The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week

Bryan Hawn

You know I love me some gay boys lip-syncing to Diva songs. In fact, the very first "The Gayest Thing" post here on Caliban's Revenge was that little twink dancing to Beyonce's 'Single Ladies' in his bedroom. Then there was the boy singing Miley in the shower and who knows how many others. It's been a while since anyone's done one of note so I was a bit surprised to find the video below on Facebook, today.

Former Aberzombie model; trainer; aspiring singer and actor Bryan Hawn (how much do I love that his site has a link to his 'ass workout?' Probably as much as I hate the misspelling of his first name) has posted his take on Sia's "Chandelier."

Uncle P is old, kids. I know that Sia (not to be confused with my sweet friend 'Siah) exists, only because I've seen her name on various websites and may have caught her on "Fashion Police," back when I watched it with Mom. The song is okay, I guess, but it seems silly coming from Hawn's mouth. Truthfully, Hawn isn't exactly Uncle P's 'type.' I get it... hardbody boy and all that... but he's a bit too hairless for my taste (TMI, I know) and there's something about his face... I suppose he just doesn't look very bright (he may be a genius for all I know, though I somehow doubt it). Still, the video is hilariously gay and I know plenty of friends and followers who will totally lose their sh*t over him. Enjoy:

Meh. Give me Jason; Chris; Paul; Henry; Jason; Jake or James any day (so many J's!).

More, anon.
Prospero

Strange Bedfellows or: End of the Weekend Gratuitisness

PA State Representative Brian Sims of Philadelphia

This has been a rough week for the country, and especially the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and in particular, the city of Boston and its suburb, Watertown (and I have the audacity to complain about a bad movie...).  A very long time ago, someone I once knew told me "The worst thing that is ever going to happen to you no matter what, and you have very little control over it, so why live in fear of it? Embrace your finite mortality and engage in every moment of your life, even your dreams. They are all we'll ever have." He may have been stoned at the time (shh... don't tell) but he was right. It took me a long to actually process what that really meant.

Anyway, I thought the majority of my readers (straight women and other gay men) might want to just have a moment to ourselves and share some happy, probably Safe for Work beefcake, if only to bring a smile you face.

That's openly gay and super-hot State Rep Brian Sims making my blog look so good, right off the bat. A champion of Equality, the 35 year old is the first openly gay person to be elected to the Pennsylvania General Assembly and remains the only openly gay football captain in the NCAA while at Bloomsburg University. Sims received his Juris Doctorate at Michigan State and served as both the President of Equality Pennsylvania and Chairman of Gay and Lesbian Lawyers of Philadelphia. Talk about husband material. Sorry ladies. this one's ours.

Of course, that doesn't mean we can't share. You know you want the Ryans as much as we do:

Sensitive; enigmatic; baby-faced Gosling is simply irresistible with his knowing smile and non-judgmental eyes and smoking hot body! And he can actually act!

Reynolds, on the other hand, just exudes sexy. The Canadian actor's insanely hot body; 'Boy-Next-Door' good looks and generally genial manner make up for the nonsense that was Green Lantern. Seriously, what kind of moron hides that body in a CGI suit?

Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris.... Oh, sorry. Got a little lost there for a moment. He's been both the Human Torch and Captain America. Evans stopped listening to the agent who told him to keep his clothes on, thank goodness.

  

Bollywood Superstar Hrithric Roshan will always be on my list of Things That Make Me Happy.

Of course, there's always my personal Obsession:

Feel better. I know I do. Hope this week is better for all of us!

More, anon.
Prospero

Golden Obsessions

The Latest Poster for 'Carrie'

That's Golden Globe winner Julianne Moore as Margaret White on the latest poster for the third film version of Stephen King's debut novel, Carrie. The novel, published in 1973, was set in 1979 - the year I graduated high school.* Director Brian De Palma adapted the book into his classic 1976 film starring Sissy Spacek and Piper Laurie. It was unlike any horror movie that had come before and featured a shocking ending sequence which had audiences reeling (it was also the Feature Film debut of Scientologist John Travolta). In 2002, the movie was remade for television, starring Angela Bettis (May; The Woman) and Patricia Clarkson ("Six Feet Under;" The Green Mile). The best that can be said about it is that it was 'less-than-successful.'

Director Kimberly Pierce (Boys Don't Cry; Stop-Loss) has revisited the story for a new generation with Chloe  Grace Moritz (Let Me In) in the title role and Moore as her religiously fanatic mother. Both Spacek and Laurie were Oscar nominees for their extraordinary performances in DePalma's version. And while I know Moritz has her detractors (I'm talking to you, JA), if anyone can best them, it's Moritz and Moore. I've been a fan of Ms Moore since 1992's The Hand that Rocks the Cradle and Moritz has been on my radar since 2010's Kick-Ass. I think I have to add Carrie to the small list of remakes (along with Evil Dead) to which I am actually looking forward to seeing.

And linking the Golden Globes to my many obsessions, here's a clip of one of my biggest obsessions, presenting an award to another of my obessions:

Seriously, it should be illegal to be as hot as Statham is. And yes, Adele totally deserved to win over Taylor Swift, and not just because Swift is a fickle slut (I didn't just type that, did I?).

And while we're (well, I'm) on the subject of obsessions, Cirque du Soleil has added a new act to their "adult" show in Las Vegas, Zumanity. "Scottish Fantasy" features a very hot hula-hooping act in a tiny kilt designed by Thierry Mugler:

And just in case you haven't seen it before, here's one of the reasons I love Zumanity:



Let's see how well I sleep after after that, tonight...

*Damn, I'm old!

More, anon.
Prospero

Fighting It...

If you've been reading Caliban's Revenge for a while, you know that Uncle P suffers from occasional bouts of depression. I'm not afraid or embarrassed to admit this. In fact, I hope that doing so might help others who suffer in the same way.

My worst struggle with the disease came about in 1996, while directing a production of Romeo and Juliet. I won't go into detail, though I will say that seeking the help of a therapist was the best thing I ever did for myself. My therapist gave me tools to cope and introduced me to a group of men whose circumstances were very similar to my own and after about a year, I was able to move on. 

Out of that group, I remained friends with one of the sweetest people I've ever known, my dear friend Bill. Bill and I would meet for dinner, attend to movies and just hang out. Eventually, we lost touch. But thanks to Facebook, Bill and I reconnected a few years ago and struck up our friendship, anew. 

We left snarky comments on each other's walls and he came to see my shows and supported the JTMF. In March of this year, Bill emailed me that he had bought tickets to see Hairspray and was looking forward to the show. Then I didn't hear from him for a while. I went to his Facebook page and posted something to the effect of "Where have you been? I miss your snide comments." It was only after I posted that I read some of the things other people had posted on Bill's page: "I miss you so much!" "I pray you are at peace." "I can't believe you're gone!" What?!? It turned out that Bill had died a few weeks earlier of a heart attack, while brushing his teeth before work. I was devastated, to say the least. Bill was three years younger and in much better shape than me.

A few months later, a fairly new friend and exceptionally talented painter (who had donated a rather beautiful painting to the JTMF silent auction the previous year), also passed away from an unexpected heart attack. Ed was five years younger than me.

Last weekend, while in Miami for the day job, I learned that the young man who'd been cutting my lawn since he was teenager, passed away at the age of 34. Granted, Luke had been in and out of rehab several times in past ten years; had been ill enough to be placed in a medically-induced coma earlier this year and had recently ballooned to twice my size thanks to the medications on which he'd been placed. Still, 34 is far too young... The tox results are still pending, though his family suspects a blood clot in his leg may have moved into his heart. His mother and brother found him that morning, at first thinking he had fallen asleep in front of the TV.

I don't think after all this, the fact that I am contemplating my own mortality should be any surprise. It has also been almost three months since I've done any theatre (the one thing that actually makes me feel whole) and almost as long since I've spent any quality time with the friends who are always there for me. Combine all that with money being particularly tight and the lack of a truly fulfilling intimate relationship... Well, you can imagine how I've been feeling these past few weeks.

I know... all this means nothing, especially when each event is taken on an individual basis.But I still can't help but feel a bit disturbed.

What I need are hugs from my besties, a show to distract me and the attentions of someone who can see past all my nonsense. Of course, a date with Jon Hamm or Jason Statham would do wonders...

Oddly, it's lesbian singer/songwriter Melissa Etheridge who gets how I'm feeling right now...

Sorry for rambling. Thanks for "listening." I'm fighting this with every tool I have at my disposal (though I may up my daily vitamin D dosage) but it's not easy. Letting it all out here helps, a bit. And don't worry - I'm not planning on going anywhere, soon.

More, anon.
Prospero

Trailerpalooza

Summer 2012 is far from over and while there are still several Summer movies I'm really looking forward to seeing (Total Recall; The Odd Life of Timothy Green; The Tall Man; ParaNorman and The Expendables 2 - Okay - D made me promise to see that one with him, and even though it co-stars my obsession, it's not exactly at the top of my list), there are loads of movies coming up this fall I also want to see, many of which have recently had trailers released online. So let's take a look at some of the movies I'm looking forward to seeing in the second half of the year, shall we? 

TOTAL RECALL:

I loved the Colin Farrell remake of Fright Night, and I think Farrell (as do many others) is hot! This version looks to be closer to the Phillip K. Dick story "We Can Remember It for You Wholesale" than the Arnold Schwarzenegger version.

THE ODD LIFE OF TIMOTHY GREEN:

This strange and sweet Disney fantasy may just be the palette-cleanser we all need after the rest of the summer's violent blockbusters.

PARANORMAN:
 Kodi Smit-McPhee (Let Me In) and the amazing Jodelle Ferland (Silent Hill) are among the voices in this animated fantasy about a boy who sees dead people.



DREDD:

Forget the ridiculous Stallone movie. Karl Urban (Star Trek) stars as Judge Dredd, the comic-book hero who never removes his helmet.

LOOPER:

Hot up and comer Joseph Gordon-Levitt (The Dark Knight Returns) and Bruce Willis star as a time-traveling assassin who is supposed to kill himself.

SINISTER:

Ethan Hawke is a true-crime writer who discovers a supernatural element to the story he's currently researching.

SILENT HILL REVELATION 3D:

I actually enjoyed the bizarre original adaptation of the creepy video game, thanks in part to terrific performances from Radha Mitchell, Jodelle Ferland and Sean Bean. The sequel looks equally bizarre and interesting.

CLOUD ATLAS:

Tom Hanks; Halle Berry; Jim Broadbent; Hugo Weaving; Susan Sarandon and James D'Arcy are among the many stars in the Wachowsky's adaptation of David Mitchell's complex novel about time, love, birth, death, and everything in between. I've watched this trailer several times, and it never fails to get me excited to see the movie. Watch this one in Full Screen.

SKYFALL:

Daniel Craig returns in his third outing as James Bond in director Sam Mendes' (American Beauty) take on the character and the genre. As long as Craig shows off that magnificent body, I'll be happy. though as a Bond fan since the Sean Connery days, I can't wait to see what Mendes has in store for us.

LIFE OF PI:

Director Ang Lee (Brokeback Mountain) adaptation of Yann Martell's novel about an Indian zookeeper's son who is shipwrecked with a variety of animals in the Pacific. Another trailer you should watch in Full Screen:

CIRQUE DU SOLEIL: WORLDS AWAY:

The first Cirque film, Journey of Man literally brought tears to my (and my companions') eyes with it's beauty. Their follow-up, Allegria, was a little too bizarre for most folks. The latest from my other obsession looks nothing less than amazing. Watch this one in Full Screen, as well.

While I probably won't get to see all of these films in a cinema (though I will make sure to see at least three or four of them on the big screen), I am excitedly anticipating seeing all of them in one format or another. What movies are you looking forward to see in the next few months? 

More, anon.
Prospero

The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week

So, after many years of catalogs featuring half-naked muscle-twink models and stores featuring half-naked muscle-twink sales staff, Aberzombie and Felch -- uh, excuse me -- Abercrombie and Fitch, presents us with their most homoerotic commercial ever. Directed by Bruce Weber, the clip features four twink "wrestlers" while announcing "Other sports require one ball. Wrestling requires two." 

The twinks roll around, take off their shorts and shower together, all under the guise of selling clothes. Really? I didn't see much in the way of clothing in this ad, just lots of wet boy-on-boy action. It even ends with a sweet kiss in the shower. 

Not that I'm complaining. Still, it did nothing to make me run out and buy their over-priced clothes (not that they make them in my size, anyway). You can watch the clip here on Weber's site (via Unicorn Booty).

If you're unfamiliar with A&F's advertising, here's a 'news' story about the opening of a new store in Singapore:



Yeah, they're pretty and all, but (giggling Asian girls aside) this Papa Bear is partial to something a little more masculine:

My Obsession

You're welcome.

More, anon.
Prospero

The Day One Obsession Mated with Another

 Let's put away sad things, shall we? Well... it's sad to me that I probably will never get to see Iris, Cirque du Soleil's 'Journey Through Cinema,' in residence at the Kodak Theatre in Los Angeles. If you've been reading this blog for a while, you know how I love me some Cirque. My only real issue with them is that they have gotten so darned expensive. I saw almost every tour and several permanent and specialty shows) for several years, until ticket prices crept past the $125 mark. I was in on the ground floor, so to speak, and I feel customer loyalty should be rewarded. I've been there since We Reinvent the Circus, damnit! That should get me some discounts, if not freebies.

"Blah, blah, blah, Uncle P. Are you done complaining yet?" No, I'm not. I'm still upset that one thing I love did a show about another thing I love, and I probably won't get to see it (I know, I know. Total White Whine). Still, a Cirque show about Cinema? That's almost like Jason Statham starring as Prior in Angels in America. The Great American Art Form as interpreted by the Great French-Canadian Art Form? Bring it, baby. The last touring show I saw was Kooza in Philadelphia, a combination Christmas/Birthday gift from K, who came with me. We got lost and arrived a little late, but we were enthralled, as usual.

 The current touring show is the insect-themed OVO, and I am hoping to see it.

Maybe I can find a rich Sugar Daddy (or at my age, a rich Sugar Baby) who will fly me out on a private jet to have dinner, see the show and... well... let's just say I'd make worth his while.

Oh. My. God! Did I just offer to prostitute myself for tickets to a Cirque show?

Yes. Yes, I did. And I'll keep doing it until it works, damnit! And if you watch the clip below in Full Screen (as I recommend for all of the clips tonight), you will see exactly why I would do (almost) anything to see Iris.

I know there are people out there who can't afford tickets to a movie, let alone an extravagantly produced live show. And I know there are far worse things in the world than not being able to afford entertainment. Still -- there is a creative energy and sense of wonder in a Cirque show that I have rarely experienced elsewhere. Can you blame me for being obsessed? 

More, anon.

Prospero

PS - I'm really close to liking the black, purple and green, though still think it needs some tweaking. Please tell what you think.

Bollywood, Lust and Language Barriers

The few Bollywood musicals I've seen are really dreadful, featuring either silly spy tales; nostalgic mythologies or insipid love stories that make Mama Mia! look like a work of genius.

Still, I wonder why I never heard of Bollywood superstar Hrthiik Roshan. That's him in all his hot glory on the left. Gorgeous and talented (the man dances better than Michael Jackson at his best), Roshan makes his US debut this weekend in Kites, a tri-lingual actioner about a man who falls in love with his fiancee's brother's fiancee. Of course, Roshan could play a man who falls in love with his brother's fiancee's father's goat, and it wouldn't matter, as long as he spent more than 50% of the movie more than 50% unclothed.

Apparently, much of the humor in Kites revolves around the problems of communicating in Hindi, Spanish and English. Trust me, I'd have no problem expressing my thoughts to Roshan. Nathaniel Rogers' review on Towleroad sums it up quite nicely:

"Though Roshan only gets one dance number (Shame. He sure can move) his impossible body gets such loving camera attention and he poses so still and carefully for it that you might feel you're watching a camp classic -- the first based on an old catalog! -- International Male: The Movie."

I've always been a fan of the "tall, dark and handsome" type, but Roshan takes that cliche and amps it up by about 1000% (what is it with me and percentages tonight?). The 36 year-old hottie has made only 25 films in his nearly 30-year career, though I suspect that Kites will not only garner him a legion of American fans (both male and female) who will gladly plunk down $10 for a few hours of his exceptional hotness, but will be just the start of an international film career. I know I will be awaiting his American-made film debut with baited breath.

Now I know you all are thinking "Uncle P, what's up with you? You don't usually go on about hot men." To that I have to say, "Have you taken a good look at him? Da-yum!" It's like Vishnu blessed us with an Indian combination of Stallone; Statham; Pitt; Baldwin and Kelly. I know I don't usually gush like this, but having seen him, can you honestly blame me?

Here's a clip of Roshan's best moves:

And here is the trailer for Kites:

To borrow a phrase from my dear Stephen Rader, Roshan is officially my new "Imaginary Boyfriend." And don't you dare try to tell me otherwise.

More, anon.
Prospero

Luc Besson Returns to Sci-Fi

That's the poster for French director Luc Besson's latest, a Steampunk adventure titled Les Aventures Extraordinaire d'Adele Blanc-Sec, based on the French comic series by author Jacques Tardi. Besson wrote and directed one of Sci-Fi's most underrated films, The Fifth Element and 2006's CGI Fantasy flop, Arthur and the Invisibles.

The story surrounds the titular Adele Blanc-Sec, a popular early-20th Century novelist who turns investigative journalist. The beautiful Adele has to deal with a bevy of suitors while fighting off any number of monsters, beasties and assorted creatures.

If you've been reading from the beginning, you know Uncle Prospero loves him some good Steampunk. In fact, I basically started blogging to document my Steampunk-inspired production of Thornton Wilder's The Skin of Our Teeth. And my fascination with the genre goes back to before it actually had a name. I grew up loving the novels and stories of Jules Verne and H.G. Wells (and the countless movies they inspired), so it's no wonder I have an affinity to the movement. The Victorian era saw the Industrial Revolution and Verne and Wells were prescient enough to imagine nuclear submarines, space travel, computers and even wireless communication (though I'm still waiting for time travel, teleportation and the discovery of Atlantis).

As for Besson's films (which include the movie that made my obsession a star, The Transporter and the actioner, La femme Nikita), they always manage to be over-the top, if nothing else. In The Fifth Element, starring former obsession Bruce Willis and future Zombie-fighter extraordinaire, Milla Jovavich, Besson imagines a future with government-regulated tobacco use; vacations on other planets; McDonald's uniforms designed by Jean-Paul Gaultier and what is possibly Gary Oldman's creepiest villain, ever. I, for one, can't wait for what he does for Steampunk aesthetics. The trailer below (via) is in French, but you get the general idea.

Les Aventures Extraordinaire d'Adele Blanc-Sec is scheduled for release in France, in April. No word on a U.S. release date, but you can bet I'll be among the first in line.

More, anon.
Prospero

Linkity-Linkity-Link-Link-Link.

"A little nonsense now and then
Is treasured by the wisest men."

Or so says Willy Wonka. By now, you should know Uncle Prospero loves him some nonsense. And this image is probably the most nonsensical (not to mention innately disturbing) thing I came across today. I wish I could remember where I found it, so I could credit the blogger who posted it, but I was at work and didn't jot it down (if you know, please comment so I credit whoever it was).

I know there's a lot of weird and kinky fan art and fan fiction floating around out there. Everything from Kirk/Spock sex and Frodo/Sam sex to fan-written stories set on the "Lost" island, but this depiction of Alf and someone I can only assume is Matt Frewer, takes the cake.

Oddly, it's not the only bit of nonsense I have to talk about, tonight.

There's this video posted at Boy Culture, of the Korean "Ladyboy Gaga" that made me giggle.

And this post over at JA's My New Plaid Pants of my obsession (not exactly nonsense, but something that makes me wish I was a pair of shorts).

And then there's this hilarious interview with Andy Roddick that turns into Koala Porn (via):

Finally, just because I'm posting about nonsense, here's the silliest (and possibly funniest episode of "Ren and Stimpy" ever:

"Carmaly, carmaly carmal corn!" Yum!

More nonsense, anon.
Prospero

Review: "Crank: High Voltage"

I travel several times a year for my day job. It's a weekend or two, but it's a chance to travel the country and meet all kinds of great and interesting (and sometimes scary) people. Our hotel rooms (usually very nice ones), travel, meals, etc. are paid for and it's a good chance to get to know co-workers from other departments a little better. We always work hard on these trips, but we manage to have plenty of fun, too. I really am lucky and honestly have a fabulous day job with a really terrific non-profit. One of our travel perks is that we can rent an in-room movie per night. I usually pick a recent movie I missed in theatres, but is not yet out on DVD. I saw both the atrocious Hancock and the deplorable Mummy sequel in Chicago this way, last fall.

Last night, I got a much-needed dose of Statham-osterone and watched Crank: High Voltage. The highly improbable sequel to 2006's highly improbable Crank, literally picks up at the end of the first movie. Paid assassin Chev Chelios (Statham... Mmm... Staaa-thaaaam... garble, blargel, gargle) has survived the deadly Chinese poison which forced him to keep adrenaline pumping through his system until an antidote could be administered, only to fall over a mile from a helicopter (free-fall fist-fighting a bad guy most of the way down), bounce off the roof of a car and then land with a thud on the street, where after a second.. he blinks! A black van pulls up, five men literally scoop Chelios off the ground with a snow shovel, and carry him off to a filthy O.R. where Chinese gangsters remove his heart and replace it with an artificial heart, powered by a battery pack around his waste. He learns that his heart is destined for an ancient Chinese mob-boss (the recently late David Carradine wearing tons of latex make-up and yak hair), and he is being kept alive so that said mob-boss can continue to harvest his organs, including Chelios' appropriately enormous schlong (sadly, we never get to see said schlong). Chev's soon after the heart and off on a nearly identical journey to save his own life, while continually (and amusingly) finding ways to bring himself back from the brink of death. This time, he needs to find ways to continually charge the plastic pump's auxillary battery, using everything from a wet finger in a car lighter; jumper cables (on his nipple and tongue); friction (another bout of public sex with girlfriend, Eve played the returning Amy Smart) and several other outrageous acts. Dwight Yoakim is also back as Chev's disgraced doctor friend who plans on returning Chev's own heart to his body (once Chev has retrieved it, of course). New to the franchise is looney-tune Chinese actress Bai Ling as a skanky ho (type-casting, anyone?) who thinks Chev is her Prince Charming because he saved her life while storming a "social club" in search of the guy with his heart in a cooler. Ms. Ling's dialogue is entirely (supposedly) in English, though we are graciously provided subtitles that would make a sailor blush for every one of her insane malapropisms. There's a hilarious cameo by John "Q" Delancie as a foul-mouthed local news anchor and Corey Haim is hilarious as mulleted loser Randy, who gets beat up by a girl. Efren Ramirez returns as well, this time as Venus, the gay; "Full Body Tourettes" afflicted; revenge-bent twin brother of the character he played in the first movie.

The action is way beyond over-the-top, the comedy is as broad as it gets (it actually degenerates into a very silly - and a bit too long - Godzilla parody near the end) and the language couldn't be fouler (the phrase "F**k you, Chelios" is repeated, both verbally and in text so often, I lost count). But, like most of Statham's films, it's a terrific "park your brain at the door and just enjoy the ride" kind of movie. Writers/Directors Mark Neveldine & Brian Taylor (Pathology and the up-coming Jonah Hex comic adaptation) use dozens of techniques and styles to keep the action moving along so quickly, you don't have time to think about how just completely ridiculous the whole thing is.

They also provide a very amusing sequence in which young Chev and his Mum appear on a British "Dr. Phil" type show; where we learn that Chev has always been a bit more than just a hellion and a painfully funny anal rape scene (yes, it goes there) involving a fat biker, motor-oil and a shotgun. Whether you're craving a dose of testosterone, outrageous action, surrealist comedy or an eyeful of Jason Statham's delicious eye-candy, Crank: High Voltage should be in your Netflix queue, if it already isn't.

And yes, if you must ask, room is left for another (though completely unnecessary) sequel.

**1/2 (Two and a Half Stars). Rated "R" by the MPAA for Extreme Violence, Gore, Language and Sexual Situations.

More, anon.

Prospero

My Statham Obsession

What is it about Jason Statham? He's not actually handsome, in the traditional sense. - he's balding and looks like he's spent time on the wrong end of a battering ram. Most of his movies are simply awful (Death Race anyone?) and his voice sounds like Tallulah Bankhead after a three-pack smoke-a-thon (look her up, kids).

It can't be the body, alone (though damn, what a body!). It's the whole package, I think. He's a sexy, smart guy who can kick a bad guy's ass and seduce anyone he wants at the drop of a hat. Confident, stylish and sexy in a very bad-boy way and plucked from near-obscurity while hawking toys on a London street, Statham has made a career in the violent world of action movies. Some are pretty good (The Italian Job), most are down-right awful (Transporter 2; In the Name of the King), and some fall somewhere in between (Cellular). Then there is a curiously insane film called Crank. In it, Statham plays Chev Chelios, a dubious fellow who has been poisoned by his enemies and must keep his system flooded with adrenaline to stay alive. The action in Crank is so ridiculously over-the-top, you keep saying to yourself "Oh, come on!" But the humor is so outrageous, you can't help but laugh. Chev actually has public sex in front of a busload of Japanese tourists, to keep his adrenaline flowing. At the end of the movie, Statham falls many hundreds of feet from a helicopter to the street below, dying in the process.

But, it was not to be. Soon to be gracing local cineplex screens is Crank 2: High Voltage. Literally scraping the not-quite-dead (it's almost like a Monty Python sketch) Chev Chelios off the street, someone steals his apparently amazingly strong heart and replaces it with a battery-powered artificial heart. Chev must now keep himself electrified while he searches for his real heart. Dwight Yoakim (Panic Room) returns as the doctor who advises Chev on the fly, and insane Chinese actress Bai Ling joins the cast along with the legendary David Carradine (Kill Bill I & II).

Here's the berserk trailer:

So, am I the only one who gets the same thrill from Jason Statham's bad-ass sexiness? Enquiring minds want to know. Leave me a comment. I love hearing from you.

More, anon.

Prospero