Friday, September 23, 2011

The _________est Things You'll See This Week

Not Actually Tom Selleck, Though Almost as Delish!

I wonder what this will look like when you read it...

I had too many things to talk about to pick any particular superlative subject for this week, hence the _________ in tonight's title.

Where to start... well, I guess we can start with the obvious... Uncle P, why do you have a picture of a Tom Selleck Birthday cake? Well, Timmy, I'll tell you. Do you like gladiator movies? Good. Me too. They were the first homoerotic images I can remember from childhood. Those and Biblical epics featuring hunky heroes in togas, loincloths and leather battle skirts. Hairy, sweaty musclebound heroes and villains.

In the 70's, the gay community co-opted these physiques into what many refer to as the 70's gay clone. Gay "Adult" film stars like Jack Wrangler and Al Parker had the look. The Village People were the look. In the 80's, the bear with a pornstache moved into the mainstream when Selleck got his own show, "Magnum, P.I."  And there he was... the rich, single, hunky bachelor P.I. with a "man-servant" at a secluded Hawaiian estate... The only way it could be gayer was him kissing Kevin Kline** in In and Out

I bring all of this up because of the absolutely most hilarious thing I've seen in a long time. Apparently, there is no movie that cannot be improved by Tom Selleck's perfect 70's pornstache. The evidence below (via) in the Porniest Thing You'll See This Week (totally SFW):

My favorite is Bowie as Jared, closely followed by Rambo, Superman, Spider-Man and Nic Cage.

So much for facial hair. This next piece (I am ashamed to admit) came from some site I visited today and I feel awful that I am unable to fulfill the bloggers' unspoken etiquette rule of attribution. I am so sorry to which ever one of you I found this on (io9? BoingBoing?), but I'm just too tired to check. It may on either or both. I know we seem to be zombied to death (all puns intended and one reason I stopped the Zombie Zone*), but Iwill always give a shout out when I see something new or particularly clever in the sub-genre. I've recently started re-writing Act III of my latest zombie screenplay and am looking for all sorts of inspiration. The following is courtesy of a facebook friend (you know who you are). It's the second best reason I can think of for using the advertised services. Ladies and germs, the Zombiest Thing You'll See This Week:

Yoga Outreach - Zombies from Spy Films on Vimeo.

Finally, I don't know whether this is the Gayest, Weirdest or Scariest Thing you'll See This Week... You tell me.

LGBT Activist Alvin McEwan writes the blog Holy Bullies and Headless Monsters. The award-winning McEwan specifically targets the hypocrisy, lies and distortions which run rampant in the modern anti-gay movement. I usually get very angry when read Alvin's posts, but I try really hard to be the better person and not send hate mail to all the liars and bullies he exposes almost daily. It's not always easy.

Once a week, Alvin explores gay culture in popular media in the regular feature "Know Your LGBT History." The posts are sometimes poignant, sometimes sad and often very funny. This week's post is very funny. Here is someone's idea of a 'tribute' to 'gay' characters and references in children's entertainment:

Really? I mean, some of them are rather obvious, I suppose. Smithers, of course. But can you count "The Simpsons" as a children's show? Me neither. Tinky Winky? really? Didn't we discuss this already? Batman and Robin. Batman. Robin. Batman and Robin... er, yeah, I know...My friend Arthur and I once laughed ourselves silly when I said that Dr. Smith from "Lost in Space" was "...the first intergalactic hairdresser." Peppermint Pattie? Please - you mock me, sir! You mock me! But the thing that makes me question the whole intention of the video is the inclusion of Mary Poppins. Really? Mary F*&^ing Poppins? How does one come to the conclusion that Mary Poppins is a lesbian

First of all, she is far too fastidious. I don't know a single lesbian who carries a purse, let alone one large  enough to store a coat rack. Second, she's a soprano. I know plenty of lesbian altos and contraltos, but not a single soprano. Third, children love her. Fourth, why do you think she keeps Bert around? Fifth - she can fly. Are you telling me that Tinkerbell; Supergirl; Wendy; Wendy; Elphaba and Samantha Stevens were all lesbians? What? In the same coven, you say? No. I think all the lesbians I know would agree that Mary Poppins (while kind of hot) is not a lesbian. If you have it, please provide proof otherwise.***

Finally, let's address that ___________, shall we?

Oh, I'm crying...During the summers in the mid-to-late 70's, my sister and I spent most of days in our (now long gone) backyard pool. But we made sure Mom let us know when it was 2:45 so we could get out and dry off enough to come in the house for Match Game at 3:00. One of the many, many things that crazy cake lady and I share just between us.

More 'blank,' anon.

*Yes, this is the unofficial announcement. The official one will come this weekend on the Zone's final post.

** The only clip I could find was in Spanish, but you know you know this scene.

*** If you haven't figured out how much I am joking in those two paragraphs, go read some other humorless, PC piece-of-crap blog, You have no business here... Now begone, before someone drops a house on you.

More, anon.

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