stunning, was a nonsensical, narrative mess. 

Personally, I loved Bryan Singer's Superman Returns and thought Brandon Routh was the perfect successor to Christopher Reeve. Singer has a proven track record with super hero movies, and while Superman Returns may have lacked action, you could see the director's genuine affection for the character. I imagine a Singer-directed sequel would have kicked some serious butt. 

Now, after seeing this atrocity, I am sure that Man of Steel is going to be terrible. After Batman, Superman is my favorite superhero and his iconic red and blue costume is part and parcel with the character. This ugly gray and sort-of red thing looks like it belongs on an evil alien. Just awful!

And while I'm at it - here's a list of some other things I don't like:

Ignorance
Homophobia
Xenophobia
Liver
Most Republicans
Hollywood Executives
Cheap Shoes
Helicopter Parents
Over-cooked Pasta
Country Music
Rap
Pretension
Sarah Palin, Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann
Closeted Gays Who Publicly Oppose Equality
Ghost Hunters International
Wall Street Fat Cats
"Fishy" Tasting Fish
Caviar
Most Musicals Written Before 1968
Andrew Lloyd Weber
Bad Sequels
Neo-Nazis, the KKK and Separatist Survivalists
Fear
People Who Don't Bathe Regularly
Curry
Two and a Half Men
Sharktopus (but I'm not bitter)
Apple Products
Texting
Blue Cheese
Mushrooms
Anchovies
Oil Spills
Bad Spelling, Bad Grammar, Bad Punctuation and Bad Manners
Bad Chinese Food
Misogyny, Misanthropy and Hypocrisy

Something I like, a lot:



More, anon.
Prospero








4 comments:

Pax Romano said...

Great list, however, "West Side Story", "Hair", "Bye Bye Birdie", "Gypsy" and "How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying" were all written prior to 1968, and I love those musicals.

As for Superman - my partner is a huge fan of all that (comic/graphic novel lore) - me, not so much. The last film about masked marvels the did anything for me was Tim Burton's "Batman Returns".

Two and a Half Men is proof that Satan is real! ;)

Michael Offutt said...

His crotch looks tantalizingly large there in the picture.

Prospero said...

The whole thing is just wrong!

And Pax, please note I said "Most Musicals written before 1968." 3 of your five are on my "Like" list... :)

Pax Romano said...

Prospero, duly noted!