Just for some end-of-the-month weirdness, I thought I'd share the very demented but hysterically funny short film embedded below. I actually found it last week but I have been holding onto it for just the right time. And now seems as good as any.
Carrot Vs Ninja, by Cedric Nicolas-Troyan is described as "A quick tale of violence" but I promise it is so much more than that brief description lets on. This twisted little horror film is just the thing to usher in the summer.
If you've been reading me with any regularity, I know you'll love Carrot Vs Ninja as much as I do. Please enjoy (via):
I feel I must meet this filmmaker. We probably would have lots and lots to talk about... And is it just me or does the actor playing Carrot have a Brad Pitt/Johnnie Knoxville sexy vibe going on?
I have not fallen victim to Stieg Larson's "Girl" trilogy (which was apparently planned to be a 10 book series before Larson died). I know lots of my coworkers at the Day Job have been passing them around or reading them on their Kindles.
Lately, I've had little time to read, though I did read while in Florida, and it was glorious to do so. I polished off "Horns," by Joe Hill (Stephen King's son) and "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" by Seth Grahame-Smith. Both were immensely entertaining, though neither was actually scary. The latter is scheduled for a 2012 film adaptation by Russian director Timur Bekmambetov. I really loved how much research went in Grahame-Smith's novel and thought he found some clever ways to incorporate actual history into his alt-history tale of vampires and how they inspired Lincoln to free the slaves. Of course, Grahame-Smith's "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" is also on track for a movie version.
And last Tuesday, while waiting in the Outpatient Family Waiting Room as Mom had a minor procedure performed, I finally started King's 1084-page opus, "Under the Dome." I got through the first 60 pages or so. I certainly enjoyed what I read, but haven't had the time or opportunity to read more, since. Maybe when I go to Chicago on business at the end of July.
Every one I know who has read Larson's books says they are "...terrific, but you have to stick with it, at first." These days, I mostly just wait for the movie. And that's kind of sad. Anyway, my point is, the Red Band trailer for the U.S. remake starring Daniel Craig has been leaked onto YouTube. I don't know how long it will be there, so catch it while you can:
Umm... that was helpful in explaining what it was about...
That's former porn bear Matt Zarley floating in a pool full of CDs.
Matt's been doing more singing than boinking these days, though the video for his latest single "WTF" is probably as close to porn as one can get without actually getting down and dirty. No actual nudity, but it's definitely NSFW.
This week's Gayest Thing is also quite possibly the Worst Musical Ever Made. Thanks to my dear Stephen over at Post Apocalyptic Bohemian, who posted about producer Alan Carr's (Grease) birthday yesterday, I was flooded with memories of this 1980 stinker directed by none other than Rhoda's mom and paper-towel pitchwoman, Nancy Walker.
The story is preposterous (a song writer wants to create a Disco 'Super Group') and the musical numbers are just plain ridiculous. The only reason anyone saw this movie was to ogle the literally hundreds of half-naked men in pools, gyms and various dance floors, grinding away at one another without a single mention of the words "gay," "homosexual" or "fabulous." The very closeted 19 year-old me was in awe. The very openly gay me of today is simply appalled. Just take a look at this number, called "Do the Shake:"
Giant pornstaches; belly shirts; leather vests; short-shorts; showers and locker-rooms abound, but not once is it suggested that any of these fellows might be gay. Puh-leeze!
Is it any wonder that most of the people in this movie have fallen into obscurity? Of course, reality TV has brought Jenner back into the edges of the spotlight and insanity has kept Guttenberg from falling completely out of our collective memories. Walker passed away in 1992, and while Can't Stop the Music was her only feature film, she directed several episodes of "The Mary Tyler Moore Show," "Rhoda" and "Alice."
If you love bad movies, half-naked men or Disco, you must add Can't Stop the Music to your Netflix queue. I only wish the folks at MST3K had been able to take a crack at this infamously bad musical, even if it actually failed to "launch the 80's."
My dear, sweet Q has issues with eye problems. Our mutual friends and I are always on the lookout for movies where people's eyes are gouged out, stabbed or otherwise injured, so we can warn her in advance. As far as I know, eye injuries are the only thing about which she is squeamish. Which is why I am so glad she didn't get a good look at Uncle P's right eye, last night.
Sometime during last night's rehearsal for Die Mommie Die!, something got into my eye and trapped under my contact lens, causing a rather nasty abrasion to my cornea. I drove home with K, tears and snot pouring down my face, feeling as though pins were being jabbed into the upper part of my eye the entire way. By the time I dropped her off, I just wanted to get home and remove my contacts. By the time I got home, my eye looked about ten times worse than the picture above and it was all I could to pry it open and take out my lenses. I rinsed with saline, applied a cold compress and repeated until I went to bed. Which also explains why I didn't post last night. I was just in too much pain.
I awoke this morning to a slightly less swollen, though totally crusted shut (gross, I know) eye. I washed it with warm water, followed by another cold compress, called the day job to say I'd be late and went back to bed for another two hours.
Thankfully, eyes heal rather quickly. The pain has gone and the swelling is substantially reduced, though it still feels a bit "goocky." I wore my glasses to work today, prompting several co-workers to ask "Are those new?" I'll probably wear them again tomorrow, just in case.
Now that I have grossed all of you out, I'll ask, "And how was your day?"
So, after an emergency re-casting and another actor's bout of Epstein-Barr, we've finally finished the basic blocking for Die Mommie Die! (for those unfamiliar -- 'blocking' is the actors' movement about the stage -- who walks, stands or sits and when and where they do so). For my shows the basic blocking usually doesn't change much after it's been set (unless I find that something doesn't work at all), but details can change either a little or a lot, depending on what we discover during the rest of the rehearsal process. Adding the real furniture and props can also make for some minor (and sometimes major) adjustments. Most experienced actors are used to this process and these changes prove no problem for them. One of my actors, however, is making her stage debut and just getting her used to the basics is proving challenging, though I am sure she'll be fine.
We did a little character work tonight, as well. I ask the actors questions about their characters and let them come up with their own ideas about who they are playing, gently prompting them in another direction, of need be. Of course, four of my six cast members have worked with me before. K and I have been doing theatre together since 1989, directing each other and acting together in more shows than I care to remember. And D is appearing in his 8th performance for me. I barely need to direct either of them at all. They know what I want and how to get there practically by instinct alone. And my angel Matty has already created an entire history for his character, sharing some hilarious details tonight that had all of us laughing. Then there's my "Leading Lady," who previously appeared as Steve in the JTMF production of The Most Fabulous Story... D.C. has gone all out with the character and after Fabulous, trusts me enough to give the performance we both know is needed. That leaves John and Kelly. John has tons of experience and has dived right in, fitting into the JTMF experience (truly unlike any other theatre company I have ever worked with) like he's been a part of the group from the beginning. Which leaves Kelly. A very talented young lady with plenty of camera experience, Kelly has never appeared on stage before. But her eagerness to please and learn is paying off and I have no doubts that she'll be wonderful.
Die Mommie Die! is probably one of the more outrageous shows we've ever done. It's also one of the most tech-heavy, requiring all sorts of sound and lighting effects, not to mention late-60's period costumes and a particularly tricky illusion in the second act. But I have no doubt that my very talented team is more than capable of pulling it off. They always have.
Tickets for Die Mommie Die! are available now at www.kelseytheatre.net or on the JTMF website. If you are on the East Coast and within driving distance of central NJ, I urge not to miss what is certain to be the funniest and most outrageous show of the season. And you'll be helping to raise money for three terrific causes.
OK - enough shameless self-promotion. Back to our regularly scheduled nonsense, soon.
