Thursday, December 29, 2011

Worst 5 Movies of 2011 - So Far

Tahar Rahim Covered in Mud with a Skull in His Hair

Once again, this is hardly my definitive "Worst of" list, either. Just 5 movies I've seen this year that have irked me the most - so far.

It seemed that this year, there were far more bad movies, than good. And of course, any year that has a Twilight movie in it, has to qualify for a new low bar. I saw all of these movies on purpose, hoping that something (even if it was just the objectification of one its leading men), only to have my hopes dashed to the bottom of a rocky cliff and into the raging sea of suckage they actually turned out to be. These are movies that actually made angry at having spent my hard-earned dollars to see them. These aren't just bad movies, my friends. These are the worst. 

5. Final Destination 5. While there honestly is much to admire about the latest installment (that amazing bridge sequence; the surprise ending) of the "Death as Rube Goldberg" franchise, the acting is truly terrible and the deliberately gimmicky 3D did nothing to further the pro-3D argument.

4. Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. Wow. Talk about movies that should have been better than they actually were. This was one TV horror movie remake that was worth doing, on paper. Guillermo del Toro wrote the screenplay and produced it. It had to be good, right? I mean, it had to better than the ABC TV movie (which still freaks lots of folks out), right? Wrong. Silly and predicable, the movie isn't half as scary as it should have been. First-time feature director Troy Nixey relied too heavily on his mentor and delivered a watered-down version what the remake could (and should) have been. Also - Katie Holmes. Ew.

3. The Eagle. The trailer for director Kevin (The Last King of Scotland) Macdonald's adaptation of Rosemary Sutcliffe's novel "The Eagle of the Nine," promised a homo-erotic sword and sandal epic. What we got was a travelog. Yawn... I hope Channing Tatum's stripper bio movie is better this:

2. Your Highness. I saw this movie for free while on a business trip this summer. In fact, I ordered it completely by accident, even though it was on my list thanks to the pedigrees of those involved. Sadly, I didn't laugh once during this medieval quest fantasy/stoner buddy/sibling rivalry piece of crap. While I truly like nearly every actor in this movie, I have to wonder why they agreed to make it. A very bad, very unfunny film.

1. Season of the Witch. I am ashamed for him that D claims to actually like this movie. I think he's only saying so to make me crazy. And it's really annoying to me that the first movie I saw in 2011 is also the worst movie I saw this year. Nic Cage is clearly insane, while Ron Perlman does his best to play the comedic irony and camp, but even he can't save this silly mess of a movie. Our mutual friend Heather and I were reduced to fits of giggles at how ridiculous this film was. Season of the Witch was delayed by more than a year, I should have known better. Heather and I did finally get D to admit it wasn't a good movie, but he still says that he loved it. Of course, questioning his sanity is much like questioning mine... (love ya, D).

This was just a tease... watch for my full Ten Best and Ten Worst lists at the end of January.

More, anon.

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