Goodbye, Thank You and a Few Last Things

The Party's Over

Well, this should come as no surprise to anyone. I reach more people on Facebook than Caliban's Revenge ever did. And it's quite obvious from the lack of posts that I have been, let's say "otherwise occupied," of late. My life has changed so very much since I started this blog on July 9th, 2008.

At the time, my intent was document the production process of a play I was directing. It was not only on the main stage of my alma mater, it was also being showcased at the first International Thornton Wilder Society Conference being hosted by said alma mater. The play was The Skin of Our Teeth. My concept was Steampunk and it was awesome, if I do say so myself! Of course, we hadn't even had auditions when I first posted and I needed something to talk about... so I posted about one of my other passions: Movies. Specifically, 10 Fantasy/Horror/Sci-Fi Movies that Need to Be Re-made. Which you can read right here, if you are so inclined. And since I'll be closing out with very same topic, you might be interested to see the differences between the two (several have been or are in the process of being made by now).

As I wrote more and more, reviewing movies; commenting on politics; promoting charities; raging against the machine; promoting LGBT issues or just being silly for the sake of being silly, I poured an awful lot about myself onto these posts. And enough people responded to make it fun. I met the amazing Stephen Rutledge and Stephen Rader (and a few other amazing folks) thanks to this blog. And I have corresponded with folks all over the world, thanks to this blog.  Since I started, I lost my mother and met an extraordinary man who came to me exactly when I needed him the most. The world, to paraphrase Tolkien,'has moved on.' And I, with it.

I hope I have entertained you; made you laugh or made you angry or made you feel anything at all. If I did, then I win! If not, then why did you bother reading? I am still doing lots of writing for myself and J has encouraged me to get back to revising some of my 'almost' screenplays, so I am going to do just that. And who knows? I may be back. I'd love to do a Home Cooking blog. Yes, I know; done to death. But by a gay bear who is REALLY good at it?

Anyway, below is Uncle P's final post on Caliban's Revenge:

10 Sci-fi/Horror/Fantasy Movies that Need to Be Re-Made

10. Something Wicked This Way Comes. Ray Bradbury's amazing novel was done a disservice by the Disney version. The novel was a significant influence on me at a young age and remains one of my all time favorites. It needs to be done right.

 9. Ghost Story. Peter Straub's terrifying novel is given very short shrift in John Irvin's eviscerated film version. A quartet of once-greats can't save this mess, though it did introduce genre favorite Alice Krige to U.S. audiences. A more faithful adaptation of the novel is long overdue, even it means a sprawling 3+ hours run-time. Straub's complex story deserves no less.

 8. Flash Gordon. Yes, I said it! Even the cheesiest of cheese lovers admit how queso this 1980 cult classic is. And trust me, I adore it as much as anyone else, probably even more. It is exactly the kind of movie the word 'Camp" has come to describe and it is it's own perfect thing. But in the character's heyday, Flash Gordon was a serious Sci-Fi Adventure tale and an imaginative, serious  reboot is certainly worth exploring

 7.  Frogs. With James Patterson's "Zoo" taking TV by storm this summer, I MUST talk about this 1972 AIP stinker about animals striking back, if only to prove that everything old is new again. Replace Sam Elliot with Ryan Reynolds; Ray Milland with John Mahoney Joan Van Ark with almost anyone. Seriously.... A doll whose lines are dubbed in by Andie McDowell, even. (Some of you are laughing VERY hard at that joke... I hope).

 6. The Exorcist. Yup. Still on the list. Because I've never found it scary! In fact, the whole 'head-spin' effect is so obvious, I laughed the first time I saw it. That wasn't scripted as a funny moment... I still do not understand the mass hysteria that accompanied the film's initial release. And yes, I understand that one must believe in the devil to be afraid of the devil...  But there are movies that have scared me. This just isn't one.

 5. The Shining. Kubrick was wrong! And while Mick Garris' TV version was closer, neither actually conveys the growing sense of danger and terror as King's prose manages to do. I don't know about you, but I would gladly sit through a 195 minute, R-rated Frank Darabont version!

 4. Mysterious Island. The unofficial sequel to 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, the 1961 film version of  Mysterious Island is set during the U.S. Civil War. It has a terrific Bernard Hermann score and some of Ray Harryhausen's most memorable stop-motion effects. A modern Steampunk version that is more faithful to Jules Verne's novel  could be a hit in the right hands. The 2012 version starring Dwayne Johnson does NOT count.

 3. Demon Seed. Didn't see that one, coming, did you? Dean Koontz (the poor man's Stephen King) wrote the novel about a woman living in a fully computerized house is raped by and gives birth to said computer's hybrid offspring. There is talk of this remake happening. The original is really... odd. 

 2. Logan's Run. I will always push for the movie this dystopian novel deserves. And yes, I am aware of the original's many charms. I still say "Meh." It could (and should) be done better. Persistent rumors of this remake happening make me think it might never be...

 1. The Haunting. The scariest movie ever made was re-made by an action-movie buffoon as one of the most ridiculous movies ever made. Like King Kong, it deserves a remake that respects the original. And I still dare any of you to watch Robert Wise's film alone, with the lights out. You'd wet yourselves, you wimps!

And so ends 7 years of "Opinionated Nonsense." At least on this forum. You can follow and/or friend  me on Facebook. To friend request, please send a Private Message with the phrase "Sea Monster."

Here's the thing:

"Now my charms are all o'erthrown,
what strength I have's mine own,
Which is most faint: now, 'tis true,
I must be here confined by you,
Or sent to Naples. Let me not,
Since I have my dukedom got
And pardon'd the deceiver, dwell
In this bare island by your spell;
But release me from my bands
With the help of your good hands:
Gentle breath of yours my sails
Must fill, or else my project fails,
Which was to please. Now I want
Spirits to enforce, art to enchant,
And my ending is despair,
Unless I be relieved by prayer,
Which pierces so that it assaults
Mercy itself and frees all faults.
As you from crimes would pardon'd be,
Let your indulgence set me free."

No More, anon.
Brian

Uncle P's 6 Best Movies of 2012, So Far

I have not yet seen every movie I wanted to see this year. And as always, I haven't seen nearly as many movies as professional film critics see. But that doesn't mean I don't have a few favorites among the ones I have seen. For better or worse, these are the six movies I've enjoyed most this year (your list may vary - I don't really care).

6. The Cabin in the Woods. Taking on several Horror movie tropes while adding a dash of Lovecraftian lore, Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard managed to turn the genre on its figurative ear with this insane and highly entertaining comedic film. Citing loads of classics and taking on even more stereotypes, The Cabin in the Woods is both a thrilling horror movie and an hysterical comedy, featuring some excellent performances from the likes of Bradley Whitford, Richard Jenkins, Sigourney Weaver and genre favorite Jodelle Ferland.

5. The Avengers. Whedon makes his second appearance on my list with his take on the Marvel Superheroes. Funny, thrilling and highly entertaining, The Avengers not only took up the mantle of the Marvel superhero movies that have come before, but allowed for some terrific interaction between some of the hottest actors in Hollywood. Some of the most fun I had at the movies all year.

4. Life of Pi. Director Ang Lee has never made a boring film and Life of Pi, while hardly perfect, is certainly indicative of Lee's take on the world as he sees it. Gorgeously photographed and often brilliantly acted (thanks to Suraj Sharma's terrific performance), Lee's version of Yann Martel's novel is often fascinating and always beautiful.

3. Chronicle. Writer Max Landis and director Josh Trask take on the Superhero genre using the first-person style of film making popularized by The Blair Witch Project with this witty and often intense film about three teens who suddenly find themselves imbued with super powers. This very smart and often thrilling (though ultimately tragic) movie has tons to say about teen angst; self-loathing and parental abuse, all while smartly exploring the dark side of being Peter Parker.

2. Prometheus. Ridey Scott's 'non-prequel' to Alien explores the origin of humanity while setting up many of the events n his 1979 Horror/Sci-Fi classic. Terrific performances from Micheal Fassbender and Charlize Theron override the many complaints from nit-pickers, while the automated 'abortion' scene provided one of the most horrific sequences ever put on film.

1. Cloud Atlas. Lots of people hated this adaptation of David Mitchell's novel from Tom Twyker and the Wachowski siblings. Many complained about some of the bad makeups while others faulted the plot's Karmic aspects. Personally, I loved the filmmakers' audacious attempt to create a movie unlike any that has come before. Creating an entirely new form of narrative story-telling, the three directors took what many considered an 'unfilmable' novel and made an extraordinary movie using a cast of exceptionally talented actors. Say what you will about Cloud Atlas, but I promise you've never seen a movie like it.

There are still plenty of films that I haven't seen this year and this list may change by the end of the month. And while these may not be the 'best' movies this year, they are the ones which I found most entertaining. What movies did you love this past year? I'd love to know.

More. anon.

Prospero

Worst 5 Movies of 2011 - So Far

Tahar Rahim Covered in Mud with a Skull in His Hair

Once again, this is hardly my definitive "Worst of" list, either. Just 5 movies I've seen this year that have irked me the most - so far.

It seemed that this year, there were far more bad movies, than good. And of course, any year that has a Twilight movie in it, has to qualify for a new low bar. I saw all of these movies on purpose, hoping that something (even if it was just the objectification of one its leading men), only to have my hopes dashed to the bottom of a rocky cliff and into the raging sea of suckage they actually turned out to be. These are movies that actually made angry at having spent my hard-earned dollars to see them. These aren't just bad movies, my friends. These are the worst. 

5. Final Destination 5. While there honestly is much to admire about the latest installment (that amazing bridge sequence; the surprise ending) of the "Death as Rube Goldberg" franchise, the acting is truly terrible and the deliberately gimmicky 3D did nothing to further the pro-3D argument.

4. Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. Wow. Talk about movies that should have been better than they actually were. This was one TV horror movie remake that was worth doing, on paper. Guillermo del Toro wrote the screenplay and produced it. It had to be good, right? I mean, it had to better than the ABC TV movie (which still freaks lots of folks out), right? Wrong. Silly and predicable, the movie isn't half as scary as it should have been. First-time feature director Troy Nixey relied too heavily on his mentor and delivered a watered-down version what the remake could (and should) have been. Also - Katie Holmes. Ew.

3. The Eagle. The trailer for director Kevin (The Last King of Scotland) Macdonald's adaptation of Rosemary Sutcliffe's novel "The Eagle of the Nine," promised a homo-erotic sword and sandal epic. What we got was a travelog. Yawn... I hope Channing Tatum's stripper bio movie is better this:

2. Your Highness. I saw this movie for free while on a business trip this summer. In fact, I ordered it completely by accident, even though it was on my list thanks to the pedigrees of those involved. Sadly, I didn't laugh once during this medieval quest fantasy/stoner buddy/sibling rivalry piece of crap. While I truly like nearly every actor in this movie, I have to wonder why they agreed to make it. A very bad, very unfunny film.

1. Season of the Witch. I am ashamed for him that D claims to actually like this movie. I think he's only saying so to make me crazy. And it's really annoying to me that the first movie I saw in 2011 is also the worst movie I saw this year. Nic Cage is clearly insane, while Ron Perlman does his best to play the comedic irony and camp, but even he can't save this silly mess of a movie. Our mutual friend Heather and I were reduced to fits of giggles at how ridiculous this film was. Season of the Witch was delayed by more than a year, I should have known better. Heather and I did finally get D to admit it wasn't a good movie, but he still says that he loved it. Of course, questioning his sanity is much like questioning mine... (love ya, D).

This was just a tease... watch for my full Ten Best and Ten Worst lists at the end of January.

More, anon.
Prospero

A Few More Things I Don't Like

I am a fan of comedienne Chelsea Handler. I DVR her show, "Chelsea Lately" and watch a week's worth every Friday. And while I have plenty to say about the Chaz Bono comments and GLAAD's demand for an apology, I'm more offended by the fact that she had Snooki on as a guest. To me, MTV's "The Jersey Shore" is everything makes the rest of the world hate the U.S. 

These idiots (none of whom are actually from Uncle P's native New Jersey) have gotten famous for getting drunk, spreading STDs and generally acting like morons. Proving that she's a complete moron, on a recent episode of "Chelsea Lately," Snooki said that the ocean is salty because it is filled with whale sperm. 

Really? As Snooki suggested, I Googled "Why is the ocean salty?" After two very thorough and scientific explanations, the third result was an About.com link for Urban Legends. And it is from this result that Snooki got her information. I can only hope the stupid bitch never breeds.

So, topping my second list of things I do not like:

Snooki, The Situation and Everyone Involved With "The Jersey Shore."

And here are just a few more:

"The Real Housewives" of anywhere...
"Survivor"
"Barney and Friends"
Rachel Zoe
Clamato Juice
Sage Dressing
Purity/Chastity Rings
Crystal Meth
Pedophilia
Deforestization
Chtlins
Bad Alfredo Suace
Cheap Cologne
Christina Aguilera
Saw III through VI
People Who Don't Flush
People Who Don't Use Their Turn Signals
Benny Hill
Bad Romantic Comedies
"The A List"
Mint and Chocolate
James Cameron's Ego
Westboro Baptist Church
The Pope

I could go on and on but I don't want to alienate fans of so-called "Reality TV;" Republicans; Catholics; Tweakers and anyone else who doesn't possess a fully functioning brain.

So, once again, something I like, a lot:



Come on, Alex. I know you have another great film in you...

More, anon.
Prospero

My 10 Favorite Actresses of 2009.

Yeah, right! Megan Fox one of my favorite actresses? You really thought that for just one second I'd lost my mind, didn't you? Suckers.

In all truth, she's just there for the three straight boys who read my blog (Yes, James. I am talking to you and yes, you're welcome). And to be honest, Ms. Fox did appear in the film along with another actress whose performance I will actually be discussing, if you hold your panties on and don't skip ahead (and even though you have free will, remember what happened to Mrs. Lot when she peeped... you sinner!).

This was a harder list to make than the men's, simply because I saw so few films in which women had truly great roles. And more often than not, they appeared in films which I may have liked a little less, but in which their performances were worth seeing one reason or another. In one case, I have just seen the movie, but not had a chance to review it (and probably won't other than this post). As with the actors list, lust has nothing (and I can be 100% honest here when I say it) to do with my choices. If it did, there wouldn't be an Actresses list (rimshot).

Anyway, I actually surprised myself with a couple of my own choices, so I wonder if you'll be surprised by the same ones. Okay, okay... I'm getting on with it. Here are Uncle Prospero's Favorite 10 Actresses of 2009:

10 - Emma Stone in Zombieland:

As the older of two grifting sisters trying to survive the aftermath of the Z.A., Stone has come a long way since Superbad, and may be on her way to quite successful career, as long as she doesn't make too many movies like her upcoming voice work in... sigh... Marmaduke.

9 - Lorna Raver in Drag Me To Hell:

Have you figured out by now how much I adored this movie? So much of that comes from the astounding performance of veteran TV actress Lorna Raver. The 67 year-old actress goes the distance in what must have been a physically grueling performance. Granted, she had the help of stunt people and CGI, but still. An old Gypsy hag hasn't been so scary since Maria Ouspenskaya. Mrs. Ganush is a cloudy-eyed; phlegm-hawking; gooey-dentured; claw-fingered; insect-spewing monster another actress would have balked at playing. Raver (as does the rest of Raimi's terrific cast) goes at it full-throttle and Sylvia Ganush deserves to become one the best villains in the annals of Horror.

8 - Vera Farmiga in Up In the Air:

As another corporate flyer with an itch to scratch, Farmiga's inscrutible Alex Gorman seems a perfect match for George Clooney's detached Ryan Bingham. Until he starts to fall for her. In the hands of a lesser actress, Alex may have come off as a heartless bitch but Farmiga imbues her with a clear and real sense of vulnerability, which is why we don't hate her in the end.

7 - Alison Lohman in Drag Me to Hell:

I know I talked about the physical demands on Lorna Raver in this movie, but day-um! Lohman gets the snot kicked out of her by mostly invisible forces, in a beating that Ash himself might have had a hard time recovering from. She also manages to convince us (if not her boyfriend) that evil forces are indeed intent upon doing her harm without having to stick her tongue in her cheek, but but by playing it sincerely and honestly. Christine Brown isn't going down without a fight, no matter that the lesson learned ("Doing the right thing is always the best the ting to do, especially when it comes to cloudy-eyed hags") comes at an outrageously high price.

6 - Amanda Seyfried in Jennifer's Body:

See? I told you Megan Fox was connected, if only in that she was the title character in this movie, which actually is about Seyfried's character, "Needy." Tapping into her hidden nerd, the 24 year-old actress is the perfect example of a performer rising above the material. Diablo Cody (the less said about Juno, the better) wrote this Teen Horror Comedy about bitchy teenage girls, which was marketed to the completely wrong audience (horny teenage boys). Cody's tragically hip dialog made this movie dated ten minutes before it was released, but Seyfried shines in her transformation from mouse to avenger.

5 - Isabelle Fuhrman in Orphan:

What a creepy surprise Orphan turned out to be for me. And what a disturbing performance from a 12 year-old. And believe me, no matter how disturbing you may find the Killer Child genre of Horror, you'll be doubly disturbed by this.

4 - Anna Kendrick in Up In the Air

Kendrick's comedic turn as the icy-exteriored but fragile Ivy-Leaguer who followed a schmuck boyfriend to the middle of nowhere and ended up in a job she both hates and is unqualified to do.
And that speech on the dock...

3 - Jordan Ladd in Grace:

One of the year's more disturbing entries, which walks the line between Vampire movie and Zombie movie. As a mother so obsessed she literally wills her still-born child back to life, only to discover that baby Grace has an insatiable appetite for blood, Ladd (Cabin Fever) goes for broke and succeeds in creating an empathetic, if completely insane character.

2 - Marion Cotillard in Nine:

Honestly, the only reason to see Rob Marshall's mammoth mistake, Cotillard once again shows she deserved her Oscar and gives the kind of performance the other, better-known actresses in the movie should have given.

1 - Meryl Streep in Julie & Julia:

Yes, I finally saw it, but haven't had the chance to review it, and while Stanley Tucci, Jane Lynch and Amy Adams are all wonderful, and despite Nora Ephron's rather hackish adaptation of the book by blogger Julie Powell, Streep still turns in yet another astonishing performance as an Icon of both American Television and Cuisine. Yet another reason Streep deserves the title "Best Actress of Her Generation."

I hope that my 10 Favorite Movies of the Decade will be coming up soon. A plumbing issue in my ancient kitchen has turned Uncle Prospero's house a bit upside down... among other things going on right now...

More something, anon.
Prospero

Top 10 Movies of 2009

Yes, I know, the year has already been gone for a week. What the hell took me so long? A hundred and five distractions. Plus the fact that I knew this was going to one of those posts that takes freaking forever to write, no matter how short it is. And it won't be short, I can almost guarantee - so I won't blame you if you skip on to the list already, but you'll probably miss some pretty damned funny stuff (or not).

Anyway, 2009 was a really interesting year in movies. 3D finally made a successful run and looks like it's here to stay. And Sci-Fi had its best year since The Empire Strikes Back. We learned that even a dead protagonist can sustain a series of increasingly godawful sequels and still make money; we re-learned that James Cameron is an insane genius of hype, if nothing else; jailbait werewolves make tweenie-boppers and cougars scream and zombies still rule. We also re-learned that the Interwebs still have the power to turn $11,000 into $100M, no matter how bad your movie really is. Oh, I almost forgot. We learned Alan Moore should just stop bitching and whining about Hollywood, because everyone already knows he wrote the source material, anyway. And let's not forget the return of traditional 2D, hand-drawn animation (an art I feared lost forever).

Yes, yes... "Get on with it already, Uncle P." And so I shall. Once again, these are simply the 10 best movies I saw this year. I don't have easy access to limited release films; I don't have the time to see every every movie I would like to nor the interest in seeing a good 60% of what Hollywood thinks of as movies, these days. Agree, disagree, call me names... I don't care. I'm sitting safely in my home office, sipping a cocktail and having a smoke. So here are picks for the Top 10 Movies of 2009:

10 - Coraline:

Tim Burton produced Henry Selig's 3D Stop-Motion fantasy, based on Neil Gaiman's children's book of the same name, about a girl who discovers an alternate universe where things aren't nearly as perfect as they seem. Delightfully creepy and charmingly animated, Selig (along with Wallace and Gromit creator Nick Park) is thankfully keeping the art of Stop-Motion Animation alive in the age of digital CGI.

9 - Watchmen:

Alan Moore... blah, blah, blah... unfilmable... blah, blah, blah... Dr. Manhattan's penis (image NSFW)... blah, blah, blah. Director Zach Snyder (Dawn of the Dead) may not have made the best Superhero Movie of all time, but it certainly ranks in the Top 5. His slo-mo/stop-mo/360 style of filmmaking is perfectly suited to comic book adaptations and his attention to detail in recreated illustrator Dave Gibbons original artwork is astounding. And I, for one, didn't miss the giant squid at all. And it has one of the most amazing opening credits sequences ever put to film; alternative history at its finest.

8 - Up:

Disney/Pixar's next Oscar-winner actually is the Best Animated film of the year. This 3D CGI fantasy tells the story of an old man rediscovering his childhood sense of adventure; a lonely young boy discovering friendship; an exotic bird trying to feed her babies and a childhood hero who turns out to be something other than he appeared to be. If the first fifteen minutes don't make you cry, the last ten, will. This film went in a delightfully unexpected and often hilarious
direction, proving Pixar's writers and directors are among the few at the major studios who are still capable of original story-telling. Not since Dorothy's, has a flying house been the start of so much -- Squirrel! -- fun. Simply delightful.

7. Zombieland:

Do I really need to say why? How about just this: Woody Harrelson; Bill Murray; amusement park; hilarious; gory; evil you-know-whats; zombies. While its no Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland is a great ride. "Nut up or shut up!"

6 - Star Trek:

Current wunderkind J.J. Abrams takes over and re-invents one of Science Fiction's most beloved and revered franchises with an exciting, funny and original film which uses alternate time-line theory to re-introduce Gene Roddenberry's original characters in a fresh way, while still remaining true to them in this origins tale of Kirk, Spock, Bones, O'Hura, et al and the very first voyage of the USS Enterprise.

5 - Up In the Air:

As I said in my original review, I loved Jason Reitman's debut film Thank You for Smoking. I then loathed his follow-up, the inexplicably popular Juno (honestly, one more whiny folk song and I was going to pull a Stewie and Brian --language NSFW -- on the DVD.) But Up In the Air's hilarious script by Reitman and Sheldon Turner is the perfect vehicle for the handsome and charming George Clooney, who deserves the title "The Cary Grant of His Generation.:

4 - Trick 'r Treat:

Yes, I know this movie was made in 2008. Yes, I know it was screened at festivals all over the place and thousands of people saw it before I did. Most of the world, including Uncle P, finally got to see Michael Dougherty's thoroughly original and enjoyable Horror anthology when it was released on DVD this past October. Gory, funny, a little scary and featuring loads of great performances from some the most underrated film actors working today, Trick 'r Treat is destined to take its place among the holiday's classics. I've posted this trailer several times, but it's worth posting again because it's almost as much fun as the movie, itself.

3 - District 9:

The best thing to come out of South Africa since Charlize Theron, Neil Blomkamp's relatively low-budget Science Fiction movie pays homage to the classics, while still generating an original and fascinating film. Combining first-person documentary-style filmmaking with traditional narrative, Blomkamp's essay on man's inhumanity is exciting, horrifying and breathtaking all at once. Another fine example of Alternate History Sci-Fi.

2 - Drag Me to Hell:

How much do I love Sam Raimi's triumphant return to the genre that made him famous? More than I can tell you. As you may well know, I saw this with many people I love, all of whom loved it nearly as much as I did. Relentless; gross; creepy and hilarious without a glimpse of nudity or a single four-letter word worse than 'damn,' Raimi's film proves that effective horror movies don't need mindless teenagers getting hacked to death by a masked killer to be truly effective and scary. Drag Me to Hell is the best Horror movie in the last 20 years. Sorry for the poor quality of the below video's sound, but I thought Raimi's comments were worth hearing.

1 - Moon:

Duncan Jones' brilliant feature debut is a return to smart, quiet Science Fiction. Eschewing elaborate CGI effects; explosions; alien monsters and deep-voiced villains, Jones relies on story and character; the two of the Three Commandments of a good film. Add Sam Rockwell's astounding performance(s), and you have Cinema's Holy Trinity. Like Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey, Duncan's Moon is truly smart Sci-Fi at its best. If Rockwell isn't nominated for at least one major acting award, yours truly will be one very unhappy film fan.

There you have it. I hope you clicked the links and watched the videos. I tried my best to link to things other than the usual, and include clips I haven't used (or even seen) before, even though I may have written about most of these movies, before. I also tried to say at least one or two new things about films I've talked about at least once before. And, as always, I would love to know your thoughts. What was/were your favorite(s) of 2009?

More, anon.
Prospero

Forgotten Gems: 70's Horror or How Queso Was My Fromage

Silly title for a blog entry, I suppose. I've been in a silly, weird mood lately (as if all the zombie stuff wasn't clue). I suppose it's because I've been trapped indoors since November and I need to get out and start doing. I had a busy weekend and want more. Anyway, the idea for ths entry has been kicking around for a while and then the other day on i09, I came across this entry about the cloning movie, Embryo which sealed the deal. So here, in the order of release are:

Seven from the 70's:

Cheesy Horror Movies I Love, Despite Knowing Better

The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971)

The well-loved and much underrated Vincent Price stars in one of his most memorable horror roles, as Dr. Anton Phibes, a mad, disfigured musician wreaking revenge on those he holds responsible for the death of his beloved wife. With his super-fashionable, though silent assistant with the unlikely name of Vulnavia (Virginia North), Phibes picks off his victims with a series of "themed" murders, based on the Ten Plagues. Joseph Cotton, Terry Thomas, Hugh Griffith and Peter Jeffrey co-star in this darkly comic thriller from director Robert Fuest. Both Griffith and Thomas would return (as different characters) in the sequel, Dr. Phibes Rises Again.

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Frogs (1972)

American International Pictures was known for being cheap and outlandish (Phibes is an AIP picture) no matter what the genre, and none so much more than in their horror movies. They also wanted to draw teenagers to the movies and decided to make an ecological disaster movie starring Ray Milland, a very young and very hot Sam Elliott and... are you ready? ... you sure?... OK... Joan friggin' Van Ark! Milland is the crippled patriarch of a family whose money was made by dumping poisoned by-products into the environment. At their 4th of July picnic on a remote island, Mother Nature strikes back. It's just terrible. I like it mostly 'cause we get to see a shirtless Elliott battle hundreds of snakes with just an oar!

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It's Alive (1974)

Writer/director Larry Cohen is simply insane, and the premises of most of his films are, too. Cohen gave the world movies like Q, The Stuff and more recently, Phone Booth and Cellular. As a kid, I was both desperate and terrified to see this movie, because of Cohen's genius at promotion. First, what may be the greatest tagline of all times: "There's only one thing wrong with the Davis baby... It's Alive!" Then the terrifying trailer below, where they never show you the baby Oh... my... God!!! It must be too horrible to imagine! It was. The movie, that is.

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Burnt Offerings (1976)

Author Robert Marasco's weird novel about a house that's a living entity, feeding off the fear of those who live within its walls, adapted into an even weirder movie starring Oliver Reed, Karen Black and a far-from-dead-yet though already-ancient Bette Davis. Director Dan Curtis is owed a big thank you for inspiring the trees in Sam Raimi's The Evil Dead, and for creeping me out at one of the first horror movies I saw in a theater alone.

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The Sentinel (1977)

Michael Winner directs a screenplay by Jeffrey Konvitz, based on Konvitz's novel about a brownstone in Brooklyn that may well be something worse than haunted. The cast is top-drawer talent, including Chris Sarandon; Martin Balsalm; John Carradine; Eva Gardner; Arthur Kennedy; Burgess Meredith; Sylvia Miles; Eli Wallach; Christopher Walken; Jerry Orbach and Beverly D’Angelo! Christina Raines is the damsel in distress. A very creepy little thriller that owes more than a debt to Rosemary's Baby. Posted below is fan-made trailer for the movie (and the only one I could find).

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The Fury (1978).

Brian DePalma (Carrie; Dressed to Kill; The Untouchables) revisits telekinesis in his rather slow-moving, though fascinating adaptation of John Farris' novel about a pair of "psychic twins" who are being sought after by both domestic and foriegn intelligence agencies. Kirk Douglas, John Cassavetes, Charles Durning and Fiona Lewis are at odds, while Amy Irving (the future ex-Mrs. Spielberg) and former hottie Andrew Stevens are the young folks in distress. Watch closely for an appearance by a very young Darryl Hannah. Plus, the final and inevitible exploding head explodes about 375 times in a row. It's insane!

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Thirst (1979)

I don't know that "cheesy" is the right term for this Australian vampire movie. A descendant of Elizabeth Bathory (long believed to the actual inspiration for Dracula) is psychologically tortured by a cult into believing she is their "chosen one" and that they have achieved immortality through vampirism. They even live on a commune where they "farm" their food in a massive 'barn' filled with aneasthetized 'donors' whose many exsanguination tubes resemble nothing less than milking machines. Literally biting satire, Thirst is original take on the vampire legend and features some terrific performances by genre veterans David Hemmings, Henry Silva and Chantal Contouri is lovely as the damsel... no, not gonna do it... as the young heroine.

More, anon.

Prospero

A Day Late

I believe that yesterday was actually "Rabbit Down the Hole Day," when bloggers were supposed to post differently than they usually do. I missed it, so sue me. I will post my RDHD (sounds like an acronym for some cognitive disorder) now.

Since almost every freakin' one of my FaceBook friends has been tagging me with this stupid task, here for all the world to see are:

25 Random Things About Me

1. I am the only actor to ever perform on the main stage of the NYC Ballet.

2. I had no imaginary friends as a child, though a monster named "Mr. Umph" lived in the walls.

3. I don't like sushi.

4. I broke my collarbone in 8th-grade gym class, vaulting a horse

5. I cry at cheesy tear-jerkers

6. As a high school junior, I was playing the Lion in "The Wizard of Oz," wearing a giant headpiece made out of about 50 skeins of wool. It was like wearing three afghans wrapped around my head, but I was glad to be rehearsing in it when a piece of Emerald City fell into me. That flat just bounced right off.

7. All of my best and longest friends were met in college or through theatre, or both.

8. Peter Jackson and I have something very important in common: The original 1933 version of "King Kong" is the movie that made me fall in love with movies when I was a kid, too.

9. The first "adult" album I ever bought for myself was Elton John's "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road." Sir Elton and Mr. Taupin at the height of their powers.
10. My sister and I can say one word and immediately have the other in pain with laughter. The list of words is surprisingly long and can be trigged by any thousands of different stimuli, and only she and I know all the words and what they mean - inside jokes almost boiled down to numbers. Family and friends are often perturbed by how bizarre our inside jokes seem to be (and they probably are), but I love that we have that.

11. The ONLY gin is Bombay Sapphire (and the only REAL Martini is Sapphire; in & out; up; no fruit).

12. For a week, I had a job cutting belts in a dress factory.

13. My first paying acting job was in a godawful original musical for an entire summer at a dinner theatre in -- are you ready? -- a FIREHALL. If the sirens went off, we had to freeze and hold until they stopped. Hand to God!

14. I once bleached my hair in order to convince an actor I was directing to bleach his. He agreed to do it only if i did it with him. One night after reheasal we went into the dressing room and the girls bleached our hair while we all got very drunk. I found out later that after I left, they all went on a 2 AM costume parade through Princeton.

15. I had a massive crush on my sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Manzo. She was awesome.

16. My paternal grandfather played clarinet in a popular local swing band in the 40's.

17. My paternal grandmother worked in a cigar factory.

18. My great-grandfather was a guard to the Crown of St. Stephen.

19. My grandmother was actually born in Transylvania, before it was absorbed into Romania.

20. I've been in three productions of "The Tempest" and never need to do so, again.

21. I have honestly lost track of how many productions I've worked on.

22. I really want another dog, but just can't right now.

23. I want to write a novel.

24. I prefer ground bison to ground beef.

25. I passed the written test to be on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire." I didn't pass the interview =(

More, soon.

The Italian Magician

The Best Virals

As another year draws to a close, I had to share this compilation of the year's best viral videos from Videogum via BoingBoing. Enjoy.

As always, more of this, anon.

Prospero

My Favorite Superhero Movies

As a kid, I adored the cheesy, campy "Batman" TV show. My mother says I spent much of my childhood with a towel tied around my neck and I was Batman for Halloween four years in a row. As I grew older and discovered the Bob Kane comics, I became fascinated with Batman's duality, which then extended into the duality inherent in almost all superheroes and their "seceret" identities.

Superhero movies have been around for almost as long as movies themselves, but they really didn't come into their own until film technology caught up to their super powers in the late 70's with Richard Donner's Superman: The Movie. Since then, they've gotten better and better, though my love of them has never gone away. Below is a list (in no particular order) of my favorite superhero movies. I do have to note that I find it interesting that with one exception, they are all sequels. I suppose origin stories are important, though what really matters are the adventures themselves, which probably makes for much better story-telling.

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Spider Man 2 (2004)

Cult director Sam Raimi (The Evil Dead; Darkman) turned up the excitement in his first follow-up to Spider Man by introducing one of Spidey's best villains, Dr. Octopus, while making Peter Parker a conflicted (and exhausted) young superhero being torn in too many directions at once. Great performances from a terrific cast (especially Alfred Molina as Doc Ock) and one of the most exciting runaway train sequences ever, make Spider Man 2 one of the best superhero movies, ever.

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Batman Returns (1992)

Director Tim Burton's follow-up to his megahit re-imagining of Batman is the best of the 80's & 90's Batman movies. It has terrififc performances from Danny Devito as a grotesque Penguin and Michelle Pfieffer as a super sexy Catwoman, the always brilliant Christopher Walken as retailing mogul Max Shreck (in a nod to the actor who played Count Orlock in the original Nosferatu), not to mention some of the best noirish images since the 40's. A terrific cast, amazing visuals and a witty script from Daniel Waters all add up to one fun movie ride.

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Superman II (1980)

Director Richard Lester infamously took over for Richard Donner in this sequel after Donner fueded with producers Ilya and Alexander Salkind. Donner had already shot most of the movie, using a script by novelist Mario Puzo (The Godfather). Superman, realizing he loves Lois Lane, gives up his powers to spend the rest of his life with her, but when a trio of crazed Kryptonian criminals escape their prison in the Phantom Zone, threatening Peace, Justice and the American Way, Supe must find a way to get his powers back and save the world. Stars Christopher Reeve and Margot Kidder have never looked more gorgeous and the amazing Terence Stamp (Priscilla, Queen of the Desert) makes for one of the genre's greatest super villains.

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Blade II (2002)

Blade is one of the comics' first major black superheroes, and as embodied by Wesley Snipes in the first movie, a badass half-vampire/half human intent on avenging his mother's death (and his own creation) at the hands of the vampire Deacon Frost (Stephen Dorf). Snipes is all too grim and all too serious in the original, but in the hands of a genius director Guillermo del Toro (Pan's Labrynth), Blade comes into his own in the stylish sequel. Recruited by the vampire elite to fight a new breed of vampire led by the blood-thirsty Nomak (Luke Goss), Blade must reconcile his hatred of vampires with his love for one of their royals, Princess Nyssa (Leonor Varela). It's darker, bloodier and more exciting than both the original and it's rather lame follow-up, Blade: Trinity.

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X2: X-Men Unite (2003)

After cutting his teeth on the overblown and often confusing X-Men, director Bryan Singer got down to business and made what, at the time, was the best superhero movie ever. Many members of the LGBT community credit the openly gay Singer for drawing parallels between themselves and the persecuted mutants of the X-Men comics. Starring hunk-a-licious Hugh Jackman in a role he seems saddled with until he loses his looks; sultry Famke Janssen; Patrick Stewart; Halle Berry; Sir Ian McKellan and a slew of terrific supporting players, X2 is an exciting and inspiring entry into the genre.

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Iron Man (2008)

Marvel Studios' first fully financed film takes one of their minor characters and elevates him to superstar status, thanks to dircetor Jon Favreau (Elf; Zathura) and a simply terrific performance from super-talented Robert Downey, Jr. in the title role. Downey's zillionaire Tony Stark is a concieted and arrogant creep who learns his lesson when captured in the desert by middle eastern terrorists and forced to build a superweapon. Instead, he builds a super suit and thus is born a superhero. Funny, exciting and loaded with terrific CGI FX, Iron Man was one of three outstanding superhero movies of the past summer.

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Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)

Del Toro's sequel to Hellboy is simply a visual orgy whose gorgeous images can only really be appreciated upon multiple viewings. When Elf Prince Nuada (Luke Goss, again) decides to take back the Earth from mankind by ressurecting the unstoppable, automatonic Golden Army, it is up to Hellboy (Ron Perlman) and his team to save mankind. Perlman, who has spent most of his acting career under layers of latex (TV's "Beauty and the Beast"), gives his best performance as the superhero most people hate - and whose destiny is to bring about Armageddon - while the supporting cast (Selma Blair, Doug Jones and the always hilarious Jeffrey Tambor) just add to the fun. Simply amazing.

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The Dark Knight (2008)

How much more can be written and/or discussed about Christopher Nolan's masterpiece? His follow-up to the astoundingly good Batman Begins is quite simply the best superhero movie ever (though many expect Zack Snyder's forthcoming Watchmen to snatch that title away, come next March). Part crime-thriller; part noir mystery and all superhero adventure, The Dark Knight owes much of its success to the astonishing performance of the late Heath Ledger as the Joker. It is the the third of this past summer's three great superhero movies, and the first in the genre to stand a legitimate chance at winning Oscars for Best Picture, Best Director (Nolan) and Best Supporting Actor (Ledger). Should it win any (or all) of these awards, it would be a coup for the genre and a victory for fanboys everywhere. Quite simply an astonishing achievement in filmmaking, no matter what the genre.

More of this, anon.

Prospero

Favorite Novels Adapted to Screen

One of my favorite modern Fantasy authors is Neil Gaiman. Noted as the creator of the Sandman graphic novel series, Gaiman's novels American Gods and Anastasi Boys are practically relavatory works of Fantasy Fiction. The magic in Gaiman's stories is rarely of the usual kind (much like that of fellow Brit author, Clive Barker) and his imaginative prose sets a tone unlike any other modern fantacist can. Neverwhere was my first Gaiman novel, and I loved it, but was disappointed by the poorly produced BBC miniseries of it. I read Stardust on the train bewteen Trenton and New York while working for the NYC Ballet and adored it. And loved the movie even more (more on that, later). Now, the brilliant stop-motion animation director Henry Selig (A Nightmare Before Christmas; James and the Giant Peach) is bringing one of Gaiman's many children's books to the big screen in 3D, no less.

Coraline tells the story of a girl who discovers a door to an alternate universe, and from what I have seen, Selig has gotten it just right. Which got me to thinking about what other movies got it just right when adapting a novel for the screen. For the record, here are my choices for the other movies that were translated to the screen correctly.

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Manhunter

I read The Silence of the Lambs when it came out in paperback, without realizing I'd already seen the first adaptation of a Hannibal Lecter novel, Red Dragon, adapted by Michael Mann, creator of "Miami Vice." "C.S.I" star William Peterson is Will Graham, the FBI agent responsible for capturing the notorious Hannibal "the Cannibal" Lecter. Now on the trail of the Red Dragon, Graham must turn to teh mad genius for help in solving the case. Brian Cox created the role long before Anthony Hopkins won an Oscar for his turn at the part, and for my money, Cox's is the creepier interpretation. Mann's classic "MTV" editing style is well used in this adaptation of Thomas Harris' novel.

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Charlie and The Chocolate Factory

I may be in the minority here (in fact, I know I am), but I far prefer Tim Burton's adaptation of the classic Roald Dahl novel to the 1971 version, starring the brilliant Gene Wilder. Yes, Deep Roy was all the Oompa-Loompas. But in the original illustrations, all of them looked exactly alike (and sang the words to the songs adapted by Danny Elfman). Yes, Veruca Salt is assaulted by squirrels instead golden-egg laying geese. But that's what happens to her in the book. Darker, weirder and so much closer to Dahl's original, Charlie... ranks among my top 5 Burton films.

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Jaws

Steven Spielberg's first big-screen hit literally invented the summer blockbuster. Over due and over-budget, plagued by mechanical effects problems, Jaws could have been just another B horror movie. But Peter Benchley's novel about a resort town terrorized by a great white shark was already a best-seller, and people flocked to theaters in droves and staying away from seaside resorts in record numbers. It's not just the monster that's terrific here. Iconic performances by Roy Schieder, Richard Dreyfus and Robert Shaw drive this story of Man Vs. Nature in on of the tautest thrillers, ever.

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Misery

Rob Reiner also adapted the film version of Stephen King's short novel, The Body into the excellent coming-of-age film Stand by Me. In Misery, King's novel about an obsessive fan, Reiner is at the top of his game. James Caan plays romance author Paul Sheldon, whose character Misery Chastain has seen him through a best-selling, if not critically accalimed career.

After an auto accident in the mountains, Sheldon is rescued by his "Number One Fan," Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates in a Oscar-winning performance), a former nurse suspected of being an "Angel of Death" killer. Trapped in Annie's remote farmhouse, Paul has no choice but to write himself out of captivity. And did I mention the infamous "hobbling" scene?

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Interview with the Vampire

Though author Anne Rice at first decried the casting of Tom Cruise as her forever 17 year-old vampire Lestat de Lioncourt, she relented once she saw Neil Jordan's lush adaptation of her homerotic first entry in what would become known as 'The Vampure Chronicles." Ultimately, teh film belongs to an ethereal Brad Pitt as the tortured Louis and young Kirsten Dunst as child vampire, Claudia. Brooding, dark and oh-do-sexy, Jordan's vision of Rice's world is completely defiled in the inept follow-up film, Queen of the Damned.

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The Haunting

I've already discussed Julie Harris' astonishing performance here, but I must cite Robert Wise's 1961 adaptation of Shirley Jackson's novel, The Haunting of Hill House not only because it may well be the scariest movie ever made, but because it captures the mood and feel of Jackson's prose so brilliantly.

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The Silence of the Lambs

The Silence of the Lambs is the first Thomas Harris novel I ever read. Jonathan Demme's 1991 adaptation won Oscars for Best Picture; Best Actor (Anthony Hopkins); Best Actress (Jody Foster); Best Adapted Screenplay (Ted Tally) and Best Director. When I first saw this movie, I was astounded not only by the performnaces, but how closely Demme had come to re-creating the world I had imagined when I read the book.

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Gone with the Wind

Director Victor Fleming (credited for The Wizard of Oz) had quite a year in 1939. Taking over for George Cukor, Fleming rendered novelist Margaret Mitchell's novel about the American Civil War and a spunky Southern belle into a cinema legend. Mitchell's sprawling tale was one of teh most anticpated films, ever, and if adjusted for inflation, is still one of the all-time top-grossers in movie history.

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The Shawshank Redemption/The Green Mile/The Mist

Director Frank Darabount is one of three or so directors who has succesfully managed to translate novels by Stephen King to the big screen. All three of the above-mentioned films are remarkably faithful to the source material... with one exception. King's novella The Mist ends on a most ambiguous note - Darabount's adaptation ends on a truly devastating one (and the only possibly satisfying filmic ending)

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Stardust

I've already discussed the many merits of Stardust here, but I must also mention Matthew vaughn's 2007 adaptation Neil Gaiman's adult fairy tale as the archetypically perfect fairy tale. With fellow writer Jane Goldman, Vaughn manages to capture Gaiman's fanciful tale in all its glory, while managing to avoid some the novel' sslower parts. Pure cinematic joy.

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Airport

George Seton's film version of Arthur Hailey's best-seller is inarguably the Grand-Daddy of '70's All Star disaster movies. It features a host of then A-listers (including Helen Hayes, Dean Martin and Sonny Bono) in a story of intrigue, affairs and mid-air exploisions. Thrilling stuff for the average beach-novel reader in 1970.