Wednesday, July 18, 2012

I Missed My Anniversary But Not My Birthday!

I can't believe I missed the 4th Anniversary of Caliban's Revenge. It seems like just yesterday. But I suppose that since today is my birthday (yes, I'm a Cancerian, though many astrologers prefer the term "Moon Child") I can add the two together in one post.

And since I have done so before, I'm going to update my first real post "10 Fantasy/Sci-Fi Movies That Should Be Remade:"

10. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Steampunk is everywhere these days, and what better vehicle to exploit it than Jules Verne's classic novel about a pacifist and his nuclear submarine? Disney's 1954 classic version invented SCUBA (Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus) and involves an investigation into narwhal attacks, but ends up releasing the Kraken. Modern effects could make or break a remake.

9. Logan's Run. This one has been kicking around forever. The original is pure cheese, dated and almost silly, though it won an Oscar for Special Effects. I wonder if Farrah Fawcett was one of them... Anyway, it's well overdue for an update that's truer to the source material.

8.The Haunting. Jan de Bont's abysmal remake isn't worth mentioning, though Robert Wise's original 1963 film adaptation of Shirley Jackson's novel remains the scariest movie ever made (I dare you to watch it alone with the lights off). Just imagine what a good director can do with the material today.

7. Something Wicked This Way Comes. Disney's 1983 version misses out on so many of the things that make Ray Bradbury's novel one of my all-time favorites. A better script (even though Bradbury wrote the Disney version), combined with modern FX would make Something Wicked... a true movie event.

6. The Exorcist. Currently playing as minimally staged play, William Peter Blatty's novel about demonic possession was a sensation, as was William Friedkin's movie. Personally, I never thought the movie all that scary (though I suppose belief in such things helps). While Dick Smith's physical makeup FX were state-of-the-art at the time, imagine that spinning head today.

5. The Shining. People who love Stanley Kubrick's version of The Shining have never read Stephen King's brilliant and terrifying novel about a haunted Colorado hotel and the family that spends a winter taking care of it. Give me the money to do so, and I'll make a version that will make you poop your pants!

4. Ghost Story. While I personally don't believe in ghosts, Peter Straub's novel about ancient evil really got to me when I first read it. Imagine my disappointment at the lame, truncated movie version. 

3. The Stranger Within. This ABC TV Movie of the Week featured Barbara Eden ("I Dream of Jeannie") as a woman impregnated with an alien child. For the 70's, it was awesome. I imagine a new version would be even better.

2. Metropolis. Fritz Lang's silent masterpiece about social classes is more relevant today than ever before. A remake would be the ultimate 99% allegory. 

1. The Wizard of Oz. Heresy, you say? Wicked is still a massive Broadway hit and Sam Raimi's Oz, the Great and Powerful looks like it's going to be amazing. With so many remakes of other classics in the pipes, why not remake Hollywood's most famous fantasy? Do you know how many film versions of Alice in Wonderland there are? 

I'll be seeing Chris Nolan's birthday present to me (The Dark Knight Rises) this weekend, but I have to know what movie(s) you would like to see remade.

More, anon.


Michael Offutt, Phantom Reader said...

What a wonderful list. However, I'm honestly surprised that "Forbidden Planet" did not make the list. This movie has one of the most incredible story plots I have ever seen in science fiction and is definitely worth remaking more than "The Haunting". I guess that's just my opinion, but man...would a well done Forbidden Planet remake look just awesome?

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday and Blogaversary!

Prospero said...

Michael - "Forbidden Planet" is actually an adaptation of Shakespeare's "The Tempest," from which I got both the blog's name and my pen name.