The Gayest Things You'll See This Week

That's Darren Criss, currently the most adorable young man on TV. A very talented vocalist and actor who isn't too hard on the ole peepers, Criss' "Glee" character Blaine is a role model for young gay men who are struggling to come to terms with their sexuality.

I think it's no secret that I'm a "Gleek." I've pretty much loved the show since it first aired, and I suppose it's because I was a high school Chorus and Drama Club geek, myself. Of course, in those days, small town gay boys were all as closeted as I was and we had no role models to tell us it was okay.

Yes, "Glee" is inconsistent in its writing (as my friend Jonathan is always quick to point out) and certainly unbelievable (as every musical ever made is). But at it's heart, "Glee" is a show about surviving the worst four years of your life with the support and encouragement of like-minded friends who, despite all their differences and personal dramas, manage to come together to produce something bigger than themselves as individuals. It's about the best in ourselves, flying our freak flags and damn everyone and anyone who thinks we're lame.

On last night's episode, Blaine and Kurt (Golden Globe winner Chris Colfer) finally shared their first and second kiss - something we Gleeks have been waiting for almost all season:

Of course, no one jumped and screamed and carried on at my house when Blaine finally kissed Kurt (except maybe in my head), but that doesn't mean other folks didn't. Check out this video (via) of some fans Gleeking out over it:

The episode also included several original songs (a first for the show), the best of which was the song that won New Directions the Regionals, while taking down their arch-enemy, Sue Sylvester (the amazing Jane Lynch) "Loser Like Me":

And in totally unrelated gay news, the Chinese may not be very progressive when it comes to Democracy, but they certainly have no problem when it comes to addressing the sexual safety of it's gay countrymen. I was blown away (no pun intended) when I stumbled across this hilariously cute Chinese condom ad (no translations necessary - may be NSFW):

Wow. There's no denying who that ad is aimed at...

Personally, I view these video clips as progress for both American and Chinese television... The LGBT community is finally starting to be recognized as something other than comedic foils on television. And that's a really, really good thing. More, please.

More, anon.

Prospero

The Ultimate Slap in the Face

That's an image of the villain "Carnage" from Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, the $65M Broadway disaster I've been decrying for months.

Last week, the producers fired meglomaniacal director Julie Taymor (though "official" press releases say she will still be part of the show's creative team) and commissioned new songs from Bono and The Edge. They brought in director Phillip William McKinley (The Boy from Oz) and Marvel writer Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa to fix the problems with the show, though at this point, it's probably beyond saving. 

I've said all along that this was a bad idea from the get-go, though a few theatre friends tried to defend it... The show is now scheduled to close for three weeks in order to fix it (though I doubt three weeks is enough  to come up with an entirely new second act) and is now officially scheduled to open June 14th, with previews resuming on May 12th.

While I am always a proponent of new theatricals, I will continue to express my disdain for this ill-conceived project until it closes, which should be sometime in July (sigh). I am always sad to see a show fail, but I honestly can't say I'll be sorry to see this particular show fall by the wayside. Not everything is worth musicalizing and not every idea (no matter how good it may seem at first) should be brought to fruition. Taymor, whose original concept came to her as a dream after 9/11) apparently had no prior knowledge of the Marvel source material, and tried to integrate completely irrelevant Greek mythology into the show. Maybe she should have read a few of the Marvel comics, or at least viewed the Sam Raimi films before attempting to adapt the character for a musical.

If you want to see Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark (whatever the hell that title means), I suggest you do so while you can. In the meantime, enjoy this parody from Jimmy Kimmel:

Ouch! Take that, Broadway!

I will always love "The Great Invalid," but sometimes the folks who run it just have to admit when they've been defeated.

More, anon.
Prospero

Too Pooped to Peep

I have no real explanation for my total exhaustion tonight, other than the damned Daylight Savings Time. And by the way - there isn't actually an extra hour of daylight. The day is still pretty evenly divided - it's just our perception being fooled into thinking there's an extra hour... yes, the sun sets later in the spring and summer than in the fall and winter... but still.

That hour just killed me. I spent most of my day plopped on the couch watching bad movies. I actually sat through all of Meet Dave, Eddie Murphy's 2008 Sci-Fi comedy, which was just as bad one would expect (I was especially offended by Pat Kilbane's ridiculously stereotypical gay character). Filled with lame toilet humor and jokes about culture shock we've seen a hundred times before, Meet Dave is probably the worst movie I've seen since Pluto Nash, though I haven't seen Norbit (and have no intentions of doing so).

I could talk about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan (go to The Red Cross' website to donate); the situation in North Africa and the Middle East; the price of gas; the economy in general or any number of other topics... but I just don't want to. 

My warm, cozy bed is calling and I am going to answer.

More, anon,

Prospero

Invasion of the Bad Invasion Movies

That's ruggedly handsome Aaron Eckhardt in Battle: Los Angeles, which looks, despite a critical drubbing, to be the top-grosser this weekend.

Seriously, what's the deal with Aaron and his face? Is it in his contract that every fourth role has to include facial disfigurement?

I am saddened that the movie hasn't fared well with critics. I was hoping that after the flop made by last year's similarly themed Skyline that Battle: Los Angeles would be the movie that cleansed our palates, so to speak. 

Of course, Skyline  and Battle: Los Angeles aren't the only recent alien invasion movies to blow it. Most recently, Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig starred in a new version of Invasion of the Body Sntachers, simply titled The Invasion, which stank to high heaven:

And our old buddy M. Night gave us the almost good Signs, a movie with some terrific performances from both Joaquin Phoenix and (as much as it pains me to say it) Mel Gibson. While I have to admire Shyamalan for getting those performances out his actors, his script leaves much to be desired. Aliens can traverse millions of light years, but can't figure out doorknobs? And aliens who are easily killed by water, try to conquer a planet that is 90% water... ? Please...

Let's not forget everyone's favorite Vatican Assassin, Charlie Sheen as an astrophysicist in 1996's The Arrival, in which reversed-kneed aliens are trying to bio-engineer Earth to suit their own climate needs:

If you've seen an of these movies, then you know what I'm talking about.

So Uncle P got to thinking (always a dangerous thing), "What would make for a truly good alien invasion movie?" And I think I might have an idea... But I need your help. After talking about doing so for so long, I'm finally trying a poll. Now bear in mind: I am 2/3 of the way through a new zombie script on which I seem to have stalled (at least temporarily) and I have a bunch of ideas for other scripts on what I call The List. So I guess I'm asking, what should I work on next?

   

I look forward to the results.

More, anon.
Prospero

60 Steampunk Seconds or More

I am hardly a sociologist or psychologist (though basic knowledge of each is most helpful to directors and actors), so I have no real idea why Steampunk has taken hold the way it has. There are conventions and parties and events all over the place and it just amazes me how creative some folks can be when they have time, money and nothing better to do. And that's hardly an insult. Had I those luxuries, I'd probably be right there with you. Hell, I'd probably own my own zeppelin and a fleet of penny farthings...

I'm old... I grew up in the 60's and 70's. It was a weird, weird time and I was a weird, weird kid. I loved reading Jules Verne and HG Welles and watching the movies based on their works. There's a reason "Vernian" shows up so often when talking about Steamheads and their creations.

As a kid, the shirtless Pat Boone was one of my favorite things about this movie... Hmm... whatever could that have meant?  Of course, Pat would probably melt like the Wicked Witch of the West if he ever heard that...

Oh my... Ruggedly handsome Aussie Rod Taylor (The Birds) was hot, wasn't he? But we're talking 

Steampunk, not Steamy Hunks (So, so very sorry about that - sometimes cheese happens - deal with it).

Of course, Verne's and Wells' works have been part of  the movies, almost from the beginning. We've all at least seen clips from Georges Melies' 1902 Le Voyage dans la Lune:

More examples of arguably Steampunk films include:

Anyway, you get the idea. The style isn't new, by any means - it just gained a name. Hell, even ABC's "Castle" recently had a Steampunk episode:

So, how does all this tie together? Well, I'll tell you. I saw this lovely and very amusing little video and had to share it. Please enjoy (via) "Inception - Done in 60 Seconds," a delightful little Steampunk simplification of a movie whose actual "technology" may well be described as "Steampunk," itself:

I'm going to try to attend a Steampunk festival in Massachusetts, later this year. If I make it, I'll be sure to document it.  Everything old is indeed, new again.

More, anon.
Prospero

Cry Me a River: Part II

Welcome to Part II of Uncle P's Ten Best Tearjerker Movies, Ever (or something). And big double boo-hisses to anyone who doesn't immediately get the movie reference in the picture on your right. Because My Little Pony is the first thing I think of when I hear the name John Waters. Though I hope that both he and Depp own one of these (and I'd bet Waters actually does). 

So, the last time we were here together, I'd gotten from my #10 favorite Tearjerker (a movie my friend Deb thinks is sappy hocum and makes fun of me for loving, 1934's Imitation of Life) to my number six, E.T. Let's move on the Top Five, shall we?

5. Big Fish (2003)

Tim Burton's adaptation of Daniel Wallace's novel, this underrated, gorgeous and hilarious film is about the son of a story-teller coming to terms with his father's life. Ewan McGregor and Albert Finney in a bit of genius casting, play age-different versions of the father, while Billy Crudup is the adult son who has always struggled to rectify real life with his father's stories. Quirky, imaginative and everything that's good about a good Tim Burton movie, Big Fish is probably Burton's last great film...

4. A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)

I've talked about this film a lot. When first released, it received mostly bad notices from the big critics. I chose it as the Best Film of 2001 and said it was "another Spielberg masterpiece." A lot of critics have come around since then, and given A.I. the praise it so well deserves, ten years after the fact. Too long? Too weird? Too dark? Too deep? No, no, no, no and no. And I hope it's the last time I ever type this: No, the beings at the end of the movie are living machines, not aliens. And cry? Have plenty of tissues, even if you're only half as sappy as I am.

3. Bambi (1942)

Disney's third foray into animated features has one the single most traumatic scenes in the history of "Family" movies. You know what I'm talking about:

I can't talk right now... BRB.

Whew! I can see gain. Sorry about that...

2.Brokeback Mountain (2005)

I did okay with this one, so happy to see a film tell an honest gay story for once. Then I got to the last scene where Ennis (Heath Ledger) goes to Jack's (Jake Gyllenhaal) childhood home and takes out that jacket... Devastating:

And my top Tear Jerker of all time; the movie that makes me cry like a child every damn time I see it..

1.The Green Mile (1999)

Director Frank Darabont is of the few guys in Hollywood who actually gets Stephen King and can translate the humanity in the characters on the page into images and dialog on film. So exceptionally faithful to the novel (originally released in several small publications, like a Dickens serial) and so expertly performed by an amazing cast, The Green Mile had me sobbing from the moment it sets in that they are actually going to have to go through with it. No wonder "The Walking Dead" is such a hit - Darabont knows how to grab you and never let you go. I also highly recommend his two other King adaptations: The Shawshank Redemption and The Mist.

So, those are the ten movies (of many) most likely to make me cry (or even outright sob) when I see them. What movies make you cry?

More, anon.
Prospero

Cry Me a River: Part I

A departure, if you'll allow me.

You already know that Uncle P loves the movie geek's trinity: Horror/Sci-Fi?Fantasy. But know I love all kinds of other movies, too. Comedy, Historical Drama, Suspense/Police Procedural, the very occasional Western, Action-Adventure - all valid genres each with many movies I really, really love.

Now, I have a confession to make. There is a genre I haven't mentioned yet, but you all know exists: The Tearjerker. And you all know there is at least one that gets you every time. Well, I have more than one. Hell, I cried at last night's episode of "Glee" -- of course I have more than one. But it's late, so I'm going to split this list into two posts. And a bit of a warnning - there some MASSIVE spoilers in this post, so if you haven't seen the movie in question, I suggest you skip the entry until you have. So without further ado, here are the bottom half of Prospero's Top Ten Tearjerker's of All Time:

10.  Imitation of Life (1934)

Most people seem more familiar withe 1959 remake starring Lana Turner, but Claudette Colbert has always held a special place in my cinematic heart and her version of the Fanny Farmer novel about an entrepreneurial single mother, her faithful maid/cook and  the maid/cook's light-skinned daughter who runs away, passing herself off as white. When her mother dies (of a broken heart), the daughter realizes too late the error of her ways. The scene where she's clutching the casket in the horse-drawn hearse, crying "Mother! Please forgive me, Mother!" just kills me.

9.Old Yeller (1957)

The bastards at Disney delivered this delightful tale about a brave, faithful dog that contracts rabies and must be shot. Oh, yes. Great family fun, this one.And since everyone would hate me if I put the really sad clip up, here's The Kids in the Hall version:

8.Truly Madly Deeply (1990)

The late Anthony Minghella directed this fantasy about a love that transcends death, starring Alan Rickman and Juliet Stevenson:.

7. The Color Purple (1985)

Steven Spielberg's gorgeous film of Alice Walker's novel may have lost every Oscar for which it was nominated, but it never fails to make cry more than once, every time I see it. Every single performance is a gem here and Spielberg somehow translates Walker's novel into a rich visual and cultural examination of what it means to have self-worth. The scene where Celie (Whoopi Goldberg) is reunited with her sister and her children has my eyes gushing just thinking about it:

6. E.T.: The Extraterrestrial (1982)

Spielberg makes his second of three appearances on this list with his unassuming little movie about a boy who strikes up an unlikely friendship with a decidedly ugly little alien. Who didn't cry when they thought E.T. was dead?

So, tomorrow will see my Top 5 picks. And you shouldn't be embarrassed to cry at a good weepie. I never am...

More, anon.

Prospero