Daytime TV: Worse Than Being Sick?

That may as well be a picture of me all of yesterday and most of today. Uncle P is at the end of  a minor ear infection. It hurt and it threw my equilibrium out of whack for a few days but I think the worst is behind me. The vertigo is pretty much gone (as long as I don't turn or stand too quickly) and the icepick in my ear has been reduced to an occasional dull ache at point where my mandible meets the malar bone (thus endeth today's biology lesson). 

Needless to say, driving and consequently the day job were no goes. Unlike last week, where I had lots of activities planned, I thought I would be working. Unable to do much else, I spent yesterday and today watching daytime TV. Some of it was amusing; some of entertaining; some of it informative and most of it pure drek. So here's my assessment of a day and half's worth of Daytime TV

First, some thing's I've always known and/or suspected.

I have re-discovered the fact that Rachael Ray's voice goes through me like you-know-whats-on-a-you-know-what. 

I am so happy I have learned to laugh at Elizabeth Hasselbeck, rather than wanting to rip out her throat with my evil gay fingers. 

I now know that it was Kelly Ripa who kept that show on the air, all along (You Go, Girl!).

Am I the only one who knew that Oprah didn't really retire? 

Someone should have put a stop to Kathy Lee and Hoda a long time ago.

Judge Judy is the only TV judge. Get over it, Judge Joe; Judge Marilyn; Judge Glenda; Judge Alex and all other pretenders to the throne.

Jerry Springer, Maury Povitch and their ilk have only gotten more exploitative and respulsive.

And now, a few positive notes.

I actually enjoy ABC's "The Chew." It's an eclectic group of folk, led by openly gay host Clinton Kelly ("What Not to Wear"). Most of the food they prepare on air looks yummy and the five co-hosts seem to have a genuine chemistry. The show strives to provide healthy recipes and is raising money for FeedingAmerica. Good stuff all around.

The LGBT Community's unofficial 'Queen,' Ellen Degeneres continues to be the funniest, nicest, most generous and sincerely happy-to-do-what-she-does talk-show host since Merv Griffin.

The rest of Daytime is pretty much a vast wasteland of bad behavior, children's programming, paid promotions (infomercials) and the few remaining soaps. Ugh. 

I admit to dozing through most of the really bad stuff, though I do remember waking up now and then and asking myself, "What the...?" And fear not... I am already feeling much better, despite the scary daytime landscape.In fact, the day-job will provide a much-needed respite from cheating boyfriends; negligent landlords; cross-dressing husbands; badly behaved pets; butter-laden recipes and rich people looking for vacation homes, abroad. 

I'm beginning to think there may actually be too many channels...

More, anon.
Prospero

Um... Gross

Uncle P is still not at his best. In fact, I may well need the item on your right. I truly hope that none of you ever feel as awful as I have for the last three days or so. 

It was ginger ale, saltines and chicken and rice soup for me today, though I truly think (or at least hope) the worst is behind me.

If you are visiting western Florida this week, I hope you are able to avoid whatever is plaguing that particular region of the country. My sister has reported at least two more cases among people she knows beside her husband and Yours Truly.

Rest assured, I am doing everything I can to get to get back to normal (or whatever serves as 'normal' for me). Certainly, the unending coverage of the impending Royal nuptials don't help.

And while today may well be Good Friday for millions of Christians around the globe, it is also filthy filmmaker John Waters' birthday, which can only add to our collective nausea (or delight, depending on how you feel about his body of work). 

In the late 60's and mid 70's, Waters was an underground auteur, creating bizarre and hilarious commentaries on society, starring Harris Glen "Divine" Milstead as any number of tragic females reacting and revolting (literally) against the establishment. The lat 80's saw Waters' most mainstream film to date, Hairspray, which in turn has been made into a Broadway musical* and a musical film. Waters remains a GLBT icon, though his films have seen decreasing acclaim as the subjects he once tackled become less taboo as time marches on. 

Personally, I love many of Waters' films, including Desperate Living; Crybaby; and Serial Mom. Of course, as a college student in the early 80's (Jeez, I am OLD), the ultimate John Waters' film was Pink Flamingos, in which Divine actually eats... no, I won't say it. You know what I'm talking about anyway... I may puke again just thinking about it...

*As a side note, Uncle P is scheduled to play Edna in a 2012 production of said musical. I hope I will have fully recovered by then...

More, anon.

Prospero

Be It Ever So Humble...

Well, what was intended to be a nine day vacation in Florida turned into ten when I contracted some godawful stomach ailment that had Uncle P puking in full-blown "Exorcist" mode for 5 hours on the night before I was to come home, leaving me in no shape to travel the next day. After changing my flight (a task made as painless - though hardly inexpensive - as possible by the good folks at Southwest), I spent most the rest of Wednesday sleeping in my sister's recliner, catching bits and pieces of various movies as I occasionally awoke to make another run for the bathroom. I couldn't imagine there was anything left inside me, but there was.

Honestly, i don't remember being that sick since I was a child. My Brother-in-Law had the same thing last Friday, but we attributed to a vertigo attack. When my symptoms mirrored his, exactly, we knew it was something else. By this morning, I was better, though still tired and still not very hungry. The flight home was fine and I'm hoping the worst is behind me. 

And now that I've totally over-shared and grossed you out, tomorrow I'll have happier tales of my trip to the land of oranges and alligators, including the story of the silliest Zombie Cake ever made (pictures to follow over at The Zombie Zone); an ill-fated trip to Universal Studios City Walk and outlet-shopping bargains galore!

Well, I am off to sleep in my own bed for the first time in days... Good night!

More, anon,

Prospero