Caliban's Revenge

Sing Out, Louise!

2012-01-28T23:44:00.001-05:00

Harvey Fierstein as Edna in 'Hairspray'

This may well be my last regular post for a while. Oh, I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be posting as often as I can. I just may not be able to post as often as usual.

Tomorrow night is call-back auditions for every other role in the JTMF/MCCC production of Hairspray and regular rehearsals start immediately on Monday night. I will be singing along with potential cast members tomorrow night, and honestly, I'm a little scared. I haven't sung publicly in about 8 years and I haven't had a lead singing role in a musical in over 10 years. My pipes aren't what they used to be (whose are), though thankfully, the role of Edna Turnblad doesn't require the voice of Barbra Streisand.

Not that I ever had the voice of Barbra. My last major musical role was Pseudolis in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. Before that, it was Sweeney in Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. Since Forum, I have sung the role of Mister Mister in The Cradle Will Rock and then the General in the original show Musical! the Musical. I do sing in the shower and along with the radio or whatever CD I'm listening to, but I haven't sung formally in a very long time. So you can imagine how anxious I am about singing tomorrow night, especially with folks I don't know from Adam.

I think I've said before that Hairspray will likely be my farewell to musical theatre, but I can't imagine a better role to go out on. There certainly aren't many major musical roles for men my age, anyway. And while I have spent the better part of the last 10 years directing more than acting, I know I have a few more non-musical roles ahead of me before I retire from performing altogether. To be honest, I find that I actually get more artistic satisfaction from directing, these days. I have a list of plays I want to direct that grows every year. And of course, I'm still looking for something with which I can act along with my dear Q (God of Carnage?).

Anyway, rehearsals are scheduled Monday, Wednesday and Thursday nights until 11 PM Eastern time, so I may not always get to post as regularly as usual, though I'll do my best. I suspect that sheer exhaustion will be the culprit rather than time, should I not post. And I'll probably be posting over at the JTMF blog more than here through June's 10th Anniversary production of Jefferey (when it says "Posted by JTMF Staff," that's me). And I may even post something here at the Revenge during the day, from time to time.

Bear with me, dear readers. I won't forget you. And I hope you won't forget me.

If you are in the central NJ area, you can see Uncle P singing in drag while helping out several good causes. Tickets are on sale now. Get yours before they're gone!

More, anon.
Prospero

A Dirty Shame

2012-01-27T22:58:00.006-05:00


That's Moisturizer, Right?

This post has nothing at all to do with the disappointing 2004 John Waters' film of the same name.

If you visit the same blogs as Uncle P does, then you've probably already seen the banned Hungarian version of the poster for Steve McQueen's Shame. And while I haven't actually seen the critically acclaimed film, I've heard and read enough about it. Hell, George Clooney made one of the Golden Globes' funniest jokes referring to Michael Fassbender's anatomy in the film. And Fassbender himself has joked that he is contractually obligated to appear naked in every movie he's in.

Many years and about 60 lbs ago, Uncle P briefly appeared naked on stage in the NJ premiere of Terrance McNally's Love! Valour! Compassion! It's not an easy thing to do, the first time. Of course, over the six-week run of the show, it just became part of the show; the next thing that happened in the scene. I was naked for all of ten minutes, I think. And most of that was spent lying on my stomach on a 'raft' in a 'lake.' I disrobed; went backstage and got wet in tub of tepid water (I was supposed to be swimming); came back onstage to lie on the 'raft' and then froze as the heat from the lights rapidly evaporated the water on my skin. It was far from sexy (nor was it meant to be).

Being naked on stage or in film is rarely sexy (at least for the actor). There's lighting and camera angles, staying in character and having to know what to do and say next; all while a bunch of strangers (either audience or crew) sit or stand around, watching. I imagine it was just as unsexy for Fassbender; especially given the nature of the movie and his character, an unfulfilled sex-addict who derives less and less pleasure from sex, even though he is compelled to seek it out more and more. And while McQueen's film has been a critical darling since it premiered at Cannes last fall, it failed to garner a single Oscar nomination. And I suspect it's because it was released with an NC17 rating. But more on that in a moment.

Of course, if I had a body like Michael Fassbender's, I'd be naked as often as possible. But let's be honest, so few us have bodies like Fassbender's. Or Chris Evans', Ryan Reynolds', Ryan Gosling's or even George Clooney's. And I can certainly understand why that poster was banned in still socially conservative Hungary. Of course, most of the Hungarian Americans I know are as liberal as I am, which I guess says something about the difference between the formerly communist nation and the U.S. And I won't even go into the inordinate number of gay porn stars who claim to be Hungarian - that's a post for someone else's blog.

Still, I don't understand Americans' squeamishness when it comes to sex. American audiences think nothing of violent murders and closeups of autopsies in films or on TV, but heaven forfend we should glimpse a nipple during the Superbowl half-time show or show a penis on a movie screen.

Many, many years ago, Uncle P traveled to France with his high-school French club. While in Paris, our teachers thought it would be a good thing to take us to a real French movie. So our tour guide recommended the number one film at the time, L'amour viole (Violated Love). It told the story of a marriage that fell apart after the wife was raped. The rape in question was very graphically depicted and our teachers were visibly upset by the scene and asked the group of 16 and 17 year-olds (who were actually horrified by the scene) not to tell our parents they had taken us to see it. They didn't get that we were far more upset by the film's violence that the sex.

And that's what I don't understand about American audiences today. Why is it okay to see someone's eye's gouged out or someone get beheaded, but not a woman's breast or a man's penis? Why is alright to watch an unnatural murder, but not a natural act of love? Have our psyches been so pervaded by our Puritan and Victorian ancestors that we can accept blood and death but not love and semen? Obviously, porn is a multi-billion dollar industry. Yet most folks will admit to watching Conan the Barbarian before admitting to watching Debbie Does Dallas. There's a strange disconnect there, don't you think?

Even worse, as provocative and graphic as Shame may be, director McQueen still shies his camera away during the film's one male same-sex encounter, which speaks volumes to how uncomfortable most people are when it comes to that subject. And while queer director Greg Araki proves the exception to that rule, his films have hardly the same high profile as McQueen's.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm one of those few people who actually find sex to be a beautiful, natural and magical thing. Oh, don't get me wrong - I like imaginary violence and murder just as much as the next Horror fan. I just know the difference between the two.

More, anon.
Prospero

The Saddest Thing I'll Post This Week

2012-01-26T23:20:00.004-05:00

I often joke that I went to "Saturday Night Fever High." In the mid-70's, one of TV's hottest sitcoms was "Welcome Back, Kotter" about a teacher (comedian Gabe Kaplan) who comes back to teach remedial ed in the Brooklyn high school from which he'd graduated. The remedial students he taught were referred to as the 'Sweat Hogs.' Their bad-attitudes and hijinks were source of most of the show's plots. The kids did something bad (though not really, especially by today's standards) and Mr. Kotter would teach them a valuable life-lesson around what they had done.

And while John Travolta's Vinnie Barbarino was the breakout character, I was always much more attracted to Robert Heyges' Juan Epstein, a Puerto Rican Jew who always managed to have a forged note signed 'Epstein's Mother.' Of course, I've always found darker-skinned, compact, hirsute men attractive. Heyges, at the time in his mid-20s, certainly filled the bill. While Travolta may have gone on to become a super star, thanks in part to his turns in films such as Carrie; Saturday Night Fever; Grease; Face-Off; Pulp Fiction and Hairspray, Heyges continued to work in TV and film (including a gig on "Cagney and Lacey") until his official retirement in 2002.

Heyges passed away today at the far-too-young age of 60, of an apparent heart-attack. And while officially retired, he was still reportedly involved in promoting local arts projects in his native New Jersey.

Nothing makes Uncle P feel older than hearing news like this. While it only ran for four seasons on ABC, "Welcome Back, Kotter" still holds a place in my heart as one the shows that defined my own high school experience. And Heyges' Epstein will always hold a place in my heart as one of my teenage crushes.

With his gap-toothed grin, crazy afro and very hairy chest, Hegyes managed to push all the right buttons with me. Of course, with the right wig, I can see D playing the part of Epstein in a stage musical based on the show. And while I'm already too old to play Kotter, I might get away with playing Principal Woodman.

RIP, Robert Heyges. Another part of my youth slips away... sigh...

More, anon.
Prospero

2011 Oscar Snubs

2012-01-25T22:56:00.002-05:00


Sigh...

So, last night I gave you my picks for this year's Oscar winners. Tonight I'm talking about those left out in the cold by AMPAAS; those films, actors and technicians who probably should have, but for one reason or another were not nominated for a naked gold guy.

And speaking of golden guys, there's lovely Ryan Gosling, passed over for both People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive and an Oscar nom, Tsk-tsk. So sad. So pretty. So talented. At least they didn't add insult to injury by nominating Bradley Cooper for an award. Happily, Ryan's in good company. Leo Dicaprio was similarly ignored for his turn in Clint Eastwood's fairly unliked J. Edgar. Of course, critical darling Michael Fassbender was ignored (well, Oscar-wise) for his performance in Shame, though I know plenty of folks who would give him an award just for a certain body part which gets lots of screen time in the film. Andy Sirkus was likewise ignored for his motion-capture performance in Rise of the Planet of the Apes (though many think the Academy should create a special category for this increasingly popular type of performance). And what of Patton Oswalt in Young Adult, who gives what many critics have called a "revelatory" performance? How about Albert Brooks, playing against type as a very bad man in Drive?

On the ladies' team, the always amazing Tilda Swinton was not nominated for her role as the mother of a killer in We Need to Talk About Kevin and Kirsten Dunst was likewise ignored for her role as a depressed bride in Lars van Trier's Melancholia, despite being lauded by nearly every critic on the planet. Charlize Theron in Young Adult; Elizabeth Olsen in Martha Marcy May Marlene; Sandra Bullock for Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close -- all not nominated.

Directors left out in cold include Stephen Spielberg (Warhorse; The Adventures of Tintin); David Fincher for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo; Tate Taylor for The Help and David Cronenberg for A Dangerous Method.

And what about those pesky Best Animated Films? For the first time in years, Pixar is not nominated, though I must admit that Cars 2 is hardly their best effort. But no love for Tintin or Puss in Boots?

As for Best Picture -- well that list could be very long: Shame; Melancholia; Drive; Bridesmaids; Super 8; Martha Marcy May Marlene; The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and 50/50 (among many other excellent films) were all ignored. To quote my favorite 70's madcap comedy (and 10 points to the first person who can identify it): "C'est la vie. C'est la guerre. C'est la drek!"

In the end, awards mean nothing, especially when a relatively bad movie like The Help (don't hate on me - it really isn't all that good) can get nominated. I mean, look at Crash. That piece of crap actually won against Ang Lee's beautiful, powerful and wrenching Brokeback Mountain (something I will probably complain about until the day I die). Maybe someday Academy nominators will actually get it right. Though I doubt it.

If you love a movie others hate, or vice-verse, so what? Art is purely subjective. Of course, one has to draw the line somewhere. Mine is drawn at The Smurfs. And Chipwrecked. And the deplorable remake of Arthur. Dame Helen, what were you thinking?

Anyway, here's the trailer for one of my favorite movies of 2011:

More, anon.
Prospero

Oscar Predictions

2012-01-24T22:40:00.005-05:00

Coincidence? Yeah. Probably.

I'm actually disappointed in the number of films I've seen this year. Busy, lazy and broke, I spent my ticket money only on films I really wanted to see. Sadly, not all of them were good.

And while this list is early for me (I usually wait until just before the actual awards ceremony), I thought I might as well get it out of the way. As usual, please do not place any bets based on my predictions, though I think many of my picks are pretty safe. I'm not going to talk about Best Documentary or Best Sound Editing. I will cover the big Baker's Dozen.

So, let's get started, shall we?

Best Original Screenplay:

What I Want to Win: Bridesmaids, because I love Kristin Wiig.

What Will Win: Midnight in Paris, because it's Allen's best movie in years.

Upset: The Artist, because everyone just loves this movie

Long Shot: A Seperation, because no one has seen it.

Best Adapted Screenplay:

What I Want to Win: Hugo, because I loved this movie and it is very close to the book.

What Will Win: The Descendants, because it's going to win lots of other awards, too.

Upset: Moneyball, because it's the underdog.

Long Shot: Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, because it's a remake.

Best Original Score:

What I Want to Win: Hugo, because it's Howard Shore's best score since The Fly.

What Will Win: Warhorse, because the Academy loves them some John Williams.

Upset: The Artist, because many folks think Bource simply stole from other composers.

Long Shot: The Adventures of Tintin, because it's animated.

Best Art Direction:

What I Want to Win: Hugo, because it's just gorgeously designed.

What Will Win: Hugo, see above.

Upset: The Artist, because black and white is so forgiving.

Long Shot: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II, because it's a Harry Potter movie.

Best Cinematography:

What I Want to Win: Hugo, because Robert Richardson's camera used 3D to create a very real world.

What Will Win: Hugo, see above.

Upset: The Tree of Life, because of that amazing opening sequence.

Long Shot: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, because it's essentially a horror movie.

Best Costume Design:

What I Want to Win: Hugo, because Sandy Powell's costumes were simply gorgeous.

What Will Win: Hugo, see above.

Upset: Jane Eyre, because folks love the classics.

Long Shot: Anonymous, because people hate Shakespeare haters.

Best Director:

Who I Want to Win: Martin Scorcese for Hugo, because he put so much of himself into the film.

Who Will Win: Martin Scorcese for Hugo, because he deserves it.

Upset: Michel Hazanavicious for The Artist, because he took a major chance.

Long Shot: Terrence Malick for Tree of Life, because no one really understood it.

Best Actor in a Supporting Role:

Who I Want to Win: Christopher Plummer for Beginners, because he was fearless.

Who Will Win: Christopher Plummer for Beginners, because he deserves it.

Upset: Nick Nolte for Warrior, because everyone loves a comeback.

Long Shot: Jonah Hill for Moneyball, because he's just a kid.

Best Actress in a Supporting Role:

Who I Want to Win: Melissa McCarthy for Bridesmaids, because she was fearless.

Who Will Win: Octavia Spencer for The Help, because she's had so many thankless roles before.

Upset: Jessica Chastain for The Help, because she's just a kid.

Long Shot: Janet McTeer for Albert Nobbs, because she also plays a woman pretending to be a man.

Best Actor in a Leading Role:

Who I Want to Win: George Clooney for The Descendants, because this is his year.

Who Will Win: George Clonney for The Descendants, see above

Upset: Jean Dujardin for The Artist, because he doesn't speak at all.

Long Shot: Demian Bichir for A Better Life, because who?

Best Actress in a Leading Role:

Who I Want to Win: Glenn Close for Albert Nobbs, because she has yet to win.
Who Will Win: Viola Davis for The Help. Because she deserves to win.
Upset: Michelle Williams for My Week with Marilyn, because she has a long career ahead of her.
Long Shot: Rooney Mara for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, because she's a complete newcomer.

Best Picture:

What I Want to Win: Hugo, because it's a movie made just for me.

What Will Win: The Artist, because people love this movie.

Upset: The Help, because it's actually not a very good movie.

Long Shot: The Tree of Life, because so many people actively hated its obtuseness.

So there you have it. Again, please don't use my predictions to pick your Oscar pool choices. Besides, I really couldn't care less who or what wins. Tomorrow I'll be posting about who and what I thought were snubbed.

More, anon.
Prospero

A (Happily Minor) Health Scare

2012-01-23T23:16:00.007-05:00

I will do my best not to get too graphic here, but I think it's just as important for men to check themselves for lumps as it is for women.

While showering last Sunday, I discovered a small lump a in place where there had never been a lump before. I was concerned, but not terrified. The lump was was smaller than a pea and not causing me discomfort or any functional problems. I noted it and decided to mention it to my doctor on my next regular visit.

That was until Thursday, when I awoke to discover that the lump had not only tripled in size, but was now painful to the touch. Cue full system panic mode!

I got to work and called the Health Advocate to find a specialist, ASAP. If your employer does not offer Health Advocate services, ask them to. Health Advocate will (among many other things) find you a doctor or specialist who accepts your insurance, help settle medical bill disputes and even help find long-term care for your elderly parents. Staffed by polite, caring and discreet nurses who immediately make you feel at ease discussing the most intimate of health issues, Health Advocate has proven an invaluable resource for Uncle P in the past few years, especially now that I have reached a certain age. The amazing nurse Kathy at HA found me a local specialist who had an available appointment this morning. After a quick call to my PCP (Primary Care Physician) for a referral, I was on my way.

The doctor they sent me to was not only competent and professional, but adorable. Not quite as hunky as the doctor in the above picture, but certainly someone Uncle P could appreciate on a non-medical level, if you know what I mean. After a thorough examination of the area and lump in question, I left his office with a prescription for an antibiotic and the assurance that what I had was nothing more than an inflamed cyst, something he said was quite common among men my age. He ordered a blood test and scheduled a follow-up in six weeks.

You have no idea the relief I felt upon leaving that office. Still, I am glad that I know my own body well-enough to realize when something's not right. And I urge you all to be just as aware. While my issue turned out to be simple and not at all life-threatening, it is so important to be aware of changes to any and every part of your body. Examine yourselves regularly and mention any changes, lumps and other anomalies to your doctor right away. What you find may well be nothing, but it is so much better to be safe than sorry.

While every doctor you see may not be as hot as ER's Goran Visnjic, he or she may well be the difference between nothing to worry about and something serious.

Okay - lecture over. Back to my usual nonsense, tomorrow.

More, anon.
Prospero

Gorgeous George

2012-01-22T22:52:00.004-05:00

When I reviewed Up In the Air back in 2009, I likened George Clooney to a modern-day Cary Grant. He's devilishly handsome, very smart, very hip and very talented. He's already won the Golden Globe this year for Best Actor in a Film Drama for The Descendants and is likely to be nominated for an Oscar for the same role. An infamous practical joker and lifelong bachelor, Clooney at 50 is sexier and hotter than ever.

A known straight ally in the fight for LGBT equality, Clooney was recently asked his thoughts on Mitt Romney's anti-gay stance. My sweet friend Stephen in Portland posted George's response today over at Post Apocalyptic Bohemian:

“Well, I’m not much concerned until there’s an actual nominee… but I think it’s the wrong side of history. I think everyone sort of understands it might be the last leg of the civil rights movement. I do believe that. So I think that at some point, It’s certainly not the wedge issue it was in 2004, so that’s a good sign. So those are important things to me.”

Sigh... Like his good friend (and often the target of his practical jokes) Brad Pitt, who has said he won't marry Angelina Jolie until all U.S. citizens have the right to marry the person they love, Clooney gets it. As do all intelligent and moral straight people. They know that there is no such thing as the so-called "gay agenda." They also know that gay people aren't out to recruit their children; destroy the fabric of society; put an end to traditional families or traditional marriage. They are smart enough to recognize that LGBTQ people are in fact, born the way we are and that we all share the same fundamental rights and that among them is the right to marry the person we love.

Here's the thing: How can someone like Newt Gingrich, who has been married three times and carried on an extramarital affair of his own while leading the charge to impeach Bill Clinton for doing the same, have the audacity to cite morality and the sanctity of marriage as part of his virulently anti-gay Presidential platform? At least the idiot Rick Santorum, despite being wrong about everything he thinks he knows about gay people, has only been married once and cites his strict Catholic upbringing as the basis for his homophobia. And yes, like Gorgeous George, I believe history will prove both of these men (along with people like Maggie Gallagher, Bryan Brown, Bryan Fischer and Tony Perkins) very, very wrong.

And while I know George is straight, I will continue to lust after him, along with millions of gay men and straight women all over the world who know they will probably never get within ten feet of him, let alone actually have him for themselves. But mostly, I will admire him for telling the truth about the bullies who want to continue to oppress the single most hated minority on the planet. Thank you, George. You just keep on giving me more and more reasons to love you. And I don't mean in a gay way (though actually, I kind of do).

More, anon.

Prospero

A Trip to Hell?

2012-01-21T23:36:00.005-05:00

Photo via People of Walmart

About three years ago, a Super Walmart opened on the site of what was once a lovely suburban shopping center, the Levittown Shop-a-Rama. The center had a Pomeroy's* department store; a Woolworth's Five and Dime; Lobel's Youth Center (where our mother bought both my sister and I our scouting apparel); Carvel; Western Wearhouse; McCrory's and other assorted long-gone stores. In the early '90's, Uncle P worked at Boscov's in the former Pomeroy's building. The center also housed a post-office and the headquarters of the LPRA (Levittown Public Recreation Association), which oversaw the half-dozen or so public swimming pools that once dotted the region. Only one still exists, now run by a private corporation. The rest have been filled in and plowed over to make way for public parks. Just across the street was the long-gone Towne movie theatre, where my sister and I saw many Disney films for the first time.

On the site of the old Shop-a-Rama, now sits a very generic strip mall, anchored by a Super Walmart. It was there that Uncle P ventured today to purchase new computer speakers, among a few other things. I brought with me a short list of six items: Mustard; vanilla Silk almond milk; fish oil supplements; Afrin; contact lens solution and the speakers. I ended up leaving with 19 items, including a box of much-needed gravel for Skye; some amazing lemon poppy-seed muffins; a 4-pack of Stewart's Black Cherry soda and bananas. I almost fainted when my total came to more than $90.00.

I have to ask myself if Walmart is so clever at marketing that they can trick me into spending more than double what I had intended to spend, or I'm just a sucker. I generally despise Walmart's business practices, but their prices are so seductive that I can't seem to resist. Grocery items are often half of what my favorite grocery chain charges and their selection of general goods is usually quite expansive. And while I link to the photos posted on PeopleofWalmart.com quite frequently on Facebook as a joke, I still find myself there once or twice a month.

How did this happen? How did I become a -- gasp! -- Person of Walmart? Maybe I just need to move back to a big city, where the insidious retailer hasn't yet ensconced itself. Or maybe I should just stop complaining and reconcile myself to being an average suburbanite trying to save a buck or two wherever I can. Or maybe still, I need a trip to Barney's.

At least I can take comfort in knowing that I will (hopefully) never appear in a video like this:

More, anon.
Prospero

I HATE When That Happens

2012-01-20T23:47:00.001-05:00

I'm am currently writing to you from a silent computer. I am hoping that it's just my crappy old Dell speakers that have given up the ghost and not my HP PC's sound card. It's certainly easier (and probably cheaper) to replace hardware than software. Oh, I know I could spend hundreds of dollars on very fancy computer speakers with super-duper woofers and tweeters, but I have a really good pair of Sony headsets for the Sony boom-box on which I listen to most of my music. I listen to a lot of music; mostly film scores. And while my 600 plus CD collection might suggest I'm a bit of an audiophile, I once dated a guy with a collection of over 2000 CDs. I imagine it's much larger now, even if he isn't (oops!).

Since I'm about to start rehearsals for Hairspray, I've been listening to the OBC (Original Broadway Cast) recording of the show. And while most of the cast includes some rather terrific singers, listening to the otherwise amazing Harvey Fierstein sing is actually painful. For the most part, Harvey 'speak-sings' his role, much like Rex Harrison in My Fair Lady or Richard Burton in Camelot. Still that gravelly, grating voice of his is less than pleasant. Don't get me wrong - I adore Harvey. I played Arnold in his amazing Torch Song Trilogy in the second annual JTMF fundraiser and find him hilarious in movies like Mrs. Doubtfire and Independence Day but I cannot get past his "singing" in this show. I hope he faired better in the revival of Fiddler on the Roof where Rosie O'Donnell played his wife. Wow, A gay man and a lesbian pretending to be a straight married couple - what's the world coming to?

But for now, trying to watch something on YouTube is very annoying without sound. Have I really become so spoiled that a day or so without sound is making me so crazy? Now I just feel like a douche. "I complained I couldn't hear until I met a man with no ears" (or something). Yes, I'm a total douche.

Maybe I need to see The Artist. Hope you can hear that amazing score in this clip, because I can't:

Wow - Jean Dujardin is gorgeous!

More, anon.
Prospero

Mmmmm... er, Ewwww... Frothy!

2012-01-19T23:46:00.001-05:00

"Rick Santorum thinks about gay sex more than the guy selling dildos at Dorothy's in West Hollywood." ~ Bill Mahr

If Santorum actually looked and presented himself like the obviously Photoshopped picture on the right, I might consider voting for him. Of course, we all know I wouldn't vote for that homophobic a-hole if you held a gun to my head. And the fact that he might have actually won the Iowa caucus (8 districts' results cannot be retrieved) certainly doesn't change the fact that he's a neanderthal. No - I take that back. Neanderthals probably didn't think about gay sex as much as the Frothy Mix does.

Seriously - why would any rational person vote for this tool? Okay - Ward and June Cleaver, maybe. As a joke. While high on methamphetamine. After a three martini lunch. With a gun held to the Beav's head. While wearing blindfolds.

I'm sorry. I had breakfast for dinner and the lingering scents of bacon, everything bagels and peanut butter Oreos has left Uncle P a bit disoriented.

A few years ago, while promoting a JTMF show at the official NJ Pride event in Asbury Park, I saw an amazing t-shirt that had a picture of Joan Crawford and "WWJC Do?" written underneath it. What would Joan Crawford do, indeed? I imagine this:

I have to ask myself why Santorum is so afraid of gay people. And the only answer I can come up with is that he's like most virulently homophobic men who are desperately closeted, themselves. Either that, or he's been brainwashed by the Catholic Church into believing that rich pedophiles have all the answers.

I don't remember being so sickened by a Republican candidate since W. Nor do I remember being so scared by one. I have seen the face of true evil and it is called "Santorum." And while I take comfort in knowing that he is unelectable, I still worry that his message of hate is being heard by those who don't know any better.

More, anon.
Prospero

Joining the Blackout

2012-01-18T23:52:00.000-05:00

Tell your representatives that SOPA is NOT good for anyone.

An Obsession Returns

2012-01-17T22:59:00.004-05:00

Before I even start, I suggest you watch all videos in this post (both linked and embedded) in full-screen.

Long-time readers know about my several obsessions. There's hot Brit action star Jason Statham; American hottie Chris Evans; movies; amazing food and Cirque du Soleil.

I became obsessed with Cirque the very first time I saw them on their HBO special, We Reinvent the Circus. This was only their second touring show and the first to play the U.S. It wasn't nearly as sophisticated as they have become, but it's obvious the troupe, headed by founder Guy Laliberte, was onto something special. Their next big show was Saltimbanco, their first to actually tour the U.S. I convinced my friend Elizabeth, who hates the circus, that this was something special and she agreed to accompany me to New York to see the show. We spent two hours with our jaws agape and promptly returned to gush to anyone who would listen to us about this amazing company. Since then, I have seen about a dozen of their shows, including 2 performances of La Nouba in Downtown Disney. They are the single largest live entertainment company in the world, with 22 shows currently playing on tour or in permanent residence in New York; Florida, Nevada, Mississippi and California. Their headquarters in Montreal is nothing short of amazing and Laliberte has become a billionaire, overseeing an entertainment empire. Not bad for a one-time street performer.

Combining acrobatics; clowning; dance; music and astounding technological innovations, Cirque du Soleil is Circus as Theatre and unlike anything you have seen. They've even been parodied on "The Simpsons" as 'Cirque du Puree.' Unfortunately, as they've grown, they've also priced themselves out of reach for Uncle P, making it difficult for me to see their latest shows (though I may make an exception to see Iris in L.A. should I be fortunate enough to get there on business next Fall).

The last touring show I saw was the breathtaking Kooza in 2009, a combined Birthday/Christmas gift from my beloved K:

Their most recent touring shows include the insect-themed Ovo...

...and the Native-American themed Totem.

Today, they announced their newest show, opening in Montreal this spring, Amaluna:

Their latest permanent shows are Zarkana in NYC...

...and Michael Jackson: Immortal, now on tour but soon landing permanently in Las Vegas.

There's nothing like Cirque du Soleil to pull me out of my Winter doldrums!

If you have never a Cirque show, you owe it to yourself to do so. Sure, they've had performances on HBO and Bravo, but seeing them on TV is hardly the same as seeing them live. You'll never forget or regret seeing a Cirque show. Trust me on this.

For clips from their many other shows, go to YouTube and search Cirque du Soleil. I've only shared a fraction of the amazing videos they have there.

More, anon.
Prospero

The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week

2012-01-16T23:22:00.003-05:00

Todd Glass has been performing his profanity-laden comedy for a while now. He suffered a very public heart attack in 2010 and after undergoing angioplasty, appeared on the Bonnie Hunt show a few days later to talk about. He practices Muay Thai kickboxing and uses decidedly 'straight' references in his standup, though I must assume that will change, soon.

Today, on comedian Marc Maron's WTF podcast (via), the ruggedly masculine Glass came out publicly. Out to his family and close friends for many years, Glass was prompted to go public in the wake of the suicide epidemic among young gay men, saying that he asked himself "...when are you going to have a little blood on your shirt for not being honest about who you are?"

Glass joins Kristie McNichol among the most recent public figures to come out for the same reason. He says he hates the word "gay" but finds it preferable to "homosexual," a term I've always found clinical and cold. I understand his feelings, because it's about labels. I may be a gay man, but that hardly defines who I am. I am a director, an actor, a singer, a son and a brother. I am a friend, an acquaintance and a co-worker. I am a blogger, a screenwriter and a playwright. I'm a cinephile, a TV addict and (gasp!) a smoker. I also happen to be gay. All of those things (among others) define who I am. Citing just one of them is both shortsighted and disingenuous.

I came out to most of my family in my 30's, though I had been out to most of my friends long before. I understand how difficult a decision it is to do so. But I have also come to realize that the more folks who do so, especially those in the public eye, the better. Celebrities have a platform that allows for public discussion and a better understanding of what it means to be gay. Gay men like Glass also let people know that being gay isn't a stereotype. There are plenty of masculine gay men, just as there are plenty of feminine gay women. And of course being butch or fem, masculine or feminine and/or any permutation thereof, doesn't (and shouldn't) matter.

What does matter is that we are all human beings with he same hopes, desires and dreams of happiness that everyone else has.

So, to the Rick Santorums and Pope Benedicts of the world, I say "Get over yourselves, already." We don't want to subvert society. We don't have an agenda. We aren't interested in 'recruiting' your children. We only want the same rights that straight people have. I don't think that's too much to ask, do you? I can imagine a day when all of this is history and people are ashamed to remember a time when the LGBT community was marginalized as much as black people were in the 60's. In fact, I can't imagine a better subject to talk about on MLK Day. I would hope that if he were alive today, Dr. King would be a powerful and vocal ally in our fight for equality.

If you are not familiar with Todd Glass' standup, here's an NSFW clip:

Come out, come out, whoever you are!

More, anon.
Prospero

Golden Slumber

2012-01-15T23:17:00.001-05:00

So, the 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards have come and gone. After a promising opening monologue in which host Ricky Gervais claimed he was going to flaunt the rules set for him by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, the show quickly devolved in the usual yawn-fest that most awards shows usually devolve into.

The evening's first award went to Hollywood legend Christopher Plummer for Beginners, a film I have not seen but which I understand is quite good. It's about a man who comes out to his son after his wife's death, only to also reveal that he's dying of cancer. It's exactly the kind of role that wins actors awards. Plummer, of course, is neither gay nor dying of cancer. So let's award him for pretending to be so. I have known plenty of gay men who have died from some horrible disease or other, yet I see no awards on their family's mantels.

Next was Laura Dern for "Enlightened," a cable show I have never seen. In fact, most of the night's TV winners were for cable shows I have never seen. Idris Elba; Kate Winslet; Peter Dinklage; Kelsey Grammer and Matt LeBlanc all won for shows that air on premium cable channels which many people have never seen. There were a few surprises. Jessica Lange won a well-deserved award for her over-the-top performance on the decidedly deranged "American Horror Story" and Martin Scorcese won an equally well-deserved award as Best Director for the amazing Hugo (though I will never understand how the film made by the 'Best Director' doesn't win 'Best Film').

When I was a kid (when dinosaurs roamed the earth), Hollywood Awards shows had a glamor that seems sorely missing today. Can you imagine Elizabeth Taylor or Audrey Hepburn showing up in a gown that revealed their tattoos (not that either of them had any), as Angelina Jolie (among others) did? No. If Joan Crawford had shown up wearing a single driving glove (as the pretentious and grammatically incorrect Madonna did), she would have been laughed off the red carpet.

OK - I know that fashion has evolved. I also know that that tattoos have long-lost the stigma they once had - Hell, I have three of my own. But mine can easily be hidden under the cover of a fashionable tux, should the occasion arise. 30 years ago, Johnny Depp would have washed his hair; Brad Pitt and Jake Gillenhaal would have shaved and Robert Downey, Jr. wouldn't have acknowledged the father that gave him marijuana when he was child.

Maybe I just miss the days when stars were stars; winners were gracious and deserving; ladies & gentlemen looked like ladies & gentlemen and awards actually went to those who deserved them (Pia Zadora notwithstanding). Or maybe I've just turned into a crotchety old man.

Either way, tonight's show was one big bore, which I turned off halfway to watch a DVR'd episode of "A Gifted Man."

More, anon.
Prospero

Feeling More than My Age

2012-01-14T23:18:00.001-05:00

Rembrandt Knew What I'm Talking About

I am supposed to be at a house-warming party right now, but I was just too tired to go. Honestly, in the last few weeks, it's like someone threw the 'old' switch on Uncle P. My energy level is definitely on low.

I know, I know... "Eat right, exercise and get plenty of sleep."

I try. I really do. But lately... I seem to have just enough energy to get through the day. This, of course, doesn't bode well for my upcoming performance schedule. Though I'm hoping that getting back into the swing of things will help. And while I have added both D3 and B12 supplements to my regimen, I just don't have the stamina or energy that I used to.

"But Uncle P, you are 'of a certain age.'" Tell me about it. And yes, I have a history of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). But what's even worse, I seem to have developed some sort of "Highway Anxiety." Driving on high-speed roadways just fills me with me dread, lately. My chest and back tighten up, my breathing becomes irregular and I have developed a completely irrational fear of veering off into the wrong lane. Maybe it's knowing that I actually have more yesterdays than tomorrows.

There I go, bumming you guys out again. Sorry. Maybe I just need to get laid. Sorry, again. That's probably way too much information. Of course, it may be seeing my mother and aunt fall into continuing disrepair (I ran errands for both of them, today) that has me down.

I know plenty of folks my age and older, who are in much better spirits than I. Perhaps I should ask them for their secrets. Or maybe I should just get off my fat ass and do something about it.

Calgon, take me away...

Okay - another rambling rant over. I think I feel better. I'm still holding out for the start of "Hairspray" rehearsals to make me feel better. Or a good party... oh, wait... Damn!

Here's how I feel, tonight:

More, anon.
Prospero

Some Advance Shameless Self Promotion

2012-01-13T23:39:00.005-05:00


So Scary

Uncle P rarely posts posts pictures of himself on Caliban's Revenge. The poor quality photo on your left was taken in the dressing room just before curtain on opening night of the JTMF production of Torch Song Trilogy in June of 2004. Uncle P is on the right and my sweet friend Bruce is on the left. Normally, Bruce is only a few inches shorter than me, but put me in 4" heels and I am a giant(ess).

Audiences will once again have the chance to see Uncle P in drag this coming spring as Edna Turnblad in the musical "Hairspray," April 13 - 22 at the Kelsey Theatre on the campus of Mercer County Community College in West Windsor, NJ. The JTMF is collaborating with the college's Dance & Theatre and Entertainment Technology programs on our first musical production as part of our 10th Anniversary celebration. And I will be performing in a musical for the first time in almost 10 years.

Unlike Torch Song... I will not be playing a drag queen, but rather a character who is actually a woman. Last summer, I cast a gorgeous, straight and very masculine actor as a women in the JTMF production of Die Mommie Die!. Like Edna, Angela Arden is traditionally played by a man. David has some rather amazing bone structure and after make-up, looked pretty good. I, on the other hand, look like my mother's brother in a dress. Still, I am excited to be playing the part. But I have to wonder how I will compare to those who came before me.

Unlike Divine, who created the role in the 1988 semi-musical John Waters' film, I am not a traditional drag performer. Like John Travolta, I have a history of appearing in musicals. Unlike Harvey Fierstein, I am a singer. Like Harvey Fierstein, I have on occasion appeared in drag. Like Divine and Fierstein (and according to rumor, Travolta), I am gay. Unlike John Travolta, I am not a terrific dancer. Like all three of them I am about to play a woman's role which by tradition is always played by a man.

And... Shhhhh... I am terrified. Honestly, I don't remember being so scared by a role since playing Sweeney in Sondheim's Sweeney Todd. Oh, I know I'll be fine. But still, Edna is one of those iconic roles that comes with some massive audience expectations. I am also the only actor to have been pre-cast in the production, which adds an extra psychological burden. I am expected to be not just good, but amazing.

Crap.

I'm sure that once rehearsals start (January 30th) and I get back into the swing of doing a musical, I will be fine. And I may just be putting extra pressure on myself because I know so many of my friends and Day-Job co-workers are already anticipating seeing the show (many have already bought tickets). Still, I hope I'm up to it. My knees aren't what they used to be, even back when I could fake it as a dancer. And I haven't sung in public since 2003. And I am by no means the star the of show - that title goes to the lucky auditioner who lands the role of Tracy Turnblad. And I have already heard from several talented friends who have expressed interest in auditioning for some of the show's other supporting roles, which would set my mind at immeasurable ease, were they to be cast (personally, I'm pulling for my Dear D as Corny Collins).

If you are in the Central New Jersey area and should be so inclined to support a wonderful cause, I suggest you order your tickets in advance. Musicals at the Kelsey tend to sell out rather quickly and despite my presence in the show, Hairspray is not likely to be an exception. And if you should attend, please stick around after curtain call and say "Hi." I may take a few minutes to 'de-feminize' myself, but I promise to make myself available to those who want visit after the show.

Of course, don't think that by any means that this is the last time I'll be writing about this show. Once a Theatre Whore, always a Theatre Whore. I'll remind you at least three or four (or more) times as Opening Night approaches.

And if you miss Hairspray, you will still have a chance to see me reprise my role as Sterling in the Official JTMF 10th Anniversary production of Paul Rudnick's Jeffrey, in June.

More, anon.

Prospero

TV Review: "Are You There, Chelsea?"

2012-01-12T23:33:00.001-05:00

Laura Prepon as Chelsea Handler

I love comedian Chelsea Handler. She's ridiculous and her late night show, "Chelsea Lately" on the E! network is often very funny. She's also the author of four semi-autobiographical books, one of which is titled "Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea." Which also happens to be the original title of the new NBC comedy which is loosely based on that book. Somewhere along the way, some NBC exec got nervous and removed the vodka from the title.

That's kind of how the show feels - like someone removed the vodka. Oh, there's plenty of vodka and drinking in the show (it's partially set in the bar where Chelsea works), but NBC seems to have honed the edge off of Chandler's humor, leaving a dull and mostly unfunny show behind.

Laura Prepon ("That 70's Show") plays the young Chelsea, while Chelsea Handler plays her uptight sister (Handler thought she was too old to play herself). Comedian Lenny Clarke plays their father and the rest of the cast is rounded out with folks you've seen here and there, but don't really know. Oh, and just like in Chelsea's real-life, there's a little person. Prepon does her best, though in in scenes with Handler, we can't help but long for the real thing to play herself. The stand-out in the ensemble is Lauren Lapkus as Chelsea's goofy, virginal new roommate Dee-Dee.

The writing (such as it is) is lame, truth be told. Riddled with unfunny, repetitive jokes; bad one-liners and improbable situations, "Are You There, Chelsea" makes me long for the days when NBC had the best comedies on TV. Honestly, I can't believe Handler allowed this show to air as is. It's like someone filed down her teeth and then asked her to gum a steak. As much as I love Handler, I think I'll stick with ABC's hilarious Wednesday night line up. "Suburgatory," "Modern Family" and "Happy Endings" just seem to get better and better with each episode. I'll get my Handler fix on E!

Since this trailer was shot, several characters have been re-cast and a few moments re-written for the pilot episode that aired last night. For the record, the changes didn't help.

More, anon.
Prospero

Playing the Flute

2012-01-12T01:08:00.000-05:00

Nom-nom-nom-nom....

I'll bet you though this was about sex... Shame on you!

I am often amazed by the number of truly talented artists, actors, dancers, poets, writers and musicians I come across on a daily basis. Of course, thanks to YouTube, we can see these folks whenever we want. Still, every once in a while, one finds something truly exceptional and extraordinary. Such is the case with young flutist Jeemini Lee.

I wish I knew where I first saw the video I am about to share. I posted it on Facebook this past Sunday, but only one of my friends seemed to be as enamored of it as I was. I've watched it a dozen or more times and I am still fascinated by it. This high-schooler actually beat-boxes while playing the flute. Yes, the piece she's playing was intended to be just that, but still... See for yourselves:

Amazing, no? It almost makes me wish I had kept up with those clarinet lessons I took in elementary school.

I may like to think of myself as artist. Indeed, many lesser and/or more talented folk than I think of themselves that way. But seeing something like that is both humbling and inspiring. There is no indication as to whether or not Jeemini won the competition in which she played this piece, though I know if I were judging that day, she would have gotten my vote.

That video helped lift my Winter Blues a bit. I hope it did the same for you. She's certainly an artist to keep an eye on. I've subscribed to her YouTube Channel and can't wait to see what else she has to show us.

If you have seen something which excited and inspired you, please share it with me. You know how much I love your comments.

More, anon.
Prospero

Post-Holiday Blahs

2012-01-10T23:35:00.002-05:00

Here it is, January 10th, and I'm already feeling the blahs. We spend the entire last quarter of the year focused on the last week of the year, with all these expectations of how it's supposed to be and how we're going to find the 'perfect' gifts and hoping that those who love us will get us the 'perfect' gifts. We shop and cook and shop and bake and shop and hope that we can find a slice of joy to propel us into the new year. And then it's all over. We're left with torn paper and unraveled ribbons, dried-out Douglas firs, champagne hang-overs and resolutions we know we won't keep much past March 1st, if at all.

And yes, I have much to look forward to in the coming months. I'll start rehearsing a new show at the beginning of next month. And there's that tax-refund that I hope will help pay some bills and maybe help finance a trip to somewhere warm. By the time Spring rolls around, hope will be renewed and we'll all be looking forward to the second quarter where we'll scramble to find fun in the sun for a few months. In the U.S., Memorial Day is the unofficial start of Summer and many folks will be headed to the local beaches or parks to celebrate with grilled ribs, hot-dogs, hamburgers and potato salad. There will be trips to theme parks and water parks and swimming in lakes, ponds, pools and oceans. July 4th will roll around with its fireworks and parades, accompanied by more grilling and drinking. And before we know it, Labor Day will arrive, signaling the end of summer fun. Stores will start filling up with costumes and masks and animatronic zombies and the whole cycle will start over again. No wonder Santa looks so tired and sad.

So, my New Year's wish for both you and myself is for something different. Something new and exciting. Something you, your friends and family will talk about for years to come. It could be a new job; a new baby; a new place to visit or a new friend and/or lover. It might be something as simple as a new recipe or a new outfit, or something complicated like a new job or a new relationship. Whatever it is, I hope it shakes us all out of our Winter doldrums and reminds us of how wonderful, precious and singular our lives truly are.

I didn't mean to bum you out or bring you down or ruin the Holiday High you might still be milking for all it's worth. Instead, I'm hoping both you and I will be pumped for whatever the New Year might bring - success or failure; joy or sorrow. Whatever 2012 brings, embrace it and make the most of it

because once it's gone, it's gone. In any event, here's at least one thing I'm looking forward to in the coming year:

Christopher Nolan always gives me the most wonderful birthday presents! Now that's something to look forward to!

More, anon.
Prospero

Brunch at Lacroix

2012-01-08T23:50:00.001-05:00

My dear friend Dale has a major milestone birthday tomorrow, so his sweet wife (also a dear friend) Q, set up brunch for a few friends and family at his favorite restaurant; Philadelphia's famed Lacroix in the Rittenhouse Hotel, today. There were about a dozen of us, only a few of whom had ever been to Lacroix, before. Uncle P, needless to say, had not, though I have been regaled with stories of incredible meals Dale and Q had eaten there.

Appetizers, a cold bar and a dessert bar were set up in the dining room, while the hot foods and frozen desserts were actually served in the kitchen. LaCroix specializes in "unique" dishes. And when I say "unique," I'm not kidding. Among the appetizers were fois-gras and granola; yogurt, long pepper and cashew shooters; bay leaf soda shooters; purple sweet potato salad; black garlic aioli, arugula and feta cheese crisps; beluga lentil salad; prosciutto and ricotta croissants and a unique chopped chicken and waffles salad. Mind you, all of these items were teeny-tiny in size. The croissants couldn't have been bigger than a dime and the silver-dollar pancakes were actually the size of a quarter. The hot foods included a crispy duck comfit; scallop sausage and traditional scrambled eggs and bacon. For dessert, there were tiny dulce-de-leche cheesecakes; strawberry shooters and an amazing flash-frozen raspberry foam which was dipped into liquid nitrogen before our eyes.

Now, Uncle P is not an adventurous eater by any means. Oh, I'll try anything once, but there some foods I actively despise. Liver; mushrooms (I know - but they all taste like dirt to me); caviar (oily, salty and fishy - yuck); most fish and pesto (I'm gagging as I write this) and lamb (I can't even stand the smell of it cooking) are among the worst offenders. Still, I must admit to really loving just about everything I ate at Lacroix. And even when I didn't truly love something, the portions were small enough that a sip of my $15 (!!) mimosa and the next item took it away. Here's a review and sample menu from a few years ago. None of those items were on today's menu.

Of course, none of that really mattered. What was important was spending time with good friends in celebration. And Lacroix certainly provided the right atmosphere for that. Our attentive wait staff was on the ball, refolding our napkins every time we got up to get something else to eat and re-filling our water and coffee before they were actually empty. Considering what Q paid to feed all of us, I'd say she got her money's worth.

Happy Birthday, Dale! I love you, but next time, let's go to a traditional steak house. OK?

More, anon.
Prospero

The Gayest Things You'll See This Week (NSFW Version)

2012-01-06T23:21:00.008-05:00

Big Dipper (L) and a Fan

The sound you hear is Walt Disney spinning in his block of ice, stored in a super-secret underground lab in Anaheim.

If you've ever read my profile, you'll note that Uncle P is not a fan of rap music. I generally detest it, no matter who is doing the rapping. I think it's because rap sounds angry, no matter what the subject. Love songs shouldn't feature guns, knives, cars, hos and/or strippers. No one should get shot or stuffed in a trunk and driven off a bridge.

Big Dipper is a Gay Bear rapper. Probably the only one in existence. He's not an unattractive man (hot in the way Kevin Smith can be - come on Bear Lovers - you know it's true). I had never heard of Big Dipper before tonight, when I checked out Towleroad and found the EXCEPTIONALLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK video, below. Raunchy, sometimes sexy; often weird and always very, very inappropriate, Big Dipper takes a a classic from Disney's Bambi and turns it into a dirty little rap extolling the virtues of nasty gay sex. Don't say you haven't been warned.

I'm not sure if the censored sex scenes were real or not, but I wouldn't be surprised.

There are times when I sit down to write and have no idea what I'm going to talk about. And there are times when an idea takes hold, but doesn't make it to the blog right away (such was the case tonight, with a planned piece about a very different kind of music). Then there are times when you stumble on something so flabbergasting, you just have to talk about it. So much for best laid plans, eh?

Here's the thing: I am all for artistic expression and writing what you feel. And I know all too well that there are all kinds of people with all kinds of preferences; turn-ons and fetishes. But in a time when Equality is the LGBT community's biggest issue, is this the image we want presented to the general population? I know - most Str8t people won't see this video. But imagine if someone like Rick Santorum or Rick Perry got a hold of it. I can hear the speaking in tongue as I write this. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that video. I wouldn't haven't written about like this, if I did. You should know I'd be ranting and raving if I thought it encouraged wrong-doing or truly immoral acts. What people do in their own homes is their own business. I don't believe in heaven or hell. I do believe that morality can exist without religion. And I believe in freedom of speech.

Still, I worry that LGBT people will never be equal as long as we go to outrageous lengths to prove our difference. I know, I know.. "We're Here! We're Queer! Get Used To It!" We should celebrate our diversity. But do we have to be so extreme about it? I'm not saying that by any means we should be quiet, but perhaps we can approach the opposition with a little more honey, than vinegar. How about instead, we say: "We're Here! We're Queer! We're You're Family, Friends and Co-Workers! We Only Want the Rights You Already Have! We Don't Recruit Your Children! We Won't Destroy Your Marriages!" Too long? Yeah, I thought so, too.

We walk a delicate balance, every day. "Separate But Equal" didn't work in the 60's. It doesn't work in the 21st Century, either. Love who you are, what you do and how you do it, but know that there will always be those who will hold that against you.

Or am I totally off-base here? I'm certainly not advocating a 'Gay Uncle Tom" thing, here. I'm just saying that if we keep scaring the opposition, they'll never get it. I don't think that's unreasonable, do you?

Hopefully, nothing else will distract me tomorrow from posting what I had originally intended to write about, tonight.

More, anon.

Prospero

Daytime TV: Worse Than Being Sick?

2012-01-05T23:44:00.002-05:00

That may as well be a picture of me all of yesterday and most of today. Uncle P is at the end of a minor ear infection. It hurt and it threw my equilibrium out of whack for a few days but I think the worst is behind me. The vertigo is pretty much gone (as long as I don't turn or stand too quickly) and the icepick in my ear has been reduced to an occasional dull ache at point where my mandible meets the malar bone (thus endeth today's biology lesson).

Needless to say, driving and consequently the day job were no goes. Unlike last week, where I had lots of activities planned, I thought I would be working. Unable to do much else, I spent yesterday and today watching daytime TV. Some of it was amusing; some of entertaining; some of it informative and most of it pure drek. So here's my assessment of a day and half's worth of Daytime TV

First, some thing's I've always known and/or suspected.

I have re-discovered the fact that Rachael Ray's voice goes through me like you-know-whats-on-a-you-know-what.

I am so happy I have learned to laugh at Elizabeth Hasselbeck, rather than wanting to rip out her throat with my evil gay fingers.

I now know that it was Kelly Ripa who kept that show on the air, all along (You Go, Girl!).

Am I the only one who knew that Oprah didn't really retire?

Someone should have put a stop to Kathy Lee and Hoda a long time ago.

Judge Judy is the only TV judge. Get over it, Judge Joe; Judge Marilyn; Judge Glenda; Judge Alex and all other pretenders to the throne.

Jerry Springer, Maury Povitch and their ilk have only gotten more exploitative and respulsive.

And now, a few positive notes.

I actually enjoy ABC's "The Chew." It's an eclectic group of folk, led by openly gay host Clinton Kelly ("What Not to Wear"). Most of the food they prepare on air looks yummy and the five co-hosts seem to have a genuine chemistry. The show strives to provide healthy recipes and is raising money for FeedingAmerica. Good stuff all around.

The LGBT Community's unofficial 'Queen,' Ellen Degeneres continues to be the funniest, nicest, most generous and sincerely happy-to-do-what-she-does talk-show host since Merv Griffin.

The rest of Daytime is pretty much a vast wasteland of bad behavior, children's programming, paid promotions (infomercials) and the few remaining soaps. Ugh.

I admit to dozing through most of the really bad stuff, though I do remember waking up now and then and asking myself, "What the...?" And fear not... I am already feeling much better, despite the scary daytime landscape.In fact, the day-job will provide a much-needed respite from cheating boyfriends; negligent landlords; cross-dressing husbands; badly behaved pets; butter-laden recipes and rich people looking for vacation homes, abroad.

I'm beginning to think there may actually be too many channels...

More, anon.
Prospero

"Jaws," We Hardly Knew Ye

2012-01-04T23:19:00.001-05:00

Among the many things Uncle P loves are theme parks, amusement piers, fairs and carnivals. I must admit that many of my happiest memories involve those things. I adore an amazing roller-coaster; love being scared and surprised and just completely dig the ambiance associated with all of them. It all goes back to spending my youthful summer Sundays in Seaside Heights (before it was a dump) and the once amazing NJ State Fair, when it was still at the Trenton Fairgrounds (now the site of the highly recommended Grounds for Sculpture in Hamilton, NJ). It probably goes back to the kiddie rides at Cadwalader Park, where you could actually feed live deer and pitiful bears in pits, and walk through the stinkiest "Monkey House" on the planet.

Anyway, my absolute favorite theme park in the world is Universal Studios, Orlando. Of course, it is no wonder that the combination of two of my favorite things in the world would lead to yet another favorite. I've been there three times. Once with K, once with my sister and BIL, and again with sis, BIL and a friend of sis's. Two of my three visits were during "Halloween Horror Nights." Trust me, no other theme park can come close to Universal when it comes to Halloween. I have not been since they transformed one of their Islands of Wonder into "Harry Potter and the Grab for Your Wallet." I priced tickets while visiting sis last April. On that particular day, a one-day two-park pass was outrageously expensive. We chose not to visit.

Still, there are things I very much love about the original Universal Studios, Orlando. The first time I visited with K, I was blown away by "King Kong: The Escape;" "E.T. Adventure;" "The Alfred Hitchcock Experience;" "Earthquake;" "Twister" and, best of all, "Jaws: The Ride." Set up on small lake and surrounded by a fake but faithful village of Amity, "Jaws: The Ride" was both super-corny and super-fun. I say "was," because Universal has 'retired' the attraction to make way for something new. Disney has already announced an "Avatar" themed attraction, so what might Universal have up their sleeves? Personally, I'm hoping for an Aliens/Prometheus coaster of some kind.

I've ridden "Jaws: The Ride" four or five times, and enjoyed it every single time. The queue was entertained by a silly (and sometimes repetitive, depending on the line) "local" newscast and the attention to detail was superb. Also fun was the combination of corny jokes made by the "guides," the surprise attacks and the explosions, which often felt a little too close for comfort and the cheers riders gave themselves at the end for having survived.

I hope that whatever they are planning for the space is done by my next trip to Florida. It's been too long and I am itching for that Universal experience. I'm not particularly sad to see this ride go, but instead excited to see what takes its place.

More, anon.
Prospero

The Worst TV of 2011

2012-01-03T22:43:00.007-05:00

Jason Gann and Elijah Wood in "Wilfred"

So, after last night's "Best of TV" post, it's time for my "Worst of TV" post. And this was actually a much harder list for Uncle P to compile. Sadly, there was simply a plethora of terrible shows last fall. A few years back, there was a writers' strike and many shows were hurt. The ones that weren't managed to retain whatever uniqueness they had to carry them through the worst. The others all fell by the wayside and the networks have been scrambling to find the next "Lost" or "Madmen." The glut of terrible which ensued resulted in this year having an Eleven Worst List (cue dramatic music)!* So, lets get started, shall we?

11. "Free Agents" (NBC). Mega-talented Hank Azaria ("The Simpsons;" The Bird Cage) and the always interesting Kathryn Hahn (Anchorman; Our Idiot Brother) starred as co-workers who "accidentally" sleep together. I think they were copywriters or something. I don't know. It didn't last long enough for me to actually figure it out. I was sad, because it's excellent cast deserved a much better show. Worst adaptation of a British comedy since "Coupling."

10."Whitney" (NBC) Comedian and "Chelsea Lately" panelist Whitney Cummings may be funny on stage at a comedy club, but she's just annoying in her own sitcom. It took half of one episode for me to decide I hated everything about it.

9. "Wilfred" (FX). Another adaptation of a ~~Brit-com~~ Oz-Com (I hope I just coined a phrase), this time starring the original Wilfred. Elijah Wood is a depressed schmoe who makes lame attempts at suicide until a neighbor asks him to watch her dog, Wilfred. To everyone else, Wilfred is an adorable and irresistible dog. To Elijah, he's a pot-smoking; wise-cracking; leg-humping booze-hound (all puns intended) in a dog suit. OK. Funny premise? Check. Hit show abroad? Check. Original star? Check. All systems are go? No. What a shame. The writing on "Wilfred" is beyond sophomoric (and not in a good way). Wilfred is just a d*ck, rather than the Harvey/Jiminy/Donkey that would make him likeable. Bad show! Bad, bad show!

8. "Two Broke Girls" (CBS). Whitney Cummings strikes out again as creator of yet another show with a fun premise that fails on almost every level. Lame jokes about hipsters; a sadly miscast Kat Dennings and racial stereotypes do nothing to help this show. Still, there are two things that may make it worth a look. First, Garrett Morris is back on TV! (Don't you dare ask me who Garrett Morris is!) Sadly, he probably won't be for long. And then there's breakout star Beth Behrs. This is how to play quirky, smart and funny, Zooey Deschanel! I hope this isn't her one and only. I think she's going to be one to watch.

7. "Last Man Standing" (ABC). Tim Allen, tired of making family movies, returns to TV in a sexist, homophobic and unfunny version of his old show, with daughters instead of sons. Hahahahahahahaha... NOT!

6. "Once Upon a Time" (ABC). Quite possibly even dumber than "Dark Shadows" (though infinitely less entertaining), "Once Upon a Time" is just silly. Mostly using the Disney versions of fairy tale characters (Disney owns ABC) without employing a hint of irony, "Once Upon a Time" is a soap opera for kids, which makes me sad. It makes me sadder that the talented Lana Parilla is stuck in this ridiculous show. I guess a paycheck's a paycheck.

5. "Terra Nova" (FOX). Delayed by a year for re-tooling, this Spielberg produced Sci-Fi Actioner should be a billion times better than it is. I slogged through the slow-moving pilot and knew a dog when I saw one. Yawn... I don't imagine we'll see a second season of this expensive stinker.

4. "Pan Am" (ABC). The meeting went something like this: "Madmen is hot!" "We need a show set in the sixties!" "What was sexy in the sixties?" "Stewardesses!" "Yes! Now what airline is out of business and can't sue us?" Lord knows they tried, even adding a spy subplot (how James Bond of them!). Even the talented Christina Ricci couldn't make this show watchable. We won't talk about how in the decade when everyone smoked, Disney won't allow smoking in its "historical" drama.

3. "Charlie's Angels" (ABC). Really?

2. "New Girl" (FOX). Okay, I don't know a single gay man who would put up with Zooey Deschanel's 'Jess' on "New Girl," let alone three straight guys. I don't get it. I have loved her in many things, Elf and The Hitchhiker's Guide... among them. I just want to smack the hell out of every person involved with this show. This is what happens when terrible movies like Juno and Lost in Translation are inexplicable hits.

1. "Two and a Half Men" (CBS). I won't even get into the whole "Winning" nonsense. This show has never been and will never be funny, no matter who it stars. The only show on this list that isn't new, "2.5M" has always been a comedy about d*ck jokes; boobs; booze; drugs; hookers; excess and stupidity. None of that changed this season with the addition of Ashton Kutcher. I always feel like I need a shower after watching this show. Yuck.

There were so many bad shows this season. Dishonorable Mentions to: The Jersey Shore; Mike and Molly; Prime Suspect; Unforgettable; Any So-Called ‘Reality’ Show; Everything Kardashian; Allen Gregory; How to Be a Gentleman; I Hate My Teenage Daughter and almost countless others.

I'm already jonesing for "The Closer!"

*Yes, I know it's actaully a prairie dog!

More, anon.
Prospero

The Best TV of 2011

2012-01-02T22:41:00.002-05:00

Well, the clear winner in last night's poll was The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo at 44%. It was actually the outcome I'd both predicted and hoped for. Sadly, I overslept this morning and set my entire schedule off by an hour and a half and... well, let's say that TGWDT is the next movie I'm going to see.

But this post is about last year's Best TV series. Regular readers won't be surprised by my top picks, but I think you'll find more a few surprises on my "Best of" list, as opposed to tomorrow's "Worst of."

So let's get started, shall we?

10: "Grimm" (NBC). The far superior of two Fairy Tales series, "Grimm" stars the impossibly handsome David Giuntoli (sigh...) as Portland PD Detective Nick Burkhardt, who suddenly develops the ability to see monsters among ordinary people. He soon finds out he is a 'Grimm,' a family of protectors from the real-life creatures the fairy-tales were based on. Fun, gory and even a little silly (with tongue often firmly in cheek), "Grimm" is everything the other show (see tomorrow's post) isn't. Silas Weir Mitchell as Nick's half-willing Blutbad (Big, Bad Wolf) side-kick is hilarious as the classic "bad guy trying to go straight but keeps getting tempted" character with a supernatural twist.

9. "Parenthood" (NBC). This family drama, based on the Ron Howard movie, just gets better and better. Good writing combined with an exceptional ensemble makes "Parenthood" one of my 'must-see' shows.

8."Warehouse 13" (SyFy). The highest rated original series on SyFy is a crazy, funny, Steam Punky fantasy adventure with another excellent ensemble, headed up by Eddie McClintock and Joanne Kelly's exceptional chemistry. A funny, nerdy and occasionally cheesy delight.

Tie: "Community" (NBC) and "Raising Hope" (Fox). It took me a season and a half to love NBC's decidedly odd but hilarious and brilliant "Community." From last year's amazing Halloween and Christmas episodes to every single freaking episode this season, "Community" is truly comedy for the geeks, unlike "Big Bang Theory" which is just about them. As for the always hilarious "Raising Hope," Greg Garcia, who also created "My Name is Earl" has gathered some amazingly talented actors (Martha Plimpton, hottie Garrett Dillahunt and comedy legend Cloris Leachman!); the most adorable and expressive baby actor, ever; an adorkable lead in Lucas Neff; a quirky set of supporting characters and some excellent writing in this sweet love-letter to trashy folk, everywhere.

5. "The Good Wife" (CBS) Juliana Margulies owns this show, despite it having the most subplots of any show on TV. It's always about writing and casting. Never afraid of any topic, "The Good Wife" takes on politics, religion, sex, organized crime, office politics, sex, corruption, terrorism, sex...

4. "The Closer" (TNT). Consistently the smartest and most well-acted police procedural on TV, "The Closer" is not just a showcase for the imcomparable Kyra Sedgewick and yet another amazing supporting cast, but manages to create compelling mysteries which surround the series' arc quite beautifully.

3. "American Horror Story" (FX). Wow! Talk about a tour-de-force! "AHS" was creepy, sexy, nasty, gross and all kinds of crazy but creators Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk wowed audiences with their story about a broken family moving into a dangerously haunted house. Co-star Jessica Lange already has a Golden Globe nomination (as does the show). Unlike anything that's ever been on TV before, "American Horror Story" may well change the course of TV history, with it's new story each season plan. (SPOILER ALERT - If you haven't seen the full season, do NOT watch the clip below!)

2. "The Walking Dead" (AMC). Lots of folks complained about how slow-moving the second season was going, but given it's mid-season finale, there was no other way to go. A lower budget resulted in an over-all lower zombie count, but allowed for a build to a very intense denouement. And that season opener! Yikes! I can't wait to see what happens when the show returns in February. Here are some Season 1 highlights:

1. "Fringe" (Fox). I don't remember loving a show so much. We spent a season in an alternate universe and now we're spending a season in an alternate timelime. Has a Sci-Fi show ever taken so many risks with it plot and cast? Has a Sci-Fi show ever had such amazing performances? Why are John Noble and Anna Torv being ignored for their truly brilliant performances on this show? "Fringe" makes us care about these characters more and more with every episode. Should it end this spring, it had better do so with Peter and Olivia back together.

Honorable Mentions:: How I Met Your Mother; Family Guy; American Dad (Christmas Episode); In Plain Sight; Psych; Royal Pains; Necessary Roughness; Rizzoli and Isles; The Middle; Suburgatory;* Happy Endings; Louie; Chopped; Ringer; Falling Skies; Harry’s Law.

*Best New Sitcom

So, how many of your favorites made my list? I'll be back tomorrow with the2011's 10 Worst TV Shows, tomorrow.

More, anon
Prospero

I Need Help

2012-01-01T23:36:00.001-05:00

But we know this... And sorry for that very disturbing image on New Year's Day, but I have a quandary for which I am asking your help, dear readers and I thought it just might catch your attention.

I have one day left of my holiday vacation and I haven't seen a single movie on my list. So I am determined at some point in the day tomorrow, to see a movie. My "to see" list is always long. My "have seen" list is regrettably short; even more so, this year. I've been able to whittle a few off the list, simply because they are not playing near me, yet. And then I narrowed it down to those playing at my favorite multiplex in nearby NJ. And still, I am having a hard time choosing. And that's where you come in. I need you're help choosing. I've been able to narrow it down to five choices:

The Adventures of Tintin:

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo:

War Horse:

Young Adult:

The Darkest Hour:

Quite a list, isn't it? I'm happy to admit that my tastes are nothing if not eclectic. So, PLEASE take the easy poll, below. If I do go to the movies, I will see whatever movie wins.

naszyjnik howlit, bronzyt, piryt kup

More, anon.
Prospero

Uncle P's Last Post of 2011

2011-12-31T19:01:00.000-05:00

Have fun and be safe tonight. If you drink, don't drive. Don't let your friends drink and drive. Don't get in a car with a drunk driver. You'd been missed too much.

I wish you all a very happy, healthy, prosperous and peaceful New Year! And I also want to thank you again, for reading my nonsense every day. I just started following my stats (I know - it's been almost four years), and I am amazed to see hits from all over the world. I hope I can keep you interested enough to keep you reading in 2012.

More, next year.

Prospero

New Year's Traditions

2011-12-30T23:07:00.007-05:00

Not Quite My Grandmother's, But Close

My father's family is/was Hungarian. My mother's family is/was German and Welsh. Growing up, my sister and I were much closer to Dad's family than Mom's. We did love Poppie and Grandmom G (Mom's father and step-mother) and were very close with and spoiled rotten by Grandmom Cookie* (my mother's birth-mother).

But Grandmom B was the comfort grandmother. No one hugged liked her; no one smothered with kisses like her and no one sure as hell cooked like her! Holiday meals cooked by Grandmom B were a spectacular blend of traditional Hungarian cooking and American standards. And for my sister and I, the best thing about Grandmom's holiday meals included her astonishing stuffed cabbage. How many children do you know who eat cabbage? How many of you do? My grandmother's stuffed cabbage remains to this very day, my favorite meal of all time. She taught my father, who in turn taught me (one of the few things for which I am grateful to him). I later taught my sister, who has adapted a smaller yield recipe for her slow-cooker.

My mother, Lord Love a Duck, has never been taught this recipe, yet she manages to chime in about some ingredient she thinks I've gotten wrong every time I make it. Of course, once she eats it, she admits I was right. The recipe is not written down, that I am aware of and will (very sadly), die with my sister and I. Hmm... Perhaps I will actually prepare a copy for posthumous publication. It's too good to let die. Though the recipe is hardly exact but Sis and I have learned to know when it looks, feels and tastes right as we go along. My version is getting closer to Grandmom's every time I make it, though I haven't quite hit the jackpot. It's the "rontasz" or Hungarian rue, that's the hardest to get right.

I make this dish twice a year; for my birthday in July and for New Year's Day. It's as much work for a small batch as it for large, so I (and almost everyone else I know who makes it), make a huge (16 qt, for me) batch and immediately freeze half. The other half is left to cool and then refrigerated overnight so the flavors can marry. The prep time is almost as long as the cooking time, if you want it to turn out right. My fingers end up wrinkled and shriveled long before it actually starts cooking. This is one of those massive multi-step recipes that takes not only careful instruction, but trial and error to get right.

So, here's the deal. I hate to see Grandmom's recipe go away. Tell me in the comments of you would like a copy of it. If enough of you ask politely, I'll share it with you. I only ask that if you should share it, you do so using Grandmom's name (provided as the title of the recipe).

I also just realized that I haven't had her Chicken Paprikash in a long time, something she did teach my mother. Hmmmm... next weekend, for sure!

And now how's this for a segue?

Uncle Prospero received the hoodie you see on the right for Christmas. It says "Hungary" in Hungarian (or at least the Arabic equivalent of the Cyrillic) and features the crest and colors of the Hungarian flag. I am wearing it even now, as I was this afternoon when I ventured out to get some essentials and something no one ever gives me for Christmas -- a calendar. Luckily, Barnes and Noble still had a good selection at 50% off.

I got exactly the one I wanted, cheap!

As I got up to the counter, the young woman behind it said: "Oh! That's not Mexican!"

"Excuse me?" I said, thinking she might be having a stroke.

Her: "Your shirt. I thought it was a Mexican flag, but... what does it say?"

Me: "Oh. It's Hungarian. It says 'Hungary.'"

She kind of squinted her eyes and said "Um, what? You're hungry?"

I started looking around for a hidden camera.

Me: "No, Hungary. It's an Eastern European country near Austria and Romania."

Her: "So like, near Sydney, right?" (On my life, she said this).

Me: "No. Austria, not Australia."

Her: "Oh. I'm a Spanish major, so I thought it was Mexican."

Me: "Oh. Well, no. It's definitely not Spanish."

She finished my transaction and I left, wanting to cry for the future of Humanity, all over again. Of course, maybe the world can be saved. Grandmom's stuffed cabbage is a magical food, after all...

As the year gets closer to being history, I find myself counting both my blessings and my pennies. I was lucky enough to have two vacation trips in 2011, something I don't see happening next year. And I was unable to be as generous as usual for Christmas this year, but still managed to deliver gifts that pleased (or at least their recipients were polite enough to lie about it convincingly -- of course, most of my friends are truly excellent actors). Personally, I'm looking forward to 2012. I already have tons of great stuff scheduled well into the summer and I can't wait to get started! I leave you with this, something you've probably already seen but I haven't had the chance to do so until now:

Once I've finished cooking, it's back to Flemington for a quiet New Year's Eve with my three wise folk, Q; K and Dale.

So, what are you doing New Year's Eve?

More, anon.
Prospero

*The actual cookie jar Grandmom Cookie had.

Worst 5 Movies of 2011 - So Far

2011-12-29T23:30:00.004-05:00

Tahar Rahim Covered in Mud with a Skull in His Hair

Once again, this is hardly my definitive "Worst of" list, either. Just 5 movies I've seen this year that have irked me the most - so far.

It seemed that this year, there were far more bad movies, than good. And of course, any year that has a Twilight movie in it, has to qualify for a new low bar. I saw all of these movies on purpose, hoping that something (even if it was just the objectification of one its leading men), only to have my hopes dashed to the bottom of a rocky cliff and into the raging sea of suckage they actually turned out to be. These are movies that actually made angry at having spent my hard-earned dollars to see them. These aren't just bad movies, my friends. These are the worst.

5. Final Destination 5. While there honestly is much to admire about the latest installment (that amazing bridge sequence; the surprise ending) of the "Death as Rube Goldberg" franchise, the acting is truly terrible and the deliberately gimmicky 3D did nothing to further the pro-3D argument.

4. Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. Wow. Talk about movies that should have been better than they actually were. This was one TV horror movie remake that was worth doing, on paper. Guillermo del Toro wrote the screenplay and produced it. It had to be good, right? I mean, it had to better than the ABC TV movie (which still freaks lots of folks out), right? Wrong. Silly and predicable, the movie isn't half as scary as it should have been. First-time feature director Troy Nixey relied too heavily on his mentor and delivered a watered-down version what the remake could (and should) have been. Also - Katie Holmes. Ew.

3. The Eagle. The trailer for director Kevin (The Last King of Scotland) Macdonald's adaptation of Rosemary Sutcliffe's novel "The Eagle of the Nine," promised a homo-erotic sword and sandal epic. What we got was a travelog. Yawn... I hope Channing Tatum's stripper bio movie is better this:

2. Your Highness. I saw this movie for free while on a business trip this summer. In fact, I ordered it completely by accident, even though it was on my list thanks to the pedigrees of those involved. Sadly, I didn't laugh once during this medieval quest fantasy/stoner buddy/sibling rivalry piece of crap. While I truly like nearly every actor in this movie, I have to wonder why they agreed to make it. A very bad, very unfunny film.

1. Season of the Witch. I am ashamed for him that D claims to actually like this movie. I think he's only saying so to make me crazy. And it's really annoying to me that the first movie I saw in 2011 is also the worst movie I saw this year. Nic Cage is clearly insane, while Ron Perlman does his best to play the comedic irony and camp, but even he can't save this silly mess of a movie. Our mutual friend Heather and I were reduced to fits of giggles at how ridiculous this film was. Season of the Witch was delayed by more than a year, I should have known better. Heather and I did finally get D to admit it wasn't a good movie, but he still says that he loved it. Of course, questioning his sanity is much like questioning mine... (love ya, D).

This was just a tease... watch for my full Ten Best and Ten Worst lists at the end of January.

More, anon.
Prospero

Top 5 Movies of 2011 - So Far

2011-12-28T23:43:00.003-05:00


Chris Evans' Glorious Torso in "Captain America"

First off, this is by no means my definitive "Best Movies of 2011" list. There are still many films on my 'to see' list, including but limited to: The Artist; Warhorse; The Adventures of Tintin; Midnight in Paris; Melancholia; The Perfect Host; Another Earth; Attack the Block; Drive; The Way; The Skin I Live In; Martha Marcy May Marlene; The Descendents; We Need to Talk About Kevin and a good dozen or more. For such a self-professed cinephile, I saw shamefully few movies this year. Sadly, my "Worst" list is longer than the "Best" list, this year. I'm hoping to get to see at least one more movie before my vacation is over. Maybe Friday and/or Monday afternoon. And of course, none of my friends or family gave me AMC gift cards, no matter how much I hinted... So it's going to have be matinees, anyway. Okay - I know. You're just dying to know what movies I've liked the most this year. Just be warned, this list is subject to change and or/growth:

5. Rise of the Planet of the Apes. I finally got to see this movie the other night at Q and Dale's, OnDemand and must admit that I thoroughly enjoyed it. I certainly never expected my sympathies to go towards the apes in this re-boot of the 70's franchise. Mostly well-plotted (with a few inevitable holes); well-acted (Lithgow!); well-cast (Sirkus!) and with nearly seamless SFX, Rise of the Planet of the Apes was a welcome surprise.

4. Captain America: The First Avenger. The best superhero movie of the summer is a delightfully patriotic WWII action-adventure featuring the hotness that is Chris Evans as one of ~~DC's~~ Marvel's earliest heroes. Exciting, fun and smart, this origin movie is the perfect tie-in for next summer's The Avengers.

3.Insidious. The creators of Saw and Dead Silence are back with their best collaboration yet. Insidious is certainly the creepiest ghost movie in years, made all the better by a top-notch cast and yet another of the duo's signature surprise endings which was truly surprising.

2. Super 8. J.J. Abrams' Spielbergian tribute was not only fun, but gave young Elle Fanning her best role tand most impressive performance to date. Who cares if the monster was a little hokey? This homage to childhood in the 70's kept me smiling all the way through to the end. Oh - and Kyle Chandler.

1. Hugo. Put simply, Martin Scorcese's love-letter to the movies is a genuine wonder. Based on Brian Selznick's YA novel "The Invention of Hugo Cabret," this delicious Steam Punk adventure uses 3D in the way it should be used, to remarkable effect. We may have never met, but I'd like to think that Scorcese made this film just for me.

My final Top Ten will probably show up sometime next month.

More, anon.
Prospero

Waltzing "Matilda"

2011-12-27T23:49:00.003-05:00

As you can imagine, Uncle P was snarky even when he was a child. As with many people, snark was a form of defense when we were kids. And if you were funny, you didn't get picked on for being different... too much. I realize now why I loved Roald Dahl's books as a kid. Their heroes were always smart, good kids who always win the prize, expose and punish the bad adults and rise above adversity, ending up with a much better life.

And so it is with Matilda, a story about a very, very smart little girl who is being raised by rather dubious (and ignorant) parents who obviously don't care about her at all. Dumped in a private school run by an ogre of a headmistress (one Miss Trunchbull), thanks to a deal made by Matilda's crooked used-car dealer father, Matilda finds out some remarkable things about herself. Trunchbull is an evil tyrant, while Matilda's teacher Miss Honey, is kind and encouraging and (as it turns out), Trunchbull's niece, whom Trunchbull swindled out of her inheritance.

SPOLIER ALERTS: Matilda soon discovers she has telekinetic powers and uses them to right all the wrongs in her life, including finally allowing her to live happily ever after with kindly Miss Honey in the home that should have been hers, all along. End of spoilers.

Danny DeVito directed and appeared in a 1996 Americanized version, starring Mara Wilson (Mrs. Doubtfire); Rhea Perlman ("Cheers"); Embeth Davitz (Army of Darkness) Pam (Aunt Marge) Ferris and Paul (Pee-Wee Herman) Reubens. It's a funny and delightful (if not always faithful) telling of the tale, transplanting it to America and softening some the Dahl's edges and brightening some of his darker corners. DeVito and Perlman are hilarious as Matilda's scumbag parents; Ferris is downright frightening as Trunchbull and Davitz is just sweet enough without ever once slipping in to saccharine. It's a sweet and fun family fantasy. I may just have to do a "Forgotten Gems" post on it, soon.

And now the book has been adapted into a stage musical by the RSC, which is taking the West End by storm and looks to make the jump across the pond to Broadway next year. I had heard something about this a few months back, but either didn't know or had forgotten that my favorite satirical song-smith, Tim Minchin, had written the show's songs. I can't imagine anyone better for the job. I follow NPR on Facebook and and got directed to this excited and exciting article about the show here. Personally, I don't remember being so excited for a musical adaptation since The Producers. Have a look for yourselves:

I have to admit to wearing a big, idiotic grin on my face as I write this post. Of course, this news came after my last gift-exchange gathering of the year, with the big three; Q, K and Dale. We all loved what we got and then sat down to the first pasta meal my very Italian Q has served me in almost 30 years of eating her food. We did do a group effort spaghetti and meatballs at K's tiny, 3rd floor apartment many years ago, but that hardly counts. It was delicious, as was dessert. As was the new Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey that K got from Q & Dale. I gotta get me a bottle of that! Yum! I also finally got to see Rise of the Planet of the Apes, thanks to Q & Dale's OnDemand - a terrific popcorn movie which I thoroughly enjoyed and highly recommend, if you haven't already seen it. The four of us will gather again on New Year's Eve (along with a few other folks), for our traditional 'quiet' NYE.

Sadly, real-life rears its ugly head until then, demanding the doing of laundry; the dusting of furniture; the putting-away of gifts and the running of the dishwasher. Maybe I should have gone to my sister's...

More, anon.

Prospero

Marketing for Dummies (or Should that Be "to Dummies?")

2011-12-26T23:01:00.004-05:00

Christmas is essentially over. Uncle P has one more gift exchange with my three closest friends tomorrow and today was a Boxing Day gift exchange and Chinese smorgasbord with dear friends from college. I think everyone was and will be quite pleased with their gifts.

Sadly, it's the gifts that seem to be the focus of Christmas, these days (though honestly, with my friends, it's the chance to spend time together). And yes, that's an old complaint. As far back as (and probably well before) 1965's "A Charlie Brown Christmas," Charles Schultz was bemoaning the commercialization of the holiday. Of course, we all have Mr. Charles Dickens to thank for it. Before the publication of A Christmas Carol, Christmas was a minor Christian holiday, far surpassed by Easter, which is the basis for the entire religion. And it was only after the Catholics co-opted the pagan holiday of Winter Solstice that the birth of Jesus was celebrated in December. Historical accounts place the actual birth in March or April, depending on which calendar is being used. And please don't get me wrong; I have no doubt that Jesus of Nazareth existed. There are plenty of documents other than the New Testament to verify that. It's the rest of it I have a problem with.

But none of that has anything to do with this post. And I'm sure by now you must be wondering what any of this has to with Marketing and the new NBC musical "Smash." Well, I'll tell you.

I came across this first video on Facebook, posted by three friends whose only connection is yours truly. Riley is an amazingly perceptive young lady, who goes on a gender-biased marketing rant in her local Toys-R-Us. I hope she maintains her amazing acuity as she gets older.

I see a Gender Studies Major in the making, here.

And then on Towleroad, I came across the promotional clip for the aforementioned "Smash" below. Produced by Steven Spielberg and starring Deborah Messing; Angelica Huston; Megan Hilty; Jack Devenport and "American Idol" winner Katharine McPhee, "Smash" is a story about the mounting of a Broadway musical, from inception to opening night curtain. The musical in question is a biography of Marilyn Monroe and from what I can gather, it focuses on the making of a 'star.'

Now that's how you market a new show.

Spielberg admits that he is clueless about how a Broadway show comes to fruition, so it will be interesting to see if he has put together the right team to pull off a show like "Smash." Having cut my teeth on musical theatre and about to start rehearsals for what I'm pretty sure will be my last musical theatre performance, I am intrigued by and excited for "Smash." I hope it lives up to its hype.

I hope I made all the connections, here. We're all targets, folks. Just look at the ads on you Facebook walls. Hell, look at the ads Google places on my blog. Buy this! Watch that! Spend your money here! It doesn't take a genius to see what the Madmen are doing. The real joke is, they're making money by telling you where and how to spend yours. It makes my head hurt...

More, anon.

Prospero

...And To All, A Goodnight.

2011-12-24T23:26:00.000-05:00

Wishing you all the very merriest of Christmases!

I continue to be amazed that so many people from all over the world care what I have to say and continue to read my ramblings and nonsense every day. I am also amazed at all of the blessings in my life, including my remarkable family and friends. Thank you, thank, thank you.

And to those of you who don't celebrate Christmas (for whatever reason), I hope you are celebrating the many blessings in your life, as well. You don't have to be Christian (or even religious at all) to participate in the joys of the season. I hope that you are and I hope you continue to have many reasons to celebrate life's joys.

"Christmas is not a time or a season but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas." ~ Calvin Coolidge

Merry Christmas, my friends.
Brian

Wrap-A-Thon Tonight

2011-12-23T17:25:00.001-05:00

I am very behind in my holiday preparations this year and will spend much of the night wrapping presents that will be opened tomorrow night, hence the earlier-than-usual post today.

I take great pride in my holiday packages. I always make sure the ribbons, bows, paper and tags are all coordinated, my edges are sharp, the ends folded over and the corners are nice and tight. And I try to make sure they create a pretty display under the tree.

This year, I have decided to not do that at all. I have so many rolls of left-over paper from who knows how many years, that I am going to wrap every present in a different paper and just have a riot of color and patterns. And while I do have a couple dozen gifts to wrap, this will hardly put a dent in all that paper. Maybe I'll do the same thing next year, too. It will probably save me a bundle on wrapping paper for a while. And it'll be just a little bit 'green.'

I also wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who, both here and on Facebook, gave such wonderful advice on yesterday's post. It's good to know that so many folks care. Thankfully, I won't have to really deal with the issue until after the holidays. I'll be sure to let you know what happens.

If I don't get the chance to do so before, please allow me to wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa and/or whatever holiday you celebrate at this time of year. Thanks for reading me. And thanks for your comments. You should all know by now how much I love hearing from you.

Anyway, here's my early Christmas present to all of you; a funny bit-o-nonsense starring Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes. Enjoy:

More, anon.
Prospero

Damage Control

2011-12-22T23:34:00.001-05:00

This is what happens when you jump the curb at a shopping center.

My poor mother, on her way to her weekly hair appointment yesterday afternoon, attempted to park in front of the dry cleaner's next door to her salon. The poor thing says she has no idea what happened. "The car (a 2006 Hyundai Santa Fe) just shot forward," she told me and the police. I suspect she accidentally stepped on the gas instead of the brake, though she swears she no feet on any pedal at the time. Luckily, no one was hurt and amazingly, her car suffered only minor damage: a fist-sized dent in the right fender; a broken parking light and a few scratches to the bumper. A true testament to the safety of the Santa Fe (I drive one, as well). And to top it all off, after the police and EMT's left, she went and had her hair done!

Of course, this isn't the first time this has happened. She did the same thing last summer at my house, running into my shed and destroying a small table and chair, that time admitting she accidentally put the transmission into 'Drive' instead of 'Reverse.' And a just few weeks ago, she grew very confused and upset in the parking lot of another local shopping center while we were out Christmas shopping. I ended up taking over for her and extricating the car from the corner in which she'd trapped herself, but she insisted on driving home and scaring the crap out of me while doing so.

Mom's only 70; hardly old by today's standards. But her health is not the best. You may remember an incident in February of 2010, where I found her in diabetic shock, resulting in a week's stay in the hospital. Severe arthritis in her knees makes walking difficult and 50+ years of heavy smoking have impacted both her heart and lungs. Her hearing is going, though she refuses to admit it and since retiring, these conditions only seem to have worsened.

My first reaction to yesterday's accident was: "I'm taking away her keys." Of course, the mere mention of doing so sent her into paroxysms of anger and denial. But I am afraid she is a danger to herself and others and it's only a matter of time before someone gets seriously injured. So I am asking you, dear readers, what would or have you done in similar situations? Anyone else out there caring for an ailing, elderly and exceptionally stubborn parent? Any advice you have is greatly appreciated.

More, anon.

Prospero

More Christmas Crafts; Early Gifts and a Bit of Philosophy

2011-12-21T23:38:00.001-05:00

So, yesterday I posted about the ZomBarbie I gave Mia for Christmas. Today, she returned the favor and gave me the "Dead Baby Wreath" you see to your right, hanging on the closet in my day-job cubicle.

Yes, we are sick. No, I take that back. We are hilarious. Both of us recognize the absurdity of life, punctuated by the indignity of death. Both of us appreciate our mortality and the cruel joke that religion has perpetrated on most people.

As always, I encourage you to believe what you will, no matter how ridiculous it may seem. Whatever gets you through the night, Baby. As far as I (and Mia) are concerned, life is what you make it, here and now. What matters is what you do, not what you believe.

Be kind to and love one another. Help those in need when you can. Help yourself and those you love (and those who love you), first. Bring joy wherever and however you can. A smile created (no matter how morbid the joke) is worth more than a million dollars. And if the joke's on you, don't blame the joker. Laugh along and find a way to make a joke at the joker's expense. You'll both be better people for it. The worst thing that will ever happen to you is going to happen, no matter what you do. Embrace it and move on -- you'll be all the better for having done so.

Once again, this turned out to be a completely different post than I had planned, but it is a post I suppose I needed to share. The end of the calendar year brings out the philosopher in me, I guess.

My 70 year-old mother accidentally drove through the front of a local dry cleaner's store today. No one was hurt (thank goodness), but she and I were both shaken up. What does that have to do with anything else I've been rambling about? I guess it's this: Life's short. Enjoy its nonsense while you can.

More, anon.

Prospero

P.S. - The sign in the lower left corner of that picture actually read: "Sarah Palin - 2012. The World's Supposed to End, Anyway."

Christmas Crafts , Early Presents and Ridiculously Hunky Greeks.

2011-12-20T23:16:00.004-05:00

I just couldn't wait to give my sweet, sick little Mia her Christmas present this year: the custom 'ZomBarbie' you see to your left. I actually wanted to make this for her for her birthday, but ran out of time. In fact, I was worried I wouldn't have the time to do it for Christmas. But once I got started on it, it went rather quickly. The hardest part was severing Barbie's arm. I used my heavy-duty crafting clippers and it still took several tries from a few different angles to get it, but I think the mangled stump turned out quite well. And the smear on the box's plastic (the result of not-quite-dry paint) was a rather happy accident.

Now, before you think we're both completely insane (as if you don't already), one of the things my co-worker and I bonded on immediately was our love of the zombie genre. And my regular readers know how much I loves me some good zombie-related content. And Mia, a lover of Batman comics and Zombie movies, recognized a kindred soul as soon as we met. Of course, our fellow co-workers think we're absolutely bonkers (and perhaps we are), but they understand (or at least pretend to) our special relationship. And honestly, what else do a gay man of a certain age and 20+ years younger straight woman have to bond about? (Don't answer that question, thank you.)

Mia made me the amazing Teddy-Z a few years ago, and has warned me that her forthcoming gift to me may well cement out reputations as the office loonies (I can't wait to see what she's planning), but I don't care.

And honestly, there is something quite cathartic about turning an American Icon into its antithesis. All I really cared about was making a friend happy at Christmas. Mia's exceptionally enthusiastic response (she immediately posted this picture of it on Facebook) to her gift was well worth the effort it took to make it.

And now, on to the completely unrelated second half of this post.

While I still haven't seen last year's critically reviled remake of Clash of the Titans, I must admit to being quite excited by the trailer for its completely unnecessary sequel Wrath of the Titans. Do Liam Neesom, Ralph Fiennes and Sam Worthintgton really need the money? I neither know nor care, I just want to see how ridiculous this movie might be.

And how many films need to use Marilyn Manson's cover of "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" in their trailers? As my friend Megan is wont to say, "Que Queso!"

More, anon.
Prospero

I've Joined the 21st Century

2011-12-19T23:20:00.006-05:00

I don't remember the last time I got a new cell phone. Maybe six or seven years ago. I do remember that it was free when I upgraded to a new plan. It was a little white flip phone and I was so excited to not have a clunky phone with an antenna. And that phone served me well.

Granted, I have not been a texter (the buttons were small; my fingers are big) and I only used it to make and receive actual calls. I rarely turned it on; only when I was making or expecting a call or sometimes while on my way to rehearsal. I scoffed at people who bought iPhones. "Why do you need to spend $400 on a phone? That's ridiculous!"

Then, this summer I went on a business trip to Chicago. As my co-workers and I sat in the airport waiting for our flight to board, they all pulled out their phones to play games; check their email; watch videos or text their friends and family; while I sat quietly staring into space, feeling jealous and bored. Granted, I had a book to read. But I wasn't in the mood to do so. Watching them being entertained so easily, I decided then and there that my next phone would be better.

So Christmas started to approach. 'Santa' (my mother) asked what I wanted. "A new phone," was my immediate response. I started researching, basing my criteria mostly on price. I could get a smart phone from my carrier (I've been with T-Mobile even before they were T-Mobile and have been quite happy with them) at Walmart for less than $50.00. So, off 'Santa' and I went. We quickly discovered that while the price of the phone was cheap enough, the monthly plan was outrageous. "What about the $49.99 a month plan they advertise?" I asked the very disinterested clerk. "Oh," she said. "You have to go to the T-Mobile store for that."

'Santa' said, "Okay. Just go to the T-Mobile store and pick out the phone you want and I'll pay for it. But don't spend more than $XX.00."

So while finishing my Christmas shopping on Saturday, I did just that. Of course, the phone I wanted was more than twice $XX.00. But the knowledgeable and patient salesman (actually, the store manager, who had dealt quite professionally with a very difficult customer before me) worked with me and we managed to come up with a deal and a plan that made everyone happy. 'Santa' paid for the down-payment on the phone, the 'skin' and the tax, while the remaining balance was broken up into $10.00 interest-free payments added to my monthly $49.99 unlimited plan. I got a top-of-the line smart phone that does everything but wash the dishes and tuck me in at night and 'Santa' even gets a $50.00 rebate. Double-plus good, no?

I'm still in the learning curve with the my new MyTouch phone. I have to sit down with the book, even thought the salesman told me just to play with the phone and discover it on my own. And I have to give it back to 'Santa' on Friday so she can wrap it and give it back to me on Saturday night. But that's okay. Maybe by then, I'll actually have figured how to use half of the functions it comes with. At least I can say I am "Walking in a 4G Wonderland." That is what they're singing, right?

I hope your 'Santa' brings you what you want for Christmas; Xmas; Hanukkah; Kwanzaa or Solstice this holiday season. More importantly, I hope you take the time to appreciate the people you love, the people who love you and all the blessings in your life.

More, anon.
Prospero

P.S. - I donated my old phone to Cell Phones for Soldiers, which supplies phones for our military men and women who may not have one of their own, so they can call loved ones while serving their country. It's the very least I could do to thank them for preserving our freedom.

Review: "Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows"

2011-12-18T22:28:00.003-05:00

Director Guy Ritchie reunites Robert Downey, Jr and Jude Law in the even more bromantic sequel to 2009's Sherlock Holmes. Holmes (Downey) is up to his usual nonsense on the eve of Watson's (Law) wedding, disguising himself as a bookcase in the jungle he's created in his office (much to the exasperation of his housekeeper, Mrs. Hudson). This time, Holmes is after the evil mathematical genius Professor Moriarty (Jared Harris), who is intent on amassing a fortune from munitions sales by initiating a world war.

Joined by gypsy fortune teller (the original Girl with the Dragon Tatto, Noomi Rapace) who is a reformed anarchist, Holmes and Watson journey to France, Germany and Switzerland in search of their prey. Holmes' brother Mycroft (Stephen Fry) is also on hand (and occasionally naked). Rachel McAdams makes a brief return appearance as Holmes' love interest, joined by Kelly Reilly; Gerladine James and Eddie Marsan who also reprise their roles from the 2009 film, brief as those reprisals may be (though Reilly gets a bit more screen time this time around).

D and I really enjoyed the first movie, which was funny, smart and had a hint of supernatural elements in its plot. And while we, for the most part, enjoyed A Game of Shadows, we couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed by it. Holmes is almost completely out of control here; swilling formaldehyde, dressing in more and more outrageous disguises and behaving like a kid with ADD who hasn't taken his Ritalin. His behavior is in fact so outrageous, one must wonder why Watson puts up with it all. It must be true love, especially after he continues on with Holmes after Holmes throws Watson's new wife off a moving train into the river below (don't worry - she's rescued by Mycroft).

Ritchie relies even more on the 'slow-mo/stop-mo/reverse-mo/full speed-mo' camera work he used in the first film and after the third time, I wanted to say "Enough, already!" The overly-complicated plot (courtesy of screenwriters Michelle and Kieran Mulroney) would have been a complete bore, if it wasn't broken up by several exciting and generally well-executed action sequences.

Downey and Law are fine, though neither brings anything new to the table. Rapace struggles against the stereotypical Victorian gypsy fortune-teller character, but the role is so poorly written, she can't help but fall back on those old tropes. Fry is wonderfully acerbic as Mycroft, but no more so than in anything else he's ever done (though I do applaud him for displaying his very far-from-perfect body for all to see). Harris (well-known for playing villainous types) is appropriately creepy as Moriarty, but once again, brings nothing new to the table.

In the end, D and I both expected more from Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. At nearly two and a half hours, it could have benefited by being about 20 minutes shorter; employing a less heavy-handed editing approach; a less complicated plot and better character development. Should there be a Sherlock Holmes 3 (as the movie's end suggests), we'll probably go see it. But with much lowered expectations. ** (2 out of Four Stars)

More, anon.
Prospero

Stick a Fork in Me; I'm Done

2011-12-17T23:53:00.004-05:00

I finally finished my Christmas shopping today. And while many of you may be cursing me because you haven't, I am kicking myself for letting it take so long.

Honestly, I am usually done by the first week of December. In fact, I often start with my annual trek to Florida in the spring to visit my sister and brother-in-law. While I did buy one or two things there in April and another one or two in Chicago this July, I let the bulk of it slide this year. The economy had a bit to do with that. I had to wait until the Fall/Winter O.T. kicked in at the day job, before I could actually afford to shop.

It's not like I have a huge list of people to buy gifts for. There's Mom; Sis & the BIL; Aunt Ev (whom you will eventually learn all about in a post dedicated to her special loonieness, I promise...); D; K; Q and Dale; my godson, his sister and parents and a few folks at work. I tried not to use plastic too much, though some things bought online or via catalog required it. And thank goodness for Amazon wishlists. They made holiday shopping a bit easier this year...

Still, I'm glad my list didn't include any of these items:

Or these:

And while I may actually know where to get "Daddy Butter," I'm not about to share that with a bunch of mostly strangers... ;-)

More, anon.
Prospero

2012 - Year of the Fairy Tale Movie

2011-12-16T23:05:00.005-05:00

I've already posted the trailers for the two Snow White movies being released next year. Now comes the trailer for openly gay director Bryan Singer's upcoming take on 'Jack and the Beanstalk,' Jack the Giant Killer. Singer (best known for directing The Usual Suspects; the first two X-Men movies and the much maligned and under-appreciated Superman Returns), has cast Nicholas Hoult (About a Boy; X-Men: First Class); Ewan McGregor (Moulin Rouge!); Stanley Tucci (The Devil Wears Prada); Bill Nighy (Sean of the Dead; Love, Actually); Ian McShane ("Deadwood;" Snow White and the Hunstman) and Eleanor Tomlinson (Alice in Wonderland) in the story of a poor boy whose magic beans grow a giant stalk which leads to a land of giants. Singer's film has nothing to do with the terrible 1962 movie of the same name, which also has nothing to do with beans.

Here's the trailer (once again via):

But Singer is just the latest to jump on the Fairy Tale bandwagon. Both ABC and NBC beat the film studios to the punch with ABC's very silly "Once Upon a Time" and NBC's darker and far superior "Grimm." And it hardly stops there. Also scheduled for 2012 is Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, from Dead Snow director Tommy Wirkola. Starring Jeremy Renner, Gemma Atterton. Peter Storemare and Famke Janssen in a story about the grown-up siblings offering their services as the title suggests. And then there's the 3D re-release of Disney's Beauty and the Beast; the animated Dorothy of Oz and The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey.

Of course, director Terry Gilliam (Brazil) was way ahead of the curve with 2005's also much-maligned and under-appreciated The Brothers Grimm, starring Matt Damon and the much-missed Heath Ledger:

And that movie has nothing to do with the "Star Studded" 1962 cheesefest, The Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm:

So glad I was too young to appreciate that craptacular, even at 'popular prices!'

More, anon.
Prospero

Argento Finally Loses It

2011-12-15T23:37:00.003-05:00

That's Rutger Hauer as Abraham Van Helsing in Dario Argento's upcoming Dracula 3D. Argento is the director of what many consider to be the seminal giallo film, Suspiria. Argento's 20-odd other fims include the classics The Bird with the Crystal Plumage; Deep Red and Tenebre. His films usually feature American or British stars who speak English and are later dubbed into Italian (except in English speaking countries, where the Italian actors are dubbed in English). They also often feature his daughter Asia, who is best known in the U.S. for George A. Romero's Land of the Dead and Sophia Coppola's Marie Antoinette.

While I understand the appeal of Argento's films, I don't really count myself a fan. They are often boring and make little sense, even after the killer is revealed, though they usually have an artistic flair rarely seen in American slasher movies. Of course, Argento's last film, 2009's Giallo (featuring Adrian Brody), was critically reviled and only released in the U.S. direct-to-DVD. It performed so poorly, Brody had to sue to claim his salary, blocking the DVD release until he received his contracted fees.

Argento is back, with his own take on the Bram Stoker novel, shooting in 3D. The movie stars Thomas Kretschmann (King Kong; Wanted) as Dracula; hunky Spaniard Unax Ugalde (Goya's Ghosts) as Harker and Asia Argento as Lucy, as well a bunch of Italian and German actors playing characters which cannot be found in Stoker's novel. Thanks to JA at My New Plaid Pants, here's the teaser trailer (which is still missing some key effects):

Wow. Okay, let's start with the positives: The film seems to have an old Hammer Studios vibe from the days when Christopher Lee played Dracula and Peter Cushing was Van Helsing. And there seems to be a bit of bare boobage for the str8 boys. And Rutger Hauer will always be badass. But that's all I got.

The negatives? I can't begin to count them. But, I will start with the GIANT EFFING PRAYING MANTIS!!! Seriously - WTF? I have read Stoker's novel several times. Hell, I even wrote the lyrics and libretto for a musical adaptation of it. I am intimately familiar with that novel and I can assure you that NO WHERE in "Dracula" is there a giant praying mantis. Seriously, this movie is just dying for the MT3K treatment, and it hasn't even been released. I can only conclude that Argento has completely lost his mind. Either that, or he's pulling the greatest prank in film history.

I really can't decide whether I want to see this movie or not. Will I laugh at it's obvious ineptitude or just be sad to see one of the most famous pieces of English literature get bastardized even worse than in Andy Warhol's Blood for Dracula? Maybe if I see it with two smart-ass robots...

More, anon.

Prospero

Old Testament Christians

2011-12-15T00:49:00.001-05:00

Boy, am I tired of so-called "Christians" who claim their values are based on the Bible when in reality, their values are based on the Old Testament, which has absolutely nothing to do with the teachings of Jesus as reported in the New Testament.

Case in point: The Salvation Army. The SA espouses the Christian value of Charity unless of course, you are gay, in which case you can suffer.

Founded in England in 1865, The Salvation Army claims to embrace all people in need, regardless of their sexuality. In reality, they oppose gay rights and fight against same-sex marriage. They don't hire LGBT people; encourage gays to "embrace celibacy" and tried during the GW Bush administration, to get themselves excluded from laws which prevent them discriminating against people because of their sexuality. As recently as 2010, the SA refused to accept donated toys based on the "Harry Potter" and "Twilight" movies, because they thought such toys promoted 'witchcraft' and anti-Christian values. This, despite the fact that the "Twilight" series is actually a Mormon treatise which espouses celibacy until marriage.

If I remember correctly, Jesus never said "Hate the gays" or "Ignore thy neighbor." The SA uses a passage from Leviticus to support their anti-gay stance, but I don't imagine any of them espouses the stoning of women; the sale of one's daughters into slavery or the avoidance of shellfish, all of which Leviticus says we should do.

Should you want to donate to worthy charities this Holiday Season (and I encourage you to do so), please direct your gifts towards organizations that so not discriminate against any particular people. There are may worthy causes out there, including, but not limited to: AmFar; The Trevor Project; The It Gets Better Project; The Red Cross; God's Love We Deliver; The James Tolin Memorial Fund; The Human Rights Campaign and hundreds of other NPO's that actually endeavor to make life better for all people.

When I pass a Salvation Army red kettle, I drop a note that reads "Stop Discriminating Against LGBT People" and I urge you to do the same. LGBT activist Zinnia Jones has this to say about the Salvation Army:

Please... put your holiday donation towards a charity that doesn't promote hate and skip the bell-ringers this year.

More, anon.
Prospero

Goodbye, 2011

2011-12-13T23:43:00.003-05:00

There are less than 18 days left in 2011. And honestly, for every good thing that happened this year, there were 3 bad things.

The economy tanked even further, Japan experienced a major earthquake and tsunami, we lost Anne Francis; Jack LaLanne; Jane Russell; Michael Gough; Elizabeth Taylor; Sidney Lumet; Yvette Vickers; Jackie Cooper; Dana Wynter; Arthur Laurents; Delores Fuller; Jeff Conaway; Clarence Clemens; Peter Falk; Betty Ford; Amy Winehouse; Bubba Smith; Cliff Robertson; Andy Whitfield; Frances Bay; Charkes Napier; Steve Jobs; Andy Rooney; Joe Frazier; Ken Russell and Harry Morgan (among many others). We saw violence against peaceful protestors and the continued tragedy of teen suicides. Ignorance and hate still abound; the worst possible crop of Republican candidates dominate the news while more folks are jobless, homeless and completely ignored by an ineffective Congress that seems to think their petty differences matter more than the welfare of the country. Our men and women in the Armed Forces continue to die in two pointless wars; arsenic abounds in fruit juices and contaminated honey from China sits on our grocery store shelves. Big pharmas continue to reap profits from the suffering of millions; AIDS still ravages Third World countries; homophobia runs rampant and a beloved University football program was toppled by a pervert. Is it really surprising that a show about the Zombie Apocalypse is among the most popular on TV?

But the news wasn't all bad. New York State approved Same-Sex marriage; the US Military is finally being removed from Iraq; gas prices have started to drop and Good Samaritans continue to do nice things. And in the spirit of nice things, I thought I'd share the video clip below with all of you.

You all know by now how much Uncle P loves a good flashmob. Sent to me by my co-worker Sue, here's the University of Minnesota's Carlson School of Management's official 'Christmas Card:'

There. Don't you feel better? I know I do.

More, anon.
Prospero

The Gayest Things You'll See This Week (NSFW Version)

2011-12-12T23:47:00.005-05:00

If you are straight, easily offended, an a-hole or my little sister, I highly recommend skipping this post.

Gay comedian/songwriter/singer Jonny McGovern is back with a new video for his latest single "Dickmatized" from his upcoming album "The Gayest of All Time."

Jonny was a cast member of Logo's short-lived sketch comedy show "The Big Gay Sketch Show" and was often very funny on it. I posted his video for "Sexy Nerd" not too long ago.

His latest music video is certainly the dirtiest he's done, but it's also very, very funny. And very NSFW (Not Safe for Work, for those new to the Internet - and if are in fact, new to the Internet, welcome to the 21st Century, Loser).

I'm sorry. I try not to be mean, but it sometimes just slips out.

Anyway, here's Jonny's video (via). And while I won't admit to actually suffering from this particular condition, I will say that I understand where he's coming from (pun subconsciously intended).

Time for a cold shower... Or maybe I should take up B-Ball...

And here's a bit of Jonny on 'The Big Gay Sketch Show:"

Funny stuff.

More, anon.
Prospero

Adapting Stephen King

2011-12-11T23:14:00.004-05:00

Writer/Director Mick Garris is a friend of Stephen King's. He directed the mostly excellent TV version of The Stand; the more-faithful-to-the-novel TV version of The Shining; the direct-to-video version of Riding the Bullet and the TV version of Desperation (which makes no sense without its companion piece The Regulators, which was written under King's pseudonym, Richard Bachman). Most of Garris' versions of King's works are just okay. They certainly can't compare with Frank Darabont's astoundingly good film adaptations of Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption; The Green Mile or The Mist.

Garris is back with a two-part mini-series version of King's ghost story Bag of Bones airing tonight and tomorrow on the A&E network. Since I rarely watch TV in real time (I love my DVR), I won't be reviewing Bag of Bones until Tuesday. But I thought I'd share my thoughts on Garris' (and other directors') takes on King's works.

King is difficult to adapt to film. His novels often rely on emotional reactions to what is happening on the page, and that's not always easy to convey on film. And while King's plots and premises are often silly, he is quite skilled at developing characters about whom the reader grows to care. When awful things happen to those characters, it's easy for a reader to get caught up in those characters' emotional responses to whatever outrageous things are going on around them. Few film directors have been able to capture that. Brian DePalma (Carrie); Lewis Teague (Cujo); David Cronenberg (The Dead Zone); Rob Reiner (Stand by Me) and - to a lesser degree - Mikael Hafstrom (1408); John Carpenter (Christine); Mary Lambert (Pet Semetary) and George Romero (Creepshow; Monkey Shines; The Dark Half) have all had some degree of success with adapting King's works. And while there are plenty of folks who adore Stanley Kubrick's version of The Shining, I have never been anything less than disappointed with that brilliant film which completely ignores a full third of the novel and makes so many changes to the story that renders it almost unrecognizable from it's source material. None of these movies can compare to Darabont's films in capturing King's intent, though a few come close. And don't even get me started on the many dreadful adaptions of King's novels and short stories, one of which was directed by King, himself.

Garris is limited by what American TV standards will allow. His version of The Shining, while closer to the novel, because of standards imposed by the FCC, omits all of the truly twisted sexual passages King wrote. And while Garris' version of The Stand is quite good (though often miscast), I imagine the proposed theatrical version might be better. Garris is a decent director, and his adaptations of King's novels are workmanlike and serviceable. Still, they don't always succeed in capturing the essence of what King manages to convey on the page. Not to be a naysayer, but I hope he is not involved with the upcoming TV version of The Talisman*, King's brilliant novel co-authored with Peter Straub (another amazing author whose work has been abused by Hollywood).

I'll let you know what I think of Bag of Bones once I've seen the whole thing. In the meantime, here's the trailer:

And here's a teaser trailer (which I've posted before) for a movie version of The Talisman (one of my favorite modern novels, ever) which never got made:

*Which partially takes place in the same universe as King's "The Dark Tower."

More, anon.
Prospero

Finally In The Mood

2011-12-09T23:43:00.001-05:00

Well, despite the monsters lurking amongst us, I finally feel it is the Christmas season. Temperatures have dropped and tonight I wrapped the gifts that I am shipping down to my sister and brother-in-law in Florida.

It's not as much as I would like to or even usually send, but it's been a tough year for everyone. I'm spending less all around, this year. And the older we get, the harder it is to find the perfect gift (though I do pride myself on my gift-choosing skills). No one has ever looked at a gift I've given them and said "What the hell is this?" I can't always say the same about some of the gifts I've received.

Of course, the gifts aren't really the point.

For me, Christmas has always been about celebrating the love between family and friends. And as I've said repeatedly, I feel so very blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life. I can't imagine how empty my life would be without them. They make me laugh (and sometimes cry). They bring me joy (and sometimes sorrow). They offer ears to listen, shoulders to cry on and hands to lift me up. They go along with my crazy schemes; they perform for and with me; they accompany me to the movies and the theatre; they keep my secrets and share theirs; they know me as well as I know them.

So, while religious Christians celebrate Christmas as the birth of their spiritual savior, I celebrate my many spiritual saviors - the folks I love and who love me in return. So let me wish you all an early Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Good Solstice and the best in the coming New Year.

Oh - and here's the Gayest Holiday Thing You'll See This Week:

By the way - for those who find offense at the use of "Xmas," you should know that the 'X' in "Xmas" comes from the first letter of the Greek word for 'Christ.' Y'all need to get over that, already.

More, anon.

Prospero

Real Life Monsters

2011-12-08T23:11:00.003-05:00

Growing up, I was taught to believe there were no such things as monsters.

Of course, now I know that's not true. There are monsters. Monsters who disguise themselves as Human Beings. And even worse, those monsters pretend to be Christians, doing everything they can to pervert the teachings of the New Testament for their own means. And people wonder why I am against religion.

Three cases in point:

Case #1 - Texas Governor Rick Perry, who just yesterday released a hateful and decidedly un-Christian campaign video in a desperate attempt to attract homophobic rednecks into supporting his increasingly failing bid to secure the Republican nomination. See for yourselves (if you already haven't):

I feel sick just posting that. Of course, there have been several immediate responses to that hateful message. Thankfully, there are many sane (and often funny) responses to Perry's antiquated rhetoric. Here are two:

And I can't even tell you how many folks have compared Perry's attire in that video to that of Heath Ledger's in Brokeback Mountain. I'm sure he's blew his top at whomever clothed him that day by now. But that doesn't make him any less a monster.

Case #2 - Rick "Frothy Mix" Santorum, who continues to spread lies about how gay people are out to erode the "traditional American family." I have some news for you, Mr. Santorum; the traditional family has been on the wane since the 1960's, when people started to realize they had choices in how they conducted their personal lives which were protected by the Constitution. And the Catholic Church is so well-regarded in matters of sexual propriety these days, everyone agrees with you. NOT! Sadly, there are some people who agree with Santorum's nonsense. I'm happy to admit that I don't know a single one of them.

In fact, Santorum seems so obsessed with gay sex it makes me wonder if "... the Lady doth protest too much," if you know what I mean (wink-wink, nudge-nudge), Get a life, already, would you? Of course, 'gay panic' is the least of the Frothy Mix's worries. His polling numbers are so low, he's the butt (every pun intended) of even Tea Part jokes.

Finally, Case #3 - Pat Robertson. The successor as host of "The 700 Club" to that pillar of morality Jim Bakker, Robertson continues to spew lies and hatred disguised as Christian values. In response to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's amazing and historic speech to the UN on International LGBT rights, Robertson had this to say:

Did Robertson conveniently skip the part about "Love thy neighbor?" And I have to think he's just ignoring that "The Wrath of God" has not come down upon Canada; Belgium; Iceland; Israel; Mexico; The Netherlands; Portugal; Spain; South Africa; Argentina; Sweden and Nepal for passing legislation allowing same-sex marriage. Or maybe he's become so isolated by his own ignorance, he doesn't even know that those countries exist. Fanaticism can do that, so I am told.

Honestly, I don't know how these men sleep at night. I suppose they actually believe the lies they are spreading. I have to suppose they don't realize they are actually spewing hate speech. I hope they are simply blinded by what they believe to be the truth (as sad as that is). I can only hope they will one day wake up and realize how wrong they are. Until that day (should it ever come), I will continue to vote, write and speak against their lies, hate and intolerance. And I hope you will join me in doing so.

Okay - yet another rant over. Back to my usual nonsense, soon.

More, anon.

Prospero

Nyuk-Nyuk-Yuck!

2011-12-07T22:54:00.003-05:00

What the hell? Not since Penelope Spheeris' crapped out The Little Rascals in 1994 has my childhood been so shat upon.

My sister and I grew up in the 60's and 70's, watching the Rascals' (and Our Gang) shorts on TV. We can quote them ad nauseum, and often embarrass our mother and my brother-in-law by sending each other into gales of inappropriately hysterical public laughter by doing so. The shorts are also responsible for Q and I bonding forever one weird night after a rehearsal for a college production of The Heiress (that's a story for another time).

We also grew up watching Moe, Larry and Curly (and later, Joe and Curly Joe) as The Three Stooges. A vaudeville act who went on to find success as a slapstick trio in 1940's shorts, the Stooges were on TV in the Philadelphia market every Sunday morning when we were kids. We can also quote many of their famous routines (and "Swingin' the Alphabet" is the most singable song you'll ever hear). They're still on in many markets (along with the Rascals).

So, when the Farrelly Brothers (Kingpin; There's Something About Mary) announced they were making a Three Stooges movie, I thought "Well, if anyone can do it, they can." Will Sasso as Curly? Sure. Sean Hayes as Larry? Okay - maybe. Chris Diamantopoulos as Moe - Who? Oh, that guy. This could work as a biopic. Of course, it's not a biopic. It's a new Stooges story, told as if the three 'moroons' were alive today. WTF? Did no one learn anything from The Little Rascals?

The teaser trailer was released today, and it only confirmed what I feared would happen. I think that this movie will stink worse than a Halloween pumpkin at Thanksgiving. Take a look at the trailer and see if you don't agree:

Truth be told, there was not a single second of that trailer that made me smile, let alone laugh. Seriously? Snooki? Next you're going to tell me that "The Situation" is in this load of crap. Wait, what? He is? That's it. I'm done. That sound you hear is the Howard brothers rolling in their graves.

I hope you'll be joining me in avoiding this movie like the plague. Of course, I could be wrong and it might end up being hilarious. But something tells me that I'm not wrong and this film will be a boil on the ass of all that is funny.

Gee - I wonder how I really feel about it?

If you're wondering what a funny Three Stooges movie is like, watch this famous scene featuring Curly and some very fresh oyster stew:

On a side note - While working at a Philadelphia department store in the 1990's, I met and befriended Larry Fine's sister. When she learned I was a fan, she started visiting regularly, often slipping me passes to the annual Stooge's convention. Sadly, I could never attend. I imagine she has joined her brother in the Great Beyond by now, but it was nice to know she appreciated someone who appreciated her brother.

More, anon.

Prospero

Bloggers Can Make a Difference

2011-12-06T23:58:00.002-05:00

Dan Pearce writes a blog called SDL which stands for 'Single Dad Laughing.' I haven't had much of a chance to read the rest of his posts, but his recent post called I'm Christian, unless you're gay has gone viral and caused quite a stir. To date, he has received over 5,000 comments on that single post. While many of those comments were negative, the vast majority have been positive.

It's an amazing piece and if you haven't already read it, I strongly suggest that you do so. The post isn't about Christianity or homosexuality. It's about Humanity. It's about how we all need to treat one another as we we would want ourselves to be treated. It's about the "Golden Rule." It's about realizing that our differences are what make us the same. But mostly, it's about love.

I have an amazing family. My mother, sister and brother-in-law are amazingly supportive of me and love me for who I am. Of course, my family isn't limited to the people to whom I am related by blood. My family includes some amazing human beings (D; K; Q; Dale; Tracy and a few others) who genuinely love me (and whom I love so very much). I am also lucky enough have a wide group of friends who love me, as well. And I love all of them. I also happen to have a day job where my co-workers not only respect me, but don't care about my sexuality. It's simply a non-issue. In fact, most of them don't understand why anyone's sexuality matters. I think of myself as truly blessed to have have all of these wonderful people in my life, even though I would never consider myself to be religious in any way. Blessings don't have to be supernatural to matter.

Am I still anti-religion? Definitely. Religion has been the source of more social strife than any other issue in the history of civilization. Millions have been killed in the name of "God." Families have been torn apart; lives have been shattered and countless people have committed suicide because they just couldn't reconcile who they were with who their religions said they should be. But I am not about to condemn anyone for what he or she believes. What I will condemn is using what they believe to justify hating someone else for believing differently.

Today, Dan posted a video featuring some of the comments he received on his post. Watch the whole thing. The fact that this eloquent man changed so many minds gives me hope.

Thank you, Dan. And thank you to all of my readers who get it. Keep fighting the good fight, folks. Love is all you need, as some band sang way back when.

More, anon.
Prospero

It's About Time

2011-12-05T23:41:00.003-05:00

Horror fans have been drooling to see producer Joss Whedon's The Cabin in the Woods for almost three years, now. Written and directed by Cloverfield writer Drew Goddard ("Lost;" "Angel;" "Alias") and starring Chris Hemsworth (Thor; The Avengers); Jesse Williams ("Grey's Anatomy"); Richard Jenkins (Let Me In; "Six Feet Under"); Bradley Whitford ("The West Wing") and Amy Acker ("Dollhouse"), The Cabin in the Woods supposedly takes a familiar trope and turns it on its ears.

As in Sam Raimi's seminal The Evil Dead, a group of young people head out to spend their holiday at a remote cabin in the woods, only to be confronted by creatures and forces beyond their ken. From the trailer just released, it appears that The Cabin in the Woods is a bizarre combination of The Evil Dead; Friday the 13th; Wrong Turn and Cube with a dash of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre thrown in for good measure.

Completed in 2009, The Cabin in the Woods got caught up in MGM's financial debacle, delaying it's release until Lionsgate finally picked it up for distribution. It has at last been scheduled for release on April 13th, 2012. Sadly, that's the opening night of Hairspray. I suppose that means I'll have to see it at a matinee that weekend.

I can't decide if I need to see this movie in 3D or not. Maybe if Scorcese had directed...

More, anon.
Prospero

I Can't Stop the Beat

2011-12-04T23:35:00.002-05:00

So today saw the final performance of A Christmas Carol and I have to be honest, I don't think I'm going to suffer the usual post-show depression I usually experience at the end of a run. Mostly because I'm just exhausted.

Doing a show while trying to get ready for the holidays is insane, yet there we were... it's like a strange disease or something. Only other Theatre Folk understand. I do get a break now, though.

Rehearsals for Hairspray won't start until February and rehearsals for Jeffrey won't start until May. Hairspray will undoubtedly mark my retirement from performing in musicals. It's been eleven years since my last one (A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum) anyway, and I think it's probably a good one to go out on. Jeffrey not only marks the 10th Anniversary of the JTMF, but will be the first time D and I actually share more than a brief scene on stage together. After that, who knows what theatrical nonsense I might get up to? Maybe 2012 will finally be the year I get a composer to actually finish the score to one of the three musicals I've written. Or I just might finish one or two of the dozens of 'in-progress' screenplays on my hard drive. Or maybe I'll take a nice long break and not do anything creative for a while (like that might happen).

Whatever the New Year brings, I'm looking forward to it. And I hope you are, as well. In the meantime, please enjoy this number from Hairspray:

More, anon.
Prospero

The Gayest Thing You'll See This Week

2011-12-03T23:20:00.006-05:00

The Only 'Gay Christmas' Image I Found Without a Half-Naked Man In It

Last night was opening night of the JTMF production of Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" and I got home late and was just too tired to post anything. We had two shows today and have one left tomorrow.

And after Thursday's downer of a post, I thought it time to get back to our usual nonsense, don't you?

I came across the video embedded below on Towleroad, who nicked it from Gawker, which has apparently declared it 'The Viral Video of the Christmas Season.'

Now, I'm not saying the gentleman in the clip is gay. He may or may not be. But I've been in the theatre for the majority of my life and I've worked for the NYC Ballet. I have met a lot dancers, men and women; gay and straight. All I can say is that the straight male dancers I know don't move in quite the same way as the gay male dancers I know. I'll let you decide for yourselves, then. He does have a rather adorable smile, though...

Ladies and germs, I give you "Miracle on 42nd Street:"

So? Gay or straight? You tell me in the comments.

I'm beat. Two shows in one day (even short ones) really take it out of you. I'm off to bed.

More, anon.

Prospero

A Painful, Personal Story

2011-12-01T23:17:00.002-05:00

World AIDS Day 2011 is winding to a close, just as the JTMF Winter Event is about to begin. And while I am proud to be a part of the James Tolin Memorial Fund, I wish it never existed.

James passed away in 2002, after a valiant 10-year fight against HIV/AIDS. I never knew the man, but from all accounts, we would have been great friends. And I have to mourn the loss of a potential friend, almost as much as I mourn the loss of dear, sweet Scott. When Scott passed away in 1986, there were no agencies to provide support for those afflicted. There were lots of scared people; nurses who wouldn't touch him; friends and family members who abandoned him and a President who didn't care.

About two weeks before Scott passed away, I went on my weekly visit to the hospital where I had watched him literally waste away before my eyes. I walked into the ward and had to take a breath - he was nearly skeletal, his skin covered in KS lesions and his hair almost gone. He saw me and started to cry. I walked over to his bed and kissed his forehead. "Why are crying?" I asked.

"You're the only one..."

"What do you mean?"

"You're the only one who keeps coming back."

Fighting back the tears, I just sat and held him for a while. When I realized he had stopped crying, I looked down and saw he had fallen asleep. I moved to the chair next to his bed and sat, watching him. It was one of the few times I'd seen him in a long time where his face wasn't wracked with pain. A nurse, wearing gloves and a mask came in and asked me if I wanted a mask. I said "No, thank you," and she woke Scott up to take a pill. After she left, he said "Why do still come? Aren't you afraid?"

"No," I said and he started to cry again.

I saw Scott twice more, after that. The first time, he'd had a bit of a rally and we spent most of the visit laughing and joking. The last time I saw him, he was in and out of consciousness; hallucinating and terrified, though he recognized me and seemed to calm down when I talked to him. When I went back the next week, his bed was empty and no one would tell me what had happened because I wasn't family. When I got home, I called his father, who hung up on me. His mother lived in Florida and I had no idea how to find her (this was before the Internet - yes, I am that old), but I finally managed to track down his sister who told me that Scott had indeed, died. He was cremated. There was no funeral; no obituary. They were too ashamed to acknowledge he'd even existed.

I've never told this entire story to anyone. My family would have been appalled if they'd known I was visiting an AIDS ward every week. My father would have had a stroke. My sister was just too young to fully understand and my mother would have been afraid I would get sick. It was a terrible secret to keep, but I am glad I was there for Scott when no one else was.

It's been 30 years since AIDS was named, and 30 million people world-wide (gay and straight) have died from it. 30 million. 30,000,000. Think about that number.

AIDS diagnoses have been on the decline in the U.S., but continue to rise in Third World countries. President Obama gave a rather hopeful speech today, but the disease is still with us. People are still dying. I hope Mr. Obama is right and that this is the beginning of the end of AIDS. Too many wonderful, talented, loving and just plain good people have been lost.

This isn't the post I thought it would be. I didn't mean to bring you all down. There is hope. Research and education are the best defenses against this insidious disease and every little bit you can do, helps. I know times are tough. I know that Christmas is coming. But if you have a dollar or two to spare, please consider donating to an AIDS charity, There's still so much work to be done. Here's a list of a few charities dedicated to eradicating HIV/AIDS:

AMFAR

The Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation

The Hyacinth Foundation

The James Tolin Memorial Fund

Please consider making a donation to any one of these or other organizations which are trying to make AIDS an unfortunate footnote in human history.

More, anon.
Prospero

The Easiest "Hell Week" Ever

2011-11-30T23:44:00.003-05:00

Hell?

To Theatre Folk (who are not too far removed from Circus Folk), "Hell Week" is the last week of rehearsals before a show opens. There is often lots of flailing, wailing and running around and usually plenty of yelling, screaming and crying from everyone involved. And while this is sometimes the case with a JTMF show, more often than not, there is little of that. For Charles Dicken's "A Christmas Carol," there has been absolutely none of the usual Hell Week nonsense.

After nine years of producing benefit shows, I think we may have actually gotten it down to a science. Of course, it helps that no one involved in a JTMF show has a personal agenda. The 'Diva Factor' just doesn't exist with us. We're all working towards a common goal and honoring the memory of a fallen comrade, while raising money to help those still with us.

Our Winter Event has proven to be very easy two years in a row, now. A radio play is a joy to produce: Small cast with script in hand; minimal rehearsals; a couple of Foley artists; limited light cues and basically no set to speak of all make for a simple and easy show. And working with a bunch of folks who know, respect and love one another makes the whole process so easy for all involved.

My cast and crew (as always) are amazing. My producer is my hero and the chance to perform with so many talented folks is an early Christmas present that means more than any gadget, toy or sweater ever could.

Just know there will be more shameless self-promotion to come this week. We need butts in seats, folks! Get your tickets now! I promise you'll have a good time. And if you don't... well, you just may well need a visit from three spirits of your own.

More, anon.

Prospero

Swing, Swing, Swing!

2011-11-29T23:21:00.004-05:00

The whole 1940's vibe we've been getting in rehearsals for Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" has been rubbing off on me (No, not that way, you pervs).

Back in the early 90's, I directed a production of Much Ado About Nothing that was set during the liberation of Sicily during WWII. During Leonato's masked ball, I staged a full on swing dance set to Glen Miller's "In the Mood." It was an audience pleaser and much fun for the cast.

I love Swing music and Swing dance. And long-time readers also know how much I love a good flashmob. So imagine my delight when I came across the video below (via) of a Swing-dancing flashmob which took place at Denver's International Airport on November 22nd. It features one of my all-time favorite Swing numbers, Benny Goodman's "Sing Sing Sing" and some terrific Swing dancing by the member's of cmDance. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did:

There are two rehearsals left before Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" opens on Friday and tickets, while going fast, are still available. We'd love to see you there. I know, I know - more shameless self-promotion. But hey, if I don't, who will? As Patricia Kalember says in Signs, "Swing away!" Okay - maybe that wasn't the best or most relevant reference, but I'm tired...

Of course, this is the perfect opportunity to re-embed my favorite flashmob of all time:

I'm still dying to do one of these. Maybe I can figure out how to do one to promote Hairspray in the spring.

More, anon.
Prospero

We Open This Friday

2011-11-28T23:35:00.003-05:00

The James Tolin Memorial Fund's Winter Event featuring Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" opens this Friday and things are going well.

Unlike our annual Summer Event, which usually features a show with adult themes and language, our Winter Event is a family friendly blast from the past. Audiences travel back in time to the 1940's where they get to see a live 'radio broadcast' with a small cast playing multiple roles and a live Foley (sound effects) crew.

This year, eight actors (including Uncle P: D; Q; K; Matty and Maddie) are taking on 45 roles in the adaptation by Anthony Palermo at the Kelsey Theatre in West Windsor, NJ. Proceeds from our Winter Event both help defray the costs of our Summer Event (which benefits multiple charities) and benefit The Trevor Project, a crisis intervention and suicide prevention hotline for LGBT and questioning youth.

Performances are Friday, December 2nd at 8:00 PM; Saturday, December 3rd at 2:00 and 8:00 PM and Sunday, December 4th at 2:00 PM. Tickets are $14 - $18 and can be purchased online at www.kelseyatmccc.org, by phone at 609-570-3333 or at the Kelsey Box Office starting one hour before curtain. If you can't attend, but would like to help, you can make a secure donation via PayPal at our website: www.jtmf.org, where you also find additional information about who we are, what we do, why we do it and the charities we support.

But honestly, we would rather see you there! Shameless self-promotion now ended. We'll return to our regularly scheduled nonsense, soon.

More, anon.

Prospero

Pretty Much Dead Already

2011-11-27T23:50:00.002-05:00

Since I will be in tech rehearsals for A Christmas Carol all week, I watched this week's episode of "The Walking Dead" in real time for a change. And because of some of my friends' reactions to it (one said the show had jumped the shark), I thought I'd review it, rather than just recap it. Still, there are SPOILERS AHEAD. If you haven't seen this week's episode, come back after you have.

So, after what many have complained as being a boring season 2, last week's episode had lots of action; lots of Walkers and lots of zombie kills, not to mention the revelation that Herchel's (and why can't other bloggers/reviewers/writers get that spelling right?) barn was housing a dozen or more Walkers. This week, Glenn and Dale reveal that fact to to others, which sends the volatile Shane into a rage and sends Rick once more to appeal to Herchel to let his people stay at the farm. Dale tries to hide the guns in the swamp, but Shane tracks him down and brings them back. Glenn and Maggie make up and Carol upsets Daryl by revealing she has feelings for him (Carol and Daryl? Really?). Lori tells Shane that even if her baby is his, it will never be his. Meanwhile, Jimmy tells Herchel that "... it's happened again." and Herchel entreats Rick to help him with something. That 'something' turns out to be two Walkers trapped in the swamp, which Herchel intends to retrieve using the kind of pole Animal Control officers use on vicious dogs. Back with the guns and seeing Herchel and Rick leading two Walkers back on the poles, Shane loses it and releases the Walkers in the barn. After repeatedly shooting the Walker on Herchel's pole, Shane breaks open the barn and he; Andrea; Glenn and Tbone take out the Walkers as they stumble out. Of course, the last Walker to make its way out is the long-missing Sophia. They all stare, stunned, until Rick steps up and does what has to be done.

I have heard complaints from lots of folks that the series is changing some of the things that happen in Kirkman's graphic novel. So? What film or TV adaptation has ever stuck to the letter of its source material? Silence of the Lambs is theonly one that comes to my mind, but I know plenty of people who love Kubrick's version of The Shining. Personally, I hated it, because he changed too much. Does that make it any less a valid story? No. It just makes it different. Another friend complained that waiting 7 weeks to find out what happened to Sophia was lazy writing. Really? I thought that she might have been in the barn, but hoped she wasn't. When it turned out that she was, I wasn't disappointed... just sad.

The ending of "Pretty Much Dead Already" sets up a new power-play at the farm, and while we know Rick and company can't (and probably won't) stay much longer, it leaves us with so many more questions. Is Andrea (as Dale suggests) becoming as hard-hearted as Shane? Has Maggie become enamored with Glenn enough to leave her father? Will Beth, Jimmy and Patricia side with Herchel? Will Daryl and Carol become an item (I hope not)? And just whose baby is Lori carrying? Has the show "jumped the shark?" Many thought the same thing about "Lost" with the whole Paulo and Nicki plot, but they seemed to work that out. I think the season so far has just been suffering from 'growing pains,' as it were. Certainly the exit of Frank Daramont as showrunner has been an issue, but I don't think it's an insurmountable one. As long as Kirkwood remains on board as Executive Producer, I have hope that it will find its footing again and become the exciting and intriguing show it was in Season 1. As Glenn said, "We forgot they were dangerous." I, for one, am looking forward to where the show will go come it's February return.

"Pretty Much Dead Already" may have been a bit predictable but it set up the rest of season most effectively, proving that Shane (not the most stable of people) has been right about the need to protect themselves all along and that Rick may not be the most effective leader, despite his attempts at being the group's moral core. I think there may be a major schism coming among the group and wonder what side I might take in such a situation. *** (Three out of Four Stars).

More, anon.
Prospero

Review: "Hugo"

2011-11-27T01:16:00.006-05:00


Asa Butterfield and Jude Law in "Hugo"

Before I start my review, I have a confession to make: I knew I was going to love Hugo going in. What I didn't know was just how much I was going to love it.

Martin Scorcese's adaption of Brian Selznick's novel "The Invention of Hugo Cabret" tells the story of a young boy (Asa Butterfield) who lives in the walls of the Paris train station in 1930, winding and maintaining the station's many clocks. He watches the the goings on among the station's shopkeepers from behind the clocks' faces; steals food from the restaurants and fruit carts and tries to avoid the Station Inspector (Sacha Baron Cohen), a wounded WWI vet with a cranky leg brace and a not-quite vicious Doberman. When caught trying to steal clockwork parts from the station's toy shop, the shop's cantankerous owner (Sir Ben Kingsley) makes Hugo empty his pockets, where he discovers a detailed notebook filled with drawings of an automaton that upsets him to no end. When the old man threatens to burn the book, Hugo pleas with his ward, Isabelle (Chloe Grace Moretz) to help him get it back. And thus the adventure begins. I won't go in to more plot detail than that, because you really need to let it unfold around you.

And I mean that quite literally. Shooting in 3D, Scorcese uses the medium to add remarkable depth to his film, quite unlike any other director has managed to do. The 3D is crisp and amazing, allowing the audience to experience the story as though they were silent observers in a very real place without once becoming gimmicky. No spears are thrust into your face; no explosions sear your eyeballs and nothing makes you dizzy or nauseous (not that 3D ever bothered me in that way).

The performances here are just terrific, across the board. Butterfield is undoubtedly the best young actor I've seen in a long time, using his huge, expressive hazel eyes to remarkable effect while Moretz continues to prove her versatility. Kingsley and Baron Cohen are both wonderful (Baron Cohen is especially delightful as the comedic foil villain) and appearances from Christopher Lee (and why is he not Sir Christopher Lee, already?); Jude Law; Helen McCrory; Emily Mortimer; Ray Winstone and Frances de la Tour just add to the fun. And the Steampunk aesthetics (tons of gears and loads of steam and clockworks) are all the better because of the remarkable 3D.

Robert Richardson's dreamy cinematography; Alastair Bullock's lush art direction and Sandy Powell's gorgeous period costumes are all amazing and Howard Shore's beautiful score is one of his best.

Hugo is Scorcese's love-letter to the movies and knowing what we know about his own childhood, it's no wonder the story appealed to him. Hugo is all about dreams and magic, which is what going to the movies has always been about for me. In fact, I almost felt like he'd made the movie just for me. Anyone who loves movies (and especially their early history) will love Hugo. I saw it with Q, Dale and K at a later show with an all adult audience and just about everyone in the auditorium applauded when it was over. I can't recommend Hugo enough. It was the perfect way to kick off the Holidays, and I'm sure I'm going to see it at least once more in a theater. Without a doubt, the best movie I've seen so far this year. **** (Four Out of Four Stars).

See this film! And see it in 3D (I can't believe I actually typed that sentence).

More, anon.
Prospero

P.S. - Let me know if you spot Scorcese's own Hitchcockian cameo...

The Gayest Thing You'll See This Black Friday

2011-11-25T23:00:00.005-05:00

So, I did venture out to do a little shopping today. "Black Friday" is the day after Thanksgiving, so-called because the retailers finally go in the black (as opposed to 'in the red'). It's the second busiest shopping day of the year, after the last Saturday before Christmas, and often results in all sorts of insanity. One case in point: a woman in a California Walmart used pepper-spray on fellow shoppers to gain access to bargains today. Bad form, madam. Bad form. Uncle P did not camp out, wake up early or do anything particularly idiotic today, other than venture out into some ridiculous traffic.

I'm making a particular Christmas gift for one friend and had a coupon for a local craft store that had to be used by noon, so I went out around 10:30 for some of the supplies I needed. I also stopped by a local gourmet shop to pick up some yummy things for another friend's "Bag of Delicious" gift. The stores were crowded, but I found no one pushing, shoving or screaming, thankfully. I came home; put away my purchases; hung the Christmas wreaths and then came in to check my email, Facebook and the sites I visit daily.

That's when I came across the beautiful video I am about to share with you. It's from the Australian campaign for Marriage Equality and if you don't get a little choked up by the end, you're probably not human. Here then (via), is It's Time:

Have your eyes cleared, yet? Good. Things like this seem to restore my faith in humanity. I've already shared this video on Facebook, but felt I needed to share with all of you, as well. I encourage you to share it, too. Love is love, folks. And while I may well be preaching to the choir, the more we share the message and spread the word, the better.

More, anon.
Prospero

Turkey Month Turkey of the Month: "Lady in the Water"

2011-11-24T22:50:00.004-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving to all my U.S readers and those Americans scattered about the globe. Thanksgiving in the U.S. is all about the turkey, which is why November is 'Turkey Month 'here at Caliban's Revenge.

And what a turkey I have for you tonight. Philadelphia-based writer/director M. Night Shyamalan made a name for himself with 1999's The Sixth Sense, starring Bruce Willis and a young Haley Joel Osment as the boy who could "...see dead people." His follow-up film Unbreakable (also starring Willis) was a pretentious mess about a "real-life" superhero (Willis) and his brittle-boned nemesis (Samuel L. Jackson in a ridiculous wig). 2002's Signs, about an unlikely alien invasion some major plot issues (Why would aliens who were deathly allergic to water try to invade a planet that is 90% water? They can travel billions of light-years, but can't figure out how to operate a doorknob?), but it featured some lovely low-key acting from its stars Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix. Then came 2004's The Village, a movie I actively stood up and booed after it was over. I swore I'd never see a Shyama-lama-ding-dong film again.

Then came 2006's Lady in the Water, filmed not less than two miles from Uncle P's house on the grounds of a former 3M plant. I would drive by and watch the set go up and then later come down, all the while curious as to whether or not I would hate this movie, too. When it finally hit theaters, the reviews were... well, terrible. I waited until it came out on DVD and rented it. And was sorry I did.

Lady in the Water stars Paul Giamatti as Cleveland Heep, an apartment complex maintenance man who discovers Story (Bryce Dallas Howard), a creature from the 'Blue World' called a 'Narf,' in the complex's pool. The almost incoherent plot revolves around Story's efforts to find and encourage a writer (Shyamalon) who is destined to write a book that will change the world. Story is also being pursued by werewolf-like monsters called 'Scrunts,' who want to stop her, even though they've been forbidden the Blue World's simian leaders, 'The Tartutic.' After she completes her mission, Story is whisked home by a giant eagle-creature called 'The Great Eatlon.' Huh?

Supposedly based on a story Ding-dong made up for his own daughters, the convoluted plot involves cereal boxes, suppressed grief and a whole bunch of crap that makes no sense at all. Sadly, Jeffrey Wright; Bob Balaban; Mary Beth Hurt; Bill Irwin; Tovah Feldshuh and Freddy Rodriguez (all actors who deserve better) are tenants who figure into the nonsensical mythology Shyamalan tries to create.

I watched this movie three times, falling asleep before it was over twice. When I finally made it through the whole thing, I still had no idea what the hell was going on. Of course, even this piece of crap movie didn;t stop Hollywood producers from throwing money at Shyamalon and he went on to make the Universally panned The Happening (about killer trees) and the video game-based The Last Airbender (also hated by every critic who had to sit through it).I have seen neither of these movies, nor do I intend to. I simply refuse to put another dollar in the man's pocket.

I'm not one to wish ill on anyone, but I really hope that producers have finally learned their lesson and never let M.Night Shyamalan make another movie as long he lives.

More, anon.
Prospero

Yum!

2011-11-23T23:17:00.005-05:00

That sound you hear is Norman Rockwell, spinning in his grave... (But seriously, what is that? Goliath's brain?)

It is Thanksgiving Eve here in the States. Since I added the globe tracker thingy to the blog, I have noticed I have readers in some very surprising places, all over the world: Australia; Russian Georgia; Austria; Poland; Romania; the Middle East; South America; Africa and even China. I don't know if I'm getting these hits because those folks are doing specific Google searches, or because they are genuinely interested in what I have to say (though why they would be, is beyond me, frankly). It's rather awesome, though.

Thanksgiving is celebrated in Canada in October, though I don't think it has the same feeling as it does here in the U.S. Based on a myth about the settlers at Plymouth Rock in 16-something-or-other, Thanksgiving in the U.S. is all about being grateful for everything good in our lives.

And Uncle P has plenty for which to be grateful (my English teachers would be so proud of that sentence). I have a decent job with an exceptionally generous NPO; I have a roof over my head with cable TV and high-speed Internet access; I have reliable transportation; I have traveled extensively; I get to indulge my passion for theatre on a fairly regular basis; I live in the greatest country on Earth (despite all its many faults) and I get to ramble on and on about anything I feel like, to a group of mostly strangers who come back day after day to read what I have to say.

But mostly, I am thankful for my small, but loving family and a group of amazing friends who simultaneously build me up and keep me grounded at the same time. Q; Dale; K; D; Tracy and about a dozen or so other folks, are constant reminders of how important it is to be yourself, share your love and talents and just be a good person.

So, while enjoying your turkey dinner with all the trimmings tomorrow, take a moment and really think about the things for which you are grateful. I can pretty much guarantee the people in your life about whom you care the most, will top that list. Of course, if you're as twisted as Uncle P, you can also be grateful for Eli Roth (NSFW):

More, anon.
Prospero

The Holiday Movies on My List

2011-11-22T23:02:00.002-05:00

I've been a bad movie fan, this year. I didn't get to see even half of the movies I wanted to. Of course, now that the Holidays are upon us, there are another slew of movies I really want to see.

I love this time of year for movies because you get such a good variety of family films; Holiday tentpole movies and prestigious awards contenders. Best Picture nominees Black Swan; True Grit and winner The King's Speech,
were all Holiday releases.

I have Christmas week off from the day job, so I may just get to see a couple matinees, if I play my cards right (and get some AMC gift cards for Christmas).

So, here the movies I most want to see this season:

Now Playing:

A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas. The Harold and Kumar movies are hardly works of artistic genius. But they're so ridiculous and outrageous, they can't help but be funny. Add the adorable and hilarious NPH playing a coked-up womanizing straight version of himself and you have comedy gold.

Melancholia. Director Lars van Trier got himself into trouble at Cannes this year, but his film about the End of the World is getting amazing reviews, including Oscar buzz for star Kirsten Dunst.

Immortals. Reviews have been mixed for Tarsem's take on Greek mythology starring Henry Cavill. I'm not ashamed to admit that I just want to see it for the eye candy (of all sorts).

The Descendants. Tons of Oscar buzz for Alexander Payne's (Election; Sideways) latest, starring dreamy George Clooney in a 'dramedy' about a man who discovers his comatose wife has been having an affair.

Opening This Week:

Hugo. Martin Scorcese's 3D adaptation of Brian Selznick's Steampunk YA novel "The Invention of Hugo Cabret" is being hailed as the first movie to actually make 3D work. It's also highest on my "Must See" list for the season.

The Muppets. Who doesn't love the Muppets? It's been many years since they've graced the silver screen, but thanks to star and co-writer Jason Segel, they're back in a movie currently rated 100% on Rotten Tomatoes.

A Dangerous Method. Dark genius David Cronenberg's latest film is about Freud (Viggo Mortensen), Jung (Michael Fassbender) and the very unusual patient (Keira Knightley) they share.

Coming Soon:

Shame. Director Steve McQueen's award-winning sophomore effort about a New Yorker (Fassbender) struggling with sexual addiction. Filmmakers worldwide are hoping the movie's NC17 rating won't overshadow it's message or apparent brilliance.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. Holmes (Robert Downey, Jr) and Watson (Jude Law), face off against Holmes' arch-enemy, Dr. Moriarty (Jared Harris), joined by Holmes' brother Mycroft (Stephen Fry) and the Gypsy, Sim (...Dragon Tattoo star Noomi Rapace). D and I saw the first Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes movie and thoroughly enjoyed it. We're looking forward to it's sequel.

Carnage. Roman Polanski's adaptation of Yasmina Reza's (Art) tragically comic play God of Carnage, stars Jodie Foster, Kate Winslet, John C. Reilly and Christophe Waltz in a tale about two couples who meet to discuss the schoolyard fight between their sons. Said meeting devolves into a battle between the classes.

Whew! There are a few more, but I'm exhausted... I know that I'll be lucky to see four of these 10 films this season, but that doesn't lessen my desire to see all of them. And I didn't even get to Stephen Spielberg's Warhorse; Julia Leigh's Sleeping Beauty or Michel Hazanavicious' The Artist.

Send lots of AMC gift cards...

More, anon.
Prospero