A Very Sad 'Reality' TV Celebrity Meltdown

Soft Porn... er... "Reality'" star Tila Tequila

Regular readers know how I feel about most so-called "reality TV." Manipulated by writers and producers and edited to provide the most salacious content possible, it is about as far from reality as Grimm's Fairy Tales.

The increasingly stupid populace at large just eats this crap up, and since it's much cheaper to produce than scripted shows, the networks keep pumping it out, ad nauseum. I know what I know about reality shows mostly from reading entertainment blogs and watch "The Soup" on E!. The phenomenon only serves to produce temporary celebrities who will be forgotten as soon as they and their publicists have run out of ways to exploit them.

Tila "Tequila" Nguyen is a Eurasian Penthouse and Maxim model who became semi-famous because of her MTV 'reality' dating show "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila." A self-proclaimed bisexual, Tila has gone on to be a singer in two bands; the owner of now defunct dating website and the 'fiancee' of the late Johnson & Johnson heiress, Casey Johnson, who passed away from diabetic ketoacidocis in 2009. In an infamous 2010 incident, Tila was pelted with rocks, bottles and feces while appearing as an opener at an Insane Clown Posse concert.In March of this year, she went into rehab after attempting suicide by overdosing on pills.

Since then, she's kept a pretty low profile - until recently. Apparently, artificial fame has proven too much for the poor thing and she has taken to posting videos on YouTube in which she claims the Illuminati are conspiring to kill her for exposing their secrets. Yes, you read that correctly. The Illuminati. You know, the super secret society (a purported left-over of the Knights Templar) who supposedly run the world by manipulating governments, corporations, banks and the Free Masons.

Man, I love a good conspiracy theory. I love it even more when it is espoused by an obviously insane semi-celebrity desperate to remain relevant and in the news. The video below is almost as funny as the ones posted by the folks who believe the world is being run by reptilian aliens. Except none of these folks are really funny. Just sad. So very, very sad. You can skip around the clip without really missing anything - none of it makes any sense at all.

And that's just one of two videos she's posted on the subject. It's a shame, because she's actually adorable and could have a real career as a performer if she got her act together. I just want to bring her home and give a good home-cooked meal, administer some much-needed thorazine and rock her to sleep. Or slap the silly beotch about 30 or 40 times until she comes to her senses. 

Wow - that may well be what I need to snap me out of my recent funk.

Call me, Tila. I can help you. All you need is a dose of real reality.

More, anon.

Prospero

Review: "Dinner for Schmucks" (Plus Bonus Video Hilarity)

By now, many of you know of my general disdain for remakes, though occasionally an American version of a foreign film can be quite good (The Ring; The Bird Cage). Usually, though, something gets lost in the translation and it just doesn't work (Pulse; Swept Away - though in the case of that last movie, we all know why it really sucked). But the trailer for Dinner for Schmucks was very funny and the casting looked amazing.

The original 1998 French film Le diner de cons (The Dinner Game), written by Francis Veber (La cage aux folles; Le jouet [The Toy] and Le grand blond avec une chaussure noir [The Tall Blond with One Black Shoe] -- all of which have been remade and adapted in variously successful ways) was a very European black comedy about doing whatever it takes to get to the top. It's very funny, but also very, very mean-spirited.

So, after an exceptionally delicious meal at Hunami in Princeton (featuring the most astonishingly good vegetable dumplings either of us had ever had), D and I went to see Dinner for Schmucks.

As adapted by the writers of The Ex (a movie I actually liked a lot), Dinner for Schmucks is a kinder, gentler, more Disneyfied version, more suited toward the post-sexual revolution America and their parents. Recently revealed obsession Paul Rudd is Tim, a 6th floor corporate drone, looking for his opportunity to move up to the 7th floor and an office of his own, so he can convince his long-term girlfriend that he's worthy of marrying. After the ouster of a 7th floor exec, Tim makes his move, impressing his boss (Star Trek's Bruce Greenwood) enough to consider him for promotion, upon completion of a challenge. Once a month, each executive brings a guest to a special dinner. The challenge is to see which executive can bring the biggest idiot. If Tim wins the challenge, the promotion is his. Girlfriend and art gallery curator Julie (Stephanie Szostak) finds the idea repulsive and Tim agrees to cancel. Until he literally runs into Barry (Steve Carrell), a weird IRS worker and amateur taxidermist who is in the midst of recreating famous works of art as "Mouseterpieces." Thinking he has secured his promotion, Tim invites Barry to a dinner for "extraordinary people.' Needless to say, all sort of chaos ensues.

As I watched Dinner for Schmucks, I couldn't help but think of the similarities between it and Larry Shue's astonishingly funny 1981 play The Nerd, in conceit, if not plot. In The Nerd, a 30 year-old architect thinks he's living the life he's always wanted, when an exceptionally stupid and socially inept person enters his life, causing chaos which ultimately leads to... (somewhat of a SPOILER ALERT) happily ever afters all around. Change professions and replace a plot-twist or two with... well, not exactly plot twists, and you have Dinner for Schmucks.

The still-adorable Rudd plays Tim as the perfect straight man to all the insanity around him (20 years ago, Clooney would have played this part and 50 years ago, Jack Lemmon). Ron Livingston (Office Space) plays Rudd's nemesis, affronted by Tim's audacity. Other dinner guests include an array of popular character actors, including Chris O'Dowd as a blind swordsman; Jeff Dunham as a ventriloquist married to a slutty dummy; Octavia Spencer as a Pet Medium (I see dead puppies?) and Patrick Fischler as a scarred and bandaged vulture enthusiast.

Of course, Carrell is the heart of the movie. Barry may be really stupid, but he's never afraid to tell the truth and never afraid to be himself. A master of babbling (see Bruce, Almighty), Carrell manages to make Barry's malapropisms, historical ignorance and complete lack of social skills endearing, rather than annoying (even D went "Awwww..." at one revealing moment). Super-shiny smile ablaze, Carrell's Barry refuses to be beaten down, no matter how horribly life seems to have treated him. Almost stealing the movie away from Carrell are Jemaine Clement ("The Flight of the Conchords") as a self-absorbed artist and Zach Galifianakas (The Hangover) as Barry's co-worker Therman, who has convinced Barry that he has the power of mind-control.

Director Jay Roach (Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery) keeps the ultimately gentle farce moving along at an appropriate pace and manages to capture several very funny set-pieces, though with no particular style of which to take note. D and I laughed often, despite the movie's rather predictable plot. The biggest laughs came from the performances of Carrell and the other dinner guests. I imagine the Blu-Ray release will include all kinds of hilarious improvs that were left out of the final cut. Hardly a comedy masterpiece, Dinner for Schmucks (which curiously never uses the word "schmuck" in its dialog) is probably the best comedy of the summer, though that's not saying much in what I am officially dubbing The Summer of Movies that Sucked. Amusing and relatively inoffensive (which is also its biggest problem), Dinner for Schmucks was ultimately better than either of us expected, by not quite as good as I had hoped. **1/2 (Two and a Half Stars out of Four).

And (as promised in this post's title) here's a special bonus:

Ladies and Gentlemen, the next Governor of the Great State of Tennessee?

So do I get murdered or do I go to jail? Make up my mind, please.

Okay, now that you've watched it once, go back and watch it again with the Closed Captioning turned on and see the even more hilarious results of the CC typist trying to make sense of what Basil has to say. I nearly wet myself. And a visit to the man's completely incomprehensible website is required. Make sure you click the links to the letters he's written to the U.N. and Obama. You must admire the man for trying, at least. Gee... I wonder what Tennessee would be like under the Governance of Mr. Marceaux:



More, anon.
Prospero