Friday, May 28, 2010

Ewwww! (with a Z)

That post title applies in so many ways, here. I was going to talk about directing again (and may still do so on Sunday), but then I came across the video below on Towleroad.

In it, Liza Minnelli talks to Joy Behar about her wedding to David Gest. First, they talk about all the celebrities in attendance. Then they talk a little about Michael Jackson. And finally they talk about the infamous kiss, in which Gest practically tongue-raped her.

The first 'Ewwwww' belongs to the kiss itself: Liza's eyes wide in terror as Gest so desperately tries to prove his heterosexuality; Gest wearing dark glasses to hide his repulsion at kissing a woman, pulling her close to him as she tries to push him away. The only worse kiss I can imagine was the one between Michael and Lisa-Marie on MTV (that spinning sound you heard came all the way from Memphis); yet another 'Ewwwww' moment.

The third 'Ewwwww' comes thanks to Liza's current face. She's had so much surgery, she looks like a parody of herself. In fact, I think she looks more like Mario Cantone* doing an impersonation of her, than like herself. Watch the video and see for yourselves:

Like so many celebrities who simply refuse to grow old gracefully, Liza has become a mockery of herself. Never a great beauty, she had a certain goofy charm in her youth, which lent itself perfectly to her Academy Award-winning performance as Sally Bowles in Cabaret. My father always said he thought she looked like a clown in that movie, but he was a Nazi wannabe, so what the hell did he know? He treated every minority like they were clowns. But I digress...

Sadly, Liza hasn't always had the best of luck when it comes to husbands. Mostly because, like her mother before her, she kept marrying gay men. First was Peter The Boy from Oz Allen, who went to Rio when his baby smiled at him. Then came Jack Haley, Jr. in an attempt to capture some of Mama's 'Dorothy' magic (do I detect a theme here?). Next was artist Mark Gero, whose only real claim to fame was marrying Liza. And finally, her infamous marriage to Gest, who claimed Minnelli beat him. If she did. I wouldn't blame her. She must have been on some heavy-duty meds when she accepted that proposal (and I apologize for the utter terror that clicking that last link may have inspired in you -- my last 'Ewwwww' of the night).

Among her more recent performances, Liza's guest shot as the 'Second Lucille' on "Arrested Development" was nothing short of brilliant (was anything associated with that show not?). And this all comes around to her current performance in the universally panned Sex and the City 2, performing Mario Cantone's* gay wedding and singing Beyonce's "Single Ladies" (I apologize for the poor quality, but this bootleg version is the only one I could find from the actual movie):

Hmmm... Maybe this should really have been a "Gayest Thing" post. In any event, I am saddened to see this once monumental talented reduced to a parody of herself. Like mother like daughter, I suppose.

More, anon.

*Talk about 'Synchronicity.' Jung would be quite proud, I think.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I think she still looks good. She is cool.