Friday, January 22, 2010


Okay - in all honesty, I'm not sure which makes me sadder; the fact that these movies exist and are scheduled for release in 2010, or the fact that there are people who will actually spend money to see them.

I'll be honest - I am not exactly a connoisseur of fine film (though I always prefer good movies to bad - with a few exceptions). Hell, I love some really terrible films (Flash Gordon, anyone?). I'll even go out of my way to see a really bad movie, as long at it makes me laugh. And I even own one or two (see my review of Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter). But some movies are so bad, they aren't funny in the least, even when they're trying to be (Snow Dogs; Norbit; Pluto Nash; Meet Dave; Daddy Day Camp - sorry Cuba and Eddie, but you're both in so many bad comedies... ).

Here are some upcoming movies that are so obviously bad, their stench wafts from from the trailers, alone (some language and images may be NSFW):

Hot Tub Time Machine:

John Cusak, you were in Say Anything and Being John Malkovich. Of course, you were also in Igor and 2012, so what does that say about your career of late?

Furry Vengeance:

Okay, so Brendan Fraser doesn't have the greatest track record when it comes to good movies, but he was in Gods and Monsters and the relatively enjoyable The Mummy. Still...

Cop Out:

Originally called A Couple of Dicks, Cop Out is director Kevin Smith's first time directing someone else's script. And while I love Kevin Smith's Dogma, I simply don't find Tracy Morgan to be funny, ever.

Repo Men:

Didn't Darren Lynn Bousman already make a musical version of this story? Shame on Liev Schreiber, Jude Law and Forest Whitaker for taking part in this shameless rip-off of an already bad movie.

And that's just a few of the movies that already stink from the future... I haven't talked about The Last Airbender (which will hopefully be M. Night Shama-Lama-Ding-Dong's last movie, ever), Resident Evil 4; Tekken or (God help us) Saw VII. Hopefully, 2010 will provide enough good movies to cancel out these cinematic turds.

See you at the cinema, anon.


lady. said...

hot tub time machine looks pretty sweet. it looks like it's fairly self-aware of absurdity and is laughing at itself, with you.

or something.

William said...

Uncle P, can't you just see the pitch meeting for HTTM? "Hear me out *toke*...okay, so,*toke* four middle-aged buddies are in a hot tub *toke* right? and then, and then, hehe, *toke* they fall through this freakin' time warp, right? and then it's like 25 years earlier...oh, and then they can make all these *toke* references to cellphones and the internet and sh*t, and everyone else is like 'what the f*ck are these clowns talkin' about?', right?" Yeesh!

Looking forward to the sequel: 'Hot Tub Petri Dish'...