Today marks the 2nd Anniversary of Caliban's Revenge, and I had my sister bake me a cake just for the occasion. Mmmm-mmmm, Bedelia!
Actually, I do wish my sister would make me a zombie cake. She hasn't done one, as far as know, but she's getting pretty good and with the right design, I'd bet she do a kick-ass job, too. And since this is the 2nd time I've mentioned zombie cakes and how great I think she'd be at making them, I hope she gets the hint and has a zombie-riffic surprise waiting for m ethe next time I come to visit.
Anyway, since this the Official Anniversary of the blog, I thought it would be fun to revisit and update the very first post I ever wrote, long before I learned how to embed videos, add pictures and create hyperlinks. You can revisit the original, primitive post here, if you want to compare. I'm going last to first, this time and I've beefed up the commentary quite a bit, in addition to adding as much video as possible and links to the original films' posters and stills. My writing style has also changed quite a bit in the last two years, as I have become more comfortable revealing more about myself with my readers.
Of course, if it weren't for Caliban's Revenge, I never would have 'met' the fabulous Stephen Rader; the free-spirited Post Apocalyptic Bohemian or the adorable (and currently CBF*-afflicted) Sean at Just a Jeep Guy, all of whom were among my first followers and all of whom I have come to think of as friends. The Fates only know what would happen if we all got together in the flesh at the same piano bar -- some sort of rainbow-leather-unicorn-spandex-bearsplosion, probably. Or a brand-new version of "The Golden Girls." I'd have to be Dorothy, I guess.
*Carol Brady Flip, poor thing. BTW - Who the hell even imagined that Florence Effing Henderson created the mullet? Damn you and your Wesson oil, woman!
I know I complain about sequels and remakes all the time, but there are some movies that deserve a second (or third) version for modern audiences. And with that in mind, here are:
Ten Fantasy/Horror/Sci-Fi Movies that Should be Remade.
10. Logan's Run - 1976.
Based on the novel co-authored by William F. Nolan and George Clayton Johnson, Logan's Run is a dystopian tale about a hedonistic 23rd Century society which values youth and beauty above all else. At birth, each citizen is given a palm implant which turns red upon it's wearer's 30th birthday (21st, in the book), whereupon they are to report to something called 'Carousel' for Re-birthing. Those who try to escape Carousel are called Runners and the special police assigned to catch them are called Sandmen. Logan is a Sandman who falls in love and becomes a Runner. The movie starred Michael York; Jenny Agutter; Richard Jordan; Farrah Fawcett and Peter Ustinov. It won an Academy Award for its by-now-not-so-special effects, but was hardly the definitive version of the novel. Lots of attractive, scantily-clad people don't hurt.
Actually, I do wish my sister would make me a zombie cake. She hasn't done one, as far as know, but she's getting pretty good and with the right design, I'd bet she do a kick-ass job, too. And since this is the 2nd time I've mentioned zombie cakes and how great I think she'd be at making them, I hope she gets the hint and has a zombie-riffic surprise waiting for m ethe next time I come to visit.
Anyway, since this the Official Anniversary of the blog, I thought it would be fun to revisit and update the very first post I ever wrote, long before I learned how to embed videos, add pictures and create hyperlinks. You can revisit the original, primitive post here, if you want to compare. I'm going last to first, this time and I've beefed up the commentary quite a bit, in addition to adding as much video as possible and links to the original films' posters and stills. My writing style has also changed quite a bit in the last two years, as I have become more comfortable revealing more about myself with my readers.
Of course, if it weren't for Caliban's Revenge, I never would have 'met' the fabulous Stephen Rader; the free-spirited Post Apocalyptic Bohemian or the adorable (and currently CBF*-afflicted) Sean at Just a Jeep Guy, all of whom were among my first followers and all of whom I have come to think of as friends. The Fates only know what would happen if we all got together in the flesh at the same piano bar -- some sort of rainbow-leather-unicorn-spandex-bearsplosion, probably. Or a brand-new version of "The Golden Girls." I'd have to be Dorothy, I guess.
*Carol Brady Flip, poor thing. BTW - Who the hell even imagined that Florence Effing Henderson created the mullet? Damn you and your Wesson oil, woman!
I know I complain about sequels and remakes all the time, but there are some movies that deserve a second (or third) version for modern audiences. And with that in mind, here are:
Ten Fantasy/Horror/Sci-Fi Movies that Should be Remade.
10. Logan's Run - 1976.
Based on the novel co-authored by William F. Nolan and George Clayton Johnson, Logan's Run is a dystopian tale about a hedonistic 23rd Century society which values youth and beauty above all else. At birth, each citizen is given a palm implant which turns red upon it's wearer's 30th birthday (21st, in the book), whereupon they are to report to something called 'Carousel' for Re-birthing. Those who try to escape Carousel are called Runners and the special police assigned to catch them are called Sandmen. Logan is a Sandman who falls in love and becomes a Runner. The movie starred Michael York; Jenny Agutter; Richard Jordan; Farrah Fawcett and Peter Ustinov. It won an Academy Award for its by-now-not-so-special effects, but was hardly the definitive version of the novel. Lots of attractive, scantily-clad people don't hurt.
How to Fix It:
Go back to the source material. Nolan and Johnson haven't exactly written a masterpiece, but the book is so much more compelling that the screenplay by David Goodman. Hire David Goyer for the re-write.
Who Should Star:
Zac Efron as Logan; Dakota Fanning as Jessica; Taylor Lautner as Francis; a sober Lindsay Lohan as Holly and Robin Williams as The Old Man.
Directed By:
Stephen Spielberg. No one handles thoughtful Sci-Fi like he does. If he keeps the CGI to a minimum and approaches it from it's most human level, it could be one his many masterpieces.
Remake Prognosis:
This property has been kicking around for almost 40 years. I'll believe it when I see it.
Go back to the source material. Nolan and Johnson haven't exactly written a masterpiece, but the book is so much more compelling that the screenplay by David Goodman. Hire David Goyer for the re-write.
Who Should Star:
Zac Efron as Logan; Dakota Fanning as Jessica; Taylor Lautner as Francis; a sober Lindsay Lohan as Holly and Robin Williams as The Old Man.
Directed By:
Stephen Spielberg. No one handles thoughtful Sci-Fi like he does. If he keeps the CGI to a minimum and approaches it from it's most human level, it could be one his many masterpieces.
Remake Prognosis:
This property has been kicking around for almost 40 years. I'll believe it when I see it.
9. The Hobbit - 1977
This Rankin-Bass adaptation of Tokien's LOTR prequel featured a premiere cast of voice artists (including the astonishing performance artist Brother Theodore as Gollum). Of course, we all know that Mexican auteur Guillermo del Toro has moved on as director of the Peter Jackson produced live-action version and ridiculous rumors abound on the Net about where the project is headed.
This Rankin-Bass adaptation of Tokien's LOTR prequel featured a premiere cast of voice artists (including the astonishing performance artist Brother Theodore as Gollum). Of course, we all know that Mexican auteur Guillermo del Toro has moved on as director of the Peter Jackson produced live-action version and ridiculous rumors abound on the Net about where the project is headed.
How to Fix It:
Jackson and his team have already been at work on a screenplay. In order to make it stylistically consistent with Jackson's trilogy, the obvious thing for him to do is direct it himself.
Who Should Star:
Obviously Ian McKellen, Andy Sirkus and Cate Blanchett should reprise their roles, though I would probably cast a complete unknown as Bilbo.
Jackson and his team have already been at work on a screenplay. In order to make it stylistically consistent with Jackson's trilogy, the obvious thing for him to do is direct it himself.
Who Should Star:
Obviously Ian McKellen, Andy Sirkus and Cate Blanchett should reprise their roles, though I would probably cast a complete unknown as Bilbo.
Remake Prognosis:
Fair to Middling.
8. The Haunting - 1963
I know - blasphemy, right? Well, nothing could be more blasphemous to Robert Wise's brilliant and terrifying adaptation of Shirley Jackson's "The Haunting of Hill House" than Jan DeBont's beyond-atrocious 1999 remake. Julie Harris, Russ Tamblyn and Claire Bloom lead the cast of Wise's pants-poopingly scary movie, while Liam Neeson, Catherine Zeta Jones and Lily Taylor head up the ridiculous remake.
I know - blasphemy, right? Well, nothing could be more blasphemous to Robert Wise's brilliant and terrifying adaptation of Shirley Jackson's "The Haunting of Hill House" than Jan DeBont's beyond-atrocious 1999 remake. Julie Harris, Russ Tamblyn and Claire Bloom lead the cast of Wise's pants-poopingly scary movie, while Liam Neeson, Catherine Zeta Jones and Lily Taylor head up the ridiculous remake.
How to Fix It:
Again, it boils down to the source. Jackson is one of maybe four authors who have actually managed to keep me awake at night. How hard can it be?
Who Should Star:
Toni Collette as Eleanor; Scarlett Johanssen as Theo; Justin Long as Luke and George Clooney as Dr. Markway.
Who Should Direct:
This is the perfect project for a post-Spider-Man Sam Raimi.
Remake Prognosis:
Unlikely
7. The Exorcist - 1973
William Friedkin's masterpiece has been called the "Scariest Movie of All Time," by more than one critic, blogger or movie fan. I have to disagree. If you are a Christian (and in particular a Catholic), I can understand how this movie may have affected you. But by the time I saw it (six years after its original release), I had pretty much concluded that the Devil was bullcrap and I found myself oddly unaffected. I did attend a screening of the 25th Anniversary Edition, which included the infamous "spider-walk" sequence, though I had much the same reaction. I think it was the obviously fake head-spin that did me in.
Again, it boils down to the source. Jackson is one of maybe four authors who have actually managed to keep me awake at night. How hard can it be?
Who Should Star:
Toni Collette as Eleanor; Scarlett Johanssen as Theo; Justin Long as Luke and George Clooney as Dr. Markway.
Who Should Direct:
This is the perfect project for a post-Spider-Man Sam Raimi.
Remake Prognosis:
Unlikely
7. The Exorcist - 1973
William Friedkin's masterpiece has been called the "Scariest Movie of All Time," by more than one critic, blogger or movie fan. I have to disagree. If you are a Christian (and in particular a Catholic), I can understand how this movie may have affected you. But by the time I saw it (six years after its original release), I had pretty much concluded that the Devil was bullcrap and I found myself oddly unaffected. I did attend a screening of the 25th Anniversary Edition, which included the infamous "spider-walk" sequence, though I had much the same reaction. I think it was the obviously fake head-spin that did me in.
How To Fix It:
Replace Dick Smith's then state-of-the-art physical makeup effects with limited, quality CGI.
Who Should Star:
Chloe Moretz as Regan; Sandra Bullock as her mother, Chris; Jayma Mays as Sharon; Patrick Stewart as Father Merrin and Skeet Ulrich as Father Karras.
Who Should Direct:
Ridley Scott.
Remake Prognosis:
Highly Unlikely
6. Sisters - 1973
This early Brian DePalma film involves a pair of once-conjoined twins, one of whom is homicidal. A pre-Superman Margot Kidder stars in DePalma's first, low-budget attempt at an Hitchcockian thriller.
Replace Dick Smith's then state-of-the-art physical makeup effects with limited, quality CGI.
Who Should Star:
Chloe Moretz as Regan; Sandra Bullock as her mother, Chris; Jayma Mays as Sharon; Patrick Stewart as Father Merrin and Skeet Ulrich as Father Karras.
Who Should Direct:
Ridley Scott.
Remake Prognosis:
Highly Unlikely
6. Sisters - 1973
This early Brian DePalma film involves a pair of once-conjoined twins, one of whom is homicidal. A pre-Superman Margot Kidder stars in DePalma's first, low-budget attempt at an Hitchcockian thriller.
How To Fix It:
A real budget would help. And a script from someone like Christopher McQuarrie wouldn't hurt.
Who Should Star:
As Danielle and Dominique, Anne Hathaway could finally break away from the good girl roles that have defined her career so far.
Who Should Direct:
This is the perfect opportunity for Adrian Lynne to make a comeback.
Remake Prognosis:
Fairly Unlikely
5. Fahrenheit 451 - 1966
Director Frank Darabont continues to list this film among his upcoming projects, though there as been little progress on the project in several years. The original adaptation of Ray Bradbury's dystopian novel, directed by French auteur Francois Truffaut is a sterile, joyless film which somehow misses the point (and homespun appeal) of Bradbury's celebration of literature.
A real budget would help. And a script from someone like Christopher McQuarrie wouldn't hurt.
Who Should Star:
As Danielle and Dominique, Anne Hathaway could finally break away from the good girl roles that have defined her career so far.
Who Should Direct:
This is the perfect opportunity for Adrian Lynne to make a comeback.
Remake Prognosis:
Fairly Unlikely
5. Fahrenheit 451 - 1966
Director Frank Darabont continues to list this film among his upcoming projects, though there as been little progress on the project in several years. The original adaptation of Ray Bradbury's dystopian novel, directed by French auteur Francois Truffaut is a sterile, joyless film which somehow misses the point (and homespun appeal) of Bradbury's celebration of literature.
How To Fix It:
For the third time in this post, I suggest a return to the source. This future may be dystopian, but Bradbury's style is what makes the story so compelling.
Who Should Star:
Jude Law as Fireman Montag and Francis O'Connor as Clarisse/Linda.
Who Should Direct:
If Darabont never gets to do it, then Darren Aronofsky should be able to handle this subtly dense material.
For the third time in this post, I suggest a return to the source. This future may be dystopian, but Bradbury's style is what makes the story so compelling.
Who Should Star:
Jude Law as Fireman Montag and Francis O'Connor as Clarisse/Linda.
Who Should Direct:
If Darabont never gets to do it, then Darren Aronofsky should be able to handle this subtly dense material.
Remake Prognosis:
It all depends on Darabont, though I suspect this one is likely a go, soon.
4. The Shining - 1980 & 1997
Neither Stanley Kubrick's 1980 adaptation nor Mick Garris' 1997 TV version fully capture the sheer terror of Stephen King's novel about a haunted hotel in Colorado and the family drawn into it's evil. While making a fine film, Kubrick's version is miles away from what King wrote, and while Farris' TV version is closer to the source, it still lacks the sense of dread King manages to build in the novel.
Neither Stanley Kubrick's 1980 adaptation nor Mick Garris' 1997 TV version fully capture the sheer terror of Stephen King's novel about a haunted hotel in Colorado and the family drawn into it's evil. While making a fine film, Kubrick's version is miles away from what King wrote, and while Farris' TV version is closer to the source, it still lacks the sense of dread King manages to build in the novel.
How To Fix It:
Once again, I have to go with the source. King is among those few who keep me awake, and "The Shining" is one of the first novels to do that to me. A Darabont-scripted adaption would rock the house.
Who Should Star:
Josh Brolin as Jack, Jennifer Garner as Wendy, Johnny Knoxville as Floyd and an unknown adorable moppet as Danny.
Who Should Direct:
Darabont's track-record with King's material is without par.
Remake Prognosis:
Unlikely
3. Excalibur - 1981
John Boorman's take on the Arthurian legend is a gorgeous (if languid) version of "The Once and Future King," starring Nigel Terry; Helen Mirren; Gabriel Byrne; Nicol Williamson; Liam Neeson; Patrick Stewart and the almost beatific Nicholas Clay, is lovely to look at, if nothing else.
How To Fix It:
How many times do I need to say it? Source, source, source.
Who Should Star:
This is a really difficult one. Rufus Sewell as Arthur (?); Jude Law as Lancelot; Jake Gyllenhall as Gawain; Gwenneth Paltrow as Guenevere and Johnny Depp as Merlin.
Who Should Direct:
Since del Toro is off The Hobbit...
Remake Prognosis:
Not after the epic fail that was Robin Hood.
2. Ghost Story - 1981
Author Peter Straub's brilliantly layered novel of ancient evil was given short shrift in the 1981 movie which explored only one aspect of the novel's complex plot. The ancient cast of venerables still held some level of relevance in 1981 and included Fred Astaire; Melvyn Douglas; Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. and John Houseman. Almost-was Craig Wasson was the young hero, while future Borg Queen and genre fave Alice Krige marked her feature debut. Larry Cohen's screenplay lacks the depth and intensity of Straub's novel, while John Irvin's direction is workman-like, at best.
How many times do I need to say it? Source, source, source.
Who Should Star:
This is a really difficult one. Rufus Sewell as Arthur (?); Jude Law as Lancelot; Jake Gyllenhall as Gawain; Gwenneth Paltrow as Guenevere and Johnny Depp as Merlin.
Who Should Direct:
Since del Toro is off The Hobbit...
Remake Prognosis:
Not after the epic fail that was Robin Hood.
2. Ghost Story - 1981
Author Peter Straub's brilliantly layered novel of ancient evil was given short shrift in the 1981 movie which explored only one aspect of the novel's complex plot. The ancient cast of venerables still held some level of relevance in 1981 and included Fred Astaire; Melvyn Douglas; Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. and John Houseman. Almost-was Craig Wasson was the young hero, while future Borg Queen and genre fave Alice Krige marked her feature debut. Larry Cohen's screenplay lacks the depth and intensity of Straub's novel, while John Irvin's direction is workman-like, at best.
How to Fix It:
Um... hello? Have you been reading this post? Peter Straub is the author and/or co-author of four of my all-time favorite novels (we'll save those** for another post) and "Ghost Story" proved to be one of the most complex and original horror novels I had ever read.
Who Should Star:
Robert Redford; Clint Eastwood; Hal Holbrook; James Garner; Dominick West and Cate Blanchett.
Who Should Direct:
Calling Mr. Fincher. Mr. David Fincher? I have a suggestion for a David Fincher...
Um... hello? Have you been reading this post? Peter Straub is the author and/or co-author of four of my all-time favorite novels (we'll save those** for another post) and "Ghost Story" proved to be one of the most complex and original horror novels I had ever read.
Who Should Star:
Robert Redford; Clint Eastwood; Hal Holbrook; James Garner; Dominick West and Cate Blanchett.
Who Should Direct:
Calling Mr. Fincher. Mr. David Fincher? I have a suggestion for a David Fincher...
Remake Prognosis:
As if...
1. Something Wicked This Way Comes - 1983
A very special English teacher by the name of Jack Fogarty introduced me the works of Arthur Conan Doyle; Agatha Christie and Ray Bradbury when I was 13 or so, just about the age of Bradbury's protagonist in the novel. Having grown up attending the NJ State Fair and spending day trips on the boardwalk at Seaside Heights, my affinity for carnivals was set in place as firmly as my father's love of classic horror movies. When I read the book (the very first I was able to dissect, academically), I pictured myself as young Will, fighting against forces he can't possibly understand with only the power of his father's love to protect him. Disney's disappointing film version stars Jason Robards, Jonathan Price, Diane Ladd, Royal Dano and Pam Greer and (much like Ghost Story), barely grazes the surface of Bradbury's novel.
How to Fix It:
Nope. Not gonna say it again.
Who Should Star:
Kelsey Grammer as Will's Dad; Alan Rickman as Mr. Dark; Jim Carrey as Tom Fury; Diane Lane as Mrs. Nightshade; Beyonce as the Dust Witch and two young unknowns as Will and Jim.
Who Should Direct:
Guillermo del Toro would have a field day with this material.
Remake Prognosis:
I heard some early rumblings about a remake a few years back, but Disney has been pretty quiet on the subject. Maybe if the Tron sequel is a hit...
So, what do you think? Agree? Disagree? Did I miss something you'd like to see redone? Over the next few days, I'll be revisiting several old posts as part of the Anniversary Celebration. Check them out and let me know what you think. You know I love hearing from you.
More, anon.
Prospero
** 4 of my 10 favorite novels: Ghost Story; Shadowland; Floating Dragon; The Talisman
Nope. Not gonna say it again.
Who Should Star:
Kelsey Grammer as Will's Dad; Alan Rickman as Mr. Dark; Jim Carrey as Tom Fury; Diane Lane as Mrs. Nightshade; Beyonce as the Dust Witch and two young unknowns as Will and Jim.
Who Should Direct:
Guillermo del Toro would have a field day with this material.
Remake Prognosis:
I heard some early rumblings about a remake a few years back, but Disney has been pretty quiet on the subject. Maybe if the Tron sequel is a hit...
So, what do you think? Agree? Disagree? Did I miss something you'd like to see redone? Over the next few days, I'll be revisiting several old posts as part of the Anniversary Celebration. Check them out and let me know what you think. You know I love hearing from you.
More, anon.
Prospero
** 4 of my 10 favorite novels: Ghost Story; Shadowland; Floating Dragon; The Talisman
Congrats on your anniversary!
ReplyDeleteI remain a big fan of Caliban's Revenge. You are a thoughtful & very opinionated writer. Being your buddy is a joy.
Your ideas for re-makes is very thought provoking. I have a similar list for musicals.
Hugs & licks!
Very Cool site, I was randomly looking through the interwebs and came upon your site.
ReplyDelete