Monday, February 22, 2010


While I can't exactly blame Avatar for the 3D explosion that has taken over the mini-IMAX screens at your local cineplex, I can complain that every movie that would otherwise be a flop will make far more money than it should, simply because it's in 3D.

Such, I fear, is the case with director Alexandre Aja's (High Tension; The Hills Have Eyes; Mirrors) next film, a remake of the Joe Dante semi-comic '80's horror film Piranha.

Piranha 3D boasts a cast of mostly B-Listers (Jerry O'Connell; Ving Rhames; Christopher Lloyd; Elisabeth Shue; Eli Roth; Richard Dreyfus) in a fishy gorefest about giant piranhas unleashed into Lake Victoria by an underground earthquake. The hungry beasties soon find an ample supply of flesh at a lakeside resort celebrating its grand opening.

I found Aja's High Tension (Haute Tension) a mostly well-made slasher flick, though it had an infuriatingly confusing "twist" ending. His 2006 English-language remake of Wes Craven's The Hills Have Eyes wasn't exactly terrible, though 2008's Mirrors was mostly a complete mess.

While Dante is a director whose films (the Mad Max trilogy; Gremlins) display a definite tongue-in-cheek attitude, I fear Aja may take the subject matter a bit too seriously for its own good. I'll probably see it (what self-respecting Horror won't?), but I don't know that I'll actually like it. And I know a certain Go-Go Elf that'll probably be going with me... I hope that the eye-candy of O'Connell and Roth in 3D will worth the price of admission, if nothing else. And maybe, just maybe, Aja can recapture the sense of dread he managed to create in High Tension.

Oh, who am I kidding? It's The Final Destination meets Jaws. Expect loads of jiggling boobs, spurting blood and sharp-toothed fishies coming RIGHT AT YOU!

Piranha 3D is scheduled for an August, 2010 release, despite what the below trailer would have you believe.

More, anon.

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