Don't Cry For Him

Pope Depravatio XXV

Today, a bunch of old guys obsessed with sex (because it's forbidden to them) voted for the new leader of their "No Gurlz Alloud" club. The RCC has certainly had a rollercoaster ride in the past few years, hasn't it? Sex scandals are just the tip of the iceberg, kids. And I know that folks are sort of excited that Francis I is the first Pope from South America, but I have have to wonder how the conclave missed the potential for Evita jokes. Seriously - that many Cardinals in the same room all missed the musical theatre reference? I hardly think so.

Jorge Bergoglio isn't exactly a charismatic man, despite his resemblance to "Arrested Development" star Jeffrey Tambor. And yes, he's the first South American Pontiff. At least he doesn't look like Evil Incarnate. Still... 

I just want to play 'Devil's Advocate' (you should excuse the expression - or not - don't care)  here... We know that Ratzeneater was in the Hitler Youth Corps and (allegedly) helped hide pedophile priests from prosecution as a Cardinal. We know that plenty of Nazis fled to South America after WWII; the majority of them taken in by Brazil and Argentina. I'll let the tinfoil hat/truther/ex-gay/abductees among you to draw your own conclusions to that particular setup.

Here's the thing: Nothing is really going to change for the Church (or its progressive members), other than a new PR campaign. Personally, I think it's too little, too late. Americans are abandoning the RCC in record numbers; both disgusted by the sex scandals and disappointed in the Church's refusal to recognize homosexuality as innate. Francis has previously expressed his opinion on gay adoption and marriage, despite the Argentine government's ruling which legalized same sex marriage. They've already begun the spin about Bergoglio's humble roots and his connection to and support of the poor and downtrodden. 

Unless the poor and downtrodden are gay, of course. Oops! How on earth did that slip out?

There are very, very few instances in which Rowan Atkinson (pictured above) has been able to make me laugh. I have honestly just never found him funny in more than one or two instances. That having been said, I can't imagine being sent into fits of hysteria more than by the thought of Atkinson as Pope. Yes, even more than the thought of a falling mascot.

Hocus-Pocus; Alakazaam! If Jorge can't do it; no one can!

Of course, this is the outcome Uncle P was really hoping for:

More, anon.
Prospero