The Hottest Cellists You'll See This Week

Stepjan Hauser and Luka Sulic, AKA: "2Cellos"

Yes, I went a little AWOL this week. So many things had me down... the horrific weather; the diagnosis of gout in my knee (and the pain that went along with it); the never-ending mess that is my mother's estate... Of course, you don't really care about any of that. I will say though, that three things picked up quite a bit today (well technically yesterday, but I'm still up). 

The first was the completion of the professional painting of my kitchen, living room and front hall, which were all in very desperate need of it. I hired a friend and fellow actor, who did the entire job alone; in one day; without using an inch of tape or spilling a drop of paint. I managed to hang my new drapes and put up a number of family photos before calling it on the redecorating of what is finally starting to feel like my house. 

While Pat was hard at work, I ran a few errands where I found my second pick-me-up in the warm, sunny weather, something that's been sorely missing around here of late. It also helped that what I was looking for in my travels was both easily available and on sale, in both of the stores I needed to visit. 

When I returned, I found myself confined to the office while Pat wove his magic with a brush, turning to the Internet for distraction (not that I didn't and still don't have enough real-life things to distract me for quite a while), where I came across the third thing that brightened my day - the video posted below.

I first posted about the gorgeous, Croatian cellists Stepjan Hauser and Luka Sulic back in 2011 when they released their cover of Michael Jackson's "Smooth Criminal." They've gone on to cover some outrageous stuff, but none quite as well as this version of AC/DC's "Thunderstruck:"

Damn! And since the link the "Smooth Criminal" vid no longer works on my old post, here is again:



And here's a few more of the hotties' amazing covers:

I would love to see these two in concert. Hopefully, they'll tour the US, soon. 

I'm so pleased to be sharing a good day, for a change! Tomorrow (well, later today, I suppose), I'll be talking about some movies I'm looking forward to seeing. The world is slowly starting to seem right again.

More, anon.
Prospero

Six More Weeks of Idiocy

The infamous Punxatawny Phil actually lives in a place called Gobbler's Knob, PA. As a resident of the Commonwealth, which has towns with names Like Intercourse and Blue Ball, Gobbler's Knob still elicits the kind of sophomoric giggles as Monty Python's 'Biggus Dickus' and 'Incontentia Buttocks.'

So today, the Marmota momax known as 'Phil' supposedly saw his shadow, thereby forecasting six more weeks of Winter. The tradition dates back to ancient Celtic superstition, but has the first official documentation of celebration in 1841, in Morgantown. PA. I have no idea why or how this nonsense became to be widely believed. Nor do I care.

A snow storm is predicted to be the heaviest here along the -I95 Corridor during tomorrow morning's  rush hour. Most recent predictions (as of this writing) are for 6 to 8 inches of snow. If the Powers That Be at the Day Job are smart and considerate, I'll get to sleep in and hopefully correct the horrible error I made in choosing the absolutely wrong color for the bathroom trim. And while another Snow Day means more time to find deductions and clean my toilet, it adds more stress for the Day Job clients when we do get back in. And I'm really not ready to think about the second storm system out of the Midwest which has the potential to dump up to an additional 12 inches on the region. I am hating this winter so much, for so many reasons.

Honestly, with all the crap I'm going through right now, Taos is looking better and better, every day. Don't get me wrong - I really the place I work and enjoy the Change of Seasons. but to never have to worry or even think about snow and ice again, would be wonderful. And seriously, where else would I go? Sis may love Florida (and I do so love visiting), but Uncle P needs a little more 'artistic sensibility,' if you will.

Wow. How cheesy was that? Maybe I'll go to Phoenix, instead. Or Reno. Almost anywhere warm except L.A. Or Miami. Nolo would be nice, of it wasn't so humid.

How should we punish the Climate Change deniers?

More, anon.
Prospero

Ironic Tragedy

F5 Tornado - Topeka, KS. 1966

Tornadoes are measured on the Fujita Scale, named for University of Chicago Meteorologist Tetsuya Fujita, who developed the scale in 1971 (my sweet friend Chris will be so excited that I've done some research on his lifelong obsession, even if I actually learned that from a movie long before I met him). The scale goes from 1 to 5. An F5 tornado is massive and consists of winds up to 300+ MPH. The description of an F5 (via) is terrifying:

"Incredible damage. 

"Strong frame houses lifted off foundations and carried considerable distances to disintegrate; automobile sized missiles fly through the air in excess of 100 m (109 yd); trees debarked; steel reinforced concrete structures badly damaged." 

That's what happened in Oklahoma, today. "Incredible Damage." And it was. The footage on TV and on line is horrifying. As if this writing, there are no final figures, so I won't talk about casualties. I will talk about brave teachers who led their students to safety. I'll never understand why people no longer respect nor approve of teachers. It's no wonder no one wants to go into teaching, anymore. 

But that's neither here nor there. In the wake of this tragedy, as with any natural disaster, myself and everyone like me is going to be blamed for it. In fact, I am certain that as of this writing, some wingnut Evangelical has said the tornadoes were 'God's' punishment for the country's sinful attitudes towards Queer people. Seriously. Don't wait too long before Shirley Phelps and her viperous kinfolk show up to blame a random act of nature on me; my friends; my family and everyone like us. And then there's Pat Robertson, whom I am sure will simply disregard actual, proven science and say that 'God' is vengeful and wrathful and wants to punish us for our sins. I have to wonder why 'God' would take his anger out on a region mostly populated by Robertson's kind of Christians. Shouldn't an angry supreme being  have better targets of destruction? Vegas, maybe. L.A. and New York and San Francisco? Hello? Key West? Provincetown? Miami? New Hope?  No, 'God' chooses Moore, OK, right in the middle of the Bible Belt. What kind of a-hole supreme being punishes the pious for the sins of the wicked? The Judeo-Christian God of Abraham is pretty much a dick, by those standards. 

Meteorologists often refer to an F5 as "The Finger of God." This leads me think of 'God' as a petulant child, swiping away anthills and crushing those ants left behind with his thumb. Either that, or he's a psychopath. I think the thought of 'God' as a snot-nosed 6-year-old psychopath actually scares me much more than the thought of my own mortality. How cruel would it be if we were all living at the whim of a lunatic toddler?

Like any natural disaster, today's events take a psychological toll on everyone, no matter what one believes. But the great thing about humanity is this: We get back up. We fix what's broken. We move on, no matter how painful it may be to do so. Some folks turn to their faith, which is perfectly fine. Some folks volunteer, which is even better because it actually accomplishes something. 

Here's some rather scary footage from today's event (via):

First and foremost, these folks need food, water, clothing and medicine.  Donate to your local Red Cross or start your own drive. Uncle P was inconvenienced for a few days last October by Sandy. I don't even want to think about what these poor people are going through. Want to make a difference? Don't waste your time praying. Send a blanket, some canned food or a couple of bucks. It'll do so much more good.

More, anon.

Prospero

Bite Me, Mother Nature (or: The Saddest Gay Post This Week)

Better call me a waaahhm-bulance.

As I sit in my home office writing this post, the 'historic' storm Nemo (really, Weather Channel?) is raging outside. Well, it's snowing. And has been for several hours, amassing less than 2" so far. Not enough to be crippling like in 1996, but just enough to make travel unwise and spoil a very special evening I was supposed to have with T. This after a truly  horrendous day at the Day Job. The storm is having a major impact on us, while causing unnecessary panic for our clients who don't read or bother to look at the updates on our website (or look in completely inappropriate places when they attempt to -- it's on the home page in bright orange! How can you not see that?). This was the worst possible weekend in all of winter for this storm to hit. I ended up having to stay late, on top of (and this is really just adding insult to injury) cancelling my very much-anticipated date with T because of the impending driving conditions (45 minutes of highway driving in sleet and snow isn't really all that wise). To be honest, it was quite possibly the worst Friday I've ever had (or at least certainly in the Top 5). 

So I came home and tried to cheer myself up a bit. I watched some comedies I'd DVR'd and then poured myself a drink and visited good old Towleroad, where there were two exceptionally gay clips that almost did the trick. You'll see why I say "almost."

First up, openly gay Bravo president and talk-show/reality-show host Andy Cohen recently had Jenny McCarthy and Calvin Klein Superbowl model Matthew Terry play a ridiculously exploitative game called "Paper or Plas-Take It Off:"

Terry may be young and very pretty,  but McCarthy might as well be an SNL cougar. Fail.

So, I went for some nonsense and the video for RuPaul's latest single, Peanut Butter. Watch first and then we'll discuss (may be NSFW):

First, let me get this right out of the way: Who the f**k is Big Freedia? Bitch scares me. Second: Ru, bubbulah, what the hell? Stick with dance tracks, girl. This bizarre rap/dubstep mashup weirdness just doesn't work. For anyone. 

Of course, RuPaul is outrageous. We get it. And we know you have to keep up with the times if you want to stay in the spotlight, but aren't the dancing twinks in banana hammocks in a video for a 'song' that's basically one big penis joke just overkill?* We deserve better from the Queen of Drag.

I really shouldn't complain. I know it could be so much worse. New York and New England are going to get slammed for the second -- and even third -- time in less than a year. Still, sometimes it seems I just can't get a friggin break for myself, ya know?

So I am left to console myself with smoke and drink, taking some pleasure in the idea of anticipation. After all, half the fun of any great roller-coaster is the anticipation as the train climbs that first hill, waiting to take that first breath-taking, soaring, weightless plunge*... I need a cigarette, now. Just don't remind me that an exceptionally horrendous Monday is just a brief two days away.

*Every single pun ever, intended.

I'll make this up to you, T. Promise.

More, anon.
Prospero

A Literal Flashmob & The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week

Illuminati?

Search "Flash Mob" on The Revenge and you will find 13 entries (including this one). And while "Flash Mob" hardly has as many entries as say "Movies" (587); "Horror" (284) or even my beloved "Zombies" (101), it's still an intriguing idea and something I desperately want to plan. And while some posts combine "Flash Mob" with entries like "Zombies;" "The Gayest Thing" and "Music Video," there are plenty of ways to read about what I call a "Mini-Obsession."

One of the very first Flash Mobs to go viral was Improv Everywhere's Frozen Grand Central. I immediately loved what they were doing:

They've since gone on to several "No Pants Subway Ride" events; a board meeting in the middles of an office supply store; synchronized car alarms and any other number of insane and amusing events, all of which can be seen on YouTube. Since they made their big splash at Grand Central, they returned to help celebrate the fabled and historic terminals 100th anniversary with a synchronized light show, literally 'flashing' their audience (see, I know you all have minds like mine, and I do not mean this). Via comes this clip of "Grand Central Human-Powered Light Show:"

I'll bet you're glad I didn't link to that Bondi Beach video again, aren't you? 

Since I'm already talking about videos and "The Gayest Thing," below (also via) is Sherry Vine's latest bit of nonsense; a parody of Tina Turner's 'Private Dancer.' Really? A parody of a 30 year-old song? Why not? It works, mostly because the hilarious lyrics are about the men gay boys (who, me?) lusted after in the 70's and 80's. And because Vine never takes any of it seriously, mocking both her performance and the production values in a very silly and obviously last-minute bit of foolishness. Enjoy:

There is another 'snowpocalypse' predicted for the East Coast tomorrow and Saturday (which would cause grief for me both personally (postponing a much-anticipated second date with T) and professionally (you don't want to know). If the fear-mongering TV Weatherfolk are wrong (as my rational, non-ratings-seeking, airport meteorologist friend Chris says they are), then I will hopefully not be posting tomorrow night as I have something much more exciting planned (wink-wink, nudge-nudge).

More, anon.
Prospero

Postponed Plans and Idle Hands

They Say the Devil Finds Work for Idle Hands, Whoever 'They' Are

As I write this, the wind is literally rattling the windows and the rain continues to pound this part of the Northeast, all part of the same system which brought blizzard conditions to the Midwest and tornadoes to the South. I was supposed to spend the evening with K, Q and Dale, exchanging gifts and just hanging out with my dearest friends. It was snowing rather viciously where Q and Dale live, just as I was planning to make the hour drive north to see them. A round of phone calls later and we decided to postpone until tomorrow. I realize this is hardly the end of the world, though it did leave me with an evening free and nothing to do. I tried watching some TV but found myself nodding off to the crap that's on during the last week of the year.I do have a couple of movies saved on the DVR, but I don't want to use them up all at once. And I'm still hoping for a cinema matinee or two before I go back to the Day Job next week.

Anyway... in the days following Sandy (while I was without power and a keyboard), I started a new, hand-written screenplay to keep from going absolutely insane. I wrote 27 pages over three nights by candlelight. That's almost a complete first act. It's not very good, to tell the truth. Still... it does have some potential. Initially inspired by Sandy and reignited by tonight's weather, I started re-writing that first act and am actually quite pleased with what I have so far and I've consequently decided that staying off treacherous back roads tonight was probably the right thing to do. 

If like Uncle P, you have the whole week off, I hope you are having fun and/or being productive (NOT mutually exclusive concepts). If you're stuck at work until the four-day weekend, I'm sorry. I just know that I have three more gift-exchanges (i.e.: three more opportunities to make other people smile) to go before I'm ready to declare an end to this Christmas.

More, anon.
Prospero

Winter's Last Gasp (A Ramble)

Oh, How I Loves Me Some Pareidolia!

Spring is almost officially here but in the Northeast, "Old Man Winter* is rallying. Temperatures in the North Atlantic states tumbled tonight, though today was nice enough to get to the car wash. I de-trashed and vacuumed, rode through the robotic tunnel and then came home to clean my dash, steering wheel, console and doors with auto-wipes. I'm no longer embarrassed to have a passenger. Yay!

It's cold tonight, though. I actually threw a pull-over on top of my shirt. Temperatures in the Delaware Valley are expected to drop into the 30's, but warming by tomorrow afternoon into the 50's. And we're supposed to reach 70 by midweek! I can't complain. We've had a very mild winter, here. The only major snow accumulation was Halloween weekend, unlike last year when three major storms walloped us in December and January. I also noticed my SAD wasn't as severe this year. I don't know whether to attribute that to the mild weather, the extra vitamin D3 or a combination of both

It's certainly been wet. We've had lots of rain, though a wet winter and spring usually mean a lush summer and a glorious fall. I ordered some exotic lilies today and will be out looking for butterfly bushes and other flowers, soon. It will be nice to have some color in the yard, this year. I've given up on tomatoes; squirrels are evil bastards.

Tonight, by the way, is the actual start of DST. I thought after last weekend's gaffe, I should mention it. If you live somewhere that does practice DSL, turn your clocks ahead one hour before you go to bed, unless you have one of those clocks that automatically resets itself, like my personal alarm clock.
Tomorrow afternoon I'm seeing John Carter with D & maybe a few other friends (another Yay!) and then having dinner and drinks with the director of Hairspray. You know I'll be posting a review of the movie, at least. I suspect the dinner conversation will be the kind that polite people don't share, even though I already know that both of us are going to agree entirely with what the other one has to say.

Well, I'm off to try and start the third act of that damned screenplay. I finally had an idea. I think. We'll see. OK -  I'm done rambling for tonight.

More, anon.
Prospero

*Who knew Old Man Winter was really Samuel L. Jackson?

Goodnight Irene (or: I'm Keeping My CDs)

Who knew Granny Clampett packed such a wallop?

Hurricane Irene has come and gone and while there is still devastating flooding in the area, Uncle P made it through with electricity intact and only an annoying pile of debris across my driveway and lawn. Of course, some of my neighbors at the lower end of my street weren't quite so lucky and there are several piles of pulled-up carpeting on the curb this evening. And lots of folks in my town are still without power.

Being completely lame, I was unhappy with the choice of breakfast foods in my house this morning, and I decided to head out to Dunkin Donuts for a bagel. The drive-thru line was literally out on the the street and the line inside wrapped around the tiny store enough times for me to walk out. I tried three other places (including what I would ordinarily consider to be a disgusting fast food chain), only to find similar situations. I finally ended up at the over-priced local grocery store, where I was pleased to find bagels that were still warm. I know, I know... such a White Whine. 

Honestly, I am quite grateful that I only had to do some sweeping up. Many folks in the region had far more dire problems. Trees were downed; cars were crushed or swept away; people were displaced from their homes and 18 people actually lost their lives. And there is still much more flooding expected in the region as the Delaware river and its many tributaries have still not reached their crests. Many of my friends in NJ are cut off due to flooding and tens of thousands in the region are still without power. And truth be told, it could have been much worse. 

And I am happy to report that none of my friends and family will have to fight over my book, CD and DVD collections. They remain dry and in my full possession. I hope that all of my East Coast readers were as lucky as I was. If you weren't, you have my deepest condolences. Now that Irene has moved into Canada, you can expect a return to my usual nonsense this time tomorrow. But I will leave you with this:

Okay - how gay was that?

More, anon.
Prospero

Hurripocalypse!

She's here! Just days after the devastating East Coast earthquake, hurricane Irene has hit the U.S. Of course, I don't mean to make light of a serious situation (as of this writing, 5 people have lost their lives), but it is 11:26 PM and the most we've seen here in southeastern PA is a lot of rain. Yes, it's windy. Yes, the rain is very heavy and dangerous to drive in. But my power is still on and none of my possessions has blown away.

Now, Uncle P isn't stupid. I'm not about to tempt fate and shout a hubristic "Nyah-nyah-nyah!" at Mother Nature. The full force of the storm is still about 3 hours away. And the street on which I live, prone to temporary flooding during heavy rains, is already underwater. The sidewalk and apron in front of my house is completely submerged and the water is lapping steadily higher up my driveway and I live at the high end of the street. The wind has died down a bit, but the rain is falling hard and heavy. I've got water, milk, bread and flashlights with fresh batteries. I have a 1000+ page novel to finish by candlelight, should the power go out. My ancient flip-phone is fully charged (I really should upgrade to a magic phone). I think I'm going to be just fine.

But in case I'm not... My friends and family get first pick among my book, CD and DVD collections. What's left over should go to my local library. My sister is already the beneficiary of my life insurance policy (such as it is). Should any of my screenplays be produced posthumously, the royalties should go to her, as well. Of course, none of this would be necessary if I had a hunky Hawaiian BF to keep safe. Of course, it could be much worse. It could be a Nuclear Hurricane!

Oh, Jack Scalia... when will we ever learn?

More, anon.
Prospero

Calling Mr. Allen. Mr. Irwin Allen, Please!

Ever feel like you're in an Irwin Allen disaster movie? Okay, for those of you born after 1980:  Ever feel like you're in a Roland Emmerich movie?

In the 1970's, Irwin Allen was the King of Disaster Movies like The Poseidon Adventure; The Towering Inferno; The Swarm and When Time Ran Out... These films, starring fading A-Listers and has-beens, were all the rage. Apparently, watching former A-list stars struggle against almost insurmountable odds was the antidote to real-life stresses like a bad economy, gas shortages and troubles in the Middle East. Producer Irwin Allen was behind all those movies (not to mention some classic TV Sci-Fi).

Today, producer/director Roland Emmerich is filling that niche with movies like Independence Day; The Day After Tomorrow; 2012 and the upcoming German film Hell.

Why the references to disaster movies? I think it's obvious. Earlier this week, the American East Coast experienced its biggest earthquake since the 19th Century. And this weekend, we are bracing for what looks like the worst hurricane since the 1940's. Yikes! Earlier this evening, Uncle P braved his local Walmart in search of flashlights, batteries and some emergency water, just in case. Let me tell you, it was just like one of those movies. The flashlight rack was all but empty and I think I got the last two gallons of water on the shelf. Forget bread and milk (not that I use either) and batteries were being snatched up left and right. The checkout lines were ridiculous.

Of course, as I predicted, the lunatic fundies are all over this. Already a NOM supporting New York rabbi has blamed the quake on the LGBT community (to be honest, he also blamed the murder of a young Hasidim boy on us) and today, 'Christian' evangelical Pat Robertson said the crack in the Washington Monument, resulting from the earthquake, is a "sign from God." Really, Pat? Because it seems more like the result of a natural seismic event on a 100+ year-old structure to me. The truth is, all of these so-called 'religious' folks are so blinded by their passionate hatred (translation: fear) of the LGBT community, they have put aside all common sense and scientific fact to espouse their lunatic views.

Here's the thing: Nature does what it does all on its own. It needs no help from the invisible hand of an imaginary invisible being who hates gay people and Muslims. It's physics, meteorology and seismology; all of which occur naturally without the help of supernatural intervention. And any sane, rational person will gladly acknowledge that truth, despite the imagined warnings from an unfinished calendar produced by a primitive society. 

Just remember:

More, anon.
Prospero

Snowed In!

That's the hedge at the bottom of my driveway this past February. It will probably look very much the same tomorrow, despite what a co-worker who has a degree in meteorology told us on Thursday when we left for the holiday break. What makes it okay is that I have off tomorrow, anyway. And it makes my neighborhood so pretty, especially at the houses with holiday lights. I know many of you don't have off, but you may get to extend your holiday weekend anyway. It's a pretty epic storm, I guess. The NFL actually re-scheduled the Eagles' game tonight. It's the first time the NFL has postponed a game because of snow since the 30's (sometimes I 'm just so butch I almost can't stand it).

And yes, in case you're wondering, I got several pages  of the screenplay written last night and think I've pretty much outlined the rest of the plot in full. After this brief post, I'm off to rewrite a scene so it supports the new outline. I'll probably spend a good portion of my snowed-in day writing, as well. The snow here won't stick around long - they're predicting temps in the 50's for next weekend.

I hope all my East Coast readers get a snow day tomorrow! I hope you're all snug and warm, watching the movies or playing the video games you got for Christmas or Hanukkah. I hope you have enough milk, eggs, bread and batteries to see you through the dig-out (is there some French toast rule I don't know about?).  I hope some kids offer to shovel for $10 or $20, so you don't have to (so worth it). Even better, I hope a kind neighbor with a snow-blower digs you out for free (though you should at least offer a cup of cocoa). I hope you got a sled for Christmas! I hope you have a place to use it on your snow day! I hope you're careful! Wear a helmet! You'll shoot your eye out! Wait... wut?

If you're unlucky enough to have to go back to work tomorrow, I hope it's an easy and quick week for you.

More, anon.
Prospero

Boatloads o' Nonsense

I want to know the names of the asshats who claim there is no such thing as global warming, dagnabbit! (suddenly Uncle P has become Yosemite Sam.) Seriously, it's ridiculously hot here on the East Coast. Today was our second day at 102 degrees in Philly, the first time since 1966. Now I know some of you were still in diapers and most of your parents' were. I was alive, but too young to actually remember (or even take notice).

It is July, after all. And July should be hot. But this hot, this early? No thanks! And it looks like there is no relief in the very near future... Stay frosty, my East Coast friends (Sean - I know you know what I mean, brutha).

Still, there are plenty of wonderful things coming up this July to which I am very much looking forward. First, next weekend marks the arrival of Despicable Me, starring the voice talents of Steve Carrell; Jason Segel; Russell Brand; Julie Andrews; Will Arnett; Kristin Wiig and Miranda Cosgrove :

"IT'S SO FLUFFY!!!!!"

This movie just looks so silly and funny and smart - everything Burton's Alice in Wonderland lacked. I just love love Carrell's 'Faux-manian' accent as Super-villain Gru. And I completely understand that I am being manipulated by the precocious child with the stuffed animal, but I think the filmmakers are hoping that we get that. There have been plenty of Superhero movies, but I can't name a single Super-villain movie (and no - horror movies do not count - my definition of a super-villain comes from the DC/Marvel/Darkhorse/etc. Universes. Yes, Hannibal Lecter is a super villain, but he is not a Lex Luthor/Joker type Super-villain. Despicable Me opens on July 9th.

And since I'm on the topic of upcoming movies, director Christopher Nolan is about to deliver my semi-annual Birthday present on July 16th with my last hope for summer movies this year, Inception:

Everyone knows about the phenomenon that was The Dark Knight, but for my money, Nolan's best film is his Steampunk Magic fantasy The Prestige. Nolan elicits amazing performances from everyone involved (Hugh Jackman; Christian Bale; Michael Caine; Scarlett Johansson; David Bowie). It took me more than one viewing of this astonishing film to actually decide which character had my sympathy. If you've never seen it, you should.

I can think of no director in the last decade who has more consistently delivered both intelligent and exceptionally entertaining films as Nolan, and from the early (and thankfully non-spoilery) reviews, we can expect nothing less from Inception.

How's this for a segue: Speaking of my birthday... I actually have two birthdays coming up in the next few weeks. The first is this Friday, July 9th, which marks the Second Anniversary of Caliban's Revenge. I'll be posting an updated version of my very first real movie post, "Ten Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Horror Movies That Should Be Remade." Sadly, the list has changed little in two years, despite past buzz about several possibilities.

As for my actual Birthday on Sunday, July 18th, friends will be joining me at New York's Coney Island for a day of fun and nonsense. I grew up hearing stories about my mother visiting Coney Island as kid in the 40's and 50's, but have never been there myself, despite a life-long fascination with the place. I've even written the outline and some lyrics to a musical about Coney Island's Luna Park, once the single largest consumer of Edison light bulbs in the world and the first place to employ incubators for human babies, among many other fascinating things. If you're in the New York City area, we're meeting at 1 PM in front of the Cyclone in Astroland. My inner child is beyond ecstatic in anticipation of what I am sure will be anti-climactic event, but I don't care.

Honestly, I think I may actually have too much to talk about tonight, so I'm gong to save some nonsense for tomorrow. It's a veritable Nonsense Overload! I'll be covering a new development in the Double Rainbow Dude post; a contest involving Evil You-Know-What's and the schadenfreude we all felt while watching poor little Lilo weep for the cameras...

A Whole Lotta Nonsense, anon.
Prospero

Apoplexy-lypse

I have no idea why people love Kubrick's version of The Shining. I suppose that as a movie, it's pretty good, if a little a silly. As an adaptation of the Stephen King novel by the same name, it is a total fail. And don't try to argue with me, because you won't win. As a massive King fan and someone who likes to put words together and hope they make sense, I have to side with the author of the source material, here. That book scared the hell out of me. The movie just made me sad.

Anyway, that exceptionally silly image of a frozen Jack Nicholson is there because that's how I feel right about now. I have absolutely had it with winter and want the flowers and the birds back, tout suite, maintenant! "Oh, but Prospero, the snow's so pretty when it's coming down..." Yeah, well so is the arterial spray of a half-naked co-ed being set upon by some madman or monster. Ooh! A little too dark for ya? Well, suck it up, hombre! (Hey - 3 languages in the same paragraph - that's pretty good).

You see? This is what winter does to me. It depresses me and makes me crazy and it makes me want to do bad things to stupid people... I'm at work on a new screenplay and -- my hand to God -- I've written a character based on a composite of my clients, just so I can kill him off in a particularly gruesome way. And I'm having no problems at all imagining increasingly horrible fates for most of the main characters. Truth be told, I really don't see it ending well for any of them, though my characters have been known to surprise me with unexpected and unintended (at least originally) behavior in the past. Once, an intended antagonist ended up becoming the heroine, simply by reacting to her situation in a way I never intended her to. But just between you and me -- I wouldn't count on more than one survivor, if any at all, this time... See? Winter Madness. Cabin Fever. Whatever you want to call it. I wrote a one-act play and screenplay about it (and several other unpleasant topics) called The Cow Says: "Moo!" The screen version can be read here, should you be interested. But be warned, it's grim, to say the least. And don't even tell me you're surprised...

Okay, I know. It's the weather. You can't do a thing about it except sit by and watch it happen (or in this last storm's case, sleep through most of it). And I know - the weather is one of the many reasons to wtach and support your local news programs. Uncle Prospero watches the NBC affiliate WCAU in Philadelphia, with Glen "Hurricane" Schwartz, a pleasant and slightly eccentric fellow who is deadly serious about the weather. He's usually pretty calm and matter of fact, even when being emphatic. Here's Glen, who is quite the Philly-area celebrity, at a local Scarecrow contest last fall:

Peddler's Village is about 40 minutes north of me; a place filled with quaint and unique shops and restaurants, near New Hope, southeastern PA's version of P'Town.

When a big storm is coming, the weather guys get excited, because it means more camera time. I get it. But it seems sometimes they just want to scare the crap out of you. Take this clip from AccuWeather.com weatherman Jim Kosek, last Friday:

I have a co-worker who holds a degree in meteorology and desperately wants to work as a broadcast meteorologist. I shared that clip with him via Facebook and his response was: "Oh, my God! What a wacko!" Though I certainly understand Mr. Kosek's despair (I feel your pain, bruthah!), that segment was just a little... oh, I don't know... unprofessional and way over-the-top? Yeah, that's it.

I'm tired of being cold; I'm tired of having to wear bulky, uncomfortable clothes; I'm tired of digging out my car; I'm tired of coming home every night after dark. Despite what you may have heard, Uncle P will not crumble away to dust in the sunlight. Quite the opposite, in fact. "Well, why don't you just move to Florida, like your sister did?" Because I don't want to trade snowstorms for hurricanes and I don't want to live anywhere where I can't travel to New York in less than 2 hours. Besides, who really wants to live in the country's penis? Sorry, I find myself channeling Stephen R., tonight.

So, In conclusion, while winter makes lots of people feel like this:



Winter makes Uncle P feel like this:



I don't know... Maybe I should just stop whining and buy a sunlamp...

More, anon.
Prospero