The Gayest Things You'll See This Week

Kenyth Mogan

It's been quite a while, I think, since I've done a Gayest Things post. Not that Uncle P is any less gay than before... whatever. 

Anyway... this post is about me and one of the best things to happen to me in a long time and the difference a chance encounter has made in my outlook. I know I've talked about my battles with depression in the past. And while I haven't talked about it much, Mom's death in 2013 left me with some very unexpected financial burdens which I'm still trying to sort out. Things were pretty bleak for a while (and in some aspects, still are). Then two things happened. First, I was cast in a terrific show with some terrific folks and spent time doing something comfortable, familiar, challenging and cathartic (and something Mom would have wanted me to do).

Second, prompted by another of Mom's wishes, I joined several online dating/meeting sites, though I had honestly given up on finding anyone at my age, who might even offer the hope of romance. But that changed last October, about a week after the anniversary of Mom's passing, when I agreed to meet with someone I met on one of the sites I'd joined.  I'll admit, I had my trepidations. The last guy I met online (while Mom was still alive) turned out to be a selfish social-climber whose home was filled his ceramic frog collection and wooden signs spouting  meaningless platitudes and 'motivational' cliches. Can you say 'douche?'

But I did go to that Pizzeria Uno that Sunday night and was very pleasantly surprised to meet a man  I not only found very attractive, but with whom conversation was so easy, natural and pleasant. And as different as we are, we had more than enough in common to make a connection. Our first kiss at the end of that first date was.... electric! Four months later and we're like... well...

J is sweet; kind; funny; tender; attentive; romantic; a great kisser and (TMI alert) outrageously good when it comes to 'intimate activities.'  He's 6' 3" tall, adorable and solid! His giggle is infectious and he is cuddly as all get out. This past weekend saw our first overnight together and I can honestly report that I am still aglow from those 18 hours -- and if his Facebook posts are to be believed (and I have no reason to doubt so), so is he.  When I am with him, everything else goes away... and after we part, the glow of my time spent with him is astonishing. I can't (for lots of reasons and circumstances) use the "L" word, yet, but this is the closest to it I've been in a long time!

All of that having been said, I found the below video on Towleroad, thinking it sweet, funny and oddly appropriate for the intoxicated  mood in which I find myself. Please enjoy Kenyth Mogan's Oz-inspired video for his newest single, 'Unlock Your Heart.'

More from Cloud Nine, anon.
Prospero

Feeling Old & Young at the Same Time

Uncle P?

In about two and a half hours, I will officially be ** years old. Regular readers have undoubtedly taken the time to figure out Uncle P's real age, though truth-be-told, I sometimes have to look at my drivers' license to know for sure. 

I don't feel or look my age (at least that's what some people tell me). A recent escapade with a a much younger partner had me feeling good, despite the pain in my thighs and glutes the next day (he told me he thought I was only about 5 years older than he was). 

All of my life, I have been genetically blessed. I was first served at a bar at 15 (yes, I know - shameful!) and since then have been confused for much older or much younger than I am. It's the combination of German, Hungarian, Scottish and Welsh genes that keep people guessing. Until my late 20's people have thought I was older than I actually was. In my 30's, people started guessing I was much younger than I was. I always win a prize at the "Guess Your Age" carnival booths. If I am anything like  like my late mother and grandfather, I won't start showing my true age for another 20 years or more. 

Of course, my premature gray hair (which started to develop in my early 30's) is a dead give-away. And I'm not sharing this as a boast. It's simply fact. Only my (shrinking) family and closest friends (and the smartest of my regular readers) know exactly how old I am. And that's okay with me. The old adage "Age is just a number" is true. In my mind, I am perpetually 25. Though in my joints and muscles, I often feel that I am 117. 

Here's the thing: One is only as old as one allows oneself to be. I can laugh at the most immature joke or pun while dismissing the right-wing attitudes of many of my contemporaries. I still love a good rollercoaster ride while decrying the mostly terrible state of modern pop music. I may be yelling at the the neighborhood kids to get the hell off my lawn, though I can still bust a move to a truly great dance song or get it on with a hottie 15 or more years my junior (TMI?). Personally, I have no intentions of giving in to my age, no matter what it may be. I'm just glad to wake up on the right side of the dirt each day! I just know that I'm not ready to retire from work or my favorite activities any time soon and I hope that will be the case for many years to come.

Happy Birthday to Me!

More, anon.
Prospero

The Most Gratuitous Things You'll See this Week

Joe Manganiello

After appearing in Magic Mike, the world's hottest werewolf, Joe Manganiello, was apparently so enamored of (well, fascinated by) the the world of male strippers, he felt compelled to make a documentary about them. His film La Bare focuses on the lives of the men who dance at the Dallas strip club of the same name, and the women who frequent it. Oh, did I mention there's a murder, too?

Dancer/Fitnesss Trainer Ruben Ruguero was shot to death in La Bare's parking lot following an altercation at the club in September of 2012. Ruguero's family released a statement which blamed 'mistaken identity' for the shooting. As far as I can tell, the case remains open with no suspects in custody.

The Red Band trailer for La Bare is out there, though I don't seem to be able to embed it, for some reason. Instead, enjoy this tidbit from the club, itself:

Many years ago, Uncle P made the acquaintance of a rather beautiful young man who stripped in gay clubs to earn money for his upcoming sexual reassignment,. "Jimmy" was truly a stunning specimen of male beauty, who looked even better when dressed as a woman. While dressed as Marilyn Monroe for a Halloween party, Jimmy hooked up with a straight guy who believed Jimmy was a woman. When the straight guy discovered Jimmy had a penis, Jimmy was lucky to escape with is life. I have no idea if Jimmy got his surgery or not - we didn't stay in touch. And while I'd seen him perform as both a male stripper and a 'Gender Illusionist,' I couldn't help but think he was wasting his time with straight boys who would never fully appreciate all his attributes. And no, that's not transphobic. At least, I don't think it is. It's merely an observation about a trans person I once knew.

And speaking of Queer things: Today, Pennsylvania (where Uncle P lives) became the 19th State to strike down anti-Marriage Equality laws! We finally join the right side of history. 31 to go! If PA can get there, so can the rest of the country!

Yay!

More, anon.
Prospero

A Very Gay Olympics Quickie

While the competitions officially start tomorrow night, the Opening Ceremonies of the 2014 Winter Olympics aren't for two more days. 

First, I have to ask if anyone is really all that surprised by the two major stories trending on the web, right now? First, are the hilarious horror stories being tweeted from journalists about their unfinished; easily broken; water tainted; heatless accommodations. And I thought I had a bad hotel experience in Chicago, last summer! Of course, foreign war correspondents are understandibly less than sympathetic...

Then there's NBC's story about the prolific electronics hacking taking place among the tourists pouring in from all over:

Oh, dear. Not that I would have gone, but I somehow feel better knowing there is nothing on my phone I wouldn't be willing to share with my 85 year old great aunt. I don't use my smartphone for much more than pictures, calls and texts (and the occasional GPS) and have no fear of my personal and/or financial information being stolen from it.

Listen, I get it. The Olympics are the Oscars for athletes. The winners' names will be recorded for the remainder of Human History (forget about eternity... humans will most likely be extinct long before our sun goes supernova). The participants spend lifetimes preparing to compete and no one should be denied the right to do so. But no one should be afraid to be arrested, beaten or worse, just for being who they are. Thankfully, this video from the Canadian diversity group CIDI ICDI isn't about to let the Russians off the hook quite so easily (via):

As George Takei might say..."Oh, myyyyy!"

I will not be watching the Winter Olympics this year. Not that I would normally, though I occasionally stop while clicking through channels to see the medal count or watch some figure skating (I am so effing gay, I almost can't stand it). This time, though, I think it would feel... icky, to watch, knowing how bad things are for LGBT Russians. It makes me sad that what should be a Celebration of World Unity has instead become a lesson in homophobia, incompetence and an egotistical Tsarist's whims. Personally, I'd be happy to never see Putin's nipples again, for as long as I live.

More, anon.
Prospero

Homoerotic Spanish & Pervy Kiwi Advertising (Possibly NSFW Edition)

It's not like advertisers never knew we existed as a target audience. It's just that now it's finally cool to acknowledge our dollars may well be 'pink,' but they're also just as green as everyone else's.

And while neither of these ads is specifically targeting gay audiences, there is a certainly homoerotic quality to the running pants ad (via - link may be NSFW) from Spain's ES Sportswear, I've embedded below. Loaded with crotch and ass shots, butt-slapping, chest-stroking and arm-linking; its rather obvious to whom ES really wants sell their brand.

Then there's this parody commercial purporting to be for product from New Zealand, featuring a spokesperson whose highly exaggerated Kiwi accent turns it into something hilariously and possibly NSFW pervy (also via):

Some NZ folks are unhappy about that clip, while others find it as childishly hilarious as Uncle P did. It was probably made by an Aussie... or a Tasmanian. (Ha! I bet you were expecting a Warner Brothers joke there. Nope! Pwn'd). 

I almost did another Retro-Review of a recent Indy and Oscar favorite tonight, but I'm still mulling parts of it over. There was some beautiful imagery; lots of wry humor and some beautifully underplayed performances, but it all seemed a bit too self-aware. I'll elaborate soon (or not - it all depends).

More, anon.

Prospero

The Next Gayest Things You'll See This Week

I was going to talk about Jonathan Winters' passing, but I've had enough sad stuff this week. And yes, I will finish yesterday's post. I'm still trying to figure out how I want to say what I want to talk about, without coming off as maudlin or sappy. Again, it's been a tough week.

So instead, tonight I thought I'd I'd write about some pretty funny; somewhat sexy and very, very gay things.

First up (via) comes a film industry oddity - a teaser trailer for a movie that hasn't even started shooting (um... so where did the teaser footage come from?). Anyway, the movie (for which I can find no IMDb listing) is called TOM, a long-rumored biography of illustrator and designer Tom of Finland. Born Touko Laaksonen in 1920, Tom of Finland's illustrations influenced and informed mid-century gay culture with his stylized, hyper-masculine erotic art. Featuring leather-clad muscle boys; tightly-uniformed sailors and fetish-wearing Pony Boys (most with impossibly large um... 'equipment'), Laaksonen's work most certainly influenced The Village People and the controversial Al Pacino movie Cruising in the late 70's and early 80's. The teaser's very amusing (and fairly safe for work until the last 30 seconds or so). Nathaniel at The Film Experience identifies the adorable actor playing the artist as an actor named Olli Rahkonen. I love his dirty smirking!

It also reminds of the time I was playing the Cowardly Lion in a 1978 production of The Wizard of Oz and my innocent young sister bought me a greeting card with Dorothy and Toto in a leather bar, lamenting about not being in Kansas. That card was funny to a 10 year old girl in a very different way than it was to her 16 year old gay brother. Yikes! If only she'd known.... wait. DUH!

In less salacious gay entertainment news. Britain's ITV has released the trailer for "Vicious," (via) about a bickering older gay couple (Ian McKellen and Derek Jacobi - wow!) whose lives are changed when a new neighbor moves in. I should be so lucky...

If "Vicious" is a hit, it won't be long before we see an American version. Who would you cast? I can see Fred Willard and Martin Mull. Scott Thompson (so happy to see him on "Hannibal" this week!) and Stephen Rutledge, perhaps? Now there's a duo I'd love to direct.

More, anon.
Prospero

The Gayest Fight You'll See This Week

Warning - links in this post may be NSFW, though the videos are probably fine - unless you work for a church or some other Christian/Muslim/religious organization.

Today, over at My New Plaid Pants, JA offered up a 50th birthday tribute to Gay-for-Pay 90's porn star Jeff Stryker. While I understand Stryker's appeal to a certain demographic, my reaction to him has always been "Meh." He is mentioned as part of a very humorous dialogue between Jeffrey and his father in Paul Rudnick's Jeffrey and that's really all I know (and want to know) about him. He is not "my type," as it were. His Wikipedia page says he was inducted into the AVN Hall of Fame and has a star on the Hustler Porn Walk of Fame. It seems a bit odd to me that someone should be semi-famous for appearing in porn, but so be it. It worked for Jenna Jameson and Traci Lords, I guess. 

Regardless of what you or I may think about the 'Adult Film Industry' and those who participate in the films, we both know that porn stars can only be described as 'actors' in the broadest sense. Which brings me to one of the clips JA included as part of his post about Stryker. It features Stryker and a host of impossibly well-built blonds in a ridiculously silly fight at a train yard, resulting in one of the most unintentionally hilarious scenes ever committed to VHS:

Of course, seeing this clip immediately brought to mind (for the second time this week, mind you) one of the most hilarious fight scenes of all time, from the musical Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter:

Yes, you read that correctly. JCVH is a musical. And yes, Uncle P owns a DVD copy of this movie (it was a Secret Satan Santa gift from an equally twisted Day Job friend). I particularly love how the atheists keep pouring out of the car like clowns in some bizarro circus. Of course, the terrible electronic soundtrack and ridiculous sound effects only add to it's brilliant awfulness. I had the JCVH DVD for about three years before I actually watched it, and only then it was with D and a couple of his friends, all of whom found it just as hilarious as I did.

Here's the thing: Sex is often very funny. And funny is always good, even if it happens when being bad. I just hope you have as much fun being bad as I do. 

More, anon.
Prospero

Pole to Pole (or: Art Can Be Sexy and Sex Can Be Artistic)

Travis Scott, Chris Talbot and Luke Quadrio - Pure Pole Studs

There has been some talk of adding Pole Dancing to the 2016 Olympics. Some people I've mentioned this to have expressed disdain and even disgust at the notion. Yes, I know - Pole Dancing is usually associated with sleazy girls in "Gentlemen's" clubs. But lately, the grace and athleticism required for such performances has been acknowledged as something more than just "dirty." Hell, on last season's 'America's Got Talent' a male pole dancer, Steven Retchless, almost made it to the semi-finals.

The upper-body strength required to do these impressive moves is nothing less than amazing. Personally, I would give almost anything to be able to do what these guys do. Gay Aussie trio Pure Pole Studs are proving that athletes can be sexy (not that anyone doubted that, anyway). Take a quick look at what these boys can do (via):

How can anyone say these guys aren't athletes? Can you do that? I doubt it. I know I certainly can't (nor ever could). And honestly, what delineates Pure Pole Studs from the Chinese Poles performers in Cirque du Soliel's Saltimbanco? I'm guessing it's fancy costumes and and a live orchestra:

Saltimbanco was the first of many live Cirque du Soleil productions I have seen. My dear friend Elizabeth and I were entranced. They never fail to amaze and excite me and always make me wish I was capable of performing such astonishing feats of athleticism. Many Olympic gymnasts have gone on to become Cirque performers and Prospero's own Ariel (the very sweet and intensely focused Christina) has studied with them, going on to create her own athletic clowning duo which performs all over the world. Cirque even has a show in Vegas that is all about human sexuality, "Zumanity" at the New York, New York casino and hotel:

So, where do we draw the line between 'Sex' and 'Art?' Not an easy question. Nor should it be. Pole dancers as athletes? Athletes as sexual beings? To me, it's all just part of being human.

More, anon.
Prospero

Do You Like Gladiator Movies?

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Way back in 1997, Disney angered the population of an entire country when it released the animated musical Hercules. The Greeks complained that the film reduced the classic mythological hero to a buffoonish caricature. Really? Where were they when handsome American body-builder and 'actor ' Steve Reeves was making his living in terrible 1960's Italian films about the same character? And where was the uproar when Austrian strongman (and future Governator) Arnold Schwarzenegger played the role for laughs in 1969's Hercules in New York? And then there was the All-American Hercules; Kevin Sorbo in Sam Raimi's sarcastically homoerotic "Hercules: The Legendary Adventures," which ran on American cable from 1995 to 1999. I don't remember any Greeks protesting that show.

So, I have to wonder: what will the Greeks think of former pro-wrestler turned family-film-star, Samoan behemoth Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as their iconic hero? Literally dozens of industry sites are reporting that Johnson - currently on screen in the critically derided 3D actioner Journey 2: The Mysterious Island - is in talks to play the Greek demigod in director Brett Ratner's adaptation of Steve Moore's darkish graphic novel, 'Hercules: The Thracian Wars.'

I like Johnson. He's personable, attractive and has a rather amazing physique. He's been in both bad (Tooth Fairy) and fairly decent (The Rundown) films. On talk shows like 'Ellen,' Johnson comes across as a bright, funny, dedicated family man who wants to make movies his kids can watch. Of course, it's going to take lots and lots of Dermablend (or very expensive CGI) to cover those traditional Samoan (and Texan) tattoos. And Uncle P (among millions of gals and guys) would certainly not kick him out of bed for eating crackers.

Of course, the Greeks have other things to worry about these days, though I can't imagine they're going to happy with a Samoan actor playing a Grecian icon, given their response to the Disney film. 

As for me, my first experience with the character was the 1960's cartoon (I'm old, remember?) "The Mighty Hercules," in which Hercules resembled Superman and his best friend was a fey satyr named Newt (no relation to the current Repugnican candidate).

Ancient Greek warriors were often paired with their male lovers; the idea being that they would look out for and protect one another. It's a strategy that worked for thousands of years. While there is nothing in classic Greek mythology to suggest Hercules had such a pairing, I certainly wouldn't mind being paired with Johnson in war or peace... I'm just saying.

More, anon.
Prospero

A Dirty Shame

That's Moisturizer, Right?

This post has nothing at all to do with the disappointing 2004 John Waters' film of the same name.

If you visit the same blogs as Uncle P does, then you've probably already seen the banned Hungarian version of the poster for Steve McQueen's Shame. And while I haven't actually seen the critically acclaimed film, I've heard and read enough about it. Hell, George Clooney made one of the Golden Globes' funniest jokes referring to Michael Fassbender's anatomy in the film. And Fassbender himself has joked that he is contractually obligated to appear naked in every movie he's in.

Many years and about 60 lbs ago, Uncle P briefly appeared naked on stage in the NJ premiere of Terrance McNally's Love! Valour! Compassion! It's not an easy thing to do, the first time. Of course, over the six-week run of the show, it just became part of the show; the next thing that happened in the scene. I was naked for all of ten minutes, I think. And most of that was spent lying on my stomach on a 'raft' in a 'lake.' I disrobed; went backstage and got wet in tub of tepid water (I was supposed to be swimming); came back onstage to lie on the 'raft' and then froze as the heat from the lights rapidly evaporated the water on my skin. It was far from sexy (nor was it meant to be). 

Being naked on stage or in film is rarely sexy (at least for the actor). There's lighting and camera angles, staying in character and having to know what to do and say next; all while a bunch of strangers (either audience or crew) sit or stand around, watching. I imagine it was just as unsexy for Fassbender; especially given the nature of the movie and his character, an unfulfilled sex-addict who derives less and less pleasure from sex, even though he is compelled to seek it out more and more. And while McQueen's film has been a critical darling since it premiered at Cannes last fall, it failed to garner a single Oscar nomination. And I suspect it's because it was released with an NC17 rating. But more on that in a moment.

Of course, if I had a body like Michael Fassbender's, I'd be naked as often as possible. But let's be honest, so few us have bodies like Fassbender's. Or Chris Evans', Ryan Reynolds', Ryan Gosling's or even George Clooney's. And I can certainly understand why that poster was banned in still socially conservative Hungary. Of course, most of the Hungarian Americans I know are as liberal as I am, which I guess says something about the difference between the formerly communist nation and the U.S. And I won't even go into the inordinate number of gay porn stars who claim to be Hungarian - that's a post for someone else's blog. 

Still, I don't understand Americans' squeamishness when it comes to sex. American audiences think nothing of violent murders and closeups of autopsies in films or on TV, but heaven forfend we should glimpse a nipple during the Superbowl half-time show or show a penis on a movie screen. 

Many, many years ago, Uncle P traveled to France with his high-school French club. While in Paris, our teachers thought it would be a good thing to take us to a real French movie. So our tour guide recommended the number one film at the time, L'amour viole (Violated Love). It told the story of a marriage that fell apart after the wife was raped. The rape in question was very graphically depicted and our teachers were visibly upset by the scene and asked the group of 16 and 17 year-olds (who were actually horrified by the scene) not to tell our parents they had taken us to see it. They didn't get that we were far more upset by the film's violence that the sex. 

And that's what I don't understand about American audiences today. Why is it okay to see someone's eye's gouged out or someone get beheaded, but not a woman's breast or a man's penis? Why is alright to watch an unnatural murder, but not a natural act of love? Have our psyches been so pervaded by our Puritan and Victorian ancestors that we can accept blood and death but not love and semen? Obviously, porn is a multi-billion dollar industry. Yet most folks will admit to watching Conan the Barbarian before admitting to watching Debbie Does Dallas. There's a strange disconnect there, don't you think? 

Even worse, as provocative and graphic as Shame may be, director McQueen still shies his camera away during the film's one male same-sex encounter, which speaks volumes to how uncomfortable most people are when it comes to that subject. And while queer director Greg Araki proves the exception to that rule, his films have hardly the same high profile as McQueen's.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm one of those few people who actually find sex to be a beautiful, natural and magical thing. Oh, don't get me wrong - I like imaginary violence and murder just as much as the next Horror fan. I just know the difference between the two.



More, anon.
Prospero

The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week

That's James Franco's younger brother Dave. He and James have made a few videos together (one also starring their mom). Recently, Dave made a hilarious video with Fright Night and Superbad star Christopher Mintz Plasse in which they tell one another (in a VERY NSFW way) how hot they found one another. You can see it here. Say what you will about their filthy pillow talk, they are both obviously having fun trying to outdo one another with their graphic descriptions of what they would do to one another in a very jokey way.

Of course, James Franco has been very coy about his own sexuality. He's played (and will be playing) plenty of gay characters on film. Of course, that could just mean that he's exceptionally comfortable in his own masculinity. Or it could mean he's gay. Or bisexual (something recently proven as scientifically valid). Or it could mean he's playing with our heads (NO, not that one). He recently said in an interview (and forgive me for not knowing the source off the top of my head - you should forgive the expression), "Who knows? I just might be gay." James has played gay characters in James Dean; Milk; Howl; The Broken Tower and the upcoming Sal. In The Broken Tower (also directed by Franco, as is Sal), he reportedly has a very explicit gay sex scene with co-star Michael Shannon. Of course, speculation can go any way it wants. We'll never know the truth unless Franco speaks up one way or the other.

Still, that hasn't stopped his brother from following in his footsteps. In the also VERY NSFW clip below, Dave goes both gay and narcissistic. Via Towleroad , My New Plaid Pants and kenneth in the (212), here's "Go F*ck Yourself:"

Go F*ck Yourself with Dave Franco from Dave  Franco     

By the way... you all know you would if you could.

More, anon.
Prospero

There's Still Hope...

Yesterday's Royal Pain in the Ass Wedding broke the hearts of millions of hopeful princesses around the world. But that doesn't mean they should despair. There are still plenty of attractive, wealthy and single royals to stalk pursue...

To your left is the rather amazingly gorgeous Carl Philip, Prince of Sweden. The soon-to-be 32 year-old son of King Carl XVI Gustav and Queen Silvia is undoubtedly Europe's hottest royal bachelor and still unattached. He has previously been romantically linked to PR maven Emma Pernald and model Sofia Helqvist. Of course, Uncle P and several of my Facebook friends wouldn't mind if we were romantically linked with Carl Philip.

Then there's 24 year-old cutie-pi,e Prince Philippos of Greece and Denmark. There isn't much to tell about the baby-faced Prince, who attended Georgetown University, among several colleges. If Philippos is a bit too young, there's always 27 year-old Prince Amedeo of Belgium. Currently working at Deloitte in NYC, Amedeo has managed to keep a rather low profile, as well.

Not good enough? There are always Princess Grace's grandsons. The sons of Princess Caroline of Monaco, Pierre and Andrea Casiraghi are 23 and 26, respectively. Rich, single and the descendants of an American actress who married well, Pierre and Andrea have done a much better job of staying out of the tabloids than their mother and aunt.  If their uncle, Prince Albert II (whom I always assumed was gay) does not produce a legitimate heir with his fiance, South African swimmer Charlene Wittstock, then Andrea will assume the throne.

And lets not forget William's brother, Prince Henry "Harry" of Wales. The ginger lad has developed a reputation as a hell-raiser of sorts, having infamously appeared in a Nazi uniform at a Halloween party and licking a mate's nipple during a drunken revel... The closest any gay man might get to the House of Windsor, Harry has had an on-again/off-again relationship with the rather skanky-looking socialite Chelsy Davy, a beard if ever I saw one...

Last, but not least, there's Sheik Rashed bin Mohammed, the 28 year-old Prince of Dubai. Worth over $12B (yes, Billion), the young Arabian prince is not only adorable, but athletic and the heir to the throne of one of the richest countries on Earth. Damn!

While it is highly unlikely that you or I will ever even meet these bachelor princes, we can all dream, right? As the long-defunct drive-through franchise Photomat once promised - Someday, my prints will come... Wait. Wut? That may well be the worst joke I've ever posted. Oh, wait - there's still this:

Go to bed, Sleeping Beauty. Prince Charming isn't coming, the wedding is over and you weren't invited...

More, anon.

Prospero

The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week (NSFW Version)

This isn't just the Gayest Thing This Week, but probably the kinkiest thing I have ever (or will ever) post.

There are all sorts of folks who fancy fantasy and fetishwear (say that three times, fast). Slick It Up is a company that specializes in clothing, underwear and assorted 'gear' for men who are into such things. Not that I have ever found such items or practices to be particularly enjoyable - the whole thing seems a bit claustrophobic for my taste. And not that I would judge or belittle anyone who is into that scene. Whatever floats your boat, as long as all parties are mutually agreeable and no one gets hurt.

I suppose my biggest misconception about this particular group of people is that they all take it so deadly serious. Have you ever seen a 'Miss Heather' episode of "C.S.I.?" Never has the profundity of B & D been so emphasized as when Grissom and Heather get into a discussion about the diverse nature of human sexuality.

But when I stumbled across the below commercial for Slick It Up, I couldn't help but notice how funny it was. Even the tattoo-skulled French gay porn star Francios Sagat (L.A. Zombie; Saw VI) has his tongue firmly planted in (facial) cheek for this one (probably NSFW):

I don't know about you, but I find it rather refreshing to see fetishists who have a sense of humor. Honestly, if anything about the Human Condition is funny, it's sex. And there's probably nothing funnier than weird sex in outrageous costumes. 

As for Uncle P, there is almost nothing funnier than people in mascot costumes falling down. The stupid, unchanging smile on the face of the mascot head totally belies the look of confusion, fear and disorientation on the face of the person beneath it. I made mention of this on a comment at my dear friend Stephen's blog Post Apocalyptic Bohemian just yesterday, when he blogged about the birthday of Harper Lee. As I shared with him and his reader's, it all started with the scene in "To Kill a Mockingbird" in which Scout runs home in a ham costume, the thought of which I found endlessly hilarious even though it was hardly meant to be funny.

And tell the truth now - can you look at a guy in a black rubber poodle costume and not laugh? I thought not.

More, anon.

Prospero

The Gayest Things You'll See This Week

That's Darren Criss, currently the most adorable young man on TV. A very talented vocalist and actor who isn't too hard on the ole peepers, Criss' "Glee" character Blaine is a role model for young gay men who are struggling to come to terms with their sexuality.

I think it's no secret that I'm a "Gleek." I've pretty much loved the show since it first aired, and I suppose it's because I was a high school Chorus and Drama Club geek, myself. Of course, in those days, small town gay boys were all as closeted as I was and we had no role models to tell us it was okay.

Yes, "Glee" is inconsistent in its writing (as my friend Jonathan is always quick to point out) and certainly unbelievable (as every musical ever made is). But at it's heart, "Glee" is a show about surviving the worst four years of your life with the support and encouragement of like-minded friends who, despite all their differences and personal dramas, manage to come together to produce something bigger than themselves as individuals. It's about the best in ourselves, flying our freak flags and damn everyone and anyone who thinks we're lame.

On last night's episode, Blaine and Kurt (Golden Globe winner Chris Colfer) finally shared their first and second kiss - something we Gleeks have been waiting for almost all season:

Of course, no one jumped and screamed and carried on at my house when Blaine finally kissed Kurt (except maybe in my head), but that doesn't mean other folks didn't. Check out this video (via) of some fans Gleeking out over it:

The episode also included several original songs (a first for the show), the best of which was the song that won New Directions the Regionals, while taking down their arch-enemy, Sue Sylvester (the amazing Jane Lynch) "Loser Like Me":

And in totally unrelated gay news, the Chinese may not be very progressive when it comes to Democracy, but they certainly have no problem when it comes to addressing the sexual safety of it's gay countrymen. I was blown away (no pun intended) when I stumbled across this hilariously cute Chinese condom ad (no translations necessary - may be NSFW):

Wow. There's no denying who that ad is aimed at...

Personally, I view these video clips as progress for both American and Chinese television... The LGBT community is finally starting to be recognized as something other than comedic foils on television. And that's a really, really good thing. More, please.

More, anon.

Prospero

Suckers

Please forgive your Uncle P if I'm covering a topic I've discussed before, but Vampires are really hot right now and I find myself inundated with promos for books, movies, TV shows and graphic novels that share this common theme.

To your right is a screen grab from the infamously gay (and very hot) video for Lady Gaga's "Teeth," directed by Sergio Cerrone. The original post has since been removed from TouTube, but I just watched it again here. And I've embedded another YouTube version below (though I can't guarantee how long it will be available for viewing). I imagine Gaga herself must have approved of this video. It's certainly in keeping with her style and philosophy.

I don't know exactly who is responsible for the recent rash of vampires in current media. I suspect that the insipid Stephanie Meyer Twilight series has something to do with it, though I have to mention Alan Ball's HBO series "True Blood" and the CW series "The Vampire Diaries" as contributors to the phenomenon. And recent vampire films such as Let the Right One In (and its soon-to-be released American remake Let Me In), Daybreakers and the upcoming Stakeland are also indicative of the trend. Hell - I've even written my own musical version Dracula, called "Children of the Night." I'm still looking for a composer for the show - my original composer bailed because she felt she wasn't up to the task, but the three or four melodies she did write were magnificent.*

Why are vampires so hot right now? I'm not sure. They've never really gone out of style, as far as I can tell. Vampires in modern times have come to be associated with sex, more than horror (and I'm not going to go into the whole psychological associations tonight - I've already done that, and probably will again). Bottom line: times are tough. People are losing their jobs, their homes and their investments. When times are tough, people turn to escapism. Modern vampires represent youth, sex and power - all the things that seem to be slipping away in these turbulent times. If we can hold onto those things forever - so much the better. And unlike their undead brethren, Zombies, Vampires don't seem to have the whole "rotting, stinking, green-blue flesh" thing going on.

Even traditional network TV has jumped on the bandwagon. ABC has a new show premiering next month called "The Gates," starring "Boston Legal" alum Rhona Mitra, about a community of Vampires, Werewolves, Witches and assorted supernatural beasties. Think of it as "Desperate Vampires." Here's a teaser preview:

ABC doesn't exactly have the best track record when it comes to genre shows - my guilty pleasure of last season, "Eastwick," is a prime example. And the teaser above certainly has a "cheese" factor that doesn't exactly bode well for more than a 12 episode summer run. Still - they may fool me. After all, "Dark Shadows" ran daily for 4 years on ABC Daytime in the late '60's (but don't get me started on the proposed Tim Burton/Johnny Depp movie version).

I suppose that as long as people fantasize about eternal youth, sex and power, vampires will remain a staple of popular culture. And honestly, I can't really imagine people not fantasizing about eternal youth, sex and power. It's only (in)human nature...

Finally, as promised, here's that gay vampire video for "Teeth:"

More, anon.
Prospero

*On a side note, if you know someone who might be interested in collaborating as a composer, please let me know.

Suck It!

How telling is it that when I went in search of this image, the word "gay" was part of the url? Anyway, I'm sure you've guessed by now... tonight's Shocktober post is about those Euro-trash imports, Vampires.

They've been a part of most cultures (or creatures much like them) as long as there have been cultures. It took a Victorian era Scotchman, writing a definitive Gothic horror story, to turn the monster into a tragically flawed romantic anti-hero. No, of course Stoker didn't do that. But he started it. It would be almost another 100 years before Anne Rice came along and finished the job for him. And, with a few exceptions, it's been downhill, ever since.

The inspiration for this post was a quote from an Esquire article (via): "Vampires have overwhelmed pop culture because young straight women want to have sex with gay men."

Whaaaa....??!!?? Really? Hmmm... not because gay men want to have sex with gay men? Really? I may be a zombie guy, but I was a vampire guy first. And I gotta be honest with you. Vampires are pretty gay, but I don't know any straight girl who wants to sleep with a gay boy. I do know a gal (a dear friend who shall remain nameless) who desperately wants to be in the same room as two guys having sex, proving the exception to the rule about straight guys and lesbians vs. straight women and gay men. Straight girls are drawn to gay boys as protectors and confidantes. We're "safe" for them. If a gal wants a vampire, she wants it for the same reason a guy does: vampires are hot (well, most of the time). Not here. Or here.

But, they can be pretty damned hot here:

And, in a shout out to my Sisters who read this blog (and to throw a bone the str8 boys' way), here (Clip NOT Safe for Work):

And even here:

What happened to you, Joel Schumacher? You used to make good (okay - not terrible) movies.

Of course, the quote from Esquire is referring to this mess:

I love that there were people at this year's ComiCon wearing signs that said: "Twilight Ruined ComiCon." And I really don't get Pattison at all. Flat-faced, greasy-haired and pasty. When was that ever sexy? Yuck! Hell, I'd do Langella before I'd even think about doing that little twit. But, in all fairness, the only boys I know that glitter are gay... hmmm. Ms. Meyer's Mormon pro-abstinence propaganda seems like a particular slap in the face to a sub-genre that has always relied on sex (and I'll get to that topic, shortly).

Anyway I prefer my vampires like this:

Or this:

In the end, a vampire is all about penetration and the exchange of bodily fluids. Sound familiar? Yes, it's also the allure of eternal youth, power and mystery, but all of those can be boiled down to sex, as well. And we all know by now, that sex sells. Gay, straight, bi or Furry, sex (like birth and death) is one of those common denominators that tie us all together, whether we like to admit it or not. I am looking forward to the day when the vampire becomes a monster, again, rather than a pale simpering boy wearing glitter gel.

More terrors, anon.
Prospero

Okay... Some Nonsense

Last night's rehearsal was sort of a bust. I won't go into details, but two of my actors were late enough to make the whole evening a wash. So, we went out for drinks and a bonding session instead...

Of course, my sweet, innocent looking Maddie (who was also in my production of "The Skin of Our Teeth") once again proved herself to be the dirtiest young lady I know. At one point, the discussion turned to "Wolverine" and Hugh Jackman in particular. From the baby-faced mouth of sweet Madelaine came what may well be the filthiest (albeit funniest) comment I have ever heard: "Hugh Jackman gives me a wide-on."

Could you die?

But to be honest...

Seriously...

More, anon.

Prospero

"Giallo"

Italian horror master Dario Argento practically invented the giallo (Italian for "yellow") genre. Bloody, freaky and weird, giallo movies are the equivalent of American slasher films with a Euro twist. Films like Argento's seminal Suspiria, paved the way for graphic gore and violence in horror films like Dawn of the Dead and Friday the 13th.

Argento's most recent is simply called Giallo.

More of this, anon.
Prospero

Zebina Laid an Egg

Well, five, actually.

The lovebirds had been acting funny ever since I provided them with a box of "nesting material" from my local pet store. Zebadiah ignored it for a week. Then I noticed him with a beakful of it one day, and watched as he flew into the little wicker nest I had bought when I first bought Zebina. Soon, I began to see Zebina fly into the nest for the first time. Soon, the wicker palace was a soft and cozy nest for two.

For the last several days, only one of them would leave the nest at a time and I began to be especially suspicious when I noticed he was out much more often than she was. Tonight, for the first time in days, they both came out at the same time and I had visual confirmation of what I thought was happening all along: five tiny white, Jelly-Belly-sized eggs lay on the floor of the nest. I'm so excited, because it happened much faster than I thought it would. Ay, me! Bird love! I'll keep you posted. In any event, would you like a Zebra Finch?

More of this, anon!
Prospero