Today was yet another rare Snow Day at Uncle P's Day Job. I got to sleep in and even found a pair of entrepreneurial teens who shoveled my walk and driveway in less than a quarter of the time it would have taken me. Of course, the township plow came along after, creating a mound of nastiness at the bottom of my driveway. I did my best to shovel away the worst of it, but relied on my SUV to clear paths in several directions.
Of course, the weather also kept me from personal interactions. Lately, it seems most of my personal interactions have been at the Day Job, and while that's not exactly a bad thing, it's not a good thing, either.
And while another major ice/snow storm is predicted for tomorrow night, I spend another night alone in a house I may well have to give up, through no fault of my own. Don't get me wrong - I'm not complaining (well, maybe a little). What I am is confused, lonely and depressed. And while I imagine that applies to so many people I may or may not know, it doesn't make me feel any better about it. Trust me, if I could afford therapy, I'd so back in a heartbeat. Of course, that also means finding a therapist as good as my last one (almost 20 years ago).
Honestly, I'll probably get through this winter. And probably the next several. I have another 15 years before I can officially retire. I may lose my mind and move to the Southwest well before then.
Aaaauuuuuuuuuugh!
More, anon.
Prospero
3 comments:
Being born and raise in Winterland, I came to appreciate these winter months as an opportunity to interract with myself. It is a time when I reflect upon life and get more acquainted with my feelings, my anxieties, my fears, my resentments, etc.
Depression has been for me a blessing in the way that I decided to make it my strenghth instead of my nemesis.
And now that I've been spending the last 13 years assisting my mother deal with her depression, she is also considering this as the most amazing adventure.
It's a tough road but well accessible to any who is curious enough to travel it. I had nothing to lose anyways so... why not?
But if some don't want to travel this road, it is OK. I'm only responsible of my choices and let others make their own.
Take care
Hugs
Jon
I hope you start to feel better. I will say your therapy analogy is like saying - I'll eat when there's food as good as I had that last time. Look for a new therapist or maybe a group. Who knows you might find someone better and even if you could use that same therapist again - it's been 20 years so you're not the same person and you have different needs, experiences and way of coping.
It's more about the money right now. My insurance doesn't cover as much for therapy as it does for physical medicine.
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