Showing posts with label Holiday Wishes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Holiday Wishes. Show all posts

Thursday, January 1, 2015

New Year, New Hope

First post of the New Year! 

2014 was a very mixed bag for Uncle P. Plenty of great stuff happened: I met someone amazing; I was in an exceptional show (Bluebird); I completely redecorated my living room and kitchen; I got a new washing machine; I got a new vacuum; I got to visit San Francisco again and went to Vegas for the first time. 

Conversely, plenty of other stuff sucked: I lost two very sweet and talented friends; my washing machine, chest freezer and vacuum all went the way of all things; I found out that my father's second wife's children might have a claim to my house* and there's a ton of taxes owed on the property I inherited and I have no idea how I'm going to pay it; I found out my mother fell victim to the mortgage frauds perpetrated by Fannie Mae and Bank of America in the first decade of the 21st Century and taking on a an unwanted (but needed) boarder has proven difficult (he's a bit of an irresponsible slob - though he's working on it) and not as financially beneficial as I'd hoped. 

This year, I already have two potential shows (plus a special tribute show to one of those lost friends) lined up and I am determined to find a way out of the financial mess Mom left me (I loved her dearly, but am angry at how much she kept from me). I am hoping to continue to repaint and redecorate the rest of my house while continuing to write plays, screenplays and this blog.

I am thankful for the loving and supportive people in my life (both online and IRL) and the steady paycheck from the Day Job (no matter how much I may complain about our clients, it's still a great place to work). 

My wish for all of you in 2015 is prosperity; good health; solid relationships and the kind of astonishingly loving and supportive network of friends I am lucky enough to have. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Here's to 2015 being better than 2014!



More, anon.
Prosper

*They've since all agreed to sign off on their claims. It would have cost them more in legal fees than they might possibly have gained, anyway.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Traditions, Both New and Old

Days Gone By (Not Our Real House)
It is still Christmas Eve in the U.S. as I write this and while Uncle P celebrates Christmas as a secular holiday in which we acknowledge, spend time and share gifts with those we love, for many it remains a deeply religious holiday celebrating the birth of their 'savior.' And since this isn't a post about religion, I'll leave that alone and get to the point.

While venturing out late in the afternoon to get a bottle of wine for tomorrow's dinner, I was struck by how the Holidays (like most of life) has changed over the years. Early Christmas memories evoke the many toys and gifts my mother's mother gave us each year, much to our father's consternation. The schadenfreude she derived from his jealously must have been some powerful juju! After she'd had a particularly good year in tips (she was a barmaid), our house was literally filled with presents and I'm surprised Dad didn't have a apoplectic stroke on the spot! At some point "Grandmom Cookie" (so-called because of her always full cookie jar) started spending Christmas Eve with us and we would open her presents then and Santa's and Mom and Dad's presents on Christmas morning. After she passed, we started opening all of our gifts on Christmas Eve. By then I was in college and working part time and Christmas Eve soon evolved into an open-house event where friends and co-workers came and went all night long, I still wonder how we fit so many people into that tiny house. I moved in and out of the house over the years following, but always managed to spend Christmas Eve there. New traditions for the evening continued to evolve after my parents divorced and other folks came into and/or left our lives. For a solid 10 years, Christmas Eve meant broasted* chicken from Chicken Holiday; Southern Comfort Manhattans; two embarrassing piles of presents; shrimp cocktail  and my rock, K. 

That changed again when Mom passed away last October and I spent Christmas Eve with my sister and BIL in Florida. The night before, K and M came over for chicken and such. And while we had a good time, the food wasn't up to their usual standards (I blame a different staff). So this year, even though I'm staying in PA, I decided to cook. On Sunday I made a lasagna and a Caramel Pumpkin Cream Cheese cake. Monday night I steamed and peeled a pound of shrimp and Tuesday night reheated the lasagna; glazed the cake and made cocktail sauce while frying up some battered green beans. Thank goodness M got here early, as I quickly dispatched him on a candle lighting mission. K arrived soon after and then lots of food and drink were consumed, presents were opened and much laughter was shared. 

While it was the first of several similar holiday experiences to come over the next few weeks, last night's Christmas Eve Eve has become what I hope will continue to be a new holiday tradition. For a while, at least. Until things change again, which is inevitable. Cultural traditions may seem steadfast and unchanging, but they are simply slower and less fluid than personal traditions.

I continue to be in awe of the family who have chosen me to a part of theirs, as much as I have chosen them.  K, Q, Dale, M, D and so many others never let me forget that I am not alone and never will be. And there's my astonishing sister. Strong, smart and always supportive, I can only hope you have a sibling who is half as amazing as she is (and yes, it's Christmas! I'm allowed to get gushy!). If you have even half the love in your life as I am blessed to, you know what I mean.

I have received (and will continue to do so) some very cool gifts (Mia's incredible "Zombie Batman" figurine got some stiff competition from Mary & Phil's Nightmare Before Christmas fleece and my sister's standing plush Mickey Skellington - all three of which are rendered in B&W).

None of that stuff, as cool as it may be, really matters.  Like all of us, these things will be dust in a thousand years. What matters is the love we share here and now. I guess what I'm saying is I am grateful for everyone who cares about me and bothers to read my nonsense. Be kind to one another. Know the difference between what does and doesn't matter. Give money or time to a charity that speaks to you, when and if you can. Smile at strangers. Say "Please" and "Thank You." Hold the door for the person behind you. Open the door for the person coming out ahead of you. Acknowledge those who do the same. Share the belief that most people are as good, but no better than, you. Never assume anyone is evil. Help people. Tell those you love that you love them as often as you can. Enjoy the things you have, but take nothing for granted. Enjoy your life. It's the only one you have!

Merry Christmas, my friends and readers! 

More, anon.
Uncle P.

*Pressure fried with no coating

Zombie Batman from Mia
Mickey Skellington from Barbara 



















Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Have a Safe and Happy New Year's Eve!


Happy New Year! I've made it clear that I am not sad to see 2013 go. Here's wishing you and yours the Happiest of New Year's. I wish you and all those you love much Joy, Laughter, Prosperity and Health in 2014. Bring it on!

More, anon
Prospero

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Merrily. Merrily, Merrily...


Enjoy the silence. Embrace your loved ones. Take joy in your Humanity. Accept beauty when you see it. Find your light and follow it. Merry Christmas, no matter that means to you. 

More, anon.
Brian

Thursday, November 28, 2013

When Holidays Collide

"I'm not one of your faaaa-aaaa-aaans!!!"


I hope everyone had a delicious and filling meal with people you love.

More, anon.
Prospero

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Monday, December 24, 2012

Silent Night

Hope You Don't Live Next Door to This Guy

For a very long time now, we've opened our gifts after dinner on Christmas Eve at my house. There's a long story to go with why we do so, but we do. And that's all over here. The wrappings and tissue paper are all wadded up in a bag and the corrugated boxes are broken down to be recycled; the gift bags worthy of another use folded up and put away for next year. Mom's new Keurig is all set up so she can easily brew her own cup of coffee in the morning, my new earbuds are plugged into my PC and I've already put a few things away. Tomorrow we'll sleep in and have a hearty brunch (I'm making a Banana-Pineapple French Toast casserole and sausage) and spend the rest of the day being lazy; watching movies; picking at tonight's leftovers and just enjoying a quiet day off. I'm hoping that you have had or will have a lovely holiday, whatever it is that you celebrate for whatever reason(s). I'll be back on the 26th. I'm sure you'll find something to do with your time between now and then. Whether you celebrate the religious meaning of the holiday or do so secularly, as I do, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas!

More, anon.
Prospero

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Happy Independence Day!


Tomorrow, July 4th, is Independence Day here in the U.S. and like millions of other Americans, Uncle P will be celebrating with friends, family and fireworks. If you're celebrating today and tomorrow, please do so safely and responsibly and have a great time!

More anon,
Prospero

Friday, December 30, 2011

New Year's Traditions

Not Quite My Grandmother's, But Close

My father's family is/was Hungarian. My mother's family is/was German and Welsh. Growing up, my sister and I were much closer to Dad's family than Mom's. We did love Poppie and Grandmom G (Mom's father and step-mother) and were very close with and spoiled rotten by Grandmom Cookie* (my mother's birth-mother).

But Grandmom B was the comfort grandmother. No one hugged liked her; no one smothered with kisses like her and no one sure as hell cooked like her! Holiday meals cooked by Grandmom B were a spectacular blend of traditional Hungarian cooking and American standards. And for my sister and I, the best thing about Grandmom's holiday meals included her astonishing stuffed cabbage. How many children do you know who eat cabbage? How many of you do? My grandmother's stuffed cabbage remains to this very day, my favorite meal of all time. She taught my father, who in turn taught me (one of the few things for which I am grateful to him). I later taught my sister, who has adapted a smaller yield recipe for her slow-cooker. 

My mother, Lord Love a Duck, has never been taught this recipe, yet she manages to chime in about some ingredient she thinks I've gotten wrong every time I make it. Of course, once she eats it, she admits I was right. The recipe is not written down, that I am aware of and will (very sadly), die with my sister and I. Hmm... Perhaps I will actually prepare a copy for posthumous publication. It's too good to let die. Though the recipe is hardly exact but Sis and I have learned to know when it looks, feels and tastes right as we go along. My version is getting closer to Grandmom's every time I make it, though I haven't quite hit the jackpot. It's the "rontasz" or Hungarian rue, that's the hardest to get right.

I make this dish twice a year; for my birthday in July and for New Year's Day. It's as much work for a small batch as it for  large, so I (and almost everyone else I know who makes it), make a huge (16 qt, for me) batch and immediately freeze half. The other half is left to cool and then refrigerated overnight so the flavors can marry. The prep time is almost as long as the cooking time, if you want it to turn out right. My fingers end up wrinkled and shriveled long before it actually starts cooking. This is one of those massive multi-step recipes that takes not only careful instruction, but trial and error to get right.

So, here's the deal. I hate to see Grandmom's recipe go away. Tell me in the comments of you would like a copy of it. If enough of you ask politely, I'll share it with you. I only ask that if you should share it, you do so using Grandmom's name (provided as the title of the recipe).

I also just realized that I haven't had her Chicken Paprikash in a long time, something she did teach my mother. Hmmmm... next weekend, for sure!

And now how's this for a segue?

Uncle Prospero received the hoodie you see on the right for Christmas. It says "Hungary" in Hungarian (or at least the Arabic equivalent of the Cyrillic) and features the crest and colors of the Hungarian flag. I am wearing it even now, as I was this afternoon when I ventured out to get some essentials and something no one ever gives me for Christmas -- a calendar. Luckily, Barnes and Noble still had a good selection at 50% off.
I got exactly the one I wanted, cheap! 

As I got up to the counter, the young woman behind it said: "Oh! That's not Mexican!"

"Excuse me?" I said, thinking she might be having a stroke.

Her: "Your shirt. I thought it was a Mexican flag, but... what does it say?"

Me: "Oh. It's Hungarian. It says 'Hungary.'"

She kind of squinted her eyes and said "Um, what? You're hungry?"

I started looking around for a hidden camera. 

Me: "No, Hungary. It's an Eastern European country near Austria and Romania."

Her: "So like, near Sydney, right?" (On my life, she said this).

Me: "No. Austria, not Australia."

Her: "Oh. I'm a Spanish major, so I thought it was Mexican."

Me: "Oh. Well, no. It's definitely not Spanish."

She finished my transaction and I left, wanting to cry for the future of Humanity, all over again. Of course, maybe the world can be saved. Grandmom's stuffed cabbage is a magical food, after all...

As the year gets closer to being history, I find myself  counting both my blessings and my pennies. I was lucky enough to have two vacation trips in 2011, something I don't see happening next year. And I was unable to be as generous as usual for Christmas this year, but still managed to deliver gifts that pleased (or at least their recipients were polite enough to lie about it convincingly -- of course, most of my friends are truly excellent actors). Personally, I'm looking forward to 2012. I already have tons of great stuff scheduled well into the summer and I can't wait to get started! I leave you with this, something you've probably already seen but I haven't had the chance to do so until now:



Once I've finished cooking, it's back to Flemington for a quiet New Year's Eve with my three wise folk, Q; K and Dale.

So, what are you doing New Year's Eve?

More, anon.
Prospero

*The actual cookie jar Grandmom Cookie had.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

...And To All, A Goodnight.


Wishing you all the very merriest of Christmases!

I continue to be amazed that so many people from all over the world care what I have to say and continue to read my ramblings and nonsense every day. I am also amazed at all of the blessings in my life, including my remarkable family and friends. Thank you, thank, thank you.

And to those of you who don't celebrate Christmas (for whatever reason), I hope you are celebrating the many blessings in your life, as well. You don't have to be Christian (or even religious at all) to participate in the joys of the season. I hope that you are and I hope you continue to have many reasons to celebrate life's joys.

"Christmas is not a time or a season but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas." ~ Calvin Coolidge

Merry Christmas, my friends.
Brian

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Yum!


That sound you hear is Norman Rockwell, spinning in his grave... (But seriously, what is that? Goliath's brain?)

It is Thanksgiving Eve here in the States. Since I added the globe tracker thingy to the blog, I have noticed I have readers in some very surprising places, all over the world: Australia; Russian Georgia; Austria; Poland; Romania; the Middle East; South America; Africa and even China. I don't know if  I'm getting these hits because those folks are doing specific Google searches, or because they are genuinely interested in what I have to say (though why they would be, is beyond me, frankly). It's rather awesome, though.

Thanksgiving is celebrated in Canada in October, though I don't think it has the same feeling as it does here in the U.S. Based on a myth about the settlers at Plymouth Rock in 16-something-or-other, Thanksgiving in the U.S. is all about being grateful for everything good in our lives. 

And Uncle P has plenty for which to be grateful (my English teachers would be so proud of that sentence). I have a decent job with an exceptionally generous NPO; I have a roof over my head with cable TV and high-speed Internet access; I have reliable transportation; I have traveled extensively; I get to indulge my passion for theatre on a fairly regular basis; I live in the greatest country on Earth (despite all its many faults) and I get to ramble on and on about anything I feel like, to a group of mostly strangers who come back day after day to read what I have to say.

But mostly, I am thankful for my small, but loving family and a group of amazing friends who simultaneously build me up and keep me grounded at the same time. Q; Dale; K; D; Tracy and about a dozen or so other folks, are constant reminders of how important it is to be yourself, share your love and talents and just be a good person.

So, while enjoying your turkey dinner with all the trimmings tomorrow, take a moment and really think about the things for which you are grateful. I can pretty much guarantee the people in your life about whom you care the most, will top that list. Of course, if you're as twisted as Uncle P, you can also be grateful for Eli Roth (NSFW):



More, anon.
Prospero

Monday, July 4, 2011

Independence Day


My maternal grandmother (bless her potty-mouthed little heart) was born on July 4th and when she was a little girl, her parents told her the fireworks were for her birthday. When she learned the truth, it was worse than finding out about Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy combined. Can you imagine being so crushed?

I've always been truly proud and grateful to be an American citizen. But it's sad to me to see folks who only claim their pride at special times of the year (like 'Christians' who only go to church on Easter and Christmas) or during stressful times like the days and weeks following 9-11. I don't remember seeing that many flags ever in those weeks following the tragedy. Nor have I seen that many, since. It seems to me that most Americans take what we have for granted, with no appreciation for it all. Especially today, when I speak with so many young people at the day job who have a bizarrely inflated sense of entitlement, instilled  in them (no doubt) by parents who grew up wanting nothing.

America's not perfect, mind you. No society ever can be (and should you find yourself  in one which professes to be so, run!). We still have massive civil rights issues; racism; homophobia; religious persecution; poverty; crime; lack of education... the list goes on and on. But imagine living someplace like North Korea, where a corrupt megalomaniac has set himself up as demigod, while the people he rules suffer the lack of the most basic rights. Or China, where the state still persecutes and tortures those with dissident voices and religion is officially illegal. Imagine yourself as a young girl under Taliban rule, forced to bend to the whims of every man you know, unable to drive; read; think or speak for yourself. Or what if you were a young African woman, sexually mutilated to deliberately deny you your body's natural response to pleasure? 

Evangelist Pat Robertson recently said (and I am paraphrasing here) that Marriage Equality would bring the wrath of God down upon America, as did Sodom and Gomorrah. Really? Well, why hasn't he already done so in the nine countries where Marriage Equality is (and has been) legal? Same Gender Marriage is legal in Argentina; Belgium; Canada; the Netherlands; Norway; Portugal; Spain; Sweden and Mexico. Last time I checked, none of those countries have fallen into the sea; been consumed by fire or ravaged by plagues of locusts, frogs or boils. I've heard no reports of anyone turning to salt, either. Have you? So why are we, in 2011, still having this debate? History will record who was wrong, just as it did with the US Civil War; just as it did with Rosa Parks and just as it always will. Progress may be slow, but it is gaining steam everyday. The bigots and fascists will be silenced, as they always are.

On the coat cabinet at my day job's cubicle I have posted a sign with a picture of Uncle Sam in the classic pose. Under the picture are these words: I Want You to Stop Being Afraid of Other Races and Religions; Other Classes and Other Ideals. You're American First. Act Like It!

So I want you to take a moment and think about lucky we are to not only enjoy the freedoms we already have, but to appreciate the fact that we can evolve as a society and allow everyone the same rights as everyone else, something about which I can't imagine our forefathers to be in disagreement. 

I wish you all a safe and Happy Independence Day. Enjoy your cookouts and fireworks. Don't blow yourself (or any part of yourself) up. And take a moment to be thankful for your right to be an idiot, should you blow yourself (or any part of yourself) up. To my readers outside the US (and I know there are at least two of you), Happy (belated) Canada Day and God Save the Queen. And now, this:




And to lighten the mood, this:


More, anon.
Prospero

Monday, May 30, 2011

Happy Memorial Day


Give thanks to all the Service Men and Women who fought for my right to post what I want on this blog and your right to read and respond to it.

More, anon.
Prospero

Sunday, April 24, 2011

The Rising Dead, or: Happy Easter!


I'm not here to beat up on the millions of Christians who believe that Jesus rose from his grave three days after his crucifixion to ascend to heaven. Of course, if you're a regular reader (with one or two exceptions), I doubt you actually believe that particular story, anyway. I know I don't. But if you do, more power to you. Whatever lets you sleep at night is just fine with me - unless of course that includes the killing, torturing or otherwise molesting of your fellow humans. If so, you're sick and need help and/or imprisonment.

Like many atheists and/or agnostics, I just can't buy the whole "He Has Risen" thing. And while historic documents other than the New Testament agree that Jesus* was an actual person who probably lived about 2011 years ago, I personally have an issue with his supposed divinity. No doubt, Jesus espoused many true and positive things about the way we should treat one another as fellow human beings. And while there are several accounts of Jesus attending and/or officiating at weddings; there is nothing to indicate what he thought about them (and certainly nothing to say he only thought they should be be exclusively between a man and a woman). 

On the Julian calendar, Easter is celebrated on the Sunday following the first full moon after the vernal equinox. Confusing, no? So why is Christmas, the traditional celebration of Jesus' birth, always celebrated on December 25th? Shouldn't Easter be celebrated on the same date every year, just like Christmas? I mean, if Jesus rose from the grave on April 6th, 33 AD, shouldn't Easter always be celebrated on April 6th? Here we see simply another example of the Church co-opting a pagan celebration (often mistakenly attributed to the supposedly pagan goddess Oestre) in order to maintain power over the ignorant.

But enough (if you'll forgive the expression) preaching to the choir. Religious celebrations of any kind seem silly to Uncle P. What we should be celebrating is the fact that we exist at all. I think the most important lessons any of us can learn from the New Testament are to be kind to one another, do no harm and live life to its fullest. You never know when the pharisees might look poorly upon you and have you strung up simply for being true to yourself.

Whatever you believe, I hope you enjoy your chocolate bunnies, jelly beans and Cadbury Creme Eggs. I hope your lamb, ham or turkey dinner is delicious and succulent, and that the company with whom you share them is warm and loving. 

Anyway, here's an Inappropriate Soundtrack clip that seems somehow appropriate:


More, anon.
Prospero

*Jesus, by the way, is actually a corruption of the Greek word for the Hebrew name Joshua. And you might also note in my link to the New Testament, it says "Out of the Original Greek," which makes absolutely no sense since Jesus and his contemporaries probably spoke a version of Aramaic, a language that hasn't been actually spoken for over 2000 years. Even the most devout among you must admit there just might have been some translation issues along the way.

More non-religious nonsense, soon.

P.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

My Last Post of 2010


The next time I post, it will 2011. Can you believe it? This year sure flew by, didn't it?

I, for one, am not really sorry to see 2010 go. Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of great moments in 2010. I made some wonderful new friends; got to direct three shows; got my third tattoo and spent my birthday at an iconic amusement park with several dear friends. I saw a few really terrific movies and even more really bad ones. I watched some groundbreaking TV, was crushed (and eventually glad) to find that Sharktopus was more interesting to SyFy than Army of the Dead and got that much closer to completing a script I think is even better than Army of the Dead. My sister made a rare trip North; my parakeet finally learned that I'm not a threat (we even play a game with one of his toys, now); I finally realized how unfair it would be for me to get a boxer, even though I desperately want one and I had delightful year-end holiday experience (so far, anyway). I was part of my first YouTube video (and am about to instigate another*); I was lucky enough to spend my 8th year as a board member of the JTMF and managed to convince our founder to add The Trevor Project* as one of our beneficiaries with our recent production of It's a Wonderful Life: A Live Radio Play.

Even with all the amazing and good things that happened this year, the terrible things seemed to have weighed more heavily. There was the Great Kitchen/Bathroom Disaster of January, followed soon after by the Great Health Scare of February. Then the most repulsive movie ever made was released and my faith in good Horror movies was reduced to ashes... May saw the end of TV's most intriguing drama in years; and the scandal that should have (but didn't) blow the lid on religious hypocrites. June gave us not only JTMF's Sordid Lives, but my pick for the Worst Movie of 2010. July may have given us the Double Rainbow and my amazing birthday celebration, but August extended the Summer of Suck, as far as movies were concerned. September saw me battling my continuing struggle with depression, though Top Girls helped me through a lot of that (not to mention the addition of several new friends). Then Fall suddenly came, slip-sliding into the Holiday Season without any warning at all, and Uncle Prospero found himself with his faith in humanity curiously renewed, as he seems to do every year.

Still, I want to know where my jetpack is; where my flying car is and what other lifeforms are living on Io. Is that really so much to ask in this, the start of the second decade of the 21st Century?

In all seriousness, I wish all of you the Happiest, Healthiest and Best of New Years. Be safe, sane and most of all, kind in the coming year. I hope your dreams come true (or at least closer to it) and that you find your bliss. I hope you know the kinds of friendships with which I have been blessed and that all of your endeavors end in nothing less than success. Thank you for reading. Thank you for commenting. Thank you for caring about what I have to say. I hope 2011 is better or all of us.

Happy New Year!
Brian

*Watch for the JTMF "It Gets Better" video soon.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Silent Night


A very Merry Christmas to all of my readers. Thank you for stopping by now and again to indulge my take on film; theatre; music; politics; LGBT issues; life; assorted nonsense and of course, zombies. I wish you all the joys of the holiday season and many, many more. 

My life may be far from perfect (really, whose is?) but I can only hope that all of you are having as much fun as I seem to to be and that you are surrounded by as many loving friends as I am blessed to be. I hope that Santa is wise and generous; your turkey (or ham) is moist and flavorful; your children are well-behaved; your brother-in-law doesn't drink too much and that you won't have to wait long in return lines on Sunday.

"At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year." ~ Thomas Tusser

More, soon.
Brian

Added about 2 hours later, (via) some Christmas gratuity (or weirdness,depending on your POV):



"I like him. He's silly!"

B

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Turkey Month Turkey of the Month: "Blood Freak"


Yes, that is a turkey-headed monster on the poster for Blood Freak, a 1972 anti-drug picture made by religious nutjobs to warn against the dangers of marijuana.

Blood Freak is the story of Herschel (Steve Hawkes), a Vietnam vet who picks up a hitchhiker named Angel (Heather Hughes) on his hog and takes her home. Angel is a religious good girl, who invites Herschel to crash at her pad for a while. Angel's sister Ann (Dana Cullivan) is a bad girl and she turns Herschel onto pot, to which he immediately becomes maniacally addicted. To support his habit, Herschel gets a job at a local turkey processing plant, testing turkey meat. Of course, the turkey place is run by a mad scientist who is trying to create a turkey that's as addictive as pot. When Herschel eats some contaminated turkey - his head turns into a papier mache turkey head!

And if having a papier mache turkey head isn't bad enough, Herschel is now a turkey-vampire who can only survive by drinking the blood of other pot addicts. Naturally, he goes on a killing spree, draining blood from his victims and slurping it up through his papier mache beak from his hands (I guess he couldn't find a straw). Finally, Jesus shows up to teach Herschel the error of his ways and he is saved, upon which he wakes up to discover the whole thing was just a drug-fueled nightmare. 
I wish I was making this one up, but I'm not. Here:



Wow. Poppers, wine and pot. Yep, these are some bad people. Not only does Blood Freak make absolutely no sense, it features some of the worst acting ever committed to celluloid; special effects that would make H.G. Lewis laugh at their amateurishness and several brief appearances by director Brad F. Grintner as the Narrator/Herschel's conscience, who occasionally breaks out into a coughing fit so bad, you wish he'd swallow some codeine-laced cough syrup already:



And mind you, the trailer below was intended to make you want to see this movie:

 

Why do I think the maker's of V8 are indebted to the makers of this film?

Thus endeth the Turkey Month Turkeys. I hope you and yours had a wonderful and delicious Thanksgiving. As always, I have loads to be thankful for, not the least of which are you, my readers. I don't have nearly as many followers as some bloggers, but I am very thankful for the ones I do have. 

Tomorrow is known as Black Friday in the U.S. (presumably because it's the day when retailers' books go into the black ink, rather than the red) and Uncle P will be out looking for holiday bargains (though not at 3 or 4 AM, as many will be). I've already done some Christmas shopping online and have just a few more things to pick up. If they're good enough to share, I'll recount my shopping adventures tomorrow. If not, expect more of the usual nonsense.

More, anon.
Prospero

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mom


It's Mother's Day. I was going to post a picture of my mother, but she'd kill me and I wouldn't want to upset her on her day.

Seriously, my mother is pretty terrific. All she ever wanted to be was a mother. She married my father at 18 and had me just a few months before she turned 20. It would be another 6 years before my sister came along. When we were kids, Mom loved snow days, because she got to spend the whole day with us. And she was practically ecstatic when our school district went on strike one September. It meant almost another whole month we could stay home and play with her. We would play board games, color, do paint-by-numbers and crafts. In fact, one of my earliest memories is playing with Colorforms at our dining room table in the tiny house my parents rented in Trenton, before we moved to the tiny house I grew up in, in Levittown.

When I was in High School, I had an opportunity to travel to France with my French class. Mom took a part-time job as a Playground Monitor at a local elementary school, so she could afford to send me. She often went without so my sister and I could have the things we wanted, whether it was designer jeans; tickets to the latest show in town or my sister's wedding. She taught us the basics of housekeeping - how to cook a meal; how to sew on a button; how to remove a stain from the carpet and (best of all) how to find a bargain. I swear, that woman would make a deal with devil if it meant saving money.

After my father finally left (what she often says is "...the second best thing to happen to me, after you kids."), she went to work full-time as a switchboard operator in a local department store, quickly working her way up to HR Assistant. After that, she landed a job with with mob-owned garbage disposal company. Then she worked for a BMW dealer and finally spent 19 years as the Customer Service Manager for a Cadillac dealer before finally retiring this past fall. And she had herself a rather wild time time during her late 40's and early 50's, even dating a Russian hottie who was only a few years older than me at the time. And when I finally worked up the courage to come out to her, she simply said "I knew" and cried - not because I was gay, but because she thought I didn't trust her enough to tell her sooner.

Lately, she's had her share of health issues and has slowed down quite a bit, but she can still make the best mashed potatoes you've ever tasted (though she has yet to teach me how to make her legendary pie-crust). These days, she spends most of her time reading (I can't remember a time when she didn't have a book with her), watching Oprah and The View and generally enjoying herself (when she isn't complaining about how she can't do all the things she used to be able to do).

For Mother's Day this year, I treated her to breakfast yesterday and bought her the latest novel from one of her favorite authors, as well as a beautiful new cushion for her favorite reading chair; all of which she loved. She'd be mightily embarrassed if she knew I was extolling her virtues in such a public venue, but her innate distrust of the Internet ensures she'll never find out (unless one of my friends that know her rats me out).

I hope all of you, dear readers, have as wonderful Mom as I do. And if you don't, just remember.. it could be worse:



Or you could have a Wicked Stepmother...



...in which case, I'm very sorry.



What a bitch!

Happy Mother's Day to all you 'Mothers" out there. I just hope you're all as great as mine.

More, anon.
Prospero

Friday, January 1, 2010

Review: "Nine"


You may wonder why I am posting so late (or early, depending on point of view). To make a long story short, Uncle Prospero was the designated driver tonight. Uncle P also slipped in the snow Thursday morning and twisted his back, so he's in pain. I got home and decided I needed a drink and here I am...

Anyway, it may be Friday to you, but I haven't been to bed yet, so it's still Thursday to me. And this afternoon I got together with a certain adorable Go-Go Elf named Matty and we saw Rob Marshall's Nine.

Movie musicals are tough. They have to be extraordinary to succeed with today's audiences. Moulin Rouge, Hairspray and Chicago are all rather extraordinary in one way or another. I am sad to report that Nine is rather less than so.

Based on the Broadway musical, itself based on Fellini's 8 1/2, Nine tells the story of director Guido Contini (Daniel Day Lewis). Suffering a mid-life crisis which is preventing him from coming up with a script for the film he is supposed to start shooting in 10 days, Guido takes off to a spa and reflects on the women in his life. Wife Luisa (Marion Cotillard); mistress Carla (Penelope Cruz); costumer and friend Lilli (Judi Dench); leading lady Claudia (Nicole Kidman); childhood prostitute Saraghina (Fergie); 'Vogue' reporter Stephanie (Kate Hudson) and Mamma (Sophia Loren). Sadly, Marshall wastes the talents of nearly every single one of them.

Oddly, for a show about film making, Nine doesn't really work when taken outside of a theatre. Of course, it doesn't help that they removed almost half the numbers from the show (including the title song) and multiplied the angst to the point of boredom. Lewis does an OK job, though I would have rather seen Antonio Banderas reprise his role from the 2003 B'way revival. Cruz (in a multi-colored fright wig and some ridiculous costumes), comes off even creepier than usual (I wasn't sure that was possible), especially in the scene where Guido does her make-up for a sex game where they are supposed to pretend to be strangers. Loren, another victim of too much cosmetic surgery, fares only slightly better. I thought they would have cut her number over others, but then remembered her turn as Aldonza in Man of LaMancha. Hudson, looking more like her mother than ever, has the most annoying number, 'Cinema Italiano,' written especially for the movie in order to garner a Best Song nom, and thankfully Fergie isn't asked to act, only sing in the film's best number 'Be Italian.' Dench croaks her way through 'Follies Bergere' and Kidman's version of 'Unusual Way' was surprisingly flat more than once. Fairing better (musically, anyway) is Cruz in her phone-sex number 'A Call from the Vatican.' The movie's best performance belongs to Cotillard, who's version of 'My Husband Makes Movies' is almost heart-breaking. Her acting is also the best in the movie.

Among Nine's worst problems is its plodding script, surprisingly written in part by the late Anthony Minghella (The English Patient). And Marshall's heavy-handed direction doesn't help. As in Chicago, Marshall stages the musical numbers as fantasy sequences, mostly taking place in Guido's head. Unlike Chicago, this approach does nothing to advance the plot, but merely serves as a comment on it. And the dance numbers are so heavily edited that one can hardly appreciate the actual dancing. Switching back and forth between color and black & white, Marshall's attempts at showing us what Guido is thinking only serve to confuse and often bore the audience. If I wore a watch (I tend to kill them - but that's a story for another time), I would have checked my wrist several times in an attempt to figure how much more I had to endure of this mess. As with Marshall's adaptation of Memoirs of a Geisha, the film was more about flash and glamor, rather than substance and story-telling. I wish I knew who actually said this, but it passed on to me anecdotally, but I have to agree with the critic who said that 'not since The Towering Inferno have so many big names taken part in such a disaster.' (If you know who said it, please tell me so I can credit him or her).

** 1/2 (Two and a Half out of Four Stars), and only because of Marion Cotillard's truly terrific performance. I can't wait to see what the exceptionally talented French actress has to show us next.



And just a reminder, while there may (or may not) be another post for January 1st, there wil lbe no Caliban's Revenge post on Saturday. Read me instead at The Zombie Zone. And when C's R returns on Sunday, it will have a whole new look for the New Year!

Here's wishing everyone the Happiest of New Years! My wish for all of you is that you find your hearts' desires in 2010!

More, anon.
Prospero

Thursday, December 24, 2009

O Holy Night...

(click to enlarge)

Merry Christmas.
Brian