Sunday, April 29, 2012

O, Superman!


In her 1981 single "O Superman," Laurie Anderson asks "Smoking... or non... smoking?" Personally, I prefer Smokin'! 

Celebrities have been in the news recently for more than just being good looking and/or talented.  Last summer, hottie Ryan Gosling (Drive) made headlines when he broke up a fight in Manhattan between a street artist and an accused thief by paying for the painting in question. 

That same month, zaftig beauty Kate Winslet was visiting Sir Richard Branson's mansion on his private Carribean island when a fire broke out. The Titanic star sprang into action and carried Branson's 90 year-old mother to safety.

Not one to be upstaged, earlier this month Gosling saved British journalist Laurie Penny from certain death in New York City by pulling her out of the path of an oncoming taxi. Penny, not used to right-side driving, looked the wrong way while crossing 6th Avenue. Gosling yelled "Hey, watch out!" and grabbed her before she could become yet another greasy smear on a Manhattan street.

Then this week, "Grey's Anatomy" star Patrick ('McDreamy') Dempsey pulled a teenager from his wrecked Mustang, right in front of the actor's home. Dempsey used a crowbar to get the kid out, probably saving his life. 

Now, not that I want to put myself in any real danger, but why can't I get rescued by a hot, handsome movie star? Maybe George Clooney could stop me from buying an unhealthy, cholesterol-laden popcorn at my local cineplex. Perhaps a shirtless Ryan Reynolds could lean in and make sure my seat belt was correctly fastened or a nearly-naked Chris Evans could save me from drowning in a dangerous undertow off the east coast of Florida. Or, best of all, Jason Statham could protect me from a mysterious cabal who wants me dead before I can reveal their plans to take over the world through some nefarious means. 

Needless to say, I'd be willing to show my gratitude to any one of these heroes in any number of ways... That is, of course, if Winslet stays home that day. It's not that I don't like her - she's just not my type, if you know what I mean.

More, anon.


Anonymous said...

I'd volunteer to help Jakee-poo get his CPR certification.

Michael Offutt, Phantom Reader said...

Ryan Gosling is Mormon. Just sayin'...a lot of these Mormon guys are hot.