Hollywood's Christmas Present to Me

Peter Jackson gave me my last favorite Christmas present movie with his underrated King Kong remake. But I think Rob Marshall is about to give my next one.

Judi Dench; Marion Cotillard; Sophia Lauren; Nicole Kidman; Kate Hudson; Penelope Cruz and Black Eyed Peas' front woman Fergie -- Seven (Okay, five) of the most beautiful actresses in the world and seven of the nine women in the life of Italian director Guido Contini (Daniel Day Lewis). Nine is based on the Broadway musical of the same name, itself based on Italian director Frederico Fellini's semi-autobiographical film 8 1/2. The original Broadway cast starred the late Raul Julia and the late Anita Morris and was directed by Tommy Tune. A more recent revival starred Antonio Banderas; Tony Award-winner Jane Krakowski; Mary Stuart Masterson and Broadway legend Chita Rivera (remind me to tell you about seeing Chita in Kiss of the Spiderwoman sometime - one of my favorite times at the theatre).

The newest trailer for Marshall's version is out, featuring Hudson (looking more like her mother in that 60's mini, than ever), singing "Cinema Italiano." And it's just as terrific as the first trailer featuring the song "Be Italian." Director Rob Marshall's near-perfect adaptation of Kander and Ebb's Chicago won the Academy Award for Best Picture (the first musical to do so in a very long time) and helped (along with Baz Luhrman's gorgeous Moulin Rouge) reinvigorate the genre. Without Chicago, we would never have gotten to see that rather remarkable performance of John "I'm-a-Scientologist-Maybe-But -I'm-Definitely-Not-Gay" Travolta's in Hairspray. Of course, Marshall's follow-up to Chicago was the pretty but vacant Memoirs of a Geisha, not exactly Oscar material. Still, from the looks of the two trailers, he may very well have redeemed himself. And maybe it's a sign he should stick to what he does best.


Here's the new trailer (via):


And the original:



This is what happens you start your theatrical life in Musical Theatre. You may grow away from it now and then, but it's in your blood and there is sometimes nothing better. And I'll tell you a secret... I really wish we could just burst out into spontaneous song when mere words aren't enough to express our emotions. I suppose every day would look something like this:



(God, sometimes I am so gay...) And, in full disclosure, I had a massive crush on Kate's dad in the late 70's. "The Hudson Brothers" was a Saturday morning staple in my house:



So 70's. And for those who care, Razzle Dazzle supporting actor Murray Langston also appeared on alleged CIA spy Chuck Barris' "The Gong Show" as 'The Unknown Comic.'



What a strange and wonderful thing Stream of Consciousness* is. I certainly had no intention of ending with bad prop comedy when discussing Nine, but there you go.

*And in no way am I comparing myself to Joyce; just citing a reference. Calm down, eggheads.

More, anon.
Prospero

I Finally Saw "Orphan."

I don't always get to see as many movies as I would like, but I did want to see the much-talked about Orphan, and now thanks to On Demand and a late Sunday afternoon to myself, I sat down and watched it.

This haunted-looking waif is Esther, a child brought to America from Russia by a family tragically killed in a fire not long after bringing her home. Esther barely got out alive.

Or so, that's what grieving parents Kate (Vera Farmiga) and John (Peter Sarsgaard) are told by Sister Abigail (Warehouse 13's CCH Pounder) at the orphanage where they first meet her. The couple already have two children, the pre-adolescent Daniel and sweet, deaf Maxine, but their last child was still-born and they've decided to share the love they had for that baby with a child in need. Esther is well-spoken, well-mannered, artistic and charming and she soon joins the family, even though she is a little different. Take her clothing, for example: Esther dresses like a Victorian era porcelain doll, with frills and bows. And she never takes off the ribbons on her wrists and throat.

Esther quickly bonds with little Max, picking up sign language with ease and drawing Max into her confidence. Meanwhile, Mom Kate and brother Danny aren't so sure. After a few unsettling incidents, it is clear that there is something very wrong with Esther. Of course, Danny is too scared to say anything and everyone thinks that recovering alcoholic and still-grieving mom Kate has gone off the wagon.

Director Juame Collet-Sera's previous film, House of Wax, is most well-known for killing Paris Hilton with a pipe through her head, inviting all sorts of hollow-head jokes. And while it wasn't actually good, it was certainly lurid. Orphan is a much better film and Collet-Sera has learned how to build tension, even if the story is sort of been-there-done-that (The Bad Seed; The Good Son; The Godsend). And while the script by first-time writer David Johnson does add a unique twist to the Evil Child Syndrome formula, I still managed to figure it out before the reveal, something I really hate.

Sarsgaard (Kinsey; An Education) and Farmiga (Joshua - another Evil Child movie I've never seen) are fine, especially Farmiga. Kate's frustration as things spiral out of control is what propels most of the movie's suspense and Farmiga makes sure all of our sympathies lie with her. And doe-eyed Aryana Engineer uses those eyes to full advantage as Max, expressing every emotion without uttering a word. But I have to give true credit to 12 year-old Isabelle Furhman as Esther, a complex and decidedly disturbed character. In the hands of some other young actresses, the role would have been a parody of the genre; unintentionally funny and completely detrimental to the film (though it would probably have gotten equal attention for it's awfulness). Furhman plays just the right balance between unadulterated evil and childlike innocence. Esther is one of the creepier entries into the KCS genre.

While hardly a perfect film, Orphan is a fun, gruesome, twisted and surprisingly original entry into the Evil Child Syndrome genre of horror. **1/2 (Two and a half out of Four Stars).

And before you go and say something nasty about the Jonbenet joke, I think that entire industry is abhorrent and only used the image to express that opinion. No matter what I or you may think about the child pageant industry, her death remains a tragic and unresolved reminder of how precious life is. Sorry. Didn't mean to get quite that dark, but there you have it.

More, anon.
Prospero

Nom, Nom, Nom (Movie Edition)

Are there two more gorgeous people than Campbell Scott and Isabella Rossellini in their prime? This shot is from one of my favorite movies, Big Night. Of course, Big Night is a lovely, touching and appetite-inducing film about hope and family and the silence in which two brothers can say more than any spoken words could. Oh, and food. Tons and tons of food. A feast fit for a king, actually.

Brothers Primo (Tony Shaloub) and Secundo (Stanley Tucci) run a failing Italian restaurant at the Jersey Shore in the 1950's. Perfectionists, they serve their family recipes to patrons who don't always appreciate their efforts. When they hear that singer Louis Prima may be coming for a meal while in town, the two set about preparing a massive dinner party, invite all their friends and family and wait for Prima to show. The meal they prepare is one of the best ever set to celluloid, and features a timpano, a sort of pasta; meat; cheese and sauce pie, so named because of its resemblance to a drum.

Minnie Driver, Allison Janney, Ian Holm and Liev Schrieber all take part in the meal, which immediately induces the need to eat pasta and other evil carbohydrates.

I mention the timpano in particular, because it was part of our latest themed dinner party, "Food from Movies." Even now, several hours after eating, I am stuffed. We started out innocently enough, I suppose. The appetizer was cheese fondue, inspired by La fondue. Next was salad (Uncle Prospero's contribution): Warm Goat Cheese and Endive Salad with Pears and Candied Nuts, inspired by There Will Be Blood. I made some minor alterations to the rather expensive recipe I found on Epicurious and would make some adjustments if I made it again, but the end result was still a delicious and unusual salad which everyone enjoyed.

Then came the three-dish entree: Beef Bourguignon (from Julie & Julia); the timpani and sweet Mary's last-minute, "I-was-freaking-out" chicken tetrazzini (from "It's gotta be in some Italian movie," though I'm convinced it's because Mary is obsessed with this); all of which were delicious, labor-intensive and calorie-laden. And then to end things off, using a real movie recipe from Waitress, Mary made a "My Baby Was Crying and I Was Up All Night" cheesecake for dessert. Creamy, delicious and not at all too rich, it was the perfect way to end another successful gathering of most of my longest and dearest friends.

Tomorrow it's high-fiber, high-protein, low-fat all the way. In fact, I may not eat at all.

And since this post mentions one of my favorite food movies, I suppose I should mention my very favorite food movie, Tampopo.

This Japanese version of the classic Western Shane, is about a mysterious trucker who helps a widowed mother to make the ultimate ramen. Interspersed are several tales which all revolve around food, including the story of two gangland lovers who share some rather erotic eating experiences and the story of a woman who rises from her sickbed to prepare the best meal of her life before happily dropping dead. I couldn't find a dubbed or subtitled trailer, but you'll get the idea from this original Japanese version of it:

Over the next two months, you know we will all be indulging a little bit more than usual. And while I will continue to strive to be good (-27 lbs and counting), I know there will be plenty of temptations I simply won't be able to resist. And that's OK. We're all only human, aren't we?

More, anon.
Prospero

The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week

How on Earth did I never hear of Dutch "Bear Band" Bearforce1? Apparently formed two years ago as a Boy Band parody, their Disco medley was a target of YouTube parodies which escaped my gaydar (which has proven far from infallible) somehow.

Sadly, my first introduction to them is in the announcement of their break-up. TowleRoad has the full story from Bearotic (may be NSFW), along with photos and two other videos from the Hirsute Hustlers, as well a few of those parodies, here. I've posted their eponymous first* single, below.

Now you may well be asking yourself why I put a picture of Yogi and Boo-Boo, rather than a picture of Bearforce1. Honestly, after you see the clip, you'll realize how gay this picture is. A chubby Bear and his Cub traipsing through the forest, fruit floating in the air and that dirty smile on Boo-Boo's face say it all. To quote Jack MacFarland, "Does a Bear have anonymous sex in the woods?"

* I originally typed the word 'first' as 'fist,' which upon proof-reading, would still be somewhat appropriate...

Ouch! Sorry - I was possessed by the spirit of Stephen Rader, for a moment.

More, very anon.
Prospero

Triskaidekaphobia

Well, Happy Friday the 13th to one and all! I love this picture of our buddy, Jason. I wish I had found it during the election. It's still pretty damned funny. And I do so love that slogan.

So, did you see any black cats today or walk under ladders? Did you break a mirror, spill some salt or say the real name of "The Scottish Play" in a theatre? Step on a crack and break your mother's back? Or maybe you left a pin on the floor, whispered "Bloody Mary; Bloody Mary; Bloody Mary..." 13 times into the mirror of a darkened room; invited a vampire to cross your threshold or gave the nazar, maloik or hamsa to a passing gypsy after you ran his mother down in the street because your wife was pleasuring you while driving (Really? Did I have to go there? Apparently, yes I did).

Of course, these days there aren't too many superstitious people left in the world (except maybe the Pope, Creationists and the head-shrinking tribes of South America) and to most people Friday the 13th has come to mean something else, entirely. Which is where Candidate Voorhees comes in, obviously.

I don't remember ever discussing the F13 franchise in great detail. I've seen most of them. A few are fair to middling and one or two are actually almost good. Most of them are simply 'celluloid bowel movements' (a phrase I've just now trademarked, so don't get any ideas). I know I've told you that when we got our very first VCR - a clunky, monstrously heavy old think with big push buttons like a giant cassette deck - the first movie my father brought home from the video store was the original Friday the 13th. I'd heard how horribly graphic and realistic the kills were, but I couldn't imagine anything more gruesome than Dawn of the Dead, and while the kills in F13 are pretty good, they didn't live up to the hype. I think Kevin Bacon in one of his earliest roles has the best death - skewered from under the bed with an arrow through his throat (and we'll talk about that death again when we get the film's antagonist). You all know the story. A group of horny young counselors gather at the soon-to-be-reopened Camp Crystal Lake. After a crazy old man on a bike warns them all that they're doomed, they indulge in alcohol, marijuana, strip Monopoly and premarital sex; four things to always guarantee an 80's slasher movie character's death (either each by themselves or in any combination thereof). Anyway... 20 years ago, blah-blah-blah... counselors having sex... yadda-yadda-yadda... Jason drowns... etc.; the real killer is Mrs. Voorhees. Now did you get a good look at Betsy Palmer? She's a tiny little woman approaching middle age in that movie. How the hell is she strong enough to push an arrow through a mattress and the back of Kevin's neck all the way through to the front? Seriously.

That terribly-acted first film featured some astounding effects from Tom Savini, but made no sense, really. And the rest of franchise never shied away from making sense, either. With the original killer decapitated (in another ridiculous feat of human strength on the part of actress Adrienne King), but the box-office revenues crying out for a sequel, Jason Voorhees (miraculously grown up, despite having drowned as a child) out for revenge for his mother's death in a weird, almost Oedipal role reversal. Jason wears a burlap bag over his disfigured head (it wouldn't be until F13-3D that he would don the now-iconic hockey mask), and it does feature one of the few film performances of the late and much mourned Tom McBride:

They get worse and worse as they go on, F13VIII being arguably the worst of the sequels:

What a lovely depiction of Manhattan, eh? And maybe even sillier, the franchise goes Sci-Fi in Jason X (one of only two in the franchise not to use the original title). Just imagine Jason as the Xenomorph in Alien, as the writers of this film obviously did:

And then they went right into Abbott and Costello territory with Freddy vs Jason, (the second not to mention the original) a combination of two franchises which had become such jokes, they couldn't even parody themselves well-enough to make a good movie:

One, two... New Line's comin' for you... (or at least your wallet, sucker!).

Then last year, the inevitable (and atrocious) re-boot starring "Supernatural" and "Gilmore Girls" hottie Jared Padalecki, who can't even be bothered to try and please his fans by taking off his shirt:

Needless to say, inspired by the surprising box-office successes of The Final Destination and My Bloody Valentine, a sequel to the re-boot is underway in 3D (yay?).

Anyway, I hope you had a lucky Friday the 13th. Mine wasn't awful (though my day job clients seemed exceptionally stupid and whiny, today - either they're getting worse or I'm becoming far less tolerant). Having fun talking about movies (even bad ones), more than makes up for it.

More, anon.
Prospero

Dinner and a Movie

So, I know I blogged once before about my college friends our occasional themed dinners. We try and have at least two or three a year, but as we all get older and wrapped up in our own dramas, it gets more and more difficult to coordinate our diverse schedules, which actually saddens all of us. We've gone from four or five dinners a year to one or two.

Our last theme was "Black and White" and we all made incredibly delicious chocolate and vanilla dishes that were rather amazing. I did dessert; a chocolate and butterscotch apple crisp with vanilla icing. We all left the table sated, bloated and exhausted.

This coming Saturday, we are eating again, and this time the theme is "Movie Food." To clarify, that means foods featured in or inspired by movies. My first instinct was a timpano from the calorie-laden film Big Night, starring Tony Shaloub and Stanley Tucci (yummy enough in and of themselves). I saw that movie with Dale (who will there on Saturday) and we immediately went out for a huge pasta dinner. But I have already made one of those (an incredibly arduous dish requiring more time than I have) and want to do something different. So I deferred that to my longest and dearest friend Janet, who will no doubt, make an amazing version of it.

So, after much brain-wracking and web-searching, I have decided to make a salad inspired by Paul Thomas Anderson's There Will Be Blood: Warm Goat Cheese and Endive Salad with Pears and Walnuts. The recipe sounds incredibly delicious (I'm always happy with any salad that features cheese, fruit and nuts) and appears to be not only easy, but slightly less labor-intensive than many of the other recipes I found. I suppose I could have done milkshakes, but that seemed a bit too obvious, don't you think? I'll give my full (all puns intended) recap Saturday night.

Of course, a meal like this does nothing to help my quest to lose another 5 or pounds before my 30th (ack!) High School Reunion on the 27th (which will no doubt require a very frightening post of its own). Until then, please enjoy the trailer for There Will Be Blood:

And this rather amusing parody, There Will Be Bud:

More, anon.
Prospero

My Next "Must See" Film

Openly gay fashion designer Tom Ford makes his directorial debut with his adaptation of Christopher Isherwood's 1964 novel A Single Man, about a day in the life of an English professor (Colin Firth) who is trying to cope with the sudden loss of his long term lover. I've never read any of Isherwood's works, though I probably should.

Born in the UK, Isherwood eventually emigrated to the U.S. and settled in southern California where he began a long and tumultuous affair with a man 32 years his junior. He was friends with the great Science Fiction author Ray Bradbury and worked with satirist and screenwriter Terry Southern (Dr. Strangelove; Easy Rider).

Joining Firth in the cast are the gorgeous and talented Julianne Moore (Far from Heaven; The Hours); Watchmen's Mathew Goode as the dead lover and puppy-eyed cutie Lee ("Pushing Daisies") Pace.

And while the trailer does little to tell you what the film is actually about, it certainly displays Ford's eye for style and aesthetics and early reviews have been exceptionally positive.

Will A Single Man do what Brokeback Mountain couldn't, and finally convince Americans that love is love, no matter who is doing the loving? Probably not. If Ang Lee's gorgeous and painful tragic romance couldn't do it, I doubt any movie can. Still, I know a few open-minded straight boys (and one adorable little gay elf) I'll be dragging along with me to see it.

More, anon.
Prospero