I recently received an invitation to a friend's wedding. My friend is a talented actor and musician and I am truly happy for him and his bride-to be (whom I have only met twice). I responded with my "Regrets" to the invitation. Our mutual friend, Q, posted a message to my Facebook account - "So you are unavailable for ----'s wedding?"
My response to her was: "I have nothing to wear; no time or money to find something to wear and no one to bring as my 'Plus 1.' Besides, I usually hate weddings, They only serve to remind me of how alone I am."
Honestly, that's not to whine about being alone. It's just a simple fact. It's also true that I do not own a suit and haven't for at least 20 years. I hate suits. They represent everything I despise about Corporate America. That's not to say I haven't worn one in the past 20 years. I've donned several as costumes for various shows and/or events. I even wore a (rented) tuxedo for the JTMF 5th Anniversary Gala. But the thought of owning one just rankles me to my core -- I shouldn't (nor should you) be defined by the clothes I wear. Luckily, the Day Job allows me to wear jeans and even shorts to work (though I personally wouldn't be caught dead in public wearing a T-shirt).
But this isn't really about clothes. It's about pretending to be happy for two people who have decided to spend their lives together when I can't seem to find someone who wants to spend more than a few years or months with me. Is that selfish and childish? Maybe. But I don't care.I just can't bring myself to be happy about something I'm unlikely to ever have.
Now, don't go feeling sorry for me. Uncle P has long ago resigned himself to life alone. And it's not like I never had a long-term relationship. The relationships I've had were good while they lasted. And I haven't lacked for a sex life (TMI?). But the older I get, the more apparent it becomes that I am not meant to have a "soul-mate," whatever that means. And who knows... I may have yet to meet the man with whom I will spend the rest of my life in connubial bliss. Stranger things have been known to happen. Still - I'm a realist. I know that the likelihood of meeting someone at my age is slim-to-none. And I'm okay with that. At least, I think I am. And I'm certainly not lacking for love. I have several very dear friends (Q, K, Dale, Tracy and D, among others) who love me very much (as I do them).
If you are lucky enough to share your life with a special someone, please don't take that for granted, If, like me, you have yet to find that special someone, take solace in the fact that you not alone. And that's okay. Not every pot has a lid, despite what my grandmother used to say.