Monday, May 28, 2012

In the Heat of the Night

Yes, They Got this Idea from Me

It is 11:20 PM here on the East Coast of the U.S. and it's probably 85 degrees with high humidity and even sitting with two fans blowing on me, I am sweating like crazy. The Midwest and Northeast have been in the grip of an early heatwave all weekend long. For me, the 'Unofficial Start of Summer' has turned into the Official Start of Misery. of course, living in a valley doesn't help. The humidity just gets trapped, lingering around and making everyone miserable.

Those who know Uncle P well, know that I am a sweater (no, not this, which is referred to as a 'jumper' in the U.K. - who knows why). I am fine if it's just hot; I may glisten a bit or get darkened underarms. But add humidity and I am just a nasty, sweaty mess who may as well be a visual joke in an "Airplane!" movie. It's uncomfortable and embarrassing. People actually stare in horror as water literally pours down my face, soaking my shirts and making me look like some kind of insane, drowned rat. I am actually considering Botox injections in my forehead and scalp to alleviate the problem. 

Of course, to add insult to injury, my main home AC unit refuses to turn on. I don't know if it's the unit itself, or the dedicated 220v outlet (yes, the breaker is on), so I don't know whether to call an HVAC guy or an electrician. So the ridiculous combination of late-May heat and humidity led to a rather inactive holiday weekend. I did go out to breakfast with K, Q and Dale this morning, though I promptly returned home to sit and veg out in front of the boob tube, while three fans worked to keep me as dry as possible. Thank goodness I added premium channels to my cable last week. At least I managed to keep my self entertained. And I know it's genetic. My maternal grandmother could stand naked in a blizzard and still perspire.I have been this way all my life and before you suggest it, I am not diabetic nor do I have any of the other conditions or diseases associated with excessive perspiration. It's just the unluck of the draw...

If the rest of the summer is anything like this past weekend, I'll probably be a dried-out husk by late July, having rendered all by bodily fluids into a disgusting, sweaty puddle long before my birthday. Damn! I really wanted to see The Dark Knight Rises, too. Maybe my friends will be kind enough to prop my mummified corpse in a corner of the theater when they go to see it.

More, anon.

No comments: