Saturday, May 14, 2011

Bert May Be Evil, but Michael's a Moore-on


Way back in 1998, the website Bert is Evil sprung up, featuring Bert from Sesame Street PhotoShopped into various photos of evil people and events, like the one on your left. 

Bert, by the way, is a felt and foam rubber puppet and is not actually evil. But the man in the photo with him was. I'm sure there's no need to get into the details, we all know them. And we all know what happened two weeks ago, when US Navy SEALS raided bin Laden's compound in northern Pakistan.

When news of the 9/11 attacks reached the Middle East, radical Islamists took to the streets in celebration, hailing bin Laden and rejoicing in the deaths of 3000 of their fellow human beings. The attacks prompted two wars which have cost billions of dollars and over 4000 more American lives. 

Is it any wonder that not long after President Obama announced bin Laden's death, that Americans also took to the streets in celebration?

To be perfectly honest, I was conflicted. On one hand, I was very happy to hear that one of the world's most evil men no longer existed. On the other, I thought the celebration made us look just as bad as the Muslims who celebrated on that awful day in September of 2001. 

In 2004, documentarian Michael Moore released Fahrenheit 9/11, an expose on how George W. Bush supposedly used the events if 9/11/01 to mount unwarranted attacks on Afghanistan and Iraq, wars that have been taking American lives for almost 10 years now. 


Moore pointed out the Bush family's oil-interests and relationships with Middle Eastern potentates; claimed that important Arabs were flown out of the US just before the attacks and that W knew well in advance but did nothing, hoping to start a war that would eventually drive up the price of oil and ensure profits for the Bush family and their cronies. I have no doubt that much of that is true. I also have no doubt that Bush used his brother to steal the election in 2000, but that's not what I'm talking about tonight.

Moore recently published his "final thoughts" on the death of bin Laden, and I have to take exception to some of what he has written, as much as it may pain this 'dyed in the wool' liberal Democrat to say so. 

Moore started his post by quoting himself:

"The Nazis killed tens of MILLIONS. They got a trial. Why? Because we're not like them. We're Americans. We roll different." – Michael Moore in an interview last week

Really? First of all, Moore's hyperbolic numbers are just plain wrong. Tens of Millions? 6 million wasn't enough for him? He had to make it 20 Million plus? I'm not trying to diminish or dismiss the horrors of the Holocaust, here. 6 million dead is pretty damned awful. But does anyone really want to make Hitler's genocide worse than it was? Apparently, Moore does. 

He then goes on to talk about how he went to Ground Zero the night bin Laden was killed, and was appalled by the "frat-boy" atmosphere he found there. Really? After everything that's happened since 9/11, this is the thing that upsets him? The ridiculous rules imposed by TSA; the torture of Guantanamo Bay prisoners; the lack of WMDs in Iraq; the loss of 4000+ U.S. Military lives; the outrageous cost of waging 2 pointless wars; ginormous Big Oil profits; our loss of privacy and the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression, and Moore is upset that people are celebrating the death of American Public Enemy #1? Get over yourself, already.

Here's the thing: Fueled by the hatred of Islamic extremists who burn our flags in the streets, burn our presidents in effigy and claim America is "the Great Satan," is it any wonder that Americans celebrated the way they did? Yes, times are different. But Germans didn't take to the streets of Berlin, burning the Union Jack during the blitzkrieg or declare Poland "the Great Satan" when they invaded, unlike the extremists who took to the streets on 9/11, burning the Stars and Stripes and chanting "Death to USA!"

So I must ask Mr. Moore who are the losers here? Americans rejoicing at the death of a monster who sought to destroy our country and ultimately deprive Moore of the freedom to make the kinds of documentaries the U.S. Constitution allows him to make? Or the fanatics who corrupt their own religion to justify the murder of thousands of innocents?

I'm not trying to take any sides here... I'll just quietly rejoice that an evil man has been eradicated and hope that cooler heads will prevail in the months to come. Would I have liked to see bin Laden tried? Sure. But I'm just as happy to know he's dead.

Even after all that's come to pass since 9/11/01, I will not and cannot deny the rights of Americans to celebrate as they seem fit to do. Honestly, how is this all that different from this?

More, anon.
Prospero

Friday, May 13, 2011

Happy Friday the 13th!


"Kill, kill, kill, kill... Blood, blood, blood, blood..." Hope you stayed away from ladders, black cats and broken mirrors today! I thought I stepped on a crack, but my mother's back remains intact...

Blogger was shut down for updates all day yesterday, so I (and all the other Blogger users) didn't get to post but I have a doozy lined up for tomorrow...

More, anon.
Prospero

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

It Just Got Gayer


Look at that adorable young boy in the purple fur hat and sequined jacket. If you haven't seen it by now, CNN is circulating a clip from the game show 'To Tell the Truth,' featuring a certain gorgeous CNN anchor at age 9, pretending to be the World's Youngest Professional Bear Trainer for Circus Vargas. If you haven't seen the Silver Siren's TV debut, you can do so, below. The QT got more votes than the real kid. And can you blame the panel? Are all the Vanderbilts this adorable? Some one who has PhotoShop needs to put the purple hat on present-day Anderson. I mean, the white hair is entirely part of Coop's charm, but the purple with those blue eyes... sigh... Here's the clip (via):



Not to be outdone, The Daily Show's John Stewart had another hilarious and insightful LGBT story last night. Attacking homophobia from all sides, while earning every giggle he could wring out of the bit, Stewart once again proves that walking the line on the side of right can be very funny. Especially when the opposing side is made up of  idiots. Also via, here's the clip:


Unfortunately, there will always be ignorant, fearful bigots. If they haven't gone away by the 21st Century, they're not going away any time, soon. Hell, we can't get rid of the White Supremacists and Neo-Nazis. We're supposed to get them to accept anything other than straight WASPs?  Happily, their numbers are dwindling.  The changes in attitude towards gay people in my lifetime are simply astonishing to me. But we still have  along way to go. And while I'd like  to see full equality in America in my lifetime, I don't have the highest of hopes of ding so. Thankfully, the next generation seems to get it. 

More, anon.
Prospero

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week (NSFW Version)


John Stewart served me many drinks in the early 80's. He was a bartender at a local progressive dance club in Trenton, NJ. City Gardens was a dump - a converted warehouse, it had a stage and a dance floor with tables, bleachers and a large bar in the front room and more tables, booths and smaller bar in the back.  There were holes in the floors and heaven help you if you had to use the toilet for anything couldn't be done while standing.

I heard every great alternative dance song of the era at City Gardens on 90 Cents Thursdays - 90 cents to get in and 90 cent well drinks. The place was usually packed with an assortment of punks and new wavers and downright weirdos. People watching was half the fun. My friends and I would drink all night (the drinks were watered, of course), but dance so much we never felt it. I also saw some of the 80's biggest names in alternative music there: Sinead O'Connor (in an amazing performance on her first trip to America to promote her first album); Devo (ask me about Q and the vampires some day); The Ramones and The Dead Kennedys, among others. Man, I wish had half the energy now that I had back then...

"And just how is any of that gay?" you may well  ask yourself. Well, it was the 80's... there was a lot of that going around.  But everyone was terrified to have sex (don't worry, we got over it). And now that Stewart is a star and host of The Daily Show on Comedy Central, he knows how important it is for middle America to show some love our way. Stewart is and always has been pro equality. But the smirking little scamp can't help himself sometimes, and its his job to point out the silly and absurd, sniggering all the way to the bank (and deservedly so). Thankfully, Stewart and his writers are never really mean to the folks they're poking fun at. And that's why I love this possibly NSFW clip from the other night (via):



The Daily Show is clearly comedy with a liberal slant, but they're equal opportunity offenders and no group goes unjabbed. Of course, they jab some more than others,  also deservedly so. I wish I got to see it more often but I would need a 28 hour day, and 24 is enough...

More, anon.
Prospero

Monday, May 9, 2011

DVD Review: "Blood Creek"


While we had every intention of seeing Thor this past weekend, D and I postponed seeing because a mutual friend was 'unavailable.' Rather than give up spending time together, we decided to spend the evening in with another friend Ritchie, watching films from D's truly vast collection. We watched one movie none of us had seen, and another which only D and myself had seen.

The one none of us had seen was Joel "Batsuit Nipples" Schumacher's 2009 Nazi Sorcerer/Zombie/Vampire/Torture Porn mash-up from writer David Kajganich (The Invasion - pee-yew! - and the scheduled remake of Pet Sematary), Blood Creek. Uncle P has been reading plenty of good and bad things about this movie for a while, and I have to concur. There is plenty of good and bad about it.

The first 15 minutes or so are set in 1936, and filmed in black and white. We meet the Wollners, German immigrants who have settled into farm life in rural West Virginia. Despite Mama's reservations, Papa Wollner jumps at the chance to house a Third Reich scholar (Michael Fassbinder) in exchange for as many marks as the Fuhrer will pay. The guest -- Herr Wirth -- is creepy, to say the least, able to whisper a few ancient syllables in order to bring a bird back to life...

Quickly jumping forward to the present, we meet Evan Marshall (Superman in pre-production, Henry Cavill). Evan's war-hero bother Victor ("Prison Break" alum Dominic Purcell) has been missing for the past two years. Evan's aging father blames him for Victor's disappearance and Evan's guilt is eating him alive. But one night, Victor - filthy, ragged and unshaven - appears in Evan's bedroom, appealing for his help, but warning him that "what happens will change everything, forever." Filial love endures and as Victor showers and shaves, Evan prepares guns, ammo and a boat. Victor leads Evan to the last place he was seen and they set off downstream to a remote compound -- the Wollner farm. Turns out, the barn's foundation was made using a Norwegian rune stone from which Wirth draws power which renders him and the Wollners immortal. Apparently, this is accomplished through ritual blood-letting, explaining the disappearances of several young men in the region over the years. Victor's path for vengeance fuels the slim, but original premise. 

The biggest problem with Blood Creek is that it doesn't really know what kind of movie it wants to be. Is Wirth a zombie, a sorcerer or a vampire? Or all three? Or something else altogether? We're never sure, because the movie never takes the time to tell us. Borrowing from a hundred genre movies including the Indiana Jones trilogy; Sleepy Hollow; The Keep; The Village and any number of better or worse movies, Blood Creek is one of those rare movies that suffers from over-thinking, rather than under-thinking. If nothing else, I must admire Schumacher, who at age 70 has made an almost original Horror movie that almost succeeds as much it fails. He may have put nipples on the Batsuit, but Schumacher remains unafraid to take cinematic chances:



Entertaining, but ultimately silly (we were shouting out MST3K lines well before the halfway mark), Blood Creek at least features some eye-candy from both Purcell and Cavill, though I must admit that I'm not still sold on the young Brit as Kal-El, just yet. It seems to me that everyone involved just tried too hard and the result ended up being somewhere in-between Warlock, Ded Sno and Hostel.  Sadly, Schumacher hides his most talented actor under CGI vestments and bad makeup FX, while ignoring sensible plot points and coherent motivations.  *(One out of Four Stars)

After that, we watched Tobe Hooper's celluloid version of my worst nightmare, The Texas ChainsawMassacre 2, starring Dennis Hopper. Ritchie spent much of this film with her face buried in her arms, which pleased D and I to no end. Sadistic, ain't we?



More, anon.
Prospero

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mothers' Day!


Shhh! That's a picture of Uncle P's real-life Mom. She'd kill me if she knew I had posted it. This was about two years ago in the Lorikeet exhibit at the Lowry Park Zoo in Tampa, sometime during the week before Mothers' Day.  My sister, the BIL and myself had our portraits taken for her that year. She cried. I'm guessing from the giant sunglasses, that she was traveling incognito for some reason.

Mom may be getting on in years, but she can be pretty amusing when she wants to be and even more so, unintentionally. She's the Queen of Mispronunciation and Spoonerisms. A few years ago while watching "America's Test Kitchen" on PBS, she malaproped the title as "Test Chicken," which it remains to this day. Mom has always had atrocious hand-writing; can't spell to save her life and pig-headedly refuses to believe that she is losing her hearing.

Mom changed our diapers; kissed our boo-boos; got down on the floor to play with us. Mom taught us to read at 4 (and got in trouble with both 1st grade teachers for doing so). She fought for us when she needed to and punished us when we were wrong. She told us to never say "can't" and taught us to never be afraid to voice our opinions (Hmmm - who'd have ever guessed that?). She refuses to acknowledge the existence of passive aggression ("That doesn't even make sense. How can that be a real thing?"), but she sure has the practice of using it down to a T. And of course, no one knows how to push buttons like our mothers. You can be married for 30 years and your partner will never be able to make you as crazy as your mother can (or get there in less time).

Oh, please don't get me wrong. I really love my mother. And my sister and I know both know she loves us. She's often told us that growing up, she only ever wanted to a be mother. She also says my sister and I are the best things to happen to her in her life, and that we're only good thing to come out of her 27-year marriage to a bitter jackass. And I know she only stuck it out for my sister and I. Because that's what moms do. Everything is centered forever and ever around the needs, wants and hopes of their children and they'll do whatever it takes to see that they get them.

Truth be told, my mom is pretty terrific. And if your mom is /was 1/10th as terrific as mine, you're a pretty danged lucky person! I mean, we all can't be raised by movie stars:



...or Warrior Queens:




...or Women of Faith:



I hope all of you appreciate your mom just a little more, after that..

Love you, Mom!

More, anon.
Prospero

Saturday, May 7, 2011

King of the Jungle


Not that I ever want Caliban's Revenge to be about the same things over and over, but it's not nearly about hot men enough for my tastes. Combine hot men and movies... well. A little gratuitous skin in the guise of a semi-serious discussion about movies, anyone? I'm in.
 
With the upcoming John Carter of Mars and the return of Conan, I thought it may well be time to resurrect yet another classic character, Edgar Rice Burroughs' Tarzan of the Apes. The last serious attempt was Greystoke, starring Christopher Lambert and Andie McDowell in her film premiere; a performance so incomprehensible that Glen Close was brought in to dub every single line of her dialog.

Of course, Tarzan movies have been around almost as long as the character has. 1918 Tarzan made his film debut with Elmo Lincoln in the title role. In the 1930's and 40's Tarzan was played on screen by several actors, including Buster Crabbe; Bruce Bennett and Glenn Morris. But it's Olympic swimmer Johnny Weissmuller who is most associated with the character, having played Tarzan in 12 films from 1932 to 1964. 



After Weissmuller came Lex Barker; Gordon Scott; Mike Henry; and Jock Mahoney, among others. While all of them were able to pull of the loincloth, not all of them were really right for the character who in Burroughs' books is a British royal raised by apes. These actors could n't be more American-looking if they tried. But the best example of this is from the 52 episodes of the 1966 - 1968 NBC Series "Tarzan," which starred the the whitest-looking actor they could find in Ron Ely. The preppy-looking Ely was as ridiculous as the show's premise in which Lord Greystoke has tired of his educated life and returned to protect the jungle home in which he was raised. This Tarzan mostly fought poachers, if I remember correctly. If he did fight an animal, it was only to save a fellow human being. There were quite a few Tarzans between then and director John Derek's 1981 stinker starring O'Keefe and Jonathan Harris, which which simply a super softcore showcase for the then superstar wife, Bo Derek (10).



You gotta love a movie that isn't afraid to have soaking wet Bo Derek utter lines like "I'm still a virgin..." while coyly munching a banana with a half-naked savage in the middle of a waterfall pool.

Joe Lara took on the role for a CBS TV movie in 1989 and an unrelated syndicated series, "Tarzan: The Epic Adventures," which ran for one season.

1998 saw Casper Van Dien (Starship Troopers) once again attempt to prove he's not as dumb as looks in 1998's Tarzan and the Lost City. Dreadful doesn't even begin to describe this completely inept movie. 

Then 1999 saw the House of Mouse's take on the property with an animated musical version featuring songs by Phil Collins -- who, (IMHO) completely ruined Genesis - but that's a discussion for another topic.  

And even though Tarzan wasn't one of their biggest hits, Disney tried to recreate their previous Broadway successes with a stage version starring Josh Strickland (pictured at the top of this post). The show ran for 14 months, despite complaints from patrons who paid top dollar for orchestra seating, half of which had exceptionally obstructed views for a full third of the first act. It may not have had the technical difficulties of a certain Superhero musical currently struggling on Broadway, but it was Disney's first Broadway flop after monster hits with Beauty and the Beast and The Lion King. 



In 2003, the WB tried to resurrect the character again in their own series. It starred Travis Fimmel and lasted all of 8 episodes.

You can see a fairly comprehensive list of actors who have played Tarzan on film and television here.

So Uncle P was thinking maybe it's time to reboot the character again, but return to the source material. An iconic character deserves a good modern version, set in the correct period with reverence to the source. Burroughs' prolific output provides material for a long-running franchise, if it's done right. And a lot of that has to do with casting. 

With that in mind, I'm going to offer up a few choices for who might make a good Tarzan in a reboot and ask you to tell me who you think would be the perfect Tarzan.



Who Shouold Play Tarzan in a Modern Reboot?

Create an online survey quiz or web poll
Taylor Kitsch0%
Jason Mamoa0%
Travis Fimmel0%
Josh Strickland0%
Josh Halloway0%
Chris Hemsworth0%
Taylor Lautner0%
Other: (Please specify)0%
Create an online survey quiz or web poll

I can't wait to see the results!

More, anon.
Prospero