The Gayest Things You'll See This Week (Probably NSFW Version)

Danell Levya

That's Cuban/American Danell Levya in the picture to your left. The 21 year-old gymnast is not just gorgeous but talented, having won the 2012 Men's All Around Gymnastics Gold medal at the London Olympics. Sigh... were I thirty (hell - twenty-five) years younger... Danell is also the 2011 World Champion on Parallel Bars. He has his own signature move on the Horizontal Bar: "The Jam-Dislocate-Hop-to-Undergrips," whatever the hell that means. Personally, I was lucky I was able to do a forward roll and clear the pommel horse (usually) in gym class. Of course, had I actually enjoyed gymnastics in school, I might have led a very different life. Those of you who are and/or were non-athletic know what I'm talking about. I've mentioned this before, but sex with someone like Danell has to be amazing, though only someone as athletically inclined could keep up with him. Much like I imagine sex with one of my other obsessions (link Very NSFW) would be. I don't care if kills me - I'll die with a smile on my face (yes, another TMI moment from Uncle P). There is no official word on Danell's sexuality, but that doesn't mean a man can't dream...

So, onto reality. Or at least, a fictional version of it. If you haven't figured it out by now, Uncle P is both a Bear and a Bear Fan. There is a hilarious new comedy/mystery/gay Webseries called "Where the Bears Are" on Vimeo. It is both hot and hilarious and I recommend it for all Bears and Bear lovers. Nelson (Ben Zook) wakes up to find a hot bartender (Ian Parks) in his bed, only to later discover the bartender's roommate dead in his bathtub. The first three episodes are available here. Below is a preview (via):

Where The Bears Are Teaser #1 from Where the Bears Are on Vimeo.

Finally, here's some new music from Matt Ryanz featuring gay porn star Derek Atlas (via):

It doesn't get much gayer than that -- even Uncle P's first foray into Philly's "gayborhood" in ten years wasn't as gay (all the guys were at the Jersey Shore, apparently - ugh!) as I'd hoped it would be. My Day Job friend and I still had ourselves a good time - at least we weren't sitting around our respective  houses just waiting for something interesting to happen.

More, anon.
Prospero

A Particularly Twisted Bit of Genius: "Hambuster"

Hambuster

Before we get to tonight's "Main Event" (as it were), there's a new interview out with the brilliant genre director Guillermo del Toro, who is currently in the middle of his upcoming Kaiju Aliens Vs. Giant Robots movie, Pacific Rim. In it, he talks about yet another of my obsessions, the film's score. Composed by Ramin Djwadi (Ironman; "Game of Thrones"), del Toro practically gushes about the score. He also talks about expensive collectibles that I can't afford. You can see the interview here at Collider (via). Personally, I can't wait to see del Toro's version of a kaiju. I'm sure, given that his adaptation of In the Mountains of Madness was kiboshed., the gigantic beasties will be an homage to Lovecraft. Del Toro's is also working on the reboot of Disney's The Haunted Mansion. The 2003 Eddie Murphy movie is completely forgettable twaddle (much like every other Eddy Murphy movie since the first Nutty Professor - and that's being kind). A draft has been submitted, which the director says the studio loved, but he's too busy with Pac-Rim at the moment and IMDb is reporting he has  Pinocchio in pre-production and has announced Hellboy 3, so who knows when or if we'll ever see Disney de Del Toro.

Now that I've bored you all silly, onto the (you should excuse the expression) "meat of the matter" (you'll get that terrible joke in a couple of minutes).  My lovely theatre friend and fellow Humanist, Diana G. posted the video I am about to share on my Facebook Timeline with the comment: "Thought you might enjoy this." Hambuster could mean anything, especially when I saw the YouTube still of a baby on playground horsie. After I watched it, I commented: "J'adore! J'adore! What a particularly twisted bit of genius! Thank you!" And now I have no choice but to share it's deliciousness with you, dear readers. Ladies and germs, the funniest comment on carnivorous activity I've seen in a very long time - I give you Hambuster:

What do you think - Supersize Me meets Little Shop of Horrors via Dawn of the Dead? It doesn't matter, because it's just effing hilarious! Crap! I had to give up Chick-hates-Gays and now I have to give up burgers, too? Damnit! Good thing there's a great Italian/Pizza place and an amazing Chinese place, both within 5 minutes of my house.

Diana, who has been on the Foley crew for both of the JTMF staged radio plays, once commented on some bizarre* Facebook profile picture I had posted with something like: "Can't you ever post a nice profile picture like a kitty or a puppy or something? Of course you can't! And that's why we love you!" For someone I see only a few times a year (which must be remedied), Di knows me so well. 

*Bizarre? Me? Of course, you damned well know that 99% of my Facebook profile pictures are bizarre. And speaking of which, watch for a new Caliban's Revenge profile pic of Uncle P, soon. I'm still choosing from a number of possibilities. 

More, anon.
Prospero

Fun with Zombies and Other Weirdness

So all that great 80's music put me back in a good mood, though we are in the slowest slow period I've experienced at the Day Job and it's a bit disconcerting (though not scary or worrisome) - not to mention boring. Anyway, all the free time lets me find interesting things to share with my few, but faithful readers.

So the other day I came across trailers for two new zombie movies from across the pond. First up is the zom/com/heist movie from Britain, Cockneys Vs Zombies. The IMDb plot summary reads: "A gang of bank robbers fight their way out of a zombie-infest London." The trailer alone belies that statement. Think Sean of the Dead on steroids via Bubba Ho-Tep. Cockneys Vs Zombies look dark, violent, gory and freaking hilarious! Watch the trailer below (probably NSFW for language, violence and gore):

Cockneys Vs Zombies opens the UK's Film4 Fright Fest on August 23 and goes wide in the UK on August 31. There is no scheduled U.S. release date, as of this writing. Jinx - if you see it, please let me know!

Far less hilarious (but looking pretty intense), is the first zombie film out of the former USSR, Winter of the Dead (Meteletsa). There is no IMDb listing for this film under either name, but the YouTube description says something about snow in the middle of a hot Moscow summer which presages a zombie outbreak. Don't know know, don't care. The movie's official website makes a bit more sense. The carnage is high in the trailer (sorry - no subtitles). The trailer may be NSFW for violence and gore - couldn't tell you whether there are Russian swear-words or not:

Someone's been watching "The Walking Dead."

Tonight's penultimate bit of nonsense comes from Towleroad and while it is exceptionally weird, it is particularly hilarious, especially if you have had enough of a particular redneck politician, who - like a certain villain in a certain series of kid's books - from henceforth shall be referred to as She Who Shall Not Be Named. Ladies and germs, I hope you skipped the peyote tonight. I give you "Mrs. Smith," weighing in on Chick-hates-Gays and She Who Shall... oh, you know:

And finally, some happy, silly nonsense from my dear Post Apocalyptic Bohemian Stephen, who shared it with me and I'd like to share it with you. For about a month or so, I've been hearing bits and pieces from friends in New York about this musical comedy duo The Skivvies, who perform in their... well, skivvies. In the clip Stephen shared, they are joined by Wes Taylor (adorable chorus boy Bobby on "Smash") for this hilarious three-song mash-up about phones:

Feeling so much better. Now let's hope some other a-hole doesn't pop up spewing ha... Wait? Wut? Two? So that lying scumbag Bryan Fischer is advocating federal crimes against gays and Papa John's is raising prices and blaming Obamacare? SON OF A.... Let it go... Breathe... Again... One more... Good.

More, anon.
Prospero

Awesome 80's Flashback

Do You Know This Man?

I spent my childhood in the 60's, my youth in the 70's and came of age in the 80's. The child of an Elvis fan mother and a Beethoven fan father, my musical taste as a kid tended toward pop-music, movie scores and musical theatre. Of course, I went to Saturday Night Fever High, where disco reigned but I not-so-secretly got sidetracked by Yes and early Genesis and experimental music. I remember bringing "Rock Lobster" to my friends, who all thought I was insane. 

In the 80's it was about electronica and dance and New Wave/Neo-Punk beats; outrageous hair and clothes; often pointed political lyrics and electronic interpretations of classics. Anything went. There were New Romantics, like Adam and the Ants; electric R&B from Herbie Hancock and Eurythmics;  electric Jazz from Thomas Dolby; feel-good synth pop from Howard Jones and sexy gay songs about orgasm from Frankie Goes to Hollywood and masturbation from Cyndi Lauper. It was mad and we thought it couldn't get better than it was right there, right then. It was the last great period of musical innovation. Almost everything today sounds the same.  And very little of it is any good.

Tonight, Tracy posted this on Facebook: "S-A-F-E-T-Y-D-A-N-C-E!" to which I immediately replied: "You can dance if you want to..." I hope you know that it goes without saying that we had to take turns finishing the damned thing. Which got me all nostalgic again. So I thought I'd just have fun and share some beloved "oldies." (Ugh! I so HATE that word). So, you can blame Tracy for the whole thing.

FYI - Thompson Twins was one of most fun concerts I've ever attended. It was their very first U.S. show in Philadelphia and they were genuinely surprised and pleased by the crowd reaction. They did two encores and my friend Deb caught some of the flowers they threw into the audience at the end.

That was good. I needed that.

By the way, do you recognize the Emo-before-it-was-called-"Emo" guy in the picture? I've already talked about him and posted one of his videos. First correct answer gets an extra wish next time they blow out their birthday candles (and no, it's not my father). Good heavens, Miss Yakimoto!

We'll talk about my re-discovery of the Beatles (which was around the same time as all of this), some other time.

More, anon.
Prospero

After a Day's Distance

I didn't want to talk about this yesterday, because I was too angry. I needed time to process what had happened for the second time in three weeks. I found that image to your left on Facebook today. Googling Mr. Parsons yielded no results as to the veracity of the quote. It doesn't matter, because the words themselves are true.

When we think of "terrorist," bin Laden will always come to mind. Except in Oklahoma, where they picture a young, Caucasian American male (whose name does not deserve mention). And now the people of Wisconsin will picture a skin-headed, jingoistic racist scumbag who entered a place a worship - the one place outside the home in which everyone (even atheists) should feel safe - and just started taking out the 'Others.' It is beyond sad. It is beyond sick. It is beyond comprehension.

The system failed everyone here; the shooter, included. Deemed fit for trial or not, these people are obviously not in their right minds. Something happened. Someone or something was the proverbial straw that broke these people. And there was no one there for them to stop it. The system is broken, all around. It's not just a gun issue. A friend from way back is a gun owner, and that's fine. He's stable and responsible and if the zombies come, I'm going to his house, first. He blames the mental health system, which surely has a hand in it. There's also a lot of fear and apathy out there - no one wants to get involved; no one has time to take a closer look; no one wants to get someone in trouble...

All we have is each other, folks. And whether you are religious or not, our only real job here is to be kind to and watch out for one another. It's not all that hard to understand, is it? Sadly, a lot of people don't.

More, anon.
Prospero

The Gayest Things You'll See This Week

Adorable Aussie Olympian Matthew Mitcham

So many things at the Olympics to talk about in this insane digital age. Yes, Twitter and Facebook were both around during the Beijing games, but London is proving to be the first truly E-Olympics. People have been disqualified and ejected from the games for Tweeting. Granted, they tweeted stupid, hateful things without thinking. They thought they were being funny. A-holes! Of course there's the new record for Best Olympian Ever (wouldn't that always be Zeus?), Michael Phelps - the new patron saint of swimmers and stoners everywhere. 

Butta Face Phelps (like I'm such a 10) may well be the Best Olympian, but openly gay Australian diver Matthew Mitcham has been declared Most Adorable Olympian Ever by BuzzFeed Sports (via) and I must agree. Just look at the boy's impish expression in that picture. How can it not melt your heart? 

Okay - that's maybe a bit too Zooey Deschanel quirky for my taste, but who can stay mad at that punim? Seriously. Of course only another athlete could keep up with a boy that flexible and strong. The first Cirque show I ever saw live was Saltimbanco. I practically had to drag my dear Elizabeth (of whom I do NOT see enough, these days) to go, trying to convince her she wasn't about to see a traditional circus. As if I would travel all the way into the city for some lame circus. Her objections were silenced in the first 60 seconds of the show. Our mutual obsession was born. Part of that show featured a pair of brothers who did an amazing and breathtaking lifting act that had us both drooling. She and I both decided that they would only ever be able to be satisfied by each other, whether it was true or (99.999% more likely) not. Of course, it was merely a fiction we created to feel better about neither of us ever having a shot in hell with the muscled beauties.

Cathy's House of Hate continues to be in the news, but mostly because the LGBT community's response was pretty lame. Friday's kiss-in was not nearly as well attended as the response to the Right's lies about this being a First Amendment issue. I think, sadly, a lot of people were actually afraid to go. And that's a shame. There were no reports of problems at any of the company's stores where people did participate. 

More than a few restaurants have come up with anti-CFA chicken sandwiches. A Houston restaurant called Beavers is offering a "Chick-on-Chick" sandwich, described as: ”two loving chicken breasts married on toasty buns with a honey mustard witness and joined in celebration with tolerant fries.” Closer to my home is Schnipper's Quality Kitchen, with two locations in Manhattan. All through the month of August, Schnipper's is going to donate $1 to Marriage Equality for ever chicken sandwich they sell. I am currently working on a Facebook event to eat chicken sandwiches at Schnipper's. 

I made my own hate-free,  Bass Ale-battered chicken for dinner tonight, along with sliced garden tomatoes and sweet bi-colored corn on the cob... simple, delicious and decidedly gay. You want an incredibly delicious fried chicken sandwich, baby? Come on over. I'll make you one.  (Wow. Just creeped myself out - lol).

Finally, here's also adorable Randy Rainbow's take on the latest battle in the Culture Wars (via):

Have a fabulous Monday!

More, anon.
Prospero

Retro Review: 5.5 For and 5 Against "X-Men: First Class"

I really do wish I could see more movies in an actual movie theatre. But, now that I have some premium tier channels again, I'm happy to be catching up on quite a few movies I missed in theaters: The Thing (2011); Scream 4; Conan the Barbarian (2011); Horrible Bosses. The first three were just awful, though  Horrible Bosses' mashup of 9 to 5 and Strangers on a Train meet The Three Stooges was ridiculous, but funny as hell with stellar performances all around. So good, that I have to admit that I did not hate Jennifer Aniston in a movie for the first time, ever. She is actually quite hilarious in this movie, as are Kevin Spacey; Colin Farrell; Jason Sudiekis; Charlie Day; Jaime Foxx and the still-adorable Jason Bateman. A modern madcap comedy for grown-ups. Watch the trailer here.

Tonight, I finally got to see Matthew Vaughn's Superhero origin prequel X-Men: First Class. I'll tell you right now that I liked it a lot. I'm not surprised, Vaughn has made two other films I really like (one of which I adore); Kick-Ass and the perfect fantasy Stardust. It has a mostly terrific cast and it beautifully sets up a lot of what we know about the X-Men from the first three films, as well as what put the events of those films into motion. Anyway, since I was up very late last night, I promised myself not to be tonight. So here (as always with a nod to Sean) are 

5.5 For and 5 Against: X-Men: First Class

 FOR:

5. Four writers doesn't usually mean an intelligent script, but with Vaughn one of them, the alt-history plot which hinged on the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962 was so clever. It probably helped that Singer was one of the producers and co-wrote the story.

5.5. Cameos galore! So many awesome appearances from genre and franchise favs in dozens of cameos!

4. Rose Byrne, playing plucky CIA Agent Moira McTaggert. I love Byrne in everything I've seen her do (especially "Damages") and thought she did quite well with what she was given. And just for the straight boys, she's down to her 1962 lacy undies within seconds of her first appearance, in order to get into a private party at a Vegas casino.

3. The visuals! First Class features some of the best special effects in the franchise. The attack on Langly and the finale were nothing short of spectacular. The period costumes by Sammy Sheldon and Chris Seagers' production design are dead on.

 

2. Kevin Bacon as an ageless, mad-scientist energy mutant was half Bond villain and all perverse and disturbing as hell. Everybody loves Bacon. (Mmmmm... Unexplained bacon...). Bacon rocks the evil in this movie!

1. One simply cannot take one's eyes away from Michael Fassbender - he is literally fascinating to watch and he once again owns an entire film. If for no other reason, see it for his performance. No one portrays pain and anguish quite like Fassbender. The man's wheels always appear to be turning and his face and body language always say why he's saying what he's actually saying.

AGAINST:

5. Nicolas Hoult's weird-ass baby alien face. Is he almost-not-quite-cute-triangular-headed, or is just me? I guess he makes a cute-ish zombie in the upcoming Warm Bodies. He just just looks odd here, though I guess he's supposed to, in order to like his transformation into Beast. I found him much more attractive blue and hairy, but maybe that's just a bear thing... (Did someone just say TMI?)

4. James McAvoy came very close, but just missed it for me. I wish I knew why. It just wasn't all there, if that makes any sense. He wasn't bad, but I guess he just wouldn't have been my first choice (and please don't ask who is - I don't know).

3. January Jones. Yawn. The whole thing. The character; her abilities; the performance - all terrible, terrible, terrible. Yawn.

2. Shaw's (Bacon) lame motive for starting WWIII. Who the hell wants to be the Emperor of a destroyed planet?

1. As with McAvoy, Jennifer Lawrence would not have been my first choice for a young Mystique. A lovely young woman, Lawrence doesn't wear the 'real' Mystique costume nearly as well as Rebecca Romijn and it was actually distracting. Maybe it's the hair? Ugh. She just didn't work for me, here. Again, don't ask why who I would have cast instead. 

Most certainly better than Brett Ratner's X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine, but almost as good as X2, X-Men: First Class is certainly worth seeing, if you haven't already. I know that I'll really try to see the as-of-this-writing unofficially titled sequel in a theater, especially knowing that Vaughn is once again directing. ***1/2 (Three and a Half Out of Four Stars).

BTW - did you catch the X-Men reference in the Horrible Bosses trailer?

More, anon.

Prospero