How Many Times Do I Have to Say "Goodbye?"

So the Apocalypse is upon once again. Did we learn nothing from the last time some lunatic announced the End of Days? Apparently, not.

Social media users are already complaining about how annoying 12/21/12 is going to be, so I thought I'd get it out of the way and move on to real things, again. 

I suppose I might buy that if the Mayan calender could actually be applied to the modern Gregorian calender, then December 21st, 2012 could plausibly be where the Mayan calendar ends.  All well and good. But... it is has been verified that out of the world's many religions and cultures, the Maya are among the few people who don't have any sort of Apocalyptic mythology. And good ole NASA has happily provided reassurances to that effect:

I can hear all you Doomsayers: "Of course that's what NASA wants you to believe. They're in on it, man!" And there are plenty of delusional people who think that the Zombie Apocalypse is real, too. Uncle P may love me some Zombies, but I (like every rational human being) know the likelihood of such a think happening is far, far less than zero.

Of course, Hollywood has exploited The End ad nauseum:












I can't wait to wake up next Saturday and laugh...

Oh, I so love "Raising Hope" and it's perfect casting! Personally, I have too many things I'm looking forward to doing and experiencing to worry about some stupid and unmerited hoax revolving around a society that worshiped the sun and winged serpents while practicing ritual sacrifice. It all makes perfect sense, if you think about it. "Screw you, Catholic Spaniards! Our gods will protect... uh-oh! Well, screw you anyway. You only have another 600 years! Ha-ha!"

Still - at least one sure sign of the Apocalypse has reared its ugly head:

Sorry. I stopped after 58 seconds and wouldn't blame anyone who stopped sooner. Maybe the world should end, after all. At least we wouldn't have to worry about going to work that Monday. Of course, I already have that whole week off, so it doesn't make any difference to me.

More (most assuredly), anon.
Prospero

Why It's NOT the Zombie Apocalypse

The Zombie Apocalypse?

There has been lots of disturbing news (mostly out of Florida) lately about 'zombies' and cannibalism in real life. Most horrific and sensational, is the story of the young man in Miami who attacked and ate 75% of the face of a homeless man. Rudy Eugene, 31, was most likely under the influence of a drug commonly called "bath salts" on the streets when he attacked Ronald Poppo, a homeless man last week, resulting in sensationalist headlines about a "Zombie Attack." As of now, Poppo remains in critical condition in a Miami hospital. It took six rounds to take Eugene down, after he growled at the officer who ordered him to stop the attack. The attack coincides with recent reports of chemical or other-wise toxic vapors in various Florida schools.

Then there is 21 year-old Alexander Kinyua, a Morgan State University student who is accused of eating the brain and heart of his roommate, 37 year-old Kujoe Bonsafo Agyei-Kodie in Maryland. And let's not forget our neighbors to the north. Canadian authorities are on the hunt for one Luca Rocco Magnottta, a gay porn actor who apparently brutally murdered and dismembered his lover, mailing the man's body parts to various Canadian locations. Magnotta supposedly recorded the murder and posted it on YouTube, along with videos of him killing kittens.

All of these crimes have one thing in common: They are the result of defective mentalities. They have nothing to do with reanimated corpses, Voodoo, viral infections or bad gas station hamburgers. The people who perpetrated these crimes were either insane or under the influence of some seriously bad news drugs. 

How do I know this? Simple: ZOMBIES ARE NOT REAL. They are works of fiction created by screenwriters and novelists in an attempt to make money. Look, I love a good zombie movie as much (if not more) as the next guy. "The Walking Dead" is one of my favorite TV shows ever and George A. Romero is one of my personal icons. Hell, I've written a zombie movie, myself. I even own several zombie toys. But I know that zombies, vampires, werewolves and living mummies don't actually exist. As does every rational person on the planet.

Here's the thing: Terrible things happen all the time. Lunatics, despots and dictators commit atrocities, every day. People are murdered in any number of horrific ways, every day. Death and destruction are all around us, every day. It's just a sad fact of life. It just so happened that these particularly sensational and gruesome events took place within a few days of each other and the media, always looking to make money on real-life horrors, took hold of and ran off with them. The best we can do is be glad these things haven't happened (and most likely won't happen) to us and carry on with our lives. The Ed Geins; Jeffrey Dahmers; Rudy Eugenes and Luca Magnottas of the world are in reality (and thankfully) few and far between. There is nothing supernatural about these people. They're just a very sad fact of life who have absolutely nothing to do with this:

Just keep telling yourself, "It's only a movie."

More, anon.
Prospero