Two More Movies for 2011

If you don't already know, that's hottie Bradley Cooper (The Hangover), whose most recent film with reported girlfriend Renee Zellweger, Case 39 was less than boffo at the box office, as industry headlines would have put it (though I still very much want to see it, if only to see another performance from Jodelle Ferland, one of the most underrated child actors working today).

The gorgeous hirsute hunk has a new Sci-Fi movie coming out next year called Limitless, about a drug that unleashes the human brain's full potential, but with potentially deadly side-effects. Directed by Neil Burger (The Illusionist), it tells the story of an advertising copywriter (Cooper) who uses the chemical enhancement, only to discover that a shadowy group of killers is following his every move.

The movie also stars Robert DeNiro; Abby Cornish (Candy); Anna Friel (my much mourned "Pushing Daisies") and Johnny Whitworth ("CSI: Miami"). Limitless is scheduled for release in March of next year.The teaser below comes via i09:

Also via i09 comes the teaser for the crowd-financed Horror movie The Tunnel. From the lunatics at i09 comes the official synopsis:

"Set and filmed in the real maze of tunnels underneath Sydney, and using the truth as a starting point, The Tunnel tells the story of investigative journalist Natasha Warner, who leads a news crew underground to investigate why the government suddenly scrapped a plan to utilize the water in the disused underground train tunnels beneath Sydney's St James Train Station. They went down into the tunnels looking for a story - until the story found them."

The Aussie independent film is financed entirely through donations of $1 per frame. I'd probably describe this movie as a cross between The Descent and Rec. There's no official release date for The Tunnel, but you can bet that I'll among the first in line to see it when it hits my local cineplex. 

More, anon.

Prospero

Gratuity, Cliches and Other Nonsense

That's Flavor of the Month Bradley Cooper having himself some fun at a waterpark. The Hangover star is on the cusp of major stardom. I first noticed him in Fox's late series "Kitchen Confidential," in which he played a character based on notorious bad-boy chef, Anthony Bourdain. He also appeared in The Wedding Crashers as well as the underrated and under-seen The Midnight Meat Train and the yet-to-be-released thriller Case 39, co-starring his rumored girlfriend, Renee Zellweger and child actress extraordinaire, Jodelle Ferland (who would have been my choice for Alice in Alice in Wonderland). Unfortunately, he also starred in the romantic comedy stinker All About Steve, which has been on almost every critic's "10 Worst" list for 2009. I have yet to see it (and probably won't), but that does nothing to dampen my enthusiasm for this talented star on the rise. Sexy, smart and funny (a deadly combo for your Uncle P), Cooper is poised to become a household name. Let's hope he doesn't screw it up. He is next slated to be seen as Eric Dane's romantic partner in Valentine's Day. Of course, Hollywood execs, being the a-holes they are, have completely omitted the gay love story from any advertising for the movie, hoping to trick straight guys into accompanying their girlfriends to see it. After Valentine's Day, Cooper's next release is the big-screen treatment of The A-Team, in which he plays Faceman, a role originated on TV by "Battlestar Galactica" star Dirk Benedict. Personally, the more I see of Cooper in various states of undress, the better. Of course he'll never replace my obsession, but I certainly wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers (or anything he wants to eat, for that matter).

And since I'm on the subject of gratuitous man-flesh, if you go to YouTube and type in "2010 Superbowl Commercials" you'll come across this curious video, featuring 3 cute guys in Speedos, doing their interpretation of Will Ferrel and Chris Katan at the Roxbury (something I thought/hoped had died when the movie flopped). Still, 3 cute guys in Speedos is reason enough for me:

I don't think they're really selling anything here, but themselves. If so, I'll take the dark one in the green Speedo with the longish hair.

So, enough gratuity (for now) and onto the subject of movie cliches. Or, more specifically, Horror Movie Cliches. If you haven't figured it out by now, your Uncle Prospero LOVES horror movies. And while I was aware this was actually a "meme" of sorts, it really took the clip below (via) to drive the point home:

Granted, in at least two of the movies referenced (The Broken and Mirrors), mirrors are a central theme. Thankfully, this slick trick does not appear in any of the screenplays written by yours truly.

Finally tonight, just as I am about to put this post to bed, I looked outside my window to see at least two inches of snow has fallen since I started writing, about an hour ago. If you read my last two posts, you'll know just how this makes me feel. I also learned (by calling our hotline), that my day job is closed tomorrow, allowing me another day for the drugs my doctor prescribed to take effect on my back, injured in a fall on New Year's Eve. Of course, digging out from yet another major snowstorm in less than a week will not help. Sigh... Arizona looks better and better every day...

More nonsense, anon.
Prospero

P.S. If you live in the "Crippling Snowstorm" region of Southeastern PA and Central/North NJ, my heart goes out to you. Take your time shoveling (rest frequently) and just stay home.

One, Two, Freddy's Light in the Shoes...

This is a picture of the Nike Freddy Kruger sneaker. Why anyone over the age of 14 would want this shoe, is beyond me. Of course, the shoe is only there because of this post's title. JA over at MyNewPlaidPants (welcome home, JA!) has posted this link to an article on StalePopcorn about the absurdist nature of A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge. Mostly, the author talks about the movie's overtly homoerotic tones. I don't know why the author equates "gay' with "absurd," but most of the rest of his arguments are pretty solid. And the movie is pretty freakin' gay:

As I read the piece, I couldn't help but think of openly gay director David Decoteau and his basically soft core gay horror movies. And in particular, The Brotherhood series, which now number 6. Take a look at this trailer for Brotherhood II: Young Warlocks, and see if you can tell what I'm talking about:

Brotherhood V: Alumni

Or this one for Brotherhood V: Alumni

Honestly, does it get more overt than that? TwitMagazine recently had this to say about DeCoteau. Personally, I think his films are dreadful. Stupid, badly acted and cheaply made, DeCoteau's voyeuristic movies put the 'dirty' in "Dirty Old Man." Sadly, horror (almost more than any other genre) is subject to formulaic story-telling and stereotypical characters, which means that LGBT characters in mainstream horror films are simply faceless victims played for laughs, or sexual objects meant for the masturbatory fantasies of middle-aged gay geek virgins (with apologies to those middle-aged gay geek virgins out there).

Personally, I want a horror movie in which the gay characters are strong and effective heroes. A slasher movie where the "last girl" is the "last boy." What's that? Really? There is such a film? Oh yeah, right. Well, almost. While it's far from perfect, we need more gay horror films like Hellbent the 2004 gay slasher film starring Psycho Beach Party's Andrew Levitas. Hellbent writer/director Paul Etheredge tries just a bit too hard, and what could have been a truly effective thriller becomes something more akin to "Gay Sexploitation" than "Gay Horror." Here's the trailer (don't watch this one, Janet):

The problem is getting a still fiercely homophobic Hollywood to embrace the queer writers, directors and actors who provide them with their hand-kneaded, high-fiber, high-protein, whole-grain vegan bread and their non-dairy, low-cholesterol, amino-acid-enhanced 'butter-like' spread. The solution, as always, is through being heard. Squawk loud enough and long enough, and someone will listen.

Personally, I blame the Accountants. They've taken over the studios and turned them into sequel/re-boot/recycling machines, based on business models rather than creative content. Creative, original voices are stifled by whatever is projected to make the most money. That's not to say that Hollywood hasn't always been about the money. Of course it has. And sequels have been around since the invention of the story. Some (though only a handful) Hollywood remakes are even better than their originals. But look at this week's Top 10 money makers. Seriously? OK - I must admit that I HAVE TO see Bruno. But the rest of those films? With the possible exception of The Hangover (starring the insanely hot Bradley Cooper), I'd rather be at the dentist.

Alright. Now I'm ranting about movies. What the hell is wrong with me? I guess I just need to see more stuff like the amazing Moon. Go see it!

More, anon.

Prospero