|Jesus H. Christ|
How could I have been so wrong? How did I not see the Light?
I realize now that everything I have believed was wrong. Yesterday was Easter, and while drinking the blood of Christians and dining on the flesh of babies, it suddenly hit me like a rock from Heaven --- I'd been deceived. I've been lied to by every man I've ever been with; every sinner who led me down the path to hell and every atheist I've ever talked to.
I've waste my life among the heathens of the theatre and devoted myself to the machinations of the Devil. My sins were innumerable and I had to repent, lest I spend all of eternity burning in the fires of hell. The lure of flesh and pleasure were simply too much for me to resist. I was weak, like Eve. And Cain. And Salome. And Mrs. Lot.
But no more. I have seen the light and repent my sins. Today I proposed marriage to the only woman I have ever loved (even though we just met at my Reparative Therapist's office) and we will have as many babies as possible (until she becomes barren, at least). I can't wait to go protesting funerals with her while spreading the Lord's love.
This will be my last post as 'Uncle P.' From now on, I will be known as Uncle J.
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