The Gayest Videos You'll See This WeeK

Mr. Gay World 2013, Chris Olwage of New Zealand

Generally, I hate beauty pageants. That's right - I despise something a lot of gay men adore. Miss America; Miss USA; Miss World; Miss Universe... all of them are rubbish, as far as I'm concerned. They not only bore me to death, but promote sexist stereotypes and reduce their contestants to far less than the sum of their parts. 

I particularly hate children's pageants. You know that pedophiles are regularly masturbating to episodes of 'Toddlers in Tiaras," right? Ugh! The sexualization of children in such events sickens me to no end. Images of the late Jon Benet Ramsey literally turn my stomach. And don't even get me started on Honey Boo-Boo and 'Dance Moms.' I'll cut a bitch! Beauty pageants exemplify everything that's wrong with modern societal values. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for physical beauty. But there's got to be more. As the saying goes, "Beauty is only skin deep." And really... if you're pretty, we better be able to have an intelligent conversation afterwards.

This past weekend saw the 'Mr. Gay World Pageant,' in which gay men from around the globe competed for the 'coveted' title. Needless to say, there wasn't a Bear among the contestants. Every one of them was young, trim and fit. It may has well have been the 'Mr. Ambercrombie and Fitch World Pageant.' 

This year's winner, a Kiwi by the name of Chris Olwage (who's 'five-head' is even worse than Josh Duhamel's) won. His talent? Dancing en pointe, something exceedingly rare among male dancers. That's not to say I have anything against men dancing en pointe. Far from it (though I can't help but compare my own feet - ruined by years of dancing in musical theatre - to the feet of ballerinas I met while working for the NYC Ballet... ick!). And while Olwage has an amazing body, give me a fuzzy, beefy Bear over a skinny dancer any day. Below (via) is Olwage's talent entry in the contest:

And speaking of fuzzy, beefy Bears, Mumford and Sons (who had a very LGBT friendly hit not too long ago) are back with a new video for their latest single, "Hopeless Wanderer," which features former SNL hotties Jason Sudekis and Will Forte along with Jason Bateman and Ed Helms. Sudeikis and Forte (wearing a rather unflattering yak hair beard) appear to swap some spit (something they've done many times in skits on SNL), though the catchy new song has only the vaguest connections to the LGBT community. Watch it below (also via):

Personally, I'm waiting for Ricky Martin, Neil Patrick Harris and Cheyenne Jackson to collaborate on the ultimate gay song/video, written by Elton John and Matt Zarley. If you see it before I do, let me know ASAP.

More, anon.
Prospero