The Indonesian Chainsaw Massacre?

Oh, the delicious stuff that's out there...

Before I talk about the two upcoming movies this post is really about, I just want to let everyone know that new cities have just been announced to hold screenings of Paranormal Activity and Philadelphia is one of them. I will pass on info (dates, theaters, cities) ASAP.

Anyway... I came across a trailer today that was quite intriguing. A Fantasy Fest favorite, the Indonesian (?!!) horror movie Darah will be released in the U.S. as Macabre (not nearly as interesting a title, and one already used by the King of the Gimmicks, William Castle).

Watch the trailer and tell me if you don't notice similarities between Darah and a certain '70's classic directed by Poltergeist's Tobe Hooper. Hmmm...

A group of travelers pick up a young woman in need of a ride, who leads them to house filled with homicidal maniac cannibals who methodically cut them up with a chainsaw. I don't know that I have ever seen any Indonesian films (in fact, I am almost certain I haven't), though I have seen trailers for foreign rip-offs (see previous post). Regardless, the trailer makes me want to see it.

Earlier in the day, I came upon this truly disturbing and inexplicable clip from a movie I can't even believe exists, The Human Centipede (via):

The worst part about this for me, is the (for lack of a better word) "eating poop" factor. I am gagging just writing about it and apologize to all of you for not warning you in advance. The fact that a production company put out good money to make this movie makes me think the world has gone completely bonkers. Why, why, why would someone write this script and why, why, WHY would someone actually pay to produce it?

Maybe this explain why that exists:

Low-budget horror at it worst, folks. Wait... Bruce Dern and Pat Priest were in that movie? Damn! He was up-and-coming... she must have been down-and-out.

On a side-note, my sister was really freaked out by this movie when she was a kid, and even the singing of it's bizarre, ballady theme song "It's Incredible," would be enough to send her shrieking into her room (and remind me to tell you about the Don't Be Afraid of the Dark trick I played on her, some time...).

More, anon.
Prospero

Turkish Taffy

While making my daily stop at BoingBoing today, I came across this hilarious gem:

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I looked it up on YouTube because I thought it went well with my recent Superhero posts, but then found a whole bunch of hilarious clips I just had to share. Now, I'm hardly an expert on International Copyright Law, but I must imagine that Turkish filmmakers have little (if any) regard for it, as evidenced by the clips I am about to share with you. First, please enjoy this clip from the Turkish version of Superman:

Apparently, the Turkish Superman is so powerful, he doesn't even need to actually hit you to send you flying across the room. And Styrofoam rocks have absolutely no effect on him. At least he sort-of looks like he could be Superman, unlike his rather chubby Indian counterpart above. Though I doubt he can sing and dance as well. And do Turkish filmmakers have no concept of continuity or scene matching?

Next, please enjoy this clip from the Turkish version of Spider Man, in which Spidey appears to be a villain, rather than a hero:

Who knew that Mexican wrestlers played such a vital role in Turkish superhero movies? And when is the last time you can remember Stan Lee having Spidey strangle a soap-blinded, nubile waif with her own shower head? Let's not forget about those killer guinea pigs!

And the phenomena is not limited to superheroes. American Sci-Fi fares equally as well in Turkey. Here's a clip from "Badi," the Turkish version of E.T.:

Did that rubber alien actually pee smoke? Yikes! And Spielberg isn't the only victim here. Take a gander at this clip from the Turkish version of Star Wars:

Wow! What's the deal with Luke Leapfrogger, there? Mark Hamill should have been so lucky. And I have to wonder who got confused... why is John Williams' Indiana Jones music appearing in a Star Wars rip-off? And more importantly, why do the cheesy sound effects keep interrupting it? Even worse, not only has an entire concept been ripped off, but actual footage from the movie they're ripping off has been randomly inserted, as if no one would notice. Do the folks at Lucasfilm know about this?

Speaking of bad sound effects, here's a clip from "Korkusuz," the Turkish version of Rambo:

I love how what is supposed to be the sound of flesh being punched is the same as the sound of cloth-covered flesh being punched. And as with the Turkish Superman, Turkish Rambo doesn't need to actually land a punch to beat up his enemies. At least the Turkish Rambo is hotter than Stallone. I know I wouldn't kick him out for eating cous-cous in bed.

Finally, and possibly most horrific of all, I present you with the penultimate scene from "Seytan," the Turkish version of The Exorcist:

Santa? Why are you performing an exorcism? Shouldn't you be at the North Pole, making toys for well-behaved Christian children? And what's up with your creepy buddy and his ultra-wide floral tie? Why is beating up that poor girl with the bad skin? Dimi... why you do dis to me?

I can't wait to see the Turkish version of Watchmen (though I doubt we'll see Dr. Constantinople's big blue penis).

More, anon.
Prospero