15 Years On...

Tomorrow marks the 15th anniversary of the attack on Mathew Shepard in Laramie, Wyoming. My reaction is a confusion of "It's only been 15 years?" and "15 years, already?" Funny how witnessing history settles in your memory in so many odd ways. I remember crying when Matt died. Most of the world; the compassionate, empathetic and good people; the Humanists and the religious, alike - we all cried when Matt died.

On October 6th, 1998, Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson lured Matthew from the Fireside Lounge bar, pretending to be gay, supposedly with the intent of robbing him. They drove him to a remote area, tied him to a buck fence and beat him mercilessly with their fists, feet and the butt of Henderson's gun. Matthew was found 18 hours later by a fellow UW student who'd gone off trail while biking. Six days later, Matt died from his injuries and the world cried.

Matthew Shepard was a young, idealistic and full of hope for his future as a social activist. He was attending the University of Wyoming and had joined the LGBT support group. Unfortunately, Matt was literally bullied to death. Along with Anthony Milano; Seth Walsh; Pheobe Prince; Kameron Jacobsen; Bailey O'Neill; Tyler Clementi and so many others. 

Matthew's story inspired Moises Kaufman and the Tectonic Theatre Project to create The Laramie Project, a pastiche of interviews, memories and recreations of the events leading up the attack and its subsequent effects on the sleepy western town and her people, right through to the trials themselves.

Productions of The Laramie Project have often been (and I hate say, will probably continue to be) the source of conjecture, especially in educational situations. Most recently, a production at the University of Mississippi ("Ole Miss") was heckled by at least "20 members of the football team" and others. They supposedly taunted female cast members about their bodies; yelled "f*g" and "d*yke" and were generally disruptive. UM issued a lame apology, though Gay/Straight Alliance groups and allies like Brendan Ayanbadejo are pushing for more.

As part of our on-going campaign to prevent bullying and the unnecessary and premature deaths of so many young people, The James Tolin Memorial Fund presents a one-night only special event, a staged reading of The Laramie Project, followed immediately by a talk-back with cast, director and special guest, LGBT activist and member of the Tectonic Theatre Project, Cathy Renna. The reading will be held at the Kelsey Theatre on the Campus of Mercer County Community College in West Windsor, NJ. Curtain is at 7 PM.

As of this writing, tickets are still available online at Kelsey@mccc.org;  at the box office one hour before curtain or by calling 609-570-3333. All proceeds from this special event benefit The Tyler Clementi Foundation. 

Let's put an end to this epidemic. Educate to Stop the Hate. 

Don't let those whose lives have been taken by hate, be taken in vain. Share their stories. Share your stories. Reach out, but listen too. If you see an act of hatred, say something; call the police; do something. 

I can't help but wonder what Matthew and my friend Tony would think about the massive strides since they've been gone. And how maybe some of those strides might have come sooner, if they were still here. Matt had dreams of being an activist and Tony was a very talented artist with a decidedly twisted sense of humor. What might they have accomplished in these many years? Sadly, thanks to hate, we'll never know.

If you can't make the show, you can always visit our website and make a safe, secure donation via PayPal. Or, watch the excellent HBO movie version and make a donation to your local anti-hate charity. 

So... how do we Stop the Hate? How do we assuage the fears of those who don't understand? With works like this. With art that makes people think differently. With the truth, I would hope. Sadly, everyone's truth is different, to one degree or another. I don't care what you think your version of 'God" says about Queer people (yes, even the Native Americans who venerated us as 'magical' beings - thanks, but as much as gay folk might think we're magical, we really aren't). Different from most people? Certainly? Wrong or evil because of it? Hardly. And of course, I know I'm singing to the choir here, as it were. But it's more and more likely that most straight people know at least 1 queer person, whether they're aware of that person's sexuality or not. 

Progress is being made an astonishing rate and things I never thought I'd live to see are happening all over the country. And while so many places in the world have yet to evolve, I can't tell you how happy I am to see the tide turning, at long last.

More, anon.
Prospero

Some Shameless Self-Promotion

JTMF is proud to present a One Night Only staged reading of The Laramie Project; Sunday, October 6th, 2013. The reading will take place at the Kelsey Theatre on the campus of Mercer County Community College in West Windsor, NJ.

Proceeds will benefit The Tyler Clementi Foundation.

Presented to commemorate the 15th Anniversary of the attack on Matthew Shepherd, the reading will be followed by a special talk-back with the cast and representatives of The Tyler Clementi Foundation.

Directed by Judi Parrish, the cast includes Melissa Abrahams of Chesterfield, NJ; Brian Bara of Levittown, PA; Christian DiTullio of Lawrenceville, NJ; Damian Gaeta of Hamilton, NJ; Kathy Garofano of Morrisville, PA; Laurie Hardy of Hamilton, NJ; Jennifer Nasta Zefutie of Cranbury, NJ and Jeremy Robinson of Chesterfield, NJ.

We hope you can join us for this very special event (the only JTMF event this year). Tickets are $10 to $15 and are available by calling the Kelsey Box Office at 609-570-3333; online at www.kelseyatmercer.org or at the Box Office one hour before curtain.

Bullying and suicide among teens and preteens remain at all-time high. You can be part of the solution by attending this important event.

The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week

Todd Glass has been performing his profanity-laden comedy for a while now. He suffered a very public heart attack in 2010 and after undergoing angioplasty, appeared on the Bonnie Hunt show a few days later to talk about. He practices Muay Thai kickboxing and uses decidedly 'straight' references in his standup, though I must assume that will change, soon.

Today, on comedian Marc Maron's WTF podcast (via), the ruggedly masculine Glass came out publicly. Out to his family and close friends for many years, Glass was prompted to go public in the wake of the suicide epidemic among young gay men, saying that he asked himself "...when are you going to have a little blood on your shirt for not being honest about who you are?"

Glass joins Kristie McNichol among the most recent public figures to come out for the same reason. He says he hates the word "gay" but finds it preferable to "homosexual," a term I've always found clinical and cold. I understand his feelings, because it's about labels. I may be a gay man, but that hardly defines who I am. I am a director, an actor, a singer, a son and a brother. I am a friend, an acquaintance and a co-worker. I am a blogger, a screenwriter and a playwright. I'm a cinephile, a TV addict and (gasp!) a smoker. I also happen to be gay. All of those things (among others) define who I am. Citing just one of them is both shortsighted and disingenuous.

I came out to most of my family in my 30's, though I had been out to most of my friends long before. I understand how difficult a decision it is to do so. But I have also come to realize that the more folks who do so, especially those in the public eye, the better. Celebrities have a platform that allows for public discussion and a better understanding of what it means to be gay. Gay men like Glass also let people know that being gay isn't a stereotype. There are plenty of masculine gay men, just as there are plenty of feminine gay women. And of course being butch or fem, masculine or feminine and/or any permutation thereof, doesn't (and shouldn't) matter.

What does matter is that we are all human beings with he same hopes, desires and dreams of happiness that everyone else has.

So, to the Rick Santorums and Pope Benedicts of the world, I say "Get over yourselves, already."  We don't want to subvert society. We don't have an agenda. We aren't interested in 'recruiting' your children. We only want the same rights that straight people have. I don't think that's too much to ask, do you? I can imagine a day when all of this is history and people are ashamed to remember a time when the LGBT community was marginalized as much as black people were in the 60's. In fact, I can't imagine a better subject to talk about on MLK Day. I would hope that if he were alive today, Dr. King would be a powerful and vocal ally in our fight for equality.

If you are not familiar with Todd Glass' standup, here's an NSFW clip:

Come out, come out, whoever you are!

More, anon.
Prospero

My Heart Is Broken

Jamey Rodemeyer  1997 - 2011

I know you've seen this photo a lot in the past few days. Jamey Rodemeyer committed suicide last week after years of being bullied, despite making an "It Gets Better" video of his own and despite a supportive family. Jamey was 14 (my eyes are filling up as I write this, so please forgive a typo or two). Jamey should be just discovering the world, not leaving it. I haven't written about it until now, because I knew I wouldn't get through it. 

Why is this still happening? This must stop, friends.We can't let the bullies and the uneducated and the fearful win. Who knows what great works could have been lost? Who knows what this young man could have (and should have) become? But we'll never have the chance to find out. Jamey won't find out how wonderful the world can be. And Jamey's family will never see him graduate, go to college or find the love of his life. I don't understand how hate alone can kill. And I understand less why we still allow it to happen. School districts need to develop effective programs for dealing with bullying for students, teachers and parents. Parents need to talk to their kids and support them and fight for them when they've been wronged. And the parents of the bullies need to be held accountable for their children's actions, as well. Write to your elected officials; attend PTA meetings and parent/teacher conferences; listen to and love your children, no matter what.

And if you're a young person dealing with bullies, please know you are not alone and please talk to someone. If you think there's no one to talk to, I promise there is. The Trevor Project provides toll-free 24 hour support for LGBT and questioning youth. Call them at 1-800-4UTREVOR. That's 1-800-488-7386. Hell, email me or leave an anonymous reply and I will find someone or someway to help you. Your life is too precious to let bullies take it away. 

The rest of you can help, too. Volunteer at or donate to an anti-bullying or suicide prevention organization and write your elected officials.

More, anon.
Brian

I'll get back to nonsense (and the latest design changes) tomorrow. Until then, watch (and share) these:

George Takei Calls 'Em Like He Sees 'Em

That's actor George Takei ("Star Trek;" "Heroes") and his partner Brad Altman. George is one of those actors who doesn't take himself too seriously and is never afraid to make fun of himself. He's been on "The Simpson's" plenty of times and made some very amusing commercials. 

Now, while Uncle P was busy being silly about Horror movie directors last month, a very ugly event took place in Arkansas. It seems that the Vice-President of a local school board posted some very inflammatory and patently homophobic remarks on his Facebook page. In light of the recent attention given to bullying and teen-suicides, the remarks didn't sit very well with a bunch of people, least of all CNN hottie Anderson Cooper, who took the man (one Clint McCance) to task for being a bully himself, made all the worse by his being the School Board VP. After Cooper's blistering report, McCance gave him an exclusive interview in which he "apologized." I put that word in quotation marks because McCance apologized only for upsetting the parents of those who had committed suicide and for his choice of words. Not once did the falsely contrite little prick apologize for the sentiment behind those words. McCance, who was forced to move his family out of state due to death threats, has resigned from the Board, but not recanted his views.

Which leads me to dear George Takei, who saw through McCance's carefully orchestrated false apology and responded by adding his voice to Dan Savage's It Gets Better campaign. Below is Mr. Takei's It Gets Better message, my favorite, so far:

I am in the process of  trying to get the JTMF to add The Trevor Project to our beneficiaries, and hope to add our own video to the It Gets Better campaign. I'll let you know when and if we do. In the meantime, I'm so glad there are folks like Mr. Takei out there, unafraid to call a douchebag a douchebag.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide because of anti-gay bullying or because you fear your family members may reject you, PLEASE call the The Trevor Project 24/7 at 866-488-7986. Please know that you are loved and that your life is worth living. It really does get better.

Enough pontificating. I'll be back to my usual nonsense tomorrow with this November's first Turkey post.

More, anon.

Prospero

True Horror

I'm interrupting the Shocktober posts tonight, because its happened again. That's 19 year-old Zach Harrington of Norman, OK. Towleroad is reporting that Zach took his life this week after attending "a hate-filled recent City Council meeting" on September 28th, during which adults his parents' age shouted epithets and sentiments similar to those expressed by children and teens in other recent suicide events.

I am sickened and distraught by what's happening in America, right now. Why do people still hate our community in the 21st Century? And how can anyone still say that being a member of the single most hated minority on the planet is a "choice?" Why would anyone deliberately choose to be taunted, vilified, hated and labeled as 'sick' and 'evil?' Does that make any sense to any one? I thought not.

Yes, I'm going to name the actual villain here: Religion. Blinded by what they've been told for centuries, religious leaders around the world have expounded on the 'sin' of homosexuality. Preachers, Priests, Imams and Rabbis have taught against homosexuality for centuries. Why? Because homosexual relationships (until recently) produced no children to give money and power to their cause. Of course the Pope wants you to refrain from birth control. That's that many less people to tithe. At least Lenin got one thing right when he said "Religion is the opiate of the masses."

Now I know there are plenty of LGBT people out there who still believe. And there are a few churches out there who teach acceptance. But as long as groups like Exodus continue to lie to people about being able to change their sexuality; and as long as the Catholics, Mormons, Baptists and Muslims tell their followers that being gay equals being evil; young people like Zach Harrington will continue to be hated simply for being for who they are. And they will continue to take their lives in desperation. And that is simply NOT acceptable.

This has to stop. I am asking all of my readers and my fellow bloggers to join the "It Gets Better" campaign. We have to let our young people know that they are loved, valued and needed and that their lives are worth living. 

And if you are a young LGBT person reading this, please do not give up hope. If you are considering suicide, please, please call the Trevor Project, 24/7 at 866-488-7386. You are not alone. Again, I've been there. I know how difficult it cane be. It really does get better. I promise.

More, anon.
A heartbroken Prospero

Two More Things

I have some more messages for those of you who are feeling alone and afraid. First this:



 And then, this:

I've been there. And I got through it, because I knew it had to get better. And it did. And it will for you, too. There are plenty of folks out there you care about you and want you to live your life to its fullest potential. Don't let the assholes win.

And if you want to talk to someone anonymously, leave me a message. I promise I know what you're going through. And plenty of others do, too. And we care.

Prospero

Enough Is Enough

This is a picture of Rutgers University student Tyler Clementi, who committed suicide after his roommate and a friend web-casted Tyler and another man in an intimate moment. The 18 year-old jumped to his death from the George Washington bridge after he found out about the betrayal.

Clementi is the latest in a string of recent suicides among gay teens who have been mercilessly bullied into taking their own lives.

CNN posted the story below today, noting that those involved have been charged with "Invasion of Privacy." Personally, I think they should be charged with Hate Crimes and Involuntary Manslaughter, at the least:

13 year-old Seth Walsh of California; 15 year-old Billy Lucas of Indiana and 13 year-old Asher Brown of Texas have all recently committed suicide because of homophobic bullying by their classmates. These are children whose lives should have just been beginning, not ending. In Ohio, 11 year-old Tyler Wilson had his arm broken by bullies because he was a cheerleader. What the hell? Are Americans raising an army of homophobic monsters? Why? 

I really don't understand, because the young straight people I know are all perfectly sane, rational folks who agree that this is an epidemic that is quickly getting out of control. And it's certainly not something we can just chalk up to "Kids will be kids." Because the truth is, kids will be what their parents teach them to be. Nearly 70 years ago, Rogers and Hammerstein wrote a song for the musical South Pacific called "Carefully Taught," in which they very clearly say that hatred and bigotry are instilled, not innate. And while at the time they were specifically talking about racism, the message rings true for any minority:

And at the usually hilarious Kindertrauma, blogger Unkle Lancifer posted this diatribe about bullying and the 1977 Brian DePalma classic, Carrie. Not nearly as silly (and far angrier) than one might expect. And the undisputed Queen of the Gays, Ellen Degeneres, addressed the issue on her daily talk show today. I dare you to watch without getting as choked up as she does:

My question is, where are the teachers and administrators in all of this? The parents of all three younger boys say they repeatedly called their children's schools to complain, only to be met with empty platitudes. Are teachers so scared of these bullies themselves? Or are they just as hatefully homophobic? We can blame the Fred Phelpses and Maggie Gallaghers of the world all we want, but the ultimate responsibility for these reprehensible behaviors lies solely with the parents of the children committing them. sadly, the messages sent by groups like NOM and the Westboro Baptist Church seem to be taking hold, and that's something we must stop now, before it's too late.

Gay kids are 4 times more likely to commit suicide than straight kids, and far less likely to seek help when feeling suicidal. If you, or someone you know is considering suicide because of anti-gay bullying, I urge you call the Trevor Project, 24/7, at 866-488-7386. You are not alone. You are loved and you are worth keeping around. It gets better. I promise.

My heart goes out to all the families of these (and all) young folks who have suffered because of their sexuality, whether real or perceived. 

More, anon.

A very saddened Prospero