A November Cornucopia

Turn Off the Show

I'm still recovering from and dealing with the aftermath of Mom's passing (ugh - who knew there was so much to do after someone passes?), so I've been rather absent. But there is so much I want to talk about today that I had to post. So let's get started, shall we?

First, news from Broadway: In a scenario right out of a Mel Brooks movie, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark (a show I've railed against since it was announced) will close on January 4th after having lost $60 million dollars. Playbill.com reports that the problem-plagued show (which cost $75M to mount and nearly ruined the career of director Julie Taymor) will leave many investors without seeing a dime in revenues. Taymor directed Disney's still-running biggest Broadway hit, The Lion King, but on-set injuries and a disjointed second act led producers to fire her (Taymor sued but the case was settled out of court). It got to the point where people were going to see the show in hopes of witnessing one of its many epic fails. Apparently, no one was going just to hear the rather lame score by Bono and The Edge. The show is so infamous, it even inspired and episode of "Law and Order: Criminal Intent." Still, it will live on in future Las Vegas and German productions, as well as a touring stadium show where some investors may recoup some of their losses. Good riddance to bad theatre, I say.

Next up, a story my sister, Dear D and sweet Mia will hate (sorry kids). Thanks to a video link on Towelroad, I have discovered one of the most interesting performers I've seen in quite some time. Puddles is a 7' tall sad clown with a rather amazing voice and range of styles. The video from revisionist cover band Postmodern Jukebox features Puddles as lead vocalist in a haunting cover of Lorde's "Royals:"

Intrigued. I looked up Puddles Pity Party, which led me to additional YouTube videos and this rather hilariously disturbing death-metal cover of Celine Dion's insipid Titanic theme, "My Heart Will Go On:"

Puddles has several other rather fascinating videos on YouTube, which I highly recommend to those among you who are decidedly not coulrophobic. While I truly admire his work, I can't help but feel a slight pang of jealousy at not being clever enough to come up with a character like that of my own. 

And finally, though hardly last, the still amazing gay icon Cher has given us what may well be the gayest music video ever, outside of an Adam Lambert song. The video for her latest single "Take It Like a Man," features some very hot guys in teeny-tiny Speedos, washing cars; diving off of sailboats and generally acting like they're in a soft-core gay porno. Muscles; tatts; twerking and bulges abound (not that I'm complaining):

Whew! I'm spent.

More, anon.
Prospero

The Gayest Month You'll Start This Week

The Gayest Breakfast You'll See This Week (4 Bears Only)

Notice: Some links in this post may be NSFW, depending on where you work. I hope by now, no one really needs the link to that acronym. 

Anyway...

I actually did make pancakes and sausage this morning for brunch, though not nearly as many  of the Pride Cakes (Flip Jacks?) as you see in the image on your left. Mine were actually much smaller, rather misshapen* and regular pancake colored, even though they were whole-wheat. And I used local honey in place of syrup. I do try, though I simply refuse to give up butter. I don't go nuts, but I'm not about to eat something even poop-eating flies supposedly won't touch. Butter's flavor and texture are so necessary for so many recipes. While most, if not all of them, can be made using less butter combined with olive oil, they simply cannot be made with hydrogenated vegetable oils, which are far, far worse for you than honest-to-goodness cow's milk butter. 

Wow. That escalated quickly. 

Sorry for the tangent... because this post isn't about food or cooking or diets or anything other than the fact that June 1st marks the start of Pride Month here in the U.S. Usually at this time of year, Uncle P is either directing or in a JTMF benefit show (our only event this year isn't until October, but more on that, anon). This year, I have the leisure of being able to attend multiple Pride events, should I so desire, without having to man a booth or table at any of them. I've never been to NYC Pride or even Philly Pride. I've only ever been to NJ Pride which is held in Springsteen Central, Asbury Park at the Jersey Shore, which is being held tomorrow. I've been three times, but have never gotten to see the parade, because I was always manning the JTMF table, in hopes of drawing audience members and/or donors. I have a very funny NJ Pride story about D & Siah; a Velcro fly; a very drunken, horny twink named Noel and an Evil You-Know-What for another time. While I have always had time to wander the grounds and visit the other booths, I was never able to see the parade or really mingle with the multitude of gay Guidos on hand.

Here's the thing: I'm not sure I really want to go to any of them. But I actually kind of do. I may decide to brave the traffic and the crowds and go to Philly Pride next Sunday. I've always had a great time checking out the different booths and vendors at NJ Pride (yes, and the hotties), and expect I'd like Philly's version just as much, if not more. I just need to convince someone to join me. Any takers?

Although, if this is the best promo they can come up with, maybe we're all better off staying home:

Really, Philadelphia? Find a new agency, quick, before the Copyranter craps all over that crap. As well he should.

This June, celebrate yourselves, no matter what you sexuality! Celebrate your loved ones who support you and love you for who you are!. Celebrate your partner, if you are lucky enough to have one. Celebrate love, because that's all any of us want and everything all of us deserves. Don't ever stop fighting the haters and the liars.

We've seen more wins than defeats, this past year. Hopefully, SCOTUS will rule in favor of Marriage Equality and the U.S. will join the 21st Century along with the 14 other countries who have embraced marriage rights for all their citizens.

More, anon.
Prospero

*Don't even say what you're thinking, perv!

I May Have to Subscribe to Netflix

Writer/Director/Actor/Producer/'JewBear' Eli Roth is one the horror genre's busiest men. He recently opened the first permanent Haunted Attraction in Las Vegas  and is about to appear in the US premiere of a film he both co-wrote and produced, the Chilean horror movie Aftershock. Roth's latest project is the 13-episode werewolf series for Netflix, "Hemlock Grove." 

Starring the highly underrated Famke Janssen (X-Men; House on Haunted Hill); Dougray Scott (My Week with Marilyn); Lili Taylor ("Six Feet Under") and Bill (son of Stellan and brother of Alexander) Skarsgard, "Hemlock Grove" appears to be the werewolf series that MTV's "Teen Wolf" aspires to be. And though "Teen Wolf" certainly has its moments, I suspect that "Hemlock Grove" will be both bloodier and sexier. 

Thanks to fellow blogger and Facebook friend JA of My New Plaid Pants, comes the following trailer for the series, which has Uncle P almsot foaming at the mouth:

Roth wrote and directed one of the funniest and smartest horror movies ever (the underrated Cabin Fever -link NSFW) and was directly responsible for the mid-oughts 'Torture Porn' genre, thanks to the gory and terrifying Hostel. Roth's most recent project is the feature length version of Clown, based on a short film about a man who rents a clown suit which he can't seem to remove. D, Mia and Barb - don't watch this. It has a very Evil You Know What:

I may very well part with some hard-earned cash just to watch what promises to be a rather insane show when Netflix premiers all 13 episodes of "Hemlock Grove" this coming April. Hopefully, my holiday bills will be paid off by then.

More, anon.
Prospero

It Knows What Scares You

Sorry, D

I know that I've written about Tobe Hooper's Poltergeist several times. And there's a very good reason for that: it's a true modern genre classic. And I'll get to the why's and wherefores in just a minute.

First, I would like to note that Poltergeist serves as one of four movies with which I can always win a bar bet. I've seen this film so many times, you can play any scene without dialogue and I can tell you exactly what's happening on screen just by listening to the score. The other movies I can do this with are Raiders of the Lost Ark; Psycho and the original version of King Kong. I know my sister can also do this with Poltergeist; probably with Raiders... and maybe with Kong. But that's beside the point...

The Freelings are a typical suburban family of the early 1980's. Father Steven (Craig T. Nelson) is a successful realtor in Cuesta Verde, the planned California community in which they reside. Mom Diane (Jobeth Williams) is young and hip, while rebellious teenaged daughter Dana (Dominique Dunne) and her younger siblings Robbie (Oliver Robins) and Carol Anne (Heather O'Roarke) are typical kids. They all live typically messy suburban lives. A construction team installing their in-ground pool has the backyard in a tizzy, while the death of the family canary Tweety has Carol Anne wanting a canary funeral and Robby wanting to dig Tweety up after it rots.* One night, while Steven and Diane fall asleep in front of the TV, Carol Anne comes in to watch the post Anthem buzz (this was before the days of 24 hour cable) and begins talking to the "TV people." Soon, furniture in the kitchen begins to rearrange itself and Carol Anne can slide across the kitchen floor without being pushed. These seemingly harmless events soon escalate and Carol Anne is eventually captured by the "TV People" during a thunderstorm, her voice crying out from the TV for help. 

At their wits' end, the Freelings call in a team of parapsychologists, led by Dr. Lesh (Beatrice Straight) who brings her assistants Ryan (Richard Lawson) and Marty (Martin Casella). After a particularly awful night in the house in which Marty sees himself tearing off his own face, Dr. Lesh calls in diminutive psychic Tangina (Zelda Rubenstein), who sends Steven on a journey through the Other Side to rescue Carol Anne from the 'Beast' which holds her captive. Tangina declares the house 'clean,' though the horror isn't over. It is eventually discovered (after Diane spends some horrifying moments among the corpses in her unfinished pool) that Steven's boss, developer Teague (James Karen) has built Cuesta Verde on an old cemetery where he moved the headstones, but left the bodies. The Freeling's house is eventually consumed by a psychic black hole.

Tobe Hooper, best known as the writer and director of the original The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, had his undisputed best success with Poltergeist, though there are those who would argue that producer Steven Spielberg actually directed the movie. There are 'Speilbergian' touches all over the place, including his trademark close-ups and reaction shots. Of course, the performances of the (mostly) then unknown cast that make Poltergeist so good. Nelson and Williams are just terrific as the suburbanites who find themselves up against forces beyond their comprehension, while the accomplished Straight (Network) lends gravitas to the role of the bewildered parapsychologist (and I must admit to using part of her performance to inform my own performance in a college production of Equus). Add loads of foreshadowing in the brilliant script from Spielberg, Michael Grais and Mark Victor; a creepy clown doll; a terrifying tree; a ceiling crawl and amazing effects from Jeff Jarvis, Jose Abel and company, and you have the iconic ghost movie of all time. Oh, and then there's Jerry Goldsmith's aforementioned score. Genius doesn't even begin to cover how brilliantly Goldsmith was able to musically convey what's happening on screen. Can you say "Perfect Movie?"

Sadly, increasingly inferior sequels and the unfortunate deaths of several actors involved in the film and it's sequels (including young Heather O'Roarke's untimely death from an intestinal blockage and the murder of Dominique Dunne at the hands of an unstable ex) have led to a bizarre, cultish following to what should be considered one of the 80's best horror films.

Unfortunately, a completely unnecessary remake has been announced, though I (for one) am hoping the project never comes to fruition. Poltergeist remains one of the few ghost movies that scares, entertains and fascinates all at the same time. Any remake would have to prove exceptionally extraordinary to be worth seeing. Personally, I don't see that happening.

More, anon.

Prospero

Cirque Grotesque

The Last Circus (Balade Triste) has yet to see a U.S. release, though it has played almost everywhere else in the world since it's Spanish release in December of 2010. It's scheduled for limited release here on August 19. 

IMDb lists its genre as "Comedy," though clearly from its trailer, The Last Circus is a giallo film, filled with gruesome murders. Set in 1973, it tells the story of the son of a famous "Happy" clown who was forced to join Franco's army. The son, a subsequently "Sad" clown,  has an intense battle with another "Happy" clown for the love of a beautiful acrobat. This movie is on my radar for tons of reasons, and long-time readers know all about my love of Horror movies, outre films, Cirque du Soleil and classic giallo movies. Unfortunately, The Last Circus is one Horror movie I won't get to see with D (you know, because of the whole evil you know whats thing).

Of course, The Last Circus is being distributed here in the U.S. by Magnet, the same company that gave us Rubber, the movie about a killer sentient tire, so it's unlikely that I'll get the opportunity to see it on a big screen out here in suburbia. That sucks - and not in the good way.

More, anon.
Prospero

Not-So-Happy Meals and Other Horror Movie Nonsense

I guess you have to find your heart wherever you can, though the Tin Man there seems to have gone a bit overboard, don't you think? 

I wish I knew where I found this image, so I could give some proper credit. But like many things in Uncle P's scary mind, it's lost forever...

As another "Schocktober" draws close here at the Revenge, I thought an End of Summer Horror post would be fun. And to start it off, here's a short that's apparently been around for a while, but I just discovered today. Coulrophobes be warned... this won't be pretty. Ladies and Germs, I give you Happy Meal:

I'm lovin' it!

So what other horrors await us at our local multiplexes this fall? Let's see...

Well, this weekend we have The Last Exorcism:

That looks interesting, if nothing else...


September 17th brings us Devil:



I'm willing to give Devil a go, even if M. Knight Sham-Movie-Maker is involved. At least he didn't direct it.
We are also supposed to finally see the much-delayed release of the Renee Zelwegger, Bradley Cooper, Jodelle Ferland thriller Case 39:



And October brings us the 7th (really?) entry in the Saw franchise, Saw 3D:



Then there's Hayden Christensen, Thandie Newton and John Leguizamo in Vanishing on 7th Street:

And director Darren Aronofsky has Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis and Barbara Hershey in the ballet-themed thriller, Black Swan:

But Uncle P is most looking forward to AMC's original series, "The Walking Dead:"



It seems like Uncle P will be very busy this fall, even after his show closes...

More, anon.
Prospero

I'll Blog If I Want To

This is a postcard from Luna Park, Coney Island's Premiere Attraction in the early 20th Century. Uncle P is so obsessed with the accounts of the attractions at Luna Park, he wrote an as yet un-scored musical about it and it's founders.

Since it's after midnight here, it is officially my Birthday. And if you must know, I am Old Enough to Know Better and Young Enough to Say 'F**k It' and Do It Anyway, Bitches! I have been this age for quite some time now and expect to remain this age for quite some time yet (or at least, I hope to).

Several of Uncle P's dearest friends, including D, K, Q and Dale - as well as some old college buddies he hasn't seen in ages are joining me for an adventure to a place I've never been and I can't wait. I'll post pics and stories... eventually.

And for the curious, here's some footage of the original Luna Park, shot in 1903:

The boat ride was called the Shoot the Chutes and it's obvious there was more thought given to thrills than to safety. The pile-up on the slide at the end would be a tragic accident, today. Still, the story of how that amazing place came to be is just as fascinating as the place, itself.

More...
Prospero

The Gayest Nonsense You'll See This Week

Most of tonight's post is made up of last night's (far from sloppy) left-overs. I say "most," because I did find one of the items below this afternoon.

And before any of y'all get up in my face, I know that's a ROYGBIV rainbow in the picture of Pegasus, but when I Googled 'gay rainbow unicorn' and found what is literally the antithesis of that phrase, I couldn't not use it. Oh irony, how you mock me. Or something.

Then again, I suppose the rather phallic (not to mention psychedelic) mushrooms do push the whole thing from 'mythological' to 'gay.' By the way, what does a gay Pegasus eat? Haaaa-aaay! I'm here all week. Try the veal and tip your servers.

Anyway, I posted about the rainbow dude the other day and I guess I was right on the cusp of a meme, because yesterday I found a clip that makes the single best use of of AutoTune, ever:

Genius! I'd really love to meet the Rainbow Guy. I mean, how many of us can honestly say we have something that brings us that much insane joy?

And speaking of insane, the ever-expanding Cheezeburger network is holding a contest on Failblog. An Evil-You-Know-What contest that they're calling the ClownFail Contest. I would post an image, but I love too many coulrophobes to do that... Brave souls like you and I who find creepy clowns to be supercalifragilcalilisticexpialidociously fun, check out the gallery and vote for your favorite EYKW. New photos are added daily.

Did someone say "creepy photos?" What? Oh, my mistake. Yes, "Pathetic Celebutard Court Video" is very different. The Cult of Celebrity is nothing if not bizarre. We elevate people based on the slimmest of merits, then watch like rabid hyenas as they fall, drooling to tear them apart. I know I've taken plenty of potshots as 'Lilo,' here. I try to stay away from the celebrity gossip, mostly because I despise bloggers like Perez Hilton, who make their money exploiting rumors, innuendo and altered photos. But the once adorable and truly promising child star that was Lindsay Lohan has become a bigger train wreck than Britney and Paris combined. All the stupid bitch needs is a sex tape and she'll win the title... No... I know. Lilo needs a Sassy Gay Friend to pull her from the depths of despair. Honestly, I must admit to a certain sense of schadenfreude when I saw the video of her sentencing; and based on the comments on several websites that carried it (the majority of which were: "Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!"), so did many millions of others. Still, I can't help be saddened to see another promising young talent throw it all away.

And finally, tonight over at Towleroad, I found this rather amusing clip of gay blogger and reporter Jesse Archer and his visit to Miss Vera's Finishing School for Boys Who Want to be Girls in celebration of the release of Miss Vera's book of the same name:

Don't forget, tomorrow is a special 2nd Anniversary Edition of Caliban's Revenge, featuring an updated version of my first ever movie post and a few bonus surprises...

More, anon
Prospero